Frustrated with my playing

[reiko33]

Hello everyone,

I don't like how I play the piano. I'm 18 years old and I've been playing piano for around 9 years, the first thing you might think is that, by now, I'm a very good piano player, sadly I don't think I am. I'm frustrated with my piano playing, I honestly feel that after 9 years of playing piano I should be much better than I am. Maybe it's that I don't study enough, I'm quite lazy and so I study about 2 hours everyday (not even everyday...). Maybe it's that I lack finger technique, every now and then I feel like my playing is just sloppy, and I miss a lot of notes, and the semiquavers are uneven... or maybe this happens because I just don't concentrate well enough, playing a piece, which I presume it's of my level, without any major mistake is nearly impossible for me. Or maybe it's just my imagination, and that my playing is as good as it should be for how long I've been playing, to get you an idea, some of the pieces I'm playing right now are:

- Sonata No 53 Haydn
- Nocturne 20 Chopin
- Canción y Danza No 6 Mompou

I don't know what to do, I feel completely lost, I really love playing piano but this has made me want to quit playing piano at times, it's just so frustrating. What should I do? Just by practicing more than 2 hours would be enough? In that case I would fully commit to do so.

PS: One thing I want to clear out is that I don't plan to pursue a musical career nor I want to be a professional and give performances, I just want to play for myself, and to be satisfied with how I play.

PS: I've also taken the ABRSM exams, from Grade 1 to 6, and my average score would be around 137, although I don't think they mean much...

[bronnestam]

I don't think you should try to play MORE. Instead I suggest that you, actually, play much less for a while. My recepie for you is 15 minutes - set a timer! - two to four times a day. After those 15 minutes, you have to leave the piano for a while.

This is not forever, of course, but for a period in order to make you more focused. With such a limited time, you are forced to be much more effective. Plan your sessions in forehand, by making a little journal. Evaluate your session afterwards and make a new plan, and so on.

Stop blaming yourself. That is forbidden! Instead, you should make a summary after each session: what did I do good/better this time? You MUST find something every time, that is very important! The point is to set you in a better mood, that will make you more motivated. (Believe me, it works!) Once you are highly motivated and eager to work, you can focus on working with mistakes that hang on - or rather, focus on working with improvements.

For fun, you can imagine that you are a mega super star, a real pro, working diligently on your daily tasks. You should feel calm and confident. Difficulties are fun challenges, and of course you will solve them all. And that is all you need to know! DO NOT WORRY!

You see, I have been there. I sometimes wanted to kick myself somewhere ...    And the result? I played worse and worse. So I know that the problem is in your self confidence. You make the piano a place for "being whipped" - it does not matter if the critic sits beside you or inside you, you will feel the pain and you will get tense and afraid of it - the result? You play worse and worse. And soon less and less ... So you have to reverse the process, make piano playing a "success story" where you can feel happy and confident instead.

Some other more practical advice: find the blog and e-books by Graham Fitch, where you will find a lot of valuable advice on how to practice.

Record yourself often and listen to yourself often, while you are taking notes and make decisions on what is wrong and what to do about it. Uneven playing? Practice short segments slowly, work on being relaxed. There are different techniques to use - see above about Fitch.

Practice more mentally, reading sheet music away from the piano, listen a lot to other pianists. Try other genres, perhaps a little jazz improvisation or composition could be fun? I think what you need is a feeling that you are effective, that your efforts pay off again. And I think you need to relax and feel positive about yourself again.

Good luck!     

[reiko33]

I'll try everything you said, I found really interesting the "plan your sessions" you mentioned, and it sounds like a lot of fun. I'll also look for the blog of Graham Fitch and see if it helps me with my practice.

I actually play some jazzy pieces, although I don't improvise. I haven't tried composing, maybe I should... right now I'm transcribing a song, maybe that helps.

I think what you need is a feeling that you are effective, that your efforts pay off again.

This, I think this is it, I feel that in the last 4 years I haven't improved at all.

Thank you for your response, I'll try to be more positive about myself and do everything you said

[faulty_damper]

Why are you unsatisfied?  Is it just the missed notes and sloppy movements? Do you feel your musical expression is satisfactory even with the sloppiness?

It sounds like you need to learn to use your body better so that playing is easier.

