Music essay for teaching

[keyb0ardfweak]

Hi,

My name is Christian and I am a first year Bmus piano student in the UK.

I have just finished yesterday this essay and I would like to share it with everyone here.


Here is the link to the file

https://goo.gl/RHrQmF


I would really appreciate some feedback.

It is easy to read and it will usually take only 3 minutes to read.


The topics covered are:


- Technique
- Problem solving
- Systems


I made a presentation earlier this morning about this at my conservatoire.
Now, I feel like I want to move forward and improve my presentation, writing and communication skills.





Thank you for reading!
 

[outin]

It is easy to read and it will usually take only 3 minutes to read.

3 minutes? Without even seeing it I would say it's not much of an essay then...

EDIT:
And now that I have seen it I'd say if I was your teacher I would require much more for your level of studies. This is more of a list of things to do, there are no references at all and no evaluation of your suggestions.

On the other hand I am not sure how the requirements are in your country for lower level academic studies. This would not be accaptable where I come from.

Suggestions for improvement:
When you start writing an essay you should first do some research of existing literature. Make notes with careful references and use them in your essay. The structure should be something like this:
- The research question or problem: What is the question that you actually want to answer in your essay?
- Presentation and evaluation of what is already written about it by others
- Explanation of the theoretical framework and concepts you use
- Your own analysis, which should always be critical. The point is not to just state opinions but make conclusions from the data you have gathered.
- Conclusions founded on what you have written and possible suggestions for further study

[stoat_king]

I love writing essays, especially on subjects I know nothing about.

However, I need to know precisely what the question was in order to comment on your answer.
I surmise from your essay that the question posed was 'What is technique?'.

Talking about 'what is a problem' from an epistemological point of view, generic strategies for problem solving and the study of systems and their theory are all double-edged swords.
Whilst they are sophisticated (and usually awkward) themes, it is also true that you can talk the most shameless rubbish about them and get away with it.

Anyway, if you could be more specific about what the task in hand actually is, then I would love to have a critical look at it (time allowing).
I have the kind of purple prose that is useful for such abstract discussions spewing out of every orifice.

[timothy42b]

I made a presentation earlier this morning about this at my conservatoire.
Now, I feel like I want to move forward and improve my presentation, writing and communication skills.





Thank you for reading!
 

I am assuming you are a native English speaker (given college in the UK, your name, and your colloquial style) and you are an avid social media user (given the conversational style, the sentence fragments and poor grammar, the abrupt changes of subject, and the lack of an overall coherence, combined with excellent spelling). 

Here is the problem.  You are writing like you speak.  (okay, I'd have been taken to task for "like" in that sentence) 

When we speak we don't use complete sentences, we don't complete thoughts, we don't do more than a shallow look at a subject.  Our goal is the quality of the social interaction, and the actual product is secondary.

When you write an essay, you must reboot.  You must write much more formally, you must proof read, edit, and rewrite, and you must give evidence of having spent more time thinking than typing.  You have to remind yourself you are neither chatting nor texting with friends. 

You actually seem bright, but the level of writing should be more sophisticated at your age.   My impression is this is about a 10th grade US high school level paper.  (US high schools have grades 9 to 12). 

[keyb0ardfweak]

When you write an essay, you must reboot.  You must write much more formally, you must proof read, edit, and rewrite, and you must give evidence of having spent more time thinking than typing.  You have to remind yourself you are neither chatting nor texting with friends. 

You actually seem bright, but the level of writing should be more sophisticated at your age.   My impression is this is about a 10th grade US high school level paper.  (US high schools have grades 9 to 12). 

I used an online tool to make the reading easy.

https://www.hemingwayapp.com/


Why?

Nowadays, people want to read something easy. Even teachers or professionals. They are still humans and I feel that I am doing them a favor saving their valuable time by simplifying my writing skills, delivering at the same time effective and valuable content that proves I know what I am talking about.
The average reading speed of a normal person is about 250-300 wpm and we can read faster than that by chunking words into groups.

According to the App mentioned above, my writing scored a grade 6 in readability.
https://screencast.com/t/xV78vQ0KA3F5


Any thoughts on this will be interesting to discuss.


This was a pass/fail assessment, not a really big thing.

I actually forgot to mention that the length of assessment was 10 min and not 3 min.
In my presentation, I would start talking about a topic and give some empirical examples, which is why it lasted more than expected.


I just felt the need to ask for more feedback, because my teacher just said that it was excellent and that I have done more than it was required. That next time I would have to simplify my presentation down to 10 min instead of 15 min. In the end of the presentation, my teacher and my colleagues asked "how to.." questions which I was able to answer without any doubt.

Still, I wasn't happy to receive this feedback because I know I can do better and I want to become more professional, to develop great writing and communication skills.

I am actually glad I posted this here, as I really find more useful what all of you are writing.

[michael_sayers]

What course, if any, is this for?  Is there a context to the presentation?


Mvh,
Michael

[ted]

..Nowadays, people want to read something easy. Even teachers or professionals...

Yes, and I think its effect is appalling. Shakespeare has been removed from the secondary school syllabus here because the older language is "too hard", and teachers read novels aloud to seventeen-year-olds in class because they are too lazy to read at home. Anything of lasting value, of intellectual and emotional significance, is intrinsically difficult, as we all know from playing the piano.   

[quantum]

If we had the assignment description we would be in a better position to provide comment on the work. 

There is nothing wrong with 3 minute presentations. 
https://threeminutethesis.org

[keyb0ardfweak]

COPIED FROM THE SYLLABUS (BMUS YEAR 1 PIANO)

Principal Study Progress File (Pass/Fail)
1. Technical Portfolio: A presentation (oral and with written supporting documents) which will be marked in Keyboard Tutorial classes. Students will give a 10 minute presentation on any aspect or aspects of their technical work.
Examples of topics could be the presentation and discussion of:
 A study – technical problems to be overcome and practice methods used.
 Technically challenging passages in any piece of repertoire, and practice methods used.
 Particular aspects of technique in general (i.e. legato, pedaling, finger articulation, scales, octaves, tone production, etc.) using examples from passages in various repertoire.
 A technical method or set of exercises (eg. Cortot, Brahms, Beringer, Czerny, etc. – best to just focus on one, or possibly compare two methods) – what the aims are, how to work at it, how it might be applied in repertoire.
 Yoga, Tai-Chi, Alexander Technique etc. – how principals might be applied to technical aspects of piano playing.
 Any other topic relating to the technique of piano playing.
The 10 minutes should include a roughly even amount of discussion and demonstration at the piano. Students must bring along:
 Several copies of a one-page hand out for the assessors and members of the class – including bullet points of main points being discussed and possibly short musical examples.
 A few copies of the passages to be played (or the whole piece in the case of a short study).

[keyb0ardfweak]

Yes, and I think its effect is appalling. Shakespeare has been removed from the secondary school syllabus here because the older language is "too hard".

Anything of lasting value, of intellectual and emotional significance, is intrinsically difficult, as we all know from playing the piano.   

I think that as we evolve, we should also be more able to "carry" the great works of art that our ancestors have created. We should use technology to help us use our brains more efficiently rather than letting it do everything for us.
Technology can be a very good thing, but it can be harmful if not used the correct way.
If not used correctly, people loose their innate imagination and creativity.