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This is my most serious post (Read 901 times)

Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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This is my most serious post
« on: December 09, 2014, 04:40:29 AM »
Okay I need some advice.  I predict you guys are gonna give me the same answer but I'm still not gonna listen to it anyways.  But still I just want your opinions.  

I'll start from the beginning...

Since we started talking, she always talked about her ex boyfriend she broke up with.  At first I didn't think much of it but then we started dating and she would always compare me to him AND they would still text each other.  She always told me things they used to do together.  She even told me about the times they had sex together and what they did.  They've been dating for two years and she still loves him.  She didn't keep this secret, she told me all of this.  I wasn't okay with this and I told her that, and she's made an effort to stop talking about him to me and comparing me to him, but she still talks to him.      

few months later we established that we loved each other.  She told me she wanted an open relationship.  She was in a relationship all of college and she said she wanted to experience the "college life" and have fun.  I didn't like how she told me that after I fell in love with her and she supposedly fell in love with me.  So I broke up with her.  I said I'm dumping you, don't contact me unless you truly need something.  I don't even wanna be friends, but if you're in trouble I'm always here for you.  The next day she texted me saying that she loved me more than being in an open relationship and now she only wanted to be exclusive, so I took her back.    

Everything was fine for a while but then she thought that I was treating her like how I treat my other friends.  She wanted me to treat her differently from everyone else.  And whenever we would have a problem, she would get mad at me for asking my friends for relationship advice.  She felt like I was invading her privacy, throwing her under the bus, and sh*t talking her.  Eventually she felt like my friends thought of her as some bitch and she mad me promise to not talk to my friends about our relationship.  Especially her ex best friend.  I would often times ask her for advice because she knew my girlfriend best.  But I guess I understand where she's coming from because they weren't friends anymore and she might be trying to sabatoge her out of spite.  So anyways, I did promise not to talk to my friends about our relationship.  I tried to stop at first, but I ended up breaking her trust and doing it behind her back.  One night she slept over and looked through my phone and found out I've still been talking to people.  She was REALLY pissed me, so I decided to walk home at like 3am.  The next morning I broke up with her because I felt like I was being controlled and she invaded my privacy by going through my phone.  This time since I was mad I was mean in my break up.  I said some hurtful things like I'm dumping you you don't have any friends that's why you don't like mine etc...  I did lie to her though...

same day I talked to her in person and she begged me and I got back with her again.  She still didn't like how I would ask my friends for advice but whatever.  She's still talking about and to her ex boyfriend through all of this.  It's cool for a while and then one day she asked me to pick her up from the library and walk her to her car.  I go to the library and I tell her I'm there but she says she'll come out after she finishes up something in 10 minutes.  I'm mad because she asked me to come and pick her up and then she tells me to wait for 10 minutes but it actually turns out to be 20 minutes.  I'm mad and we start arguing.  So she calls her ex boyfriend in front of my face to come pick her up and walk her to her car.  based on the history they've had together, I snapped and I walk home.  This time when I broke up with her, I said *** you I don't deserve this I know you're Fucking your ex boyfriend right now I hate you, everyone hates you I'm dumping you don't talk to me ever again.  We're both attacking each other, she said I was the most verbally abusive (reffering to the last time I broke up with her) person she knows, no matter how happy I seem, I'll always be a miserable sad person etc...  She deleted me from facebook.
'
My profile picture on facebook was a picture of me and her.  One of the comments was "yall cute".  After we broke up I said "Not anymore I just dumped her ass".  I realized that wasn't a cool thing to say so I took it off.  I don't talk to her for a week, but then she texts me and we start talking again.  We still loved each other and we decided that maybe after a while we'll get back together.  We started talking more and more about the break up and she said that she didn't go home with her ex boyfriend.  I believe her.  I know she's telling the truth.  She told me that after she deleted me she went on my facebook again and she read the comment where I said I just dumped her ass and she's really upset that I slandered her on a social media site.  I don't think I was slandering her I just said that I broke up with her ass.  I didn't call her any names or anything.  She also thinks that if we got back together again, because I "slandered her", she thinks that I would hit her if I was mad enough.  WHAAAAT?!!?!! :o :o :o  I would never hit her.  She keeps saying that she was traumatized by the break ups and she was almost going to seek counseling.  

