Mozart, Liszt and Scriabin (And a whole lot of text)

[pianoman53]

Dear all,

Here is my exam concert from last month.

However, before you listen, I'd like to tell the story.

I'm one of those students who never had a God-given talent. My talent was that I was crazily hard working, and with that gained up on the more naturally talented students. I usually didn't practice less than 6 hours a day, 6 days a week. It got me quite far, and I got accepted into a somewhat prestigious school in central Europe.

Last September, I decided to take it even further, and started planning for competitions, and an actual career. I played basically anything that was difficult - Symphonic etudes, Dante, Liszt and Chopin etudes, Prokofiev's 3rd concerto....
Then, in December, my hand started feeling funny. "Nothing some more practicing can't fix", I though. And lets add Scriabin sonatas to the list of pieces...

As you might think, it didn't quite work. One day in January, I woke up and couldn't move my second and third finger on my left hand. This was After I had been to an "expert" in this field, who for sure knew the problem.
So, obviously I kept practicing.
The hand then got slightly better, but still about the same level as my 5 year old student.

I then heard of this hospital in my city, that only helps musicians. I went there, quite sure about that they'd say that it's a tension and that I just need to rest.
Well, no... After a very vague analysis of my hand, they highly suspected that I had focal dystonia. It's a thing that happens to about 1% of all musicians, and almost always ruins their career. So one would expect that they would be supportive, right?
Wrong. they gave me a paper and told me that I most probably never would be able to play again. Then they send me to this other expert, who did a very quick scan of my hand, put (literally) some wires around my fingers and asked if it felt better.
When I politely, while trying to swallow my tears, said no, he replied with an "oh, then there is nothing I can do. That'll be 150 euros, please"

I got a new appointment at the hospital with their "Hand expert", to which they were 20 minutes late. They wanted me to show them the problem, but as the main doctor was on the phone, I had to be quiet. So I showed the expert the best I could, and was simply told "Oh, hehe, that's weird" Then the other doctor joined, and told me "maybe you can wear gloves while playing. And also try to put a mirror between the hands, to tell your brain how it should look. It will sound different, but what to do right?" Then they kicked me out, since they had other things to do. They then asked me to first go to a guy in Belgium and then one in Germany. All this without a single proper scan.

After that, I couldn't play a single note. Even my right hand started worrying me, and I pretty much stopped playing. When Schubert op 90 was proven too difficult for my left hand, it just crashed. From being able to play almost anything, I suddenly could play nothing.

I went back to my home country, and was told about this other doctor. Since I always had the feeling that the previous ones just wanted my money, I gave this one more try.
She looked at my hand
...
And politely cursed the previous doctors. "This is not how this works! There is nothing here that is similar to focal dystonia! It's nothing but a bloody tension, that slowly needs to be practiced away!"
Again crying, but from joy, I started playing again. Slowly, with focus on every movement, it got better bit by bit. Though, I hadn't had a proper lesson in weeks, and the summer had arrived. So I went again back to my home country, and visited a chiropractor. He also did a scan, and also he cursed the first doctors, for a poor job.
He treated me for some time, and it started feeling okay again.

Then, I got this mail from my school. Obviously I had to postpone my exam, but now had to do it again.
I expected to do it sort of now, or even in December.

School officials thought differently.

One mail said basically: "You haven't finished, so you will have to pay for another year!", while the other said "Your exam will be the 10th of September".
So from not getting any lessons on them (since you know, I couldn't use my hand), let alone practiced them, for about 3 months, I now had to make them concert ready in a month.

I managed to sign up for a short masterclass in my city, and crazy work, but I managed to pass my exam.

So after about 5 lessons on my whole program, here is my short bachelor final concert (they agreed to make it about 20 minutes shorter, due to the circumstances)

&feature=youtu.be

[dcstudio]

.

One mail said basically: "You haven't finished, so you will have to pay for another year!", while the other said "Your exam will be the 10th of September".

lol...  ahhh music school is the same on any continent... a pinnacle of organization and impeccable inter-departmental communication...

  I knew quite a few people who were told that same thing and there wasn't anything wrong with their hands...  

  I have a theory that university employees REALLY enjoy saying that to students--"you must pay for another year"...lol  Especially like 4 months before you are supposed to graduate... I think they feed off the stress it causes or something... your entire life is in the balance.. and it's in their hands...  



your story and your performance were very moving.. wow...     thanks for posting this.

I dropped out of music school in my senior year... I just didn't think I had what it took and I quit.  I have played professionally and taught for more than 20 years without a degree...but I have always wished I had finished... it's really awesome that you didn't give up.

KUDOS TO YOU...

[kawai_cs]

Of course, you passed! You are so good, wow:-)
Your story was very scary! I am so glad it had a happy ending.

[pianoman53]

Thanks to both

Yes, it was not the easiest year of my life. But it was a good year, as I learned very much about myself.. and now I gone through the second toughest thing I can imagine.
I alsi learned different ways of playing, and I somehow think some things sound better than before, even though my hand isn't completely recovered yet...