[reiko33]

I think it may be my technique. I feel I am very expressive but the sloppiness just keeps getting in the middle and I can not seem to play a piece without interruptions.

How can I learn to use my body better?

[bronnestam]

Try: play just short sections of your pieces, do NOT fall for the temptation to play the whole piece through ("just to prove you are a master now"). Find you weak spots in the piece and target your work to these spots. Of course you have to practice them with "overlapping technique" so that you do not isolate just bar 12-13, for example, but connect them with bar 11 and 14 as well, assumed that bar 11 and 14 are easy for you to play.

You can practice these short sections very slowly, or in very different tempi, with different rythms - the ways of working are many, see Fitch or some other good teacher about this. The point is that you concentrate on just these. If you try to play the whole piece through too much, you will a) get tired of it b) waste too much time if you are playing slowly c) probably focus on wrong things.
We all tend to avoid the tricky parts ...

[diomedes]

what did I do good/better this time? You MUST find something every time,

The importance of self evaluation and improvement is something i'm severely supportive of. Good advice.

[reiko33]

After reading your comments, some blog posts and part of the e-book of Graham Fitch I did my first planned practice session and it went quite good I must say . What I did was I wrote down in a notebook the segments or exercises I planned to do and how much time I would spend doing it (it was a 20 minutes session), I also wrote under each segment/exercise/whatever things I must pay particular attention to, after I finished the session I wrote down what I did right and what I did wrong of those things so the next time I surely correct them.

And yeah, getting tired of a piece is definitely an issue for me, I get bored of them before I'm able to play them without mistakes. Hopefully this won't happen again.

The blog of Graham Fitch doesn't specify if I should do more sessions per day so I guess I have to do only one, however, bronnestam, you said to do 2-4 per day. What should I do? I think I could handle two per day fully concentrating.

[diomedes]

What should I do? I think I could handle two per day fully concentrating.

That's directly related to how determined you are. If you get tired of something before you finish it, it's not  good sign of determination, but for students figuring things out certainly can be frustrating in the long run, i imagine.

[reiko33]

I think I got bored of things without finishing them because I would play the whole piece through when practicing, or maybe it really is a sign of indetermination, I don't know.

I'll try to do two sessions tomorrow to see if it goes well.

[bronnestam]

The blog of Graham Fitch doesn't specify if I should do more sessions per day so I guess I have to do only one, however, bronnestam, you said to do 2-4 per day. What should I do? I think I could handle two per day fully concentrating.

I wrote 2-4 because it should be your own choice, YOU feel what is best for YOU. Too much practice will make you tired, too little can make you nervous. As Fitch also writes - ten minutes of focused quality practicing is far better than hours of mindless practicing. If you feel that 2 sessions, or even 1, is what you like, then do so.

After all, this is not meant to be a schedule you will stick to for lifetime! See it as a medical ordination for your illness, which is Bad Motivation. When you are "recovered" again, that is, you feel the enthusiasm flow again, then for God's sake leave this schedule and do whatever you like.

I think it is a good thing to play less than you want for a while, instead of pressing yourself until you get tired and bored. You should be hungry for more, not totally fed up with it ... but "hungry" does not mean "totally starved" either, of course.

Sometimes you just have to leave a piece before it is finished. (BTW, what is "finished"? Totally perfect and flawless? Of course not.) You may feel that this one just has to rest for a while, and then you pick it up later and find that you can handle it much better than before. We are not manufacturing machines, are we? We cannot spit out piece after piece after piece in an even tempo. Some pieces we learn fast, some will take a lot of time, some will require to be left alone for a while before you start again. Just like friends, you know. Some people you bond with immediately, some will take time before you get used to them, and some you will leave and then come back to later, seeing them in a different light and under other circumstances.

Let's say you are a professional. You get "hired" to play a certain piece in a concert within 3 months. You plan your work carefully, you learn this piece and of course you practice like a maniac. At the concert, you make a brilliant performance. Then you go on to you next assignment ... and one year later you are asked to play this first piece again. I know no professional pianist who would just shrug and say "ok - I played it brilliantly last year, I don't need to practice". No, they sit down and practice like maniacs AGAIN to make sure the piece comes back to brilliant shape ... Does this mean they did not "finish" it the first time? Of course not!

     

[reiko33]

I'm aware that "finished" isn't playing a piece flawless. When I say finished I refer to that state in which you can play the piece with confidence and without any big mistakes... yeah, I know that the explanation I just gave is a little vague, but at least for me, that is what it means to "finish a piece".

