Advice Appreciated

[ryankmfdm]

So I’ve already discussed this with my parents, sister, and a close friend of mine, but I’m thinking it’d be nice to get some opinions that are potentially a little more objective.

Here’s the situation: I’ve recently moved from home (California) to Ohio to finish up my degree. I’ve got about two to two-and-a-half years left. I did as much research as I could, and decided to come out here because Ohio State was simultaneously the best-ranked and most affordable of the schools I got accepted into.

I’ve been here about two months now, and my studies are going well. And, I mean, I like it OK out here, but the problem is… I don’t LOVE it. Coming out here was a pretty big gamble, but I kept telling myself that I could always try it for a year and then leave if I wasn’t wild about it, which is what I’m considering doing now. I know I haven’t been out here all that long, but I just worry that come spring I’ll be feeling the same way.

Anyway, I know this probably sounds like a pretty minor problem, but I just feel as though for what I’m paying (I’m funding this entirely by myself) and how far I’ve come, I should be loving it. I mostly think I’d be enjoying myself a lot more on a smaller campus someplace more outdoorsy. (Ohio State has one of the largest student bodies in the country and is located in the middle of urban Columbus.)

Thoughts?

[Bob]

2.5 years... Can you transfer?  You've only been there for this semester though?  Maybe talk to your advisor (except they're going to tell you to stay.  You're providing income for them.).

Are you marketable after finishing the degree?

(Pst... *The* Ohio State University, right?  They got the "The" in their name....  )

[ryankmfdm]

Yes, I'm pretty sure I can transfer. The big question is whether or not it'd be worth my while to move somewhere completely new (again) and have to get re-settled.

It's an engineering physics degree, so yes, I'd say I'll be pretty marketable upon completing it.

Heh, and you're right. It is THE Ohio State University. I just usually don't say the "the" part 'cause I feel a little arrogant doing so.

[outin]

I think your expectations are a bit too high. You are an adult and adult life means you regularly do things that you don't *love*. You need to get used to that because it's what working life will most probably be like. The key is to do things you like *enough* to be ok with what you are doing *most of the time*, so that you can handle things you hate occasionally. There's no guarantee that you will love wherever you transfer any better. So unless you hate your situation and are getting depressed or anxious, I'd say it's best to finish what you started. 2,5 years may feel like a very long time for a young person, but it's quite a short time to invest in something that will open a lot of opprtunities in your future.

In general it is always better to learn to find motivation and meaning in whatever you end up doing, rather than trying desperately to find something you *love*. It's very easy to waste your life if you go that way. Happiness comes from inside, not from life situations.

[Bob]

I had a couple other thoughts....

If you did make a change, the sooner you change, the... sooner the change takes place....  If it was a successful change, the sooner you change, the sooner the correction takes place.  Except if it's negative or the same... the sooner that happens....

Either way, reassessing wouldn't hurt.  That was my original thought.  You can look at your original goals for everything and look at reality.  Then adjust as necessary.  If the original goal/plan wasn't correct/matched with reality, then it wouldn't make sense to stick with it.  In that case, you could adjust and do something else.  Something else could be anything though, not necessary a "stay here or go only there" situation though.  It would be more a, "This is what I originally thought, but this is the actual reality... So here's the revised goal and revised plan."  If things are going along well enough though, you wouldn't have to reassess.  But it doesn't hurt once in a while.  That's where I was thinking if you knew another situation was better, then the sooner you make the change, the "better" things would start to become, if it's saving money or investing time in one place or the other.

If it's only been this fall semester so far, you might want to give it more of a try.


Ditto with outin about not necessarily needing to love everything.  That's life.

Glancing back at the original post... "Ohio State was simultaneously the best-ranked and most affordable"  Best bang for the buck?  2.5 years doesn't sound so bad then.  Otherwise, I thinking maybe go to a place near where you want to live later, but that's just an idea.  Glancing more... It's ok and you're doing well?  So in 2.5 years, you end up with the degree you wanted from a school that had the best rank vs. price you could get into?  That's sounding like "stick it out" to me.  Stick it out and make something there that you do love.  Except it's school... Work, work, work...  You might want to look more at what things will be like after you get the degree/2.5 years later... Is that the place you want to be?  (Not physically, but career-positionally.)  There is something to be said for actually enjoying life though.


Part of my thought on reassessing was to make it a conscious process/decision.  Weight the pros and cons.  Decide.  Then stick with that decision.  Anything that comes up (unless it was outside the scope of what you originally thought about) would be a "known" positive/negative.  "Yes, I don't like this aspect of it, but I want x goal, and this is just one of the negatives to getting there."  Haha... If it's that easy.

[ted]

I concur with outin's excellent advice about happiness, love and so on. Also, I wonder if the work itself is sufficiently challenging for you. You write about your feelings with regard to schools and places, but what about the subject matter itself ? Do you see it as an end or the means to an end ? People do it both ways and neither is right or wrong, but those with some real interest in their subjects, not just in getting a degree, seem to me to have the advantage in the area of contentment.

[ryankmfdm]

Excellent points, all. I'm grateful for the input.

So I'm not saying I necessarily disagree with you, outin, but to play Devil's advocate: Hypothetically, if I knew for a fact that I'd be happier elsewhere, would you still advise me to stick it out here in Ohio?

And Bob, I definitely do plan on sort of just waiting to see how I feel come next year. How I'm feeling right now could just be homesickness or adjustment anxiety or whatever. To address your other point: Ohio was never really a place I saw myself staying in long-term, and I can't say for sure, but I don't believe it's necessarily the hottest place for technical professionals to be right now, either.

ted, my whole attitude towards school is that it is what you make of it. I mean, providing that the school's accredited and at least decently ranked, I think how seriously I take my studies and how much advantage I take of other opportunities to advance my knowledge is more important than a given curriculum. What I'm trying to say is that I kinda feel as though I'll get a good education no matter which school I end up graduating from because it's something I want and am taking seriously.

[outin]

Excellent points, all. I'm grateful for the input.

So I'm not saying I necessarily disagree with you, outin, but to play Devil's advocate: Hypothetically, if I knew for a fact that I'd be happier elsewhere, would you still advise me to stick it out here in Ohio?

I don't speculate. That simply isn't something you can know

But I was thinking that some of it may be homesickness and loneliness, since you were thrown into a big campus. Almost everyone gets that when moving away from home and not having  familiar people around. A smaller campus may seem easier, but it can also be harder. Because if for some reason you don't fit in easily, there's less opportunity to find new peer groups to attach to.

The risk of trying to find happiness by changing the environment is always that it doesn't get better and you start drifting and are never content anywhere. I would still advice such a move if things are really bad, but it doesn't sound like that from what you write.

I think after you make one or two really good friends and get used to not having your family around you will start feeling much more comfortable with the whole thing.

It would be easier if you don't keep the option of leaving open all the time, because it will stop you from trying to make all the necessary efforts to make that place your home now. It's better to make a decision to stay or leave and then just forget about it. If for some reason you feel bad next year, it's still not too late to make changes. On the second year there's much less adjusting to do, so it normally gets a lot easier. But you do need to reach out to people and make some true friends to really feel attached to that place.

[ryankmfdm]

Heh. Fair enough.

Anyway, for the time being, I'm gonna do my best for the time being to put leaving this place outta my mind. You make a good point about how leaving the option open might prevent me from enjoying myself as much as I might otherwise would. However, if I'm still feeling this way (or worse) come spring and it's logistically viable, I do plan on investigating other schools.

Once more, thank you all for the replies! It's been helpful getting some more objective opinions.