adult beginner with work and family: how do you do?

[lorcar]

40yo here, started back again 3 years ago, renting a silent yamaha, so i can study early in the morning or late at night.
But with a young child, and more responsibilities at work, it becomes always more difficult to find the time and the piece of mind needed.
At home (not that big) there is always someone, the baby sitter, or some relative, or mother in law, and for sure I cannot plug my headphone on and pretend to study if few centimeters behind me there is my mother in law watching tv, or playing with my baby or talking to her daughter. Workwise, work is going well, but I find always more difficult to keep work out of my mind while not in the office. Although i have never been a workaholic nor any of those obsessed by professional life (I am rather obsessed with music, but perhaps I realized it too late in my life), nevertheless in the last few months I find it more difficult to isolate and focus on the piano, simply because past events of the day keep dragging on my mind.
So i keep wondering which is the sense of studying piano if the level of commitment I can (not) grant is so limited. I feel I will be stuck in the usual 30/45 seconds piece of Bach or Schumann for the next few years at least, and wonder if I wouldn't be better off returning the piano and forego music playing at all.

anyone else in the same situation? how do you do in practice? how do you manage life/family/work/study, and perhaps all the rest (vacation/travel/friends/movies/gym/sports/etc)?

[fleetfingers]

Have you tried practicing first thing in the morning, or after working out? I find that my mind is most fresh and alert at those times.

Do you have a teacher? Having a teacher would keep you moving forward.

[adodd81802]

Have you considered shortening your sessions down, finding anywhere from 5-20 minutes to sit at the piano and practice, will not only get you to learn to be very efficient with your time, but you'll be surprised to learn you'll probably progress just as much as if you had spent an hour "thinking" you're practicing but actually just repeating part's you've learnt to please the ear or comfort the hands.

[mjames]

Where do you live? If you live in a developed country, I would suggest looking for public or private institutions/school that allow outsiders to rent access to their study/practice rooms. In your situation, I find that practicing outside your home will do you wonders.

[dcstudio]

, and wonder if I wouldn't be better off returning the piano and forego music playing at all.

anyone else in the same situation? how do you do in practice? how do you manage life/family/work/study, and perhaps all the rest (vacation/travel/friends/movies/gym/sports/etc)?

piano has to be a pretty high priority to really get anything out of it besides total frustration.  I cannot begin to list all the things in life I sacrificed in order to be able to do what I can do now.  

if you would humor me and answer these questions perhaps I can help...

I am very interested to know more about why you chose to return to the piano and what the circumstances were when you stopped playing the piano in your youth.

Did this obsession with music suddenly kick into high gear at some point?
Why did you buy a piano?
Were you raised in a musical household? was anyone else a musician?
What was the last piece you remember playing before you quit or stopped before?
Were you forced to take lessons as a child?
How old were you when you started--how old were you when you stopped?
Was there a major life event before you took up the piano again---the birth of your young child perhaps?  Was this your first child--or first child in your current marriage?


please rest assured that I am not asking these so that I can tell you that you are crazy or this is your "mid-life crisis"    

Also, if you are currently the only musician in your house--be aware that your family will not be your biggest fans.  You playing the piano means you are not paying attention to them--I don't mean to suggest they are malicious at all... they just don't get your obsession.  Don't let them discourage you--take time for yourself and stick with it.   Move your keyboard to a place where you will be able to practice undisturbed--a big walk in closet will work if you have ventilation in there.  That time you spend by yourself with your instrument is essential.  

 I am rooting for you... you can make this work.

[reiyza]

Hello lorcar, as an adult beginner also with almost same circumstances with you(except for the baby, forever alone ). With that type of lifestyle it's hard to comply with the time demands of the piano without compromising other areas of life. As my new teacher said "to fully appreciate or learn the art, you must sacrifice an aspect of your life". I'm applying this quote to myself right now, before I became obsessed with the piano this is how I spend my time:
1. Work for 9-10 hours.
2. Rest for 8-10 hours.
3. Spend free time playing games and cartoons.
4. Hanging out with friends on days off, or playing games til' my eyes start to explode.