Well, I've been doing the sessions for over a week now and it seems it's going in the right direction. Though apart from doing segments of pieces in my sessions I also try to do some Hanon exercises (modified by Graham Fitch:

A0l9g&index=5) because I feel that these exercises will improve my technique; the problem is that in 20 minutes I don't really have time to do much, but I don't want to study more than 20 because I would have the problem I had before (bad motivation, and frustration); therefore, I don't know what to do

Should I just don't do these exercises and start doing them once I start playing like before (and not 20 min. sessions)? Or should I extend my practice time? Or leave everything as it is now? I know I'm the one who has to decide, but I don't want to return to being frustrated with my playing because I made the wrong decision.

[brogers70]

Bronnestam, I'm not the one who asked the question, but I appreciate your excellent advice and the positive attitude. Thanks.

[bronnestam]

Well, I've been doing the sessions for over a week now and it seems it's going in the right direction. Though apart from doing segments of pieces in my sessions I also try to do some Hanon exercises (modified by Graham Fitch:

A0l9g&index=5) because I feel that these exercises will improve my technique; the problem is that in 20 minutes I don't really have time to do much, but I don't want to study more than 20 because I would have the problem I had before (bad motivation, and frustration); therefore, I don't know what to do

Should I just don't do these exercises and start doing them once I start playing like before (and not 20 min. sessions)? Or should I extend my practice time? Or leave everything as it is now? I know I'm the one who has to decide, but I don't want to return to being frustrated with my playing because I made the wrong decision.

The answer is simple: follow your heart.    You have worked in this discplined way for over a week, and obviously it has done you very good as you now really WANT to play more and you long for doing some exercises ... looks like you have cured your problems. Then increase the time! You might want to extend the session, or add more sessions. If you are worried, then keep on setting an end time for a while.

I also thank you very much for writing this post, because I told you to use a journal and this inspired me to study my own journal better. I realized I could make it better, because "work with that Nocturne in slow tempo for 15 minutes" etcetera was not precise enough. So I decided to make a more detailed To Do-list for the piece I recently begun to learn. This is an excerpt from today (not for worshipping and admiration, just as inspiration):
"Bar 32-34: play very slowly HT, repeat every bar a couple of times, watch the transitions. Middle of bar 33, last triplet: movement of 5th finger from A to F is tricky, I make mistakes here.
Bar 33: need better fingering.
Bar 44: shift hands in the bass line. Mind the pauses in RH."
And so on, so on. The big trick here is NOT TO PLAY ANYTHING ELSE, actually. That is what Fitch likes to call "mindless practice". Yes, he is right, the best thing is to know exactly, and I mean exactly, what to work with when you sit down at the piano. Then you will achieve wonders even during a short sessions. And even though it is truly exhausting, it also yields a growing desire to work more, and more ...

So, no more strolling to the piano, opening the lid and thinking "umm, whattodotoday?" At least not for me. Well, sometimes you play for fun and leisure and not for practicing, then you can do like that. But practice is practice.     

[dcstudio]

OP-- I have so been there.   It's so hard to play when you hate what you are hearing.  I always found it embarrassing when people would compliment me--I thought they were just being nice.

I would imagine that you are the only one who hates your playing--with the possible exception of those with whom you live.--but they don't count either way...  You are in a rut and when you are there it looks like you will be there forever but you won't. 

The way out is to make playing fun again--at least it worked for me.  Pick out songs on the radio--or whatever you kids use these days--and figure them out by ear.   It may take a while but it is an invaluable tool to have.   The people you live with will sit up and take notice because you won't sound like the same old you.

If you have a keyboard--try using the sequencer function for background tracks and change the voice to maybe a square lead...

figure out a way that you can be happy with your playing right now--and you will never quit.
If you say--I'll be happy as soon as I can play the Rach 3--even when you do master it--you still won't be satisfied with your playing.  I used to practice 12 hours a day trying to achieve an unreachable goal.

Can I play?  you bet I can...  do I think I am the best I can be--not yet but I keep working on it.

BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF NOW--and work towards being happier in the future.

people love to tell others how amazingly difficult the piano is--it makes them feel more important.   Most of us are neurotics....I think its part of the package...lol