Tell me about your love life

[outin]

...

I understand that you find the subject very interesting, but there's a limit what is appropriate on a forum with very young people and people from very different cultures...so watch your fingers, or someone will probably soon report you to the mighty moderator...

[kakeithewolf]

I understand that you find the subject very interesting, but there's a limit what is appropriate on a forum with very young people and people from very different cultures...so watch your fingers, or someone will probably soon report you to the mighty moderator...

Chances are, the thread will get reported before him.

[senanserat]

But the poster is black, and he feels the need to ejaculate.

lulwut...

Why can't we have a nice get laid discussion like in those (wink wink) other topics.

[theholygideons]

Chances are, the thread will get reported before him.

If you report me, I'm going to bring faulty_damper back from the compost.

[kakeithewolf]

If you report me, I'm going to bring faulty_damper back from the compost.

I didn't say I would be doing the reporting, did I?

[coda_colossale]

If you report me, I'm going to bring faulty_damper back from the compost.

I loved faulty_damper. Just sayin'.

[fleetfingers]

I don't see why. I have been married to the love of my life for thirty-four years and we have a thirty-one year old son who loves his parents. Neither of us has ever used strategies or games with the other. We always said what we meant and meant what we said. Boring ? No, absolutely not.

So romantic, I love it.

I've been married 14.5 years. Six kids. Far from boring...lots of love in my life!

[coda_colossale]

if it's me, then it's definitely a mistake




Actually, let me see the ring!

I kid! hehe

Hello again.
Soo... How do I give her the thing? There's gonna be people . She'll probably get it
1- Drop it somewhere and whisper in her ear pointing the box out: "Hey, look. There is something for you." then run away ASAP?
2- Sneak up behind her when she is alone and improvise the rest?
3- Give the ring to the waiter and tell him to give her the thing when the cake is brought and tell her "It's from that guy."
4- "Sooo <insert name>... I got something for you, I hope you like it."?

[Bob]

*Bob doesn't bother trying to figure out the rest of the thread after clicking on page 3....*

[coda_colossale]

Okay, seriously though. I have less than 10 hours left and I can't sleep. How do you give your secret crush who you won't see for a whole year a ring, which has a romantic character to it and seems to me now to be the worst gift idea ever, considering this particular sitation, at a surprise party in front of people half of which you don't even know and want nobody to understand that you're in love, especially your mutual friends, who will probably make fun of this until she returns and I get her something even more creepy? Anybody experienced something similar?

[timothy42b]

Okay, seriously though. I have less than 10 hours left and I can't sleep. How do you give your secret crush who you won't see for a whole year a ring, which has a romantic character to it and seems to me now to be the worst gift idea ever, considering this particular sitation, at a surprise party in front of people half of which you don't even know and want nobody to understand that you're in love, especially your mutual friends, who will probably make fun of this until she returns and I get her something even more creepy? Anybody experienced something similar?

Seriously?

Okay, I'll try to be serious, though (like the scorpion and the frog) it is not really in my nature.

1.  Don't do it.  The way you have it planned out seems to guarantee a disaster.  You're going to seem like a creepy psycho stalker. 

2.  If you can pull it off - and by that I mean being able to hold a semi-rational conversation - it would not be unreasonable to ask her to talk.  Hold a short private conversation and, very low key, let her know that your feelings for her have grown, that you're really going to miss her, that you'd like to stay in touch by electronic means during the absence.  Did I mention short?  The longer you talk the more you focus on yourself, and you really really REALLY need to pay some attention to her.  LISTEN to what she says.  Then (if she doesn't totally blow you off) tell her you bought her a present to remember you by and give her the ring. 

3.  If you insist on going the public route, PLEASE PLEASE arrange for somebody to video it.  This is going to be the most awesome fail EVER!!!  I want to see it.  I may even use it as training material.

[coda_colossale]

Seriously?

Okay, I'll try to be serious, though (like the scorpion and the frog) it is not really in my nature.

1.  Don't do it.  The way you have it planned out seems to guarantee a disaster.  You're going to seem like a creepy psycho stalker.  