Then by last year, maybe at the month of august my "calling" had begun. I'm starting to have dreams regarding the piece(s) played by my grandfather, and the piece(s) that I played when I was young. it felt like I'm having a nightmare because I didn't have a piano at the time.

But then I got my first digital piano this january, then my daily routine started to look like this.

1. Piano for as long as time/body/mind allows.
2. Working fast and striving to go home early
3. Sleeping for 4-6 hours.

I sacrificed social life, gaming, and if I don't watch out, maybe I'll end up sacrificing my job as well(hope that does not happen.)

Music has always been an important part of our family, sometimes my uncle and mother would just wander around me when I'm playing my finished pieces. They hate it when I practice with headphones on. My greatest inspiration of music is my mother, who works her as* off while raising me and still got the time to learn the heroic polonaise op 53. Of chopin, she still can sight read the score up til now, but the interpretation.

I didn't know if what I shared is relevant to what the OP was asking.

Anyways, goodluck mate, if you truly love music that much, you'll almost surely find a way to practice little by little without compromising too much of your time. Use the goal oriented practice sessions.

[chechig]

Is more or less my story, except for the children. I'm an adult student, I can play one hour a day the most. My level is intermediate, I'm studying Arabesque n1 and op 19 n 6 By Mendelssohn. The problem is that everytime is far more difficult to advance, or we advance much slower than young students, sometimes is exasperating. I talk to my teacher on the subject and he advises me not to desperate, but it's hard. The thing is, what is our goal? Where do we want to get? For me, the more I learn, the less I know, or maybe I'm more aware of the difficulties. I try not to think much on the subjetc and keep on studying.

[dcstudio]

what is our goal? Where do we want to get? For me, the more I learn, the less I know, or maybe I'm more aware of the difficulties. I try not to think much on the subjetc and keep on studying.

you have the makings of a truly great pianist and I mean that with the utmost sincerity. Do not ever give up (like you could) because YOU will get there.   You are the type of student who progresses suddenly and seemingly over night after struggling for long period of time.  

there are people who are truly born for this even though somtimes they may have had a late start.

After 47 years at the piano...I know a member of my own tribe when I meet them.  


you are going to be really good.  

[bernadette60614]

I started out roughly 5 years ago in the community music program with 2 other adult students. We worked on Alfred's Adult Piano Adventures.  I played using finger numbers with two fingers.  I practiced 15 minutes a day after the household was quiet.  Five years later, I practice 90 minutes a day and I'm working on a Mozart and Beethoven sonata, some Bach and Chopin. I do 45 minutes in the a.m. before the house wakes up, and 45 minutes in the evening.

Time will pass whether you practice or don't practice. But, 15 minutes a day for a year, will put you ahead of where you are a year from now.  With each passing year, your child will become more independent, and you can expand your practice time.

[dcstudio]

Then by last year, maybe at the month of august my "calling" had begun. I'm starting to have dreams regarding the piece(s) played by my grandfather, and the piece(s) that I played when I was young. it felt like I'm having a nightmare because I didn't have a piano at the time.

I have heard this many times as the reason adults return to the piano. The onset is sudden but yet it doesn't fade away like the dreams of those in the midst of their mid-life crisis, or post traumatic stress..   These are also the students who most often end up sticking with it and really progressing... and, of course, they are the most neurotic as well.

the childhood memories of the relatives who played the piano can be some very powerful stuff.

[chechig]

you have the makings of a truly great pianist and I mean that with the utmost sincerity. Do not ever give up (like you could) because YOU will get there.   You are the type of student who progresses suddenly and seemingly over night after struggling for long period of time.  

there are people who are truly born for this even though somtimes they may have had a late start.

After 47 years at the piano...I know a member of my own tribe when I meet them.  


you are going to be really good.  