Then the other day we had a big argument about us and the relationship and I was getting really mad and she said she was going to hang up on me and I was like "I love you I love you I love you bitch" and then I hung up.  Immediately I was like what the *** did I say??!!?!?!  And I called her back right after and kept apologizing profusely.  I didn't mean it just flew out of my mouth.  I really hurt her.  The next day I bought her flowers and I keep apologizing.  I don't know what happened I've never done anything like that before I hate myself.



What do you guys think?  I'm trying to be as objective as possible.

Am I wrong for breaking up with her in the first place?  Should I get back with her?  What should I do?  Right now I'm begging to get back with her but she says she doesn't wanna go through another break up again because she was hurt.

I still love her and she still loves me. 
Live large, die large.  Leave a giant coffin.

Offline j_menz

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Re: This is my most serious post
«Reply #1 on: December 09, 2014, 05:00:47 AM »
What do you guys think?  

Are you planning on writing an opera in the near future?

If not, leave well enough alone.
"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility. There are so few of us left" -- Oscar Levant

Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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Re: This is my most serious post
«Reply #2 on: December 09, 2014, 05:02:00 AM »
Are you planning on writing an opera in the near future?

If not, leave well enough alone.

What?
Live large, die large.  Leave a giant coffin.

Offline j_menz

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Re: This is my most serious post
«Reply #3 on: December 09, 2014, 05:05:06 AM »
What?

She seems to feed on drama. If you like that, then stay with her; if you don't (and it does rather seem you don't) then leave her alone.
"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility. There are so few of us left" -- Oscar Levant

Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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Re: This is my most serious post
«Reply #4 on: December 09, 2014, 05:14:14 AM »
She seems to feed on drama. If you like that, then stay with her; if you don't (and it does rather seem you don't) then leave her alone.
:'( :'( :'(
Live large, die large.  Leave a giant coffin.

Offline j_menz

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Re: This is my most serious post
«Reply #5 on: December 09, 2014, 05:18:20 AM »
:'( :'( :'(

Perhaps, but people don't change. Nor is it reasonable to ask them to do so.
"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility. There are so few of us left" -- Oscar Levant

Offline thalbergmad

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Re: This is my most serious post
«Reply #6 on: December 09, 2014, 09:38:18 AM »
When you find the right partner, you will know it.

You will not need to ask us.

Thal
Curator/Director
Concerto Preservation Society

Offline cwjalex

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Re: This is my most serious post
«Reply #7 on: December 09, 2014, 10:18:25 AM »
despite your wall of text nobody here has any real clue what you, the girl, and the relationship are like.  you probably already know the answer to your own question anyways.

Offline Bob

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Re: This is my most serious post
«Reply #8 on: December 09, 2014, 12:45:48 PM »
Didn't read much of it, but saw "she... blah blah blah."

If you're piano performance, drop her.  You don't have time.
Favorite new teacher quote -- "You found the only possible wrong answer."

Offline emill

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Re: This is my most serious post
«Reply #9 on: December 09, 2014, 01:28:20 PM »
hello rach4ever .....

You seem to be so affected and upset at "loosing" her or else you would not be posting lengthily something often considered private by many. 

Negotiate for a truce to give each other space, sort of -"lets give the relationship a chance, PLEASE?? - perhaps 2-3 months ( and make sure you do not talk, text or see each other even just to say hi).  If after that time you still are AS INTENSE .....  go for it ! !

member on behalf of my son, Lorenzo

Offline davidjosepha

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Re: This is my most serious post
«Reply #10 on: December 11, 2014, 02:55:02 AM »
Wow, this sounds like quite the dysfunctional relationship. You already know the answer to your question. It might take you a couple more mistakes to realize it, but this whole thing is destined for failure. You should cut your losses and get out now. Not that I expect you to take that advice

Offline flashyfingers

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Re: This is my most serious post
«Reply #11 on: December 11, 2014, 03:02:26 AM »
Make a pros and cons list. The way you currently present all this information is quite random, really. I am having a hard time assessing what the problem really is. It seems like all problems. Make a pros and cons list to establish a decent argument of whether you really like or dislike this person.
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