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Topic: your favorite clean jokes!  (Read 2672 times)

Offline pencilart3

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your favorite clean jokes!
on: July 31, 2015, 06:59:32 PM
Some people are like slinkys, you just can't help but smile as they tumble down the stairs.  ;D  ;D  ;D
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Offline chopinlover01

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #1 on: July 31, 2015, 11:54:18 PM
Here's a funny joke-
Jokes without dark humor in them.

Seriously though, a lot of humor needs an edge to it. Not necessarily a shock value effect per se, but a bit of an edge that gets the point across.

Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #2 on: August 01, 2015, 01:22:45 AM
It's interesting you say that, because people naturally laugh when they're nervous or uncomfortable. They do it to show that everything is OK after all. So, when people make "dirty" jokes, people naturally get uncomfortable, and thus laugh because they want to show everyone they are all right. That is what a lot of jokes are coming to these days. I think that the best jokes are ones that are actually humorous - not just making you uncomfortable so you laugh. That's why I asked for clean ones so it didn't just become crude joke after crude joke  ;)  ;D
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Offline chopinlover01

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #3 on: August 01, 2015, 02:38:21 AM
It's interesting you say that, because people naturally laugh when they're nervous or uncomfortable. They do it to show that everything is OK after all. So, when people make "dirty" jokes, people naturally get uncomfortable, and thus laugh because they want to show everyone they are all right. That is what a lot of jokes are coming to these days. I think that the best jokes are ones that are actually humorous - not just making you uncomfortable so you laugh. That's why I asked for clean ones so it didn't just become crude joke after crude joke  ;)  ;D
Most people I know who tell dirty jokes do it because they find it humoresque, not because it gets laughs because everyone is uncomfortable.
For example, in my close circles of friends (many of whom, like myself, are atheists), we make jokes about religious fundamentalists, and we laugh because we see the humor in it, and think it's funny, not because we're uncomfortable with religious fundamentalists.

Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #4 on: August 01, 2015, 02:55:11 AM
Ok, whatever...   ;) Let's just tell some clean jokes, OK?  ;D
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Offline chopinlover01

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #5 on: August 01, 2015, 03:16:12 AM
Alright, here's one that only involves a few f-bombs.
A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "***, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don't use that kind of language or god will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I fuckn missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don't use that language or god will punish you." The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn't help mutter, "Oh ***" The priest said, "That's it god will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "***, I Missed".

Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #6 on: August 01, 2015, 03:45:27 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA man if it weren't for the f bombs that would be hillarious... and it still is...
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Offline josh93248

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #7 on: August 03, 2015, 02:45:57 PM
A hermaphrodite, Gianna Micheals and Max Hardcore walk into a bar-

Oh wait

I did it wrong  ;D
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Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #8 on: August 03, 2015, 10:30:21 PM
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger... then it hit me...
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Offline josh93248

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #9 on: August 03, 2015, 10:32:53 PM
Dawwww, that's cute.
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Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #10 on: August 03, 2015, 10:52:02 PM
3 guys walk into a bar.

The hobbit simply walks under it and laughs at them.
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Offline josh93248

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #11 on: August 04, 2015, 01:39:25 AM
You started this thread just to get all these out there didn't you? :P
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Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #12 on: August 04, 2015, 03:43:19 AM
You started this thread just to get all these out there didn't you? :P

Man, I can't Handel this! Stop Haydn it! Just tell me - what is your Liszt of favorite piano pieces? I think I saw you Chopin for some new piano books, but I think you have a hard time finding any that Suite you. You know, even though they're Debussy, I mean - dead, you see, you can still Ravel in their music. Think Bach to the olden days of music - I don't think it would be Rimsky-(Korsakov not) to say that they Shore knew how to compose back then. I have just been practicing so much piano that I Baroque my fingers the other day. I really need Compose myself with my practicing habits.

THESE ARE GETTING PATHETIQUE
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Offline josh93248

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #13 on: August 04, 2015, 03:56:28 AM
That was painfully funny to read... Did you end up googling Gianna Micheals by the way Noah? Learn anything? ;)
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Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #14 on: August 04, 2015, 04:45:59 AM
Hm... I don't see anything for Gianna Micheals. What am I missing?!
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Offline josh93248

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #15 on: August 04, 2015, 05:42:31 AM
Oh really? Try on your school computer.
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Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #16 on: August 04, 2015, 04:21:36 PM
Oh really? Try on your school computer.