2.  If you can pull it off - and by that I mean being able to hold a semi-rational conversation - it would not be unreasonable to ask her to talk.  Hold a short private conversation and, very low key, let her know that your feelings for her have grown, that you're really going to miss her, that you'd like to stay in touch by electronic means during the absence.  Did I mention short?  The longer you talk the more you focus on yourself, and you really really REALLY need to pay some attention to her.  LISTEN to what she says.  Then (if she doesn't totally blow you off) tell her you bought her a present to remember you by and give her the ring.  

3.  If you insist on going the public route, PLEASE PLEASE arrange for somebody to video it.  This is going to be the most awesome fail EVER!!!  I want to see it.  I may even use it as training material.

Well, it's too late...
I'll tell you how it happened in detail though.

 I was on my way to the Café, when I bumped into her best friend walking in opposite direction with my best friend with whom I went shopping for the gift, so he was quite excited to see me humiliated. They told me that I was walking in the wrong direction. I was quite sure, I had checked it on Google maps, even after another of my friends had told me that I was going in the opposite direction just a minute before. That's how a retarded, stubborn, pretentious imbecile I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm supposed to be smart, as do my classmates, since it's sort of like an Ivy League Highschool, it's just that I have HFA. I joined this group, as expected, and A's friend joined us. That guy made fun of my depressed look and unresponsiveness for an hour straight. Seriously though, I was staring blankly and sulkily at the mirror or the wall all the day. Fortunately, that guy left just before she arrived. There were 29 people there, and I knew only half of them.

 She finally came after like an hour and a half, only to see first and stare at my ugly *** face as she climbed up the stairs. The hugging ceremony began, and as you can assume, I hugged her last with my friend. Then I proceeded into staring further at the mirror like a retarded imbecile like me would do and texting my friends, who were giving me advice, anxiously. I didn't even eat cake. (Turned out that they made the chocolate cake with raspberry cream by mistake and they're gonna compensate for that, so I'l still have some cake in the close future.) After an hour of pointless conversations, which excluded me for most of the time -I was so pathetic that, one of the guys said "Look, he's speaking!" when I tried to answer a question, she hasn't heard that though- there was a photo shoot period, during which I sat still at my seat. Then People started leaving.

 My friend was teasing me all the time, telling me that it's the right time constantly, and he said to girls who sat right next to me, with whom we had agreed to leave in a few minues, quietly so she couldn't hear, stuff like "Look at what this psycho is gonna do." and "This will be epically awkward!". They got super curious. They probably thought it was gonna be a confession of love. I didn't let them know what it was that I was gonna do at first, but when we stood up to say her goodbye and hug her and stuff, I opened my backpack. One of the girls, who is into poetry, shouted (but she still couldn't hear) "OMG! He's gonna read a poem!". I replied "NO!", looking at her, eyes wide-open, as if I thought that'd be awkward. Then I said, "Though 'bla bla' would really go with this."
I was actually thinking of having this bla bla, which is a poem about departure, written down on a rolled up aged paper with a red ribbon to give along with the ring. Fortunately I didn't do that.
I slowly lifted up the box to show them, and the other girl acted surprisedly, saying "Wow, a gift!".
The fun part starts.
We walked towards her. First the girls made farewell. Then my friend, who was constantly giggling during the preceding and following few minutes.
-
I was on pins and needles.
I was the next and the last to bid adieu. sh*t.
My heart missed a beat.
I was feeling butterflies in my stomach.
I got the jitters.
I said her name.
I pulled out the box.
My eyes got wet and teary.
I was shaking like a leaf.
I said, or tried to say some cliché polite bullshit, and not anything even slightly alike what you suggested.
But I was tongue-tied and my voice was trembling.
I felt like crying but I was able to hold myself.
She took in a quick breath, eyes and mouth wide-open.
She kindly thanked me.
She put the gift on the table.
We hugged for, um, longer than normal.
My friend was still giggling.
She didn't open the box in my presence, cause we left asap.
I was still shaking an hour after this.

Don't make fun of me plz, I'm lying in bed, crying to Rach 3. Okay, and Nights in White Satin.

