Falling in love with your teacher?

[immortalbeloved]

Maybe it is because my name is immortal beloved and I have been looking for mines, or maybe because I am still young, but . . . Err, um, do you all have any stories or personal experiences on this topic.

I sign off and am going to bed please don't trash this . . . I was just curious since it has and is happening to me all over again. Yikes.

[adodd81802]

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[chopinlover01]

Yeah, a student-teacher relationship will assuredly crash and burn. Better to find a teacher whose personality you love but whose body is disgusting than the other way around.

[xdjuicebox]

Ivo Pogorelich comes to mind...he married his teacher LOL

He stayed with her until she died too

[bronnestam]

Even if my teacher was the love of my life I would keep all that stuff as far from lesson situations as possible. To me, piano playing and piano lessons are a sanctuary from personal life. People are messy, people are troublesome, tiresome, people lie and cheat and let you down. Life is complicated.

Music is - music. Pure and true. I want it to be like that. No personal mess.

No, I am no saint, I am no nun or something. I am 50 years old, happily married and I have two teenage children. I am body and soul just like everyone else. But just because I deal so much with life, high and low, ups and downs, I prefer to keep the piano sphere very spiritual. So yes, even if my teacher had been an attractive person of the opposite sex (she is not), I would have devoted lessons to piano playing. Not the other sh*t. There is plenty of time for that outside the lesson situation.

So, like I said, I'm 50. I remember that I did not have that perspective when I was 17. 

[leemond2008]

It is more likely that you are infatuated by your teacher rather than being in love with them.

Ask yourself this, how much do you know about your teacher? how much do you pay for your lessons?

If you know your teachers favourite colour, favourite band, favourite book, film, food and drink then you are probably spending far too much time chatting to each other than you are being taught the piano and should probably look into finding a new teacher

I pay £30 per 1 hour lesson, I love my teacher she's great, she's stunning, she's funny and we get on really well, other than that I can't tell you much about her because after a minute or 2 of chat we get down to the lesson.

It works out perfect for me because I have a teacher I am really comfortable with and who I can have a bit of a laugh and a joke with during the lesson to keep things from getting stressful or frustrating, I don't know too much about her outside of our lessons.

Basically she's my teacher, we have a relationship and its a teacher/student relationship, if I was after companionship I would spend my £30 on a membership for a dating website.

[pianocat3]

A person gets such intense undivided attention from a teacher for an hour. That's probably a factor too.

[dcstudio]

from a teacher's perspective or the students?

well, yes this is quite common... seriously common.   Your teach is able to do something you want to do very badly.  Students have a real tendency to endow their piano instructors with near mythical status.   The little boys have their crushes but it really isn't a factor until you start getting older students.

When I was a younger teacher I had to be careful.   There were men who signed up for lessons who really had no desire to learn the piano whatsoever--their motives were pretty clear.  I will admit to having had a devilishly handsome student a few years back.....oh baby was he cute and quite a player.  I had a crush of sorts on him...lol...  so it does work both ways.   

It can really help or it can really hurt.   If these feelings cause you to be more motivated well then ride it out--if not, and it's getting in the way... get yourself a new teach.

[jason_sioco]

I once had a piano teacher, who is younger than me and she is female. She was a mediocre teacher, but I continued lessons with her because of her looks, hair, and unmentionables. She is only good for little kids who are just starting piano. I had the common sense to stop the lessons, so I stopped eventually. It was fun though, we were like a couple during the lessons.

[dcstudio]

we were like a couple during the lessons.

lol...

That's why I prefer teaching out of a studio away from my home.   

sometimes that "hot for teacher" thing really motivates you boys to practice though...  wow!   

[louispodesta]

from a teacher's perspective or the students?

well, yes this is quite common... seriously common.   Your teach is able to do something you want to do very badly.  Students have a real tendency to endow their piano instructors with near mythical status.   The little boys have their crushes but it really isn't a factor until you start getting older students.

When I was a younger teacher I had to be careful.   There were men who signed up for lessons who really had no desire to learn the piano whatsoever--their motives were pretty clear.  I will admit to having had a devilishly handsome student a few years back.....oh baby was he cute and quite a player.  I had a crush of sorts on him...lol...  so it does work both ways.   

It can really help or it can really hurt.   If these feelings cause you to be more motivated well then ride it out--if not, and it's getting in the way... get yourself a new teach.

Anybody ever heard of John Perry or Leon Fleisher.  I guess not.  Who did they marry?

However, nationwide in the U.S., there are now criminal statutes dealing with "inappropriate relationships" between instructor and student.   As a result of multiple NY Times articles, most universities are now taking this type of conduct, very seriously;  unless you are gay, then it is beautiful natural love between teacher and student.

Now, this is just this Aspy's experienced based opinion because my late teacher was gay, and he taught me how to produce a singing tone over a 15 year period of time, for free!  He would have never dreamed of "hitting" on me or any other student.

That is the point.  And, for the record, everyone assumes that Louis Marie Gottschalk all of a sudden decided to relocate to South America.

He did so because, in Oakland, CA, (where he was teaching), he decided to "get it on" with one of his 15 year old students.  "Momma" filed a criminal complaint, and local law enforcement was going to put him jail for a very long time.

The rest is very glorified history.
 

[dcstudio]

ok well Louis, the student I had a crush on was 30 years old... no worries there.  I never hit on a student, ever.  That however did not change the fact that quite a few boys crushed on me.  Sometimes it made them practice quite a bit more--then they would always find a girl their own age and impress her with their piano skills....  if that happened... I knew I had a dedicated lifelong pianist...lol.

I meant it in the most innocent of ways... I don't believe I implied I ever had an inappropriate relationship with any student.  I have been with my husband since the day I gave my first lesson...as for my crush.. well just because you are on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.

[louispodesta]

I am going to leave it for here for now, and then let it go.

My last coach was voted the top pre-college teacher in Texas (regardless of what he did to me when he dropped me unexpectedly like a piece of garbage), and he still is.  His students do phenomenally well in contest, and also when they matriculate on a university level as piano majors.

He has two large teaching locations, and without exception, every single young female student is required to have their mother sit in the studio while the lesson is in progress.  However, a few years ago, one of his male instructors was arrested for hitting on his male students.

And, for the record dcstudio, the only reason my late teacher from UNT took me as a student was as a prospective "piece of meat."  When it became obvious to him that this was not to be the case, he unceremoniously dropped me (walking out the door) in our last lesson without so much as a thank you or good wishes.

Teaching any of the Fine Arts is a very special personal experience between teacher and student.  And, the last thing needed is to screw it up by allowing an environment which can lend itself to a personal romantic relationship.

[dcstudio]

if you are insinuating what I think you are insinuating and it's true well I am sorry that happened to you..but it certainly would explain your anger which at times has confused me.

If something inappropriate or illegal occurred back then... that is terrible and an unspeakable abuse of trust..   I can not comment further... but I am sorry Louis.

I apologize that my story triggered these memories... that was not my intention.