I am feeling a bit dissapointed of myself

[faa2010]

I was in a 2 week vacations with my brother aboard. I took my study material with me, some scores and metronome. During the moments where we didn't do anything, I studied part of my material, sightreading, and also the finger exercises which my teacher told me to do on a table and with the help of the metronome.

One day in our vacations, we stopped at a music store. I got the chance to practice, but I was nervous and of course, despite reading my scores, I forgot how to play the pieces, also I was feeling a bit intimidated, feeling that there were eyes on me. It is funny, because when we went to a electronic store where there was a lot of noise, I played another of my pieces in a keyboard, and it was better than in the music store.

As a "payback", I went to the music store once more, after many tries, I could handle to practice my pieces. However, I listened other pianists who were trying other pianos, and I felt that I was very very below of them, including one who played only with sight reading (even though she committed some mistakes, but hey, she played very good)

Now I returned to the music school, and my feelings went down again because the teacher remarked me that I was tone deaf, that I don't listen to the sounds (I was singing the D major scale, but I went deaf tone when I went to A).

I know I don't have to take it personal, but I feel a bit depressed of what have happened, I feel bad that I decreased my level even though I tried to maintained it during vacations. But listening pros and the teacher's remarks make me think that I was slacking.

What do you do in order to not decrease your level?, quite the contrary, what do you do on vacations when you are out of your house in order to study apart from reading the scores and using the metronome?

[stoat_king]

Are you 100% sure that your level has decreased?
Playing in a store and comparing yourself to the other people also playing is an odd way to judge.
They always sounds better in my experience.

In addition, it sounds like your teacher hates your singing.
That isn't necessarily a comment on your piano - and who knows - he might have been having an off day.

I just don't think your evidence is very good for your level getting worse - its possible that the things you mention are insignificant.

In short I don't think you should let it get you down too much.
Also, **** em if they cant take a joke lol

[j_menz]

You took your metronome on holiday? 

And you expected it to end well?

I send my metronome on separate "holidays" alone, largely to the "farm" that kids pets seem to favour. That's generally ended much more satisfactorily. Try that next time. 

[stoat_king]

^ Metronomes are annoying enough without kennel-cough

[bronnestam]

You felt tempted to prove to yourself and others that you are good, you did not comply with your own expectations. That is, you wanted to show off a little, and you started to compare yourself to others, and you were not happy.

Relax, it is a human thing to do. We all do it from time to time, we seek approval because we think this will lift our self-esteem a little.
That is, of course, a mistake. But we all do it, even though we know it is a bad thing.

So, let's conclude it was a human thing to do, but also be honest to yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and admit to yourself that you were seeking approval. You wanted to get a little bit of admiration because you have worked hard and you want to know it paid off. Well, you failed, from your own perspective (actually you have no idea what the other people really thought about you).

The good thing is that this has nothing to do with music. Now go back to your piano and enjoy your own world of music. You are not doing this to prove something, right? Or to compete with others? You do it because you love to do it. If that is not the case, then quit piano playing and do something else that is easier and that you like better.

About this singing thing, I suggest you record yourself when you sing, and then you can listen to yourself in a better way. Thing is, our voices don't sound the same inside our heads as outside ... (I don't think you are an idiot, of course you know this). You might be able to evaluate your own voice better if you also hear it from "outside".
I am not tone deaf but I often sing out of key. People love to tell me this. But this is not because I cannot understand the music right, it is because I am a bad singer and my voice betrays me, I don't have a good singing technique ... because I don't like to sing, so I have not learned. So, you might have a problem if you are a singer student, but if you are a piano student then don't worry about it.

[stoat_king]

So, let's conclude it was a human thing to do, but also be honest to yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and admit to yourself that you were seeking approval. You wanted to get a little bit of admiration because you have worked hard and you want to know it paid off. Well, you failed, from your own perspective (actually you have no idea what the other people really thought about you).

I couldnt agree more. In fact I'd go slightly further - its likely that the other people were too busy worrying about how they sounded to judge the other peoples playing.
Furthermore, judging your own playing in such circumstances is *cough* difficult.

[ballade345]

find a different teacher

[1piano4joe]

Hi faa2010,

What do you do in order to not decrease your level?, quite the contrary, what do you do on vacations when you are out of your house in order to study apart from reading the scores and using the metronome?

My "level" decreases whether I'm on vacation or not. I'm sure this is the case for many others. Let me explain.

I don't maintain much repertoire. As a result, I practice, study, analyze and learn a piece up to my own personal standard and then I am done with it. Generally, if I can PLAY it, I have no use for it. So, it deteriorates, so what.

This does NOT mean my level has decreased. Many teachers will advise a student to learn many, many shorter pieces and let them go. This is done deliberately to INCREASE a students level!

Well, it's pretty much the same thing when I go on vacation. The BIG difference is that I'm not always FINISHED learning a piece. On occasion, when I have been, there is no problem. I come home from vacation and just start to WORK on a new piece.

HOWEVER, when a piece is still in the "polishing" stages and I leave it be for a while, it will usually require some backing up in progress, depending on the length of time I let it sit.

This is NOT just from vacations. I study many, many pieces at a time. I use "post its". The practice dates are recorded. I know which measures or phrases need work. I know my hands separate tempos and hands together tempo. Therefore, I know how long a piece has been shelved and I know exactly what to do to bring it back.