[nyiregyhazi]

Jesus. All credit to you for bravery, but please have a listen to this- for the sake of your own sanity:

https://theartofcharmpodcast.com/category/podcasts/

especially this one:

https://theartofcharmpodcast.com/2012/01/16/episode-dr-robert-glover-no-more-mr-nice-guy/

There's really no good that could ever have come out of that situation.

[timothy42b]

That was actually not as bad as I'd feared.

Thanks for sharing.

Believe it or not, this does get easier later. 

[flashyfingers]

Okay, seriously though. I have less than 10 hours left and I can't sleep. How do you give your secret crush who you won't see for a whole year a ring, which has a romantic character to it and seems to me now to be the worst gift idea ever, considering this particular sitation, at a surprise party in front of people half of which you don't even know and want nobody to understand that you're in love, especially your mutual friends, who will probably make fun of this until she returns and I get her something even more creepy? Anybody experienced something similar?

You just give it to her. Never plan on a perfect moment, you have to be able to seize the moment, rather than anticipate it.

[theholygideons]

You just give it to her. Never plan on a perfect moment, you have to be able to seize the moment, rather than anticipate it.

depends.. .is coda_colossale 20 years old or 50? because what coda is doing would be quite creepy if he's 20 years old. It comes off as needy and unnatural, unless he's from the older generation. But regardless, this Hollywood style framing of the situation never works, coda should drop the attitude where he's trying to seek a response, and just carpe diem the *** up. Coda is never gonna be balls deep if he continues being a chode. ultimate friend-zone !!!! LOLOLOL!!!!

I believe he needs some help:

[flashyfingers]

depends.. .is coda_colossale 20 years old or 50? because what coda is doing would be quite creepy if he's 20 years old. It comes off as needy and unnatural, unless he's from the older generation. But regardless, this Hollywood style framing of the situation never works, coda should drop the attitude where he's trying to seek a response, and just carpe diem the *** up. Coda is never gonna be balls deep if he continues being a chode. ultimate friend-zone !!!! LOLOLOL!!!!

I believe he needs some help:

Just chloroform her, tie her up, drag her into an abandoned building. Wait till she wakes up, yell "Surprise!"

[flashyfingers]

or just play her this on some awesome speakers,

&feature=share

and then...

[theholygideons]

Just chloroform her, tie her up, drag her into an abandoned building. Wait till she wakes up, yell "Surprise!"

now that would make for a great movie!

[outin]

Just chloroform her, tie her up, drag her into an abandoned building. Wait till she wakes up, yell "Surprise!"

I guess the guy that did that to you is buried in pieces somewhere?

[flashyfingers]

I guess the guy that did that to you is buried in pieces somewhere?

No, he is still tied up...lol

[coda_colossale]

coda should drop the attitude where he's trying to seek a response, and just carpe diem the *** up. Coda is never gonna be balls deep if he continues being a chode. ultimate friend-zone !!!! LOLOLOL!!!!

Not even that lol. I'm stuck in the Acquaintance-zone
What should I do then in the next 374 days of her absence to not be a chode?
(Except travel 3000+ kms, find her, choloroform her, tie her up, bring her back, wait till she wakes up, yell "Surprise!".)

PS: The catchpa code the image upload site gave me was "Just friends"

[flashyfingers]

you guys don't phone, or anything?

[nyiregyhazi]

Not even that lol. I'm stuck in the Acquaintance-zone
What should I do then in the next 374 days of her absence to not be a chode?
(Except travel 3000+ kms, find her, choloroform her, tie her up, bring her back, wait till she wakes up, yell "Surprise!".)

PS: The catchpa code the image upload site gave me was "Just friends"

Maybe you should realise that there are plenty of other women in the world who haven't already excluded you as a prospect and who live near you.

Forget this nonsense with undying secret love. Find someone who seems interesting, declare casual interest at once and don't buy them a ring. The trick is to ensure that you either get told to *** off or get an interested party early on. Buying people rings will get you nowhere.

[coda_colossale]

This will take my creepiness and hopelessness to another level, but what the hell, I'm only coda_colossale here

you guys don't phone, or anything?