Again, thanks

[kawai_cs]

I am just a little surprised you said that you did not consider yourself as talented as some other people and it was just hard work which made you progress faster (which it for sure was, absolutely, but I don't think just solely hard work). I mean, you prepared that program in 3 months and with not completely recovered hand. I think it does require talent to play like this.

[dcstudio]

I am just a little surprised you said that you did not consider yourself as talented as some other people and it was just hard work which made you progress faster (which it for sure was, absolutely, but I don't think just solely hard work). I mean, you prepared that program in 3 months and with not completely recovered hand. I think it does require talent to play like this.

I think I can explain..  at school you have these people who seemingly never practice, can sight read anything--and I mean ANYTHING---and can perform every piano acrobatic stunt you can think of... they are usually multi-instrumentalists and are as successful at their secondary instrument as they are at the piano.   Everything seems effortless for them..  They understand theory, they have perfect pitch--they ace music history.  They are the darlings of the music department... 

and they make you wonder why you ever thought  you could play...lol... he is stating that he is NOT one of those... 

at least I think that is what he is saying

[pianoman53]

Yes, something like that. I meant those, for whom everything seems to come naturally, and who started playing when they were 3, and just float along and chill. I was the one you'd never see, as I was at home, practising.

[ronde_des_sylphes]

This would be highly creditable even without the physical problems you have described. I particularly enjoyed the gothic intensity of the Liszt. Well done!

[outin]

That was a beautiful recital. Thank you for posting!

But your story is sad...There's so much wrong with the instrumental education. How the students are left alone with their physical problems is just wrong. Playing the piano is not so different from dancing professionally, you need to take care of both the physical and mental side to be able to manage the pressure. When you study to be a professional dancer, it's usually self evident that you are scrutinized for any possible physical problems that may be an obstacle on your career and in the good schools you will also get physical therapy and expert medical consultation when needed.

But if you study an instrument, no-one seems to care if you ruin your body or not and when troubles arise, you are left to your own to solve it. What is also ignored is the fact that not everyone is equipped with ideal body conformation for playing anything easily and naturally without strain. Playing the piano is still a highly physical activity. Those who are not born with the best equipment have to compensate with smart work and intelligent choice of repertoire, yet the misconception that it's just about doing enough work or having enough musical talent prevails.

I wish you all the best for your future. Just remember to listen to your body when it's trying to tell you something...

[pianoman53]

Thank you both!
Yes, the Mozart and the Liszt were the good ones.  The Scriabin was a messy mess, so that was not so great.

My teacher has been trying to get a proper "life coach/psychologist" to our school, but the principles seemed happy with our "and how does that make you feel"-guy, who just sat and listened, without any real help.

But now I met a real one, and I feel some progress. Thanks! 

[dcstudio]

Yes, something like that. I meant those, for whom everything seems to come naturally, and who started playing when they were 3, and just float along and chill. I was the one you'd never see, as I was at home, practising.

well I started at 4... and it wasn't ever easy for me either and I have spent a significant percentage of my life locked away in a room practicing for hours on end...so I hear you!

it has been my experience though... that 20 years from now--those people that "chill" also quit music and become computer programmers or something else...  someday you may be thankful it was so hard..

[amytsuda]

What a beautiful performance. I was very much moved by your Mozart. You have great musical lines and sense of flows.

whom everything seems to come naturally

I am an adult rebounding amateur with no formal education, so not qualified to comment but I do listen to a lot of local musicians and lot of YouTube recordings of students from those prestigious schools, etc (particularly when I am busy working without being able to practice). And I feel, music does come naturally to you. I really enjoyed listening to your recital, a lot better than those technical masters - a few extra notes fingers are slipping to hit never bother me.

I recently heard Mitsuko Uchida plays Schubert Op 90 and she made me cry (and her fingers slipped several times). She probably even can't think of Scriabin 5 with her small skinny hands. I also recently went to an open lesson where a renowned teacher was forcing this girl (15?) struggle and bang through Brahms Paganini Variation with her fragile long fingers and joints (she had a big reach, but she looked really uncomfortable and stressed). 

I am too uneducated about the professional piano world. But your story made me really upset. How could a music school do this to a "real" musician who has real music inside.

Anyway, I hope you are able to recover fully and start performing soon.

[dcstudio]

How could a music school do this to a "real" musician who has real music inside.
 

I am afraid, Amy, that you are operating under the assumption that they should "care"

actually, the OP's experience is not at all uncommon...  and at the risk of seeming callous it is almost necessary to succeed or have any longevity as a musician...this is a really, really, tough business and it's run, for the most part, by people who know far more about finances then performance practices.

it's the one's that get beat up, put down, and generally have the hardest time at school who last---like the OP will likely last..  I lost count of how many people I went to school with who now sell computers or do something completely removed from music... I know a horn player who now has a legal pot farm in CA...  gotta say... that's one of my favorite examples..