\"\"
Piano Forum logo

Dealing with death of a loved one (Read 828 times)

Offline bonesquirrel

  • PS Silver Member
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 181
Dealing with death of a loved one
« on: January 03, 2015, 06:55:05 AM »
A loved one very close to me passed away at 9:15am Christmas Day, long story short, she had lung cancer. The funeral was on new years eve.

I was wondering if anyone could offer any advice or perhaps share their own story, on how you deal with death.

P.S - If your wondering how I deal with it at the moment, I look at pictures of her + listen to 'Hallelujah' (the first song played at the funeral, that I broke down to) and cry. I do this every night before bed, I like too hold in my emotions threw out the day and let them out on my own. An yes I'm medicated and keep myself occupied threw out the day. Although I am a bit anti social, because I like my own company and prefer online chatting.

Offline faulty_damper

  • PS Silver Member
  • Sr. Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3931
Re: Dealing with death of a loved one
«Reply #1 on: January 03, 2015, 07:13:58 AM »
Everyone deals with death differently. There's no one right way to deal with it.  Initially, some people withdraw to cope by themselves while others reach out to cope with the support of others.

Who passed, if I may ask?

Offline bonesquirrel

  • PS Silver Member
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 181
Re: Dealing with death of a loved one
«Reply #2 on: January 03, 2015, 07:32:12 AM »
She wasn't a blood relative, but I've known her my entire life and she has been a part of it regularly since her death. Shes a family friend. So consider it a death of a grandmother I suppose.

Offline thalbergmad

  • PS Gold Member
  • Sr. Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 16203
Re: Dealing with death of a loved one
«Reply #3 on: January 03, 2015, 08:41:09 AM »
In the nicest possible way, an online forum is just about the worst place to ask, as nobody here knows you and that is so important when giving advice.

If you are already medicated it is even more important that you talk to professionals and loved ones.

Good luck to you. Loss feels like sh*t, but shapes us all.

Regards

Thal
Curator/Director
Concerto Preservation Society

Offline ahinton

  • PS Gold Member
  • Sr. Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 11279
Re: Dealing with death of a loved one
«Reply #4 on: January 03, 2015, 04:23:55 PM »
In the nicest possible way, an online forum is just about the worst place to ask, as nobody here knows you and that is so important when giving advice.

If you are already medicated it is even more important that you talk to professionals and loved ones.

Good luck to you. Loss feels like sh*t, but shapes us all.
I must argue with you here, if only to the extent that airing this on such a forum has brought forth so sensible and sensitive a response as yours above.

Best,

Alistair
Alistair Hinton
Curator / Director
The Sorabji Archive

Offline thalbergmad

  • PS Gold Member
  • Sr. Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 16203
Re: Dealing with death of a loved one
«Reply #5 on: January 03, 2015, 05:02:38 PM »
Nice of you to say so. I am not always a complete tosser.

Luv

Thal
Curator/Director
Concerto Preservation Society

Offline ahinton

  • PS Gold Member
  • Sr. Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 11279
Re: Dealing with death of a loved one
«Reply #6 on: January 03, 2015, 10:46:30 PM »
Nice of you to say so. I am not always a complete tosser.
Whoever had the temerity to suggest that you were?!...

Best,

Alistair
Alistair Hinton
Curator / Director
The Sorabji Archive

Offline minimax

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 31
Re: Dealing with death of a loved one
«Reply #7 on: January 04, 2015, 05:55:59 PM »
I am sorry for Your loss.

What we are dealing with in reality, when someone passes away, is our own attachment to that person - which is a form of egoism - and that amounts to psychic pain. This is an emotional energy stored in the body. Unless that energy is freed one will be suffering. Most people runaway from those feelings into doing something - they just prolong suffering. So, the quickest way to get rid of it, is to give it TOTAL attention, watch it, feel it, stay with that feeling as long as possible. Do not let yourself go into thinking about that lost person to often (it will add to that stored painful energy), do not scold yourself if it happens, just bring yourself back to JUST watching, observing your body - where you feel that energy, felling it. If you at some moment You do not have that felling and You are ready to work with it, to totally remove it, look at the picture or bring memories of that person to NOW, and those hidden feelings will appear. Allow yourself to feel it. You may say something like that: I welcome all the feelings, emotions, connected with (fill in the name of that person).  Repeat it many times. Be ready that it may not be pleasant, as some places in the body may get really unconformable, even painful. This is NORMAL. That pain, or feeling, may move to different parts of the body, or that felling will flower - it will show itself to you in other places. Usually it runs from the head and encompasses whole body. Do not be afraid. Just be with it, observe it .... and watch is dissipate. At some point, it may feel like a balloon that is punctured - the pressure inside is getting less and less.  It may not be obvious at the first try ... but in time You will notice how it works. Just be patient. This method can be applied to any feeling. Good luck.

Offline dcstudio

  • PS Silver Member
  • Sr. Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2423
Re: Dealing with death of a loved one
«Reply #8 on: January 14, 2015, 07:17:15 PM »
at Christmas--that's tough.

I had a friend with two children many years ago.   She came to my house with the kids a few days before Christmas--on the way home they were all killed in a car wreck. 

I was a mess for a while. 

Spent a lot of time pounding on the piano after that--hours and hours a day--I found that if I focused   on playing I could keep the pain at bay...  I also picked up the guitar and started to seriously practice that as well.

You will always miss your friend....  I named my daughter after my friend's daughter--and that was 10 years later.