 The thing is that, I'm an aloof, pompous, narcissistic, yet kinda nice, ugly piece of sh*t who listens to sad music all day, while she is compassionate, gentle, modest, -insert all positive personality adjectives here- and angelically beautiful.

 I am occasionally among her friend circle. Not completely in nor out, even though I HATE them when together. They're fine individually though. Jealousy?
 
 It's quite obvious that she thought, at least before opening the box, which I didn't see her doing, I was sad about her departure and my intention was friendly, as any romantic behaviour to anyone coming from me would be considered a huge plot-twist at the school.

 So, considering this, wouldn't it be even creepier if I suddenly started texting her or calling her after that incident? I actually try to start conversations and be in contact. She is a ballerina, so I speak about Nijinsky and new performances and stuff, but that's all. I was actually thinking of taking her to a ballet, but I guess that'll have to wait lol. And I don't know if I will have the courage. Is that a good idea?

You have any idea how I can text her without looking flirtatious, creepy, or overly-sensitive, considering that the only time I had a private conversation with her was when I was doing a physics project with her (I did all the work though), which got me on the national television for a few minutes

Maybe you should realise that there are plenty of other women in the world who haven't already excluded you as a prospect and who live near you.

Forget this nonsense with undying secret love. Find someone who seems interesting, declare casual interest at once and don't buy them a ring. The trick is to ensure that you either get told to *** off or get an interested party early on. Buying people rings will get you nowhere.

First of all, I'm a teenager, plz don't tell me to grow up and do mature sh*t

I don't know if this is cliché, but I wouldn't call this the infatuation of your average "John Doe" teenager. Apparently you can not do that when a person is the object of your fixation, and even regression, formed to compensate for the motherly love you have lacked in your childhood.

Seriously, before this, 2 years ago, though I'm still a young person, probably due to my HFA, I was like Sheldon or Sherlock. Asexual, cold and rational, narcissistic. I would say I was even incapable of loving someone/thing.

On the other hand, there is a positive side to this. There is nothing I find to be more potent as a motivation, or as energy for sublimation than suppressed libido. I have reached a peak in my creativity. So I am slightly pleased to be sure that my love is unrequited, if we ignore the deep depression this gives me.

P.S. Sorry for bothering you guys with unimportant details, or rather the whole subject in the first place 

[nyiregyhazi]

Seriously, before this, 2 years ago, though I'm still a young person, probably due to my HFA, I was like Sheldon or Sherlock. Asexual, cold and rational, narcissistic. I would say I was even incapable of loving someone/thing.

You don't have to love anyone. Put all this romanticised nonsense aside. In reality girls usually hate all this overblown rubbish. Take a casual interest in someone and tell them that you're a bit interested early on. If that's not natural to you, then force yourself to do it and start practising. It's way easier than declaring your secret love to someone when you've missed your chance anyway. If you don't start getting some useful experience with the opposite sex, then you'll always be the guy in the background when you find someone worth having and they'll almost certainly reject you, by the time you do anything about it. Start with casual stuff and get some practise in, if you want to aim high in the future.

Even if you're insistent on aiming for this girl, you've got a year to learn some skills before she comes back. Don't waste your time moping around for a year. Start turning yourself into a potentially appealling prospect by practising elsewhere.

[flashyfingers]

This will take my creepiness and hopelessness to another level, but what the hell, I'm only coda_colossale here

 The thing is that, I'm an aloof, pompous, narcissistic, yet kinda nice, ugly piece of sh*t who listens to sad music all day, while she is compassionate, gentle, modest, -insert all positive personality adjectives here- and angelically beautiful.

Why did you give her a ring, before taking her out and spending time with her?!

Was it a serious ring or something of a personal gift? Let me be direct. Was it an engagement ring, or an informal piece of jewelry?

It makes a difference. In general, the polite thing to do would have been to confront you about it, regardless, because it's a ring. It's not a dvd or a book...

Hope you hear from her soon

[theholygideons]

...
You have any idea how I can text her without looking flirtatious, creepy, or overly-sensitive, considering that the only time I had a private conversation with her was when I was doing a physics project with her (I did all the work though), which got me on the national television for a few minutes

*facepalm* that the only time you spent in private with her was a physics project...? how can you not be called a creep, if that's all you have the courage to do. Chances are, you act super incongruently around her, and your egoism ain't helping. Stop whining, and learn a bit about social intelligence for once.