I'm missing something obvious... and I don't have a school computer  ;D
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Offline josh93248

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #17 on: August 04, 2015, 04:28:51 PM
I can't think what, Gianna Micheals is simply a very popular entertainer. She might be a bit too mainstream for you though...
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Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #18 on: August 04, 2015, 04:46:26 PM
Lol ok, I guess I'm just ignorant :)
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Offline josh93248

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #19 on: August 04, 2015, 04:50:25 PM
Don't worry about it Noah, you'll grow up soon ;)
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Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #20 on: August 05, 2015, 12:05:21 AM
Don't worry about it Noah, you'll grow up soon ;)

Hopefully....  ;D

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa. Not screaming and yelling, like the passengers in his car.  :-X
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Offline kevonthegreatpianist

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #21 on: August 19, 2015, 10:10:36 PM
Hopefully....  ;D

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa. Not screaming and yelling, like the passengers in his car.  :-X
I want to die in a car or a school or something, so my parents could sue them and get rich and retire in the country club or something.
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Offline dcstudio

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #22 on: August 20, 2015, 04:51:43 AM

how many pianists does it take to change a light bulb?


100--1 to change the  bulb and 99 to stand around saying.... awwww man I can do THAT!

Offline chopinlover01

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #23 on: August 20, 2015, 06:32:41 AM
How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One- but the light bulb has to want to move.
Another one; How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two- one to screw in the bulb, and the other to observe how it symbolizes a beacon of light in another world of cosmic nothingness.

Offline dcstudio

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #24 on: August 20, 2015, 09:43:51 AM
THAT WAS HILARIOUS  8)

Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #25 on: August 25, 2015, 02:07:34 PM
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why?

To get to the idiot's house.

Knock knock!

Who's there?

The chicken.

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Offline chopinlover01

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #26 on: August 25, 2015, 06:25:48 PM
You know, for something to be a joke, it typically requires being funny..
Unless it's an anti joke. Maybe we should start a thread for that.
What do you call a black guy who drives a plane all day?
A pilot, you racist f**k.

Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #27 on: August 25, 2015, 06:30:01 PM
The one I've heard that's like that is, What do you call a black guy who sells drugs? A pharmacist, you racist!

How do you get a clown to stop smiling? Hit it with an axe. < There's an anti joke!
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Offline chopinlover01

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #28 on: August 25, 2015, 06:31:28 PM
I'd also like no extraneous apostrophes, but the world can't be perfect  ::)
Why did the muslim die on his plane?
It flew into the WTC.

...sorry XD

Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #29 on: August 25, 2015, 06:32:51 PM
What's green and has wheels?

GRASS!!!!

 i lied about those wheels
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Offline kevonthegreatpianist

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #30 on: September 14, 2015, 10:11:19 PM
theres an idiot on the keyboard between y and i

(sorry if i offend you)
theres a black and mexican in a car. who's the driver?
ans: the cops

i have 73583475 burgers and i eat them all. what do i have now?
ans: type 3 diabetes
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Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #31 on: September 14, 2015, 10:14:57 PM
i have 73583475 burgers and i eat them all. what do i have now?
ans: type 3 diabetes

No, it's "John has 36 candy bars. He eats 28 of them. What does he have now?"

DIABETES. John has diabetes.

Or, "I have 6 apples in one hand and 8 oranges in the other. What do I have?"

VERY LARGE HANDS.
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Offline kevonthegreatpianist

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #32 on: September 14, 2015, 10:16:32 PM
how many pianists does it take to change a light bulb?


100--1 to change the  bulb and 99 to stand around saying.... awwww man I can do THAT!
 harry potter joke

Q: How many Weasleys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't. They screw in the burrow.
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Offline minor9th

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #33 on: September 15, 2015, 01:35:22 AM
A junior high aged kid goes door to door looking for odd jobs. He knocks on one door:

Kid: Hey mister, Do you have any jobs that I could do around the house?
Man: Well, I was about to paint my porch. What would you charge?
Kid: Mmm...$50.
Man: Deal. Hang on while I get the paint.

About 30 minutes later the kid knocks on the door again.

Kid. OK, mister, I'm finished. There was some paint left over, so I applied a second coat. By the way, that's not a porch, it's a Lexus.

Offline richardb

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #34 on: September 15, 2015, 02:36:52 AM
Knock knock, who's there, Knock knock, who's there, Knock knock, who's there, Knock knock, who's there, Knock knock, who's there, Knock knock, who's there, Knock knock, who's there, Knock knock, who's there,  Philip Glass.

Maybe not my favorite but a cute one I think I learned on this forum.

Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #35 on: September 15, 2015, 02:38:44 AM
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's house.

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.



@richardb & minor9th LOL :)
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Offline pencilart3

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #36 on: October 14, 2015, 03:23:52 AM
What's the difference between a large pizza and a professional pianist?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

ouch
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Offline swagmaster420x

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Re: your favorite clean jokes!
Reply #37 on: October 14, 2015, 05:27:03 AM
What's the difference between a large pizza and a professional pianist?

ouch
The pizza in my fridge is relatively fresh.
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