Overcoming Nerves/Anxiety

[jtfields]

Hi all!

I'm a third year vocal performance major who simply loves piano. I took a year and a half of private lessons before attending university. I read rather decently (still mastering reading chords by sight, but can read both clefs fine), and started my lessons in the Intermediate Bastien's book, have learned a number of Sonatinas and other pieces in the Early Advanced Bastien's book, and have gone through the standard two year group piano, theory, and aural training courses at the college level. By no means am I a novice musician, however, one thing that has really troubled me is freezing up and allowing nerves/anxiety to overcome me when I play piano for others (be it for a grade in class, or just accompanying a friend as they sing from the 24 Italian Songs & Arias books).

For my Piano III final exam, despite having memorized all the pieces (and had the sheet music in front of me), practiced countless hours (no, truly, not just "I practiced for so long!", it was a considerable amount of practicing- roughly a little over an hour daily for the two weeks leading up to the exam), and despite all of my preparation, my hands began sweating and I had trembling fingers. I managed to score an A, but even with high marks, I know it's not the norm to have so much anxiety while performing- I don't experience this while I perform with my vocal repertoire or in opera performances.

My Piano IV instructor suggested that I simply play in front of more and more people so that I can learn to have greater relaxation while someone is watching/listening, and to also try to abandon the notion that "everything must be perfect" when I play. When I play / practice in solitude, everything goes just fine, it's only when it's in front of someone else that I start to have trouble-- be it a memorized piece or something I'm playing at sight (which I practice more of than anything else).

Any suggestions/tips would be GREATLY appreciated. I begin my secondary piano lessons this coming semester for the next two years, and plan on taking piano lessons throughout grad school as well, and would hate to have this problem continue to plague me and potentially prevent me from reaching my true potential on the instrument.

All my thanks in advance!

[j_menz]

I don't experience this while I perform with my vocal repertoire or in opera performances.

So what's different about your piano performances?

What goes through your head for them that doesn't with your singing? What feels different?

[outin]

I don't experience this while I perform with my vocal repertoire or in opera performances.

Maybe it's not the same because you trust your voice in a way that you don't trust your hands on the piano. I feel totally comfortable
about singing in public, even though I have not studied singing or performed much. With the piano there's an external object that I have to control with my fingertips, it's just so much harder and there are so many things that can go wrong.

Or maybe it's difficult for you to suddenly have to do music with a medium that you are far less accomplished with than singing? Your expectations on yourself are too high?

I also don't get so easily distracted when singing so don't have to worry so much about memory lapses. That must be because when singing I use the verbal parts of my brain more to what I am doing, so they cannot wander off...

[jtfields]

Thank you both, outin, and j_menz for your responses!

To answer your question, j_menz, I think (or at least, it's what immediately comes to mind) it may have something to do with the level of performance I am able to give vocally versus on the keyboard, and as outin noted, I am indeed far less accomplished at piano than with my singing. I certainly, at least right now, couldn't dream of auditioning even for an undergraduate degree on piano, whereas I've been fortunate enough to have been extended offers from IU and CCM to continue opera performance at the grad level.

The ultimate goal is to bring my piano ability to a point of being able to comfortably, and confidently, accompany my private voice students in the future, but I'm finding it very difficult to play even the most simple of pieces in front of others- especially accomplished pianists, right now. There are a very select few individuals I have found that I'm comfortable playing around, and they are at, or slightly below my level. Perhaps it is as simple as just accepting that "right now" my ability isn't where I'd like it to be, and just continue practicing until I gain more confidence?

[j_menz]

Perhaps it is as simple as just accepting that "right now" my ability isn't where I'd like it to be, and just continue practicing until I gain more confidence?

Probably. But do continue to play in front of others where you are reasonably comfortable doing so, and try and expand that circle over time.

[amytsuda]

I want to chime in with a similar experience. I think it's the comfort with the instrument, not your insecurity about piano.

The funny thing is I grew up playing piano, but I picked up cello at age 15 (as I hit the wall with piano). And I had that problem with cello, no matter how well I prepare and practice, every time I perform in front of people, my right arm start trembling and I completely lose my control of my bow. But I could go up the stage any time and play piano, even though I had no confidence in piano anymore and even though everyone said I have more potential in cello.

Then, I went into the long hiatus and after 25 years, I picked up piano again 3 years ago. And you know what? For a while, I could not not play in front of anyone, my fingers start shaking! It was a strange experience - I couldn't figure it out. My teacher quickly noticed it. Here is what he said.

"If I know exactly what touches I want to create and what sounds I want to hear in the first several measures, and if I really practice that feeling hands apart and master how to adjust to different instruments to achieve "that" sound and touch I want, I can fix that problem."

When you feel out of the control of your instrument in the first several measures, it's really difficult to recover that and get back on the music - hence, your fingers and arms get displaced. If you confirm you are producing the sounds you want in the first several measures, you can just get on the roll. It doesn't matter if you have audience or not and who is the audience, if you focus on how your fingers are interacting with the particular keyboard, you can control them.

And this really helped me to solve the problem.

[iansinclair]

I beg to differ.  A certain amount of anxiety before a performance is, I think, quite normal.  If you are a soprano, consider how you might feel before entering for "Questa reggia". 

However, you are quite right -- too much anxiety can be a nuisance, if not worse.  And I agree with most of what the others had said.  Too which I will add three things: first, perform for others as much as you can.  Experience will help a lot.  Second, in comparison with voice piano has the added complication of trying to control the fingers -- which require, until one becomes really accomplished, far more conscious control than controlling your voice (odd paradox here: I at least find that it is almost as hard for a singer to take conscious control of their voice and breathing, and thus advance to the ranks of the really great, as it is for a pianist to reach the point where the control of the hands does not require conscious control -- and thus advance to the ranks of the really great!).  And third -- remember that mistakes happen, and try not to let them bother you.  Unless they are pretty catastrophic, chances are no one will notice them!

[jtfields]

So much great information and advice-- thank you all SO so much! I'm relieved to also have received a response from someone who has experienced similar, so thank you for sharing, amytsuda! I'm going to try to get in front of more people this coming school year. I'm not sure if I'm required to have a piano jury, but if not, I may sign up for a slot just for the experience and to sort of benchmark myself over the course of the next academic year. I most certainly hope to conquer this issue.