disappointed in recital :-(

[Glissando]

Okay, so our Christmas recital was today.
I was looking forward to hearing my teachers other students, especially hearing the other kids who I supposed she must have as students who are better than me. And I was looking forward to hearing and meeting other kids at my level. I was very excited!
Imagine my shock and disappointment when we get there and I realize that almost all the other students are under the age of 12 and are playing out of piano primers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Besides my sibling and myself there was only one other kid who played a (simple) classical piece.
So I'm the best pianist there, and have to play last. I'm playing some fairly difficult stuff, not the hardest stuff I've ever played but pretty darn difficult to perform. I felt all kinds of pressure on me and was more nervous than I've ever been, even more so than when I got braces. I was shaking like a leaf when I realized that I was the creme de la creme there and had to play last.
Needless to say I didn't perform my Bach Invention very well (whoever said that performing Bach and Mozart in public requires either great bravery or great stupidity is DEAD RIGHT)- I made about 4 mistakes. The Chopin prelude I played well, didn't make any mistakes. The Christmas carol I flubbed up rather badly.
Not that it really mattered any, because the audience obviously didn't give a **** for classical music. And I don't think they were listening closely enough to notice any mistakes.
So I'm pretty upset. I'm glad to have finally gotten some experience playing in recitals, but still- well it was just awful.
Off to eat chocolate and play Chopin to soothe my soul...

[honestGOB]

how cool would it be if you just started playing the haunting tune of "Clocks" by coldplay and sang:

Lights go out and i can't be saved,
Tides that i tried to swim against,
You put me down upon my knees,
OH i beg, i beg and plead...singing...
YOU...ARE...YOU...ARE...YOU...ARE

e(sharp) b(sharp) g(sharp) e(sharp) b(sharp) g(sharp) e(sharp) b(sharp) g(sharp)

d(sharp) b(sharp) f d(sharp) b(sharp) f d(sharp) b(sharp) f

d(sharp) b(sharp) f d(sharp) b(sharp) f d(sharp) b(sharp) f

c a(sharp) f c a(sharp) f c a(sharp) f

Confusion never stops,
Closing walls and ticking clocks...come on,
Come out, upon my seas
Cursed missed opportunities.

[jeff]

i'm curious as to why being the best pianist (by far) there made you more nervous.. what do you think the psychological reasoning behind this is? for me, i think that situation would have made me less nervous. was this the first time you've played in public?

I made about 4 mistakes.

that doesn't sound like much to me. what kind of mistakes were they?

Off to eat chocolate and play Chopin to soothe my soul...

nice plan   

[Glissando]

i'm curious as to why being the best pianist (by far) there made you more nervous.. what do you think the psychological reasoning behind this is? for me, i think that situation would have made me less nervous. was this the first time you've played in public?

I've always perferred the under-dog position- less pressure. Being 5-8 grades above everyone else in the recital, I felt a lot of pressure to play perfectly- and I felt reaaaallly out of place playing with all those grade 1-2 kids, which made me more nervous. And add the fact that I was playing serious classical music for a crowd that obviously didn't appreciate it, which is a depressing situation to say the least.
And yes, it was my first solo performance in an organized recital- I've played solo for unknown people before but not for a big crowd. 

that doesn't sound like much to me. what kind of mistakes were they?

Hit some wrong notes- it was seriously hot and my hands were sweating, not a good situation for an Invention with intricate fingering.

Hehehe, the chocolate and Chopin did the trick- I feel better now.

[MusicoPhobia]

what chopin prelude did u play?

[bravuraoctaves]

4 mistakes in a piece isn't bad.  Some professional live recordings do have some of the most horrible trip ups.

[Glissando]

what chopin prelude did u play?

E minor.
the dah, da da one.