[coda_colossale]

Why did you give her a ring, before taking her out and spending time with her?!

Because I'm creepy?
Or because that was my last chance to do anything at all. It seemed a good idea, considering that I wouldn't have to confront her about it, at least face to face.

Was it a serious ring or something of a personal gift? Let me be direct. Was it an engagement ring, or an informal piece of jewelry?

Okay, I'm not that creepy.
Or I am, but I fear social rejection.
But I suppose I'll give her a more intimate one when she comes back.

In general, the polite thing to do would have been to confront you about it, regardless, because it's a ring.

Right?

It's not a dvd or a book...

Oh, this is not even nearly as creepy as giving her "Sorrows of Young Werther" would be

You don't have to love anyone. Put all this romanticised nonsense aside. In reality girls usually hate all this overblown rubbish. Take a casual interest in someone and tell them that you're a bit interested early on. If that's not natural to you, then force yourself to do it and start practising. It's way easier than declaring your secret love to someone when you've missed your chance anyway. If you don't start getting some useful experience with the opposite sex, then you'll always be the guy in the background when you find someone worth having and they'll almost certainly reject you, by the time you do anything about it. Start with casual stuff and get some practise in, if you want to aim high in the future.

Even if you're insistent on aiming for this girl, you've got a year to learn some skills before she comes back. Don't waste your time moping around for a year. Start turning yourself into a potentially appealling prospect by practising elsewhere.

I thought musicians were supposed to be into romanticized nonsense

I always think that if I be a nice, thoughtful, sensible and demure guy, I won't have any social problems and if she sees how much I love her I won't be rejected. Actually, my friends love me. (This excludes the incompetent idiots in the school orchestra of which I'm in charge, because they know how an arrogant, immodest, egoist bastard I am in reality.) It's just that I'm not seen as someone who might have a romantic interest for someone, or not an appealing parter for a girl of this age either.
Yes, I don't have or haven't had the slightest bit of interest or even friendly compassion for any other girl.
Not only for girls too. I couldn't sympathize with people before I started trying to be a better person to be worthy of her dignity.

I don't want to use people as training material either.

I will eventually confront her about my feelings, but I won't use "strategies" on her. I don't want to make her think this is a casual interest. I want to be upfront, even if that means certain rejection (Which brings us back to my dellusion). I always think that I could do anything for her to avoid rejection.

*facepalm* that the only time you spent in private with her was a physics project...? how can you not be called a creep, if that's all you have the courage to do. Chances are, you act super incongruently around her, and your egoism ain't helping. Stop whining, and learn a bit about social intelligence for once.

That's good advice, but what was I supposed to when I'm a shy person with an inferiority complex?
People still think I'm asexual. I didn't want to look weak and other people to see that I have humane feelings too.

[thalbergmad]

Why did you give her a ring, before taking her out and spending time with her?!

Good idea. He can always reverse the charges.

Thal

[nyiregyhazi]

But I suppose I'll give her a more intimate one when she comes back.

Right?

NO! Invite her on a date for christ's sake! Get this stupid idea of gifts out of your head. You cannot buy affection. Two things happen when a guy tries to use gifts instead of open expression of interest- he makes the woman uncomfortable as she feels guilty about taking stuff and doesn't want to lead him on. Or she doesn't give a damn and will exploit him for all she can without giving anything back.

YOU CANNOT BUY A WOMAN WITH GIFTS!!!!!!

I always think that if I be a nice, thoughtful, sensible and demure guy, I won't have any social problems and if she sees how much I love her I won't be rejected.