So, I let pieces sit for a week all the time and it's RARELY because I'm on vacation. I can easily pick up any piece by backing up in tempo, going back to hands separate or reworking a difficult bar or passage. It's not really a big deal and doesn't take so much time as you might think.

I even do this when a piece hasn't been sitting. It's an ingrained part of my practice and advances my progress at a more efficient rate. Who doesn't want to learn pieces faster?

If I get bored with a piece before it's finished, I let it sit. If I'm not making progress, I let it sit. There is something called "post practice improvement". Sometimes, skipping a day and working on something different or not playing at all works wonders.

In any event, I would never say that my "level" has decreased because of all this.

Anyway, that's just the way it works for me, Joe.


 

[louispodesta]

I was in a 2 week vacations with my brother aboard. I took my study material with me, some scores and metronome. During the moments where we didn't do anything, I studied part of my material, sightreading, and also the finger exercises which my teacher told me to do on a table and with the help of the metronome.

One day in our vacations, we stopped at a music store. I got the chance to practice, but I was nervous and of course, despite reading my scores, I forgot how to play the pieces, also I was feeling a bit intimidated, feeling that there were eyes on me. It is funny, because when we went to a electronic store where there was a lot of noise, I played another of my pieces in a keyboard, and it was better than in the music store.

As a "payback", I went to the music store once more, after many tries, I could handle to practice my pieces. However, I listened other pianists who were trying other pianos, and I felt that I was very very below of them, including one who played only with sight reading (even though she committed some mistakes, but hey, she played very good)

Now I returned to the music school, and my feelings went down again because the teacher remarked me that I was tone deaf, that I don't listen to the sounds (I was singing the D major scale, but I went deaf tone when I went to A).

I know I don't have to take it personal, but I feel a bit depressed of what have happened, I feel bad that I decreased my level even though I tried to maintained it during vacations. But listening pros and the teacher's remarks make me think that I was slacking.

What do you do in order to not decrease your level?, quite the contrary, what do you do on vacations when you are out of your house in order to study apart from reading the scores and using the metronome?

Do you want to learn how to play the piano, as I do, as well as billions of others? - or, do you want to learn (as a full fledged neurotic who constantly puts himself down) how to never successfully play this instrument, but instead feed your own neurosis?

Nobody cares about your "music school teacher" because we have unfortunately all lived in that world.

Please ask a thoughtful question.

[bernadette60614]

I had a teacher like yours. She once said to me:  If that wasn't so bad, I would have laughed.

To me, that isn't a teacher, that's a bully. A great teacher helps someone achieve their potential by guiding them, not by belittling or degrading them. 

You obviously care deeply about your studies, to the point of practicing on your vacations.  That's enormous! You should be congratulating yourself right now rather than stomping all over yourself.

I think the road to misery is paved by comparing ourselves to others.  Whether it is piano, career, money, looks...I don't know anyone who is made happier by looking at others. Either you feel less than (cause there is always someone better) or arrogant (because you think you are better.)

Study piano for the joy of studying piano...to connect with music and to connect with the emotions music evokes and the intellectual pleasure of making music yourself.

As for your teacher, if you can find another, find another.  I suffered for almost a year with a teacher who sounds like yours.  Yes, I made progress, but I hated practicing...because I knew whatever I did was never going to be met with anything other than blistering criticism and contempt and hated my lessons.

I now have a teacher who is encouraging and effective. My playing is much better, I love practicing, and it has confirmed for me what I thought...brutal isn't better, it is just bullying.

[faa2010]

Thanks everyone,

You are right, maybe unconsciously I wanted to show off, to do it for my ego and self-steem. Well, in fact, my brother encouraged me the first time to play in the music shop, and I did it in order to not be shy.

What it is pretty sure in myself is that when I don't like the results (how I play the piece, the negative opinions of others. I become stubborn, sometimes I low myself more that I was in order to work harder and be stubborn with doing what it went wrong until I find it "acceptable". However, these can get out of control and can makes me lose more love on myself.

However, even my teacher dislikes also that position, he mentioned once that one of my problems is that I become stubborn until it gets better, even if he has been encouraging to be always stubborn.

The good thing in this is that I am not perfect is that I am still looking for improving in my piano and checking my flaws.

If people had told me in the past many times that my playing is perfect and good, I wouldn't have looked other ways to get better, even I could have gone to the point of doing either a little or none effort. Or maximun, I would have quit the piano a long time ago.


To louispodesta: neurotic is not the right word to describe me, the attitude which can describe me more is that I am always seeking someone's approval, unconsciously or not, specially the one of the "experts", and stubborn if things are not as I expected. Two things which both can have in common, because I can sense in your post that it can be this or the description you put in me is a reflection of yours.

[louispodesta]

Hey, you'all, in that I from Texas, it is important that you understand that the OP is not from Western Europe.  Therefore, in my opinion, we should be sensitive to his needs, given the situation.

He is truly a special gentle soul, and should be treated with a high level of respect, accordingly.  It took a great deal of courage for him to make this post in the first place.

[rmbarbosa]

1piano4joe is so right!. Reason is with him (or her, I dont Know). It`s the best and more clever way do progress.