[ehpianist]

Your nervousness is perfectly understandable.  You had a set of expectations for your performance and perhaps mentally prepared yourself to play under those circumstances, the circumstances changed and your brain couldn't adapt quickly enough.  Remember that performance anxiety is something created by you, not the performance nor the people there.  It is a mental distress signal at an event which you deem in your head to be important.  No amount of physical piano practicing will help overcome performance anxiety if you suffer from it.  It causes one to start paying attention to everything except the activity you need to do on stage. 

First, how well did you know the piece?  Where you relying mostly on muscle memory?  If someone gave you a sheet of paper would you be able to write down the notes?  Do you have to visualize your hands in order to see the music in your head or do you see the notes on the score?  You need to approach your msuci learning process with more than just physical playing.  Analyze the work harmonically (this way if you get lost you'll know whatkey you're in), work in small segments so that you can literally start from any measure of the piece while practicing. 

A psychological problem (which most of us have grappled with) requires a psychological solution. You have to prepare your brain as well as your fingers for a public performance, without one of the two the probability is that you'll have problems. May I suggest you purchase a book called My eLssons with Kumi, written by composer Michael Colgrass (https://www.michaelcolgrass.com).  The book is dedicated to this specific issue and provides a variety of strategies for overcoing the anxiety and learning to channel it positively into your performance, whether it be music or speaking or whatever.  Many memebers of this forum know I recommend it wherever I go.  It really helped me get over all the detrimental nerves and I don't even do half of thebrain  excercises the book suggests.  Seriously, give it a try.

Keep in mind that, just like piano practice, mental practice will require some time and effort, but if you do it you will definitely feel and hear the results in your next performance.  Mindless practicing on the piano for hours on end will not make a nervous performer any more secure.  Work your brain, away from the piano, and prepare it for performance as well and you will enjoy performing much more and perform your best every time.

Elena
https://www.pianofourhands.com

[erak]

I've been dissapointed so many times in students recitals, especially in the past year now that I look forward to them. Usually only my parents show up, and maybe the parents of the other kids, and most of the time, no one listens. Kids just talk out loud when I'm playing and stuff... And I understand your pressure, I'm in this music school in the middle of nowhere and I'm one of the 2 or 3 actually interested in piano-piano students, and I always have to play last.

[ehpianist]

PS- If you are the best student your teacher has, that can be a sign that you need a new teacher. 

Elena
https://www.pianofourhands.com

[Glissando]

Hi Elena,
Thanks for the reply!
Well, I had been playing the invention for about 3 weeks, and the prelude has been in my repertoire for about one month. I didn't know what I was going to play until 5 days before the recital, though. I didn't play from memory- I had the notes with me (everyone did).
When I memorize I usually have at least some of the piece mentally memorized (usually the hard parts). I could write out at least some of the invention. I do have good muscle memory, but lately I've been trying to not rely on it so much.
Thanks for the book suggestion, I'll try to check it out.
As for getting a new teacher...:sigh: I've been thinking about that. I really like the one I have and she is really good, but I might try to get in with one of the professors in town. It'd probably be good for me.

I've been dissapointed so many times in students recitals, especially in the past year now that I look forward to them. Usually only my parents show up, and maybe the parents of the other kids, and most of the time, no one listens. Kids just talk out loud when I'm playing and stuff... And I understand your pressure, I'm in this music school in the middle of nowhere and I'm one of the 2 or 3 actually interested in piano-piano students, and I always have to play last.

Glad/Sorry to know I'm not the only one in this situation! Yeah people were moving around all the time- esp. while I was playing, they didn't like my music at all. Very restless. Why don't people like beautiful music???!!!!!!!!! It's so frustrating, I mean if I had played some stupid pop piece they would've been enraptured, why can't they appreciate Bach?! 

[quasimodo]

It's said that you learn much more from your mistakes than from your successes so don't be disappointed.

The more you're going to perform in public, the better you'll become.

[erak]

I have to agree on that, all the mistakes I've made have only made me better. Also, recording yourself is also a great way to get better. I get depressed everytime I record myself, but it helps!