PLEASE listen to this:

https://theartofcharmpodcast.com/2012/01/16/episode-dr-robert-glover-no-more-mr-nice-guy/


You'll save yourself all manner of grief. I'm sorry to be so blunt but you couldn't have misjudged how women work more. A guy who is in love with someone he doesn't know properly to judge is seen as a worthless leech by women, who is grabbing desperately at things beyond his reach. He portrays minimal innate value and a desire to poach someone else's. You are a spectacularly unnattractive prospect right now, thanks to your secret obsession. You might as well send her a link to a load of photos that you took of her undressing with a telephoto lens. Go out and take a casual interest in girls and offer them a date- so you can find out what they are like and vice versa without pressure. You're not supposed to be in love with anyone you haven't even got to know. That's for chumps and almost never yields success in the real world. You're supposed to be out dating casually and getting to know what you want. If you don't lie to anyone it's not "using" people. You need to learn the way of the world if you ever hope for an attractive prospect to be a realistic one.

Yes, I don't have or haven't had the slightest bit of interest or even friendly compassion for any other girl.

Which is why she will see you as a creepy chump. Learn to take an interest elsewhere, or you have zero chance when she gets back.  

I don't want to make her think this is a casual interest. I want to be upfront, even if that means certain rejection (Which brings us back to my dellusion). I always think that I could do anything for her to avoid rejection.

Think about evolution. Women have sons. Sons above all have to pass on the genes, as they can spread them widely more easily than females. Why would any woman want a son who falls in love with someone he doesn't even know properly from a distance and then decides to be celibate unless he can have her? Well, that was a waste of having kids, because now her genetic line died out- while her loser sons spent their whole life wanking and sobbing rather than procreating. Get a grip on reality and look at how many worthy prospects are out there and potentially accessible. Your undying love will make any sane girl run a mile. You're an obsessed stalker. You have no rightful reason or basis for love. And you won't earn it by saying you'd do anything for her. Attractive men are judging the women and deciding who to take with confidence - not trying to buy the affections of someone who they don't even know well enough to have assessed as a prospect.  

People still think I'm asexual. I didn't want to look weak and other people to see that I have humane feelings too.

Then behave with milder feelings and interest from the outset. Don't repress it all and then make a foolish declaration of love to someone you don't even know properly yet. They think you're asexual because you've behaved that way. So start making subtle changes- not ridiculous declarations of love. Sexual people don't behave like asexuals for years and then suddenly declare love. They make casual advances based on feelings in the moment that may potentially lead to something bigger, given time.

[j_menz]

Everything I know about women I learnt off the internet.

 

[theholygideons]

Everything I know about women I learnt off the internet

Same here. I believe this

to be one of the best beginner resources out there. The only reason why Coda_cossale sucks is because he doesn't have the reference experience, of meeting that many girls, or people in general. I remember a famous quote by my very idol, stalin, it goes like, 'a death is a tragedy, but a million deaths is a statistic'. This is a prime example of dwelling on the one chick, when you could be getting rejected by hundreds, you lose your sense of ego, and you start not giving a ***, which will take you inner confidence and game a level up. What you will find is eventually, you get your first success, and that will give you a ratio to work with, which you can cultivate further by your improving your lifestyle and your social intelligence. So man the *** up, and start killing your false sense of identity, this inferiority complex that says more about your conditioning, than about yourself.

[j_menz]

Same here.

You astound me.


(Where's that sarcasm font when you need it?)

[nyiregyhazi]

Most of it. But it also involves practising- rather than moping about and being all depressed about how unreachable dreams remain unreachable. Or thinking that buying a dream girl (who hardly knows you) a ring will make her fall into your arms.

[flashyfingers]

Coda, let us know how it goes!

I prefer the companionship of my 2 huskies.


Actually, this summer, I met a guy and we only talked on the phone, never dated, and he asked me to marry him (this is the second time that has ever happened to me, different people, btw!)
I was disgusted, because we had never but talked on the phone and barely hung out or even a date.

Take this as advice.

Those dudes were creeps.

[thalbergmad]

You cannot buy affection.

For a couple of hours you can.

Thal

[visitor]

Jst b smooz

 

[coda_colossale]

Actually, this summer, I met a guy and we only talked on the phone, never dated, and he asked me to marry him (this is the second time that has ever happened to me, different people, btw!)
Those dudes were creeps.

Wow I'm not proposing in the foreseeable future, I'm not that creepy

For a couple of hours you can.

Thal

So, how much do you want to go to Schumannfest with me?

[timothy42b]

coda,
You made an extremely interesting reference to being like Sheldon.  I think you're right, and I think nyi is on the right track too.

There are 3 main obstacles for Asperger's spectrum types like Sheldon, probably you, me, and a few others here.  I'm making a guess here and hope you aren't insulted.

One is a hardwired blindness to social cues.  We do not instinctively understand how others relate and communicate socially.

(the other two are a failure of executive function and an extreme sensitivity to specific environmental input)  

This social awkwardness is fixable.  But it requires careful observation of what others are doing, and attention to the process.  You can learn consciously what everybody else already knows unconsciously, and with a bit of practice it becomes natural and indistinguishable from the real thing.  (because everybody else does it unconsciously, they don't observe carefully enough to notice minor variations from the norm)  

Let me give a mundane example.  Someone asks "how are you?"  Neurotypicals understand this is not a question designed to elicit specific information about your health.  It is code, part of normal social intercourse.  It is an interaction, a dance where both parties know their moves - but you don't!  "think I'm coming down with a migraine, and I've had diarrhea for a week now."  You get funny looks, and you've just moved from normal to weird in their category book.  So the answer is simple.  You watch carefully what well adjusted people do, and you copy them.  Practice in the mirror if necessary.  Do what they do.  It is surprisingly easy for intelligent people to pull this off.  Normal people don't need to teach themselves this, but some of us do.  

I have not listened to nyi's podcasts but I suspect from his description they are a good resource for this approach.

If you really want the hardcore skills you might research "cold read."  But you have some prep work before you're ready for that.  

[ahinton]

For a couple of hours you can.

Provided that you first adapt the standard dictionary definitions of affection to suit your agenda before parting with your heard-earned cash, maybe, but not otherwise, methinks...

Best,

Alistair

[theholygideons]

If you really want the hardcore skills you might research "cold read."  But you have some prep work before you're ready for that.   

cold reading is just a bunch of generalizations that apply to no one in particular. It's a good way to build an initial connection with someone, but other than that, it's kind of unnecessary and manipulative.

But one thing I've realised, we pianists always have a reason for pulling girls back to our place, to show off our fingering techniques. :p

[timothy42b]

cold reading is just a bunch of generalizations that apply to no one in particular. It's a good way to build an initial connection with someone, but other than that, it's kind of unnecessary and manipulative.

A cold read is an acid test for the ability to pay a very high level of attention to the other person, both speech and body language, and maintain an interaction in real time.  It is indeed manipulative and dishonest, but the point here is that you are faking a behavior in such a way as to seem genuine.  That is somewhat parallel to being able to handle more normal social interactions.

[nyiregyhazi]

Wow I'm not proposing in the foreseeable future, I'm not that creepy
.

So what does a declaration of love say differently? Does it say that you're quite interested in seeing how things go for a few weeks in case something lasting should come about. No. It says you're grabbing at something you don't even know and trying to commit to it in the long term insanely prematurely. Proposal is just an added formality to what you're already saying. Only low value males try to grab at something so desperately without sizing it up gradually, or without being sure to make objective assessments of their potential prospect.

[flashyfingers]

Wow I'm not proposing in the foreseeable future, I'm not that creepy

That's not what I was assuming! I meant that if you never hang out with her, spend time with her, anything you do, even talking on the phone will seem creepy. LOL

You need to man up and tell her how you feel.

[timothy42b]

Only low value males try to grab at something so desperately without sizing it up gradually, or without being sure to make objective assessments of their potential prospect.

I'm going to refine this a bit.

Males who are internally focused and not paying enough attention to the other person do this, and males who are socially awkward.

They may be perceived as low value, but this is highly dependent on the milieu.  High school may not be their time, but later they may be seen as highly desirable, good providers who are easy to catch and keep.

[pianoman8]

Hahahaha @j_menz

[coda_colossale]

First of all, this is the first time I feel someone else than me matters to me, and the first time I really love someone unselfishly, and I love this. I don't want to be that narcissist again, whatever the cost may be.

 I realized recently how desperately I try to avoid social interaction, even the most simple and least intimate kind. I used to respond to salutations with only a brief nod of head. I still don't celebrate people's birthdays, fearing that my intonation and phrasing will be awkward. I don't know how I managed to give that ring
 
 I hate it when people think I'm just shy or I don't like them. No, dammit, I want to have a conversation, but I just don't know how to respond, let alone starting one.
 
 Though people don't notice my awkwardness in the first few minutes anymore, only time I can chat is when people initiate a conversation with me in which they ask me questions (that are not about stuff I would rather tell to people whom I don't know personally). It goes fine for a few minutes, then they either get bored or run out of questions. People (non-musicians or those who are not obsessed with it like me) rarely speak with me, or in my presence, about music, because I tend to go on for minutes non-stop, insulting everyone present. If I have something specific to talk about, I prepare a speech long before, eliminating any chance of misunderstanding.

 I was frustrated when I learnt that a girl, who is quite friendly to me, yet is somewhat aggresive against my social behaviours and is easily offended by my lack of effort to socially interact with her and other people, told one of my close friends (Who is much, much more awkward and inconsistent than me) that she was mad at me because I didn't text or call her during the summer break. On one hand, I'm worried that she thinks I dislike her. On the other hand, even though I really want to speak with her, I find it impossible to say something and wonder why she hasn't tried to make contact and has been expecting me, who she knows to be aloof, shy and introvert, to initiate a conversation.

@nyiregyhazi

 Well, I suppose telling you that I have been thinking of playing or giving her a recording of my upcoming some twenty pages long fantaisie, a la Berlioz, would make me look a whole lot creepier

 You have a really nice point. This is like going all-in with totally irrelevant cards before the flop. But I have little hope in a healthy relationship. The best compliment that was made to me, if we exclude those on my intellect, musicality and kindness, was something like "At least you're not the kind that woud murder his girlfriend.".

 Actually, as the most optimistic possibility, I was expecting her to feel sorry and have pity for me. I still am, but I suppose what's realistic is that she will get real mad and preferably respond in a dramatic or "colossal" fashion and never, ever speak to me again, and this will repeat itself throughout my entire life.

That's not what I was assuming! I meant that if you never hang out with her, spend time with her, anything you do, even talking on the phone will seem creepy. LOL

You need to man up and tell her how you feel.

Well, I guess you and nyiregyhazi are both accurate in your advices, but I'm a little bit confused.

1- I don't think I can really do anything with her during the following year (Actually I know how many hours). If you have any idea how I can start a private conversation without being awkward or schweff, please please tell me.
2- Are you sure telling her this would be my best shot? If so, when and how? To what point?
3- What do you think I should do when she comes back (Considering that I don't really want to be among her friends)? I'll have 2 more years.
4- What should I do to not be gloomy as *** the whole year? Seriously, let alone Chopin Nocturnes, I play even Rondo Alla Turca like a sad love song.

[flashyfingers]

Check up on her. Just say "Hey, Beautiful! I am really wondering how things are. Are you doing well? I miss seeing your bright smile! Hope this message finds you in a good mood, and I hope to hear back from you! Write me a line..."

You have my permission to send her those exact words.

Once she responds, we can go from there.


It doesn't have to be a long, exhausting message. Just keep in contact with her. Don't chat her all the way up, either. Just feel out the situation in a casual way, then move on to a more intimate way. SLOOOWLY. You have all the time in the world.

[outin]

Check up on her. Just say "Hey, Beautiful! I am really wondering how things are. Are you doing well? I miss seeing your bright smile! Hope this message finds you in a good mood, and I hope to hear back from you! Write me a line..."

I might not use those exact words, rather more casual language first. But there is a point. If you have trouble interacting in person, make use of the distance. See if you can make this into an internet relationship first, you can take more time to figure out what to say, impress her with your intelligence and wit (which I assume you have and even if not, it's easy to fake

It's surprisingly easy to form a relationship this way. Things that can stand on the way when in close contact (looks, smoothness of behavior) don't have that much effect. Of course the real test will be when you finally meet again, reality will gradually creep in and things may turn either way, but why worry about that at this point. You need practice in flirting and it's much safer to do it in cyperspace.