Thank you very much, I appreciate your words very much! I wanted to study piano since I was 7. As a child for some reasons I could only study 3 years, and had to give up. It's something that's been on my mind since then. 5 years ago, 44 years later, I finally bought a digital piano and restart learning. You sacrifice losts of things, but for me it's woth, I feel so happy when I get to play one of those pieces I always dreamed of playing one day!!It's like touching the sky with my fingers!

[reiyza]

I have heard this many times as the reason adults return to the piano. The onset is sudden but yet it doesn't fade away like the dreams of those in the midst of their mid-life crisis, or post traumatic stress..   These are also the students who most often end up sticking with it and really progressing... and, of course, they are the most neurotic as well.

the childhood memories of the relatives who played the piano can be some very powerful stuff.

You have no idea of how painful it felt for me when I heard a beutiful concerto or a simple mozart sonata played well at that time. Almost 70% of the time, it made me cry because I believed that there's no chance that I'll still be able to play like that given starting late. Yes very neurotic, I even got questioned at the workplace for bringing my sheet music and practicing mental play, the people at work told me "music is not your priority". They just don't understand the feeling of being a musician.

My teacher busted that belief regarding starting early vs late. He said "starting late does not mean that you can be a great player like those who started young, the important thing is how far you're willing to devote yourself to playing. People may have started late, but investing proper amount of time with consistency, you'll be able to do wonders"

Just had to get that off my chest. Sorry if it was irrelevant to the topic. Please do continue guys as you were.

[dcstudio]

You have no idea of how painful it felt for me

oh I wouldn't say that...

  this pain you speak of is really the one big thing that all musicians have in common.  We mistakenly believe that everyone who loves music "feels" this the same way we do.  They don't.  Without that pain and that insatiable desire to play you would give this up as a waste of time...and most people do give up. 

[bernadette60614]

Something I would add, and this is not directed at anyone:

Why do we have to be wonderful for piano to be worthwhile?

Why can't making music just be an integral part of our lives?

There was a time when people made music individually or in groups, for the pleasure of music...not to "perform", but as a part of every day life...to have an every day connection with the joys of making music.

I appreciate  that I can hear great performers play great music astonishingly...but for me, it adds a whole new dimension to my life to study music seriously.

Time passes, life passes, and music brings order and beauty to both when I make it.

[outin]

my daily routine started to look like this.

1. Piano for as long as time/body/mind allows.
2. Working fast and striving to go home early
3. Sleeping for 4-6 hours.

I sacrificed social life, gaming, and if I don't watch out, maybe I'll end up sacrificing my job as well(hope that does not happen.)

Your mistake is that you have also sacrified sleep. That will not help you learn, but will instead slow your progress. Sleeping is the time of reorganization of the brain and that's when you learn. If you slept more before when your brain had to work less, the equation is wrong.

[outin]

There are usually things you can drop, like TV or housework (who cares if things are a bit messy when there's music around).

But the best thing is to accept that you don't always have much time and make those times you do practice to the most. Practice when you can do it in peace. Early mornings are great because you will have a rested brain. One can progress quite nicely with just 30 min every morning. Do not take thid time from your sleep, but rather go to bed a bit earlier.

Also accept that your progress will be different when your lifestyle is busy. Even if your learn very slowly, if you do it right your skills will still cumulate. There will come a time when you have more time. The most important thing is that you will progress enough to not lose motivation and quit until that time comes. 30 min. or so on days with work and 2 hours or so on free days is totally enough to do this. Besides you can THINK of music even when not at the piano. There are usually plenty of moments during the day that you can do that and it also helps your learning. You can also sing in your head (or aloud if you can) your pieces during the day

[reiyza]

Your mistake is that you have also sacrified sleep. That will not help you learn, but will instead slow your progress. Sleeping is the time of reorganization of the brain and that's when you learn. If you slept more before when your brain had to work less, the equation is wrong.

     Oh wut? Even here I get scolded regarding my sleep pattern? Mr. quantum always told me that it really is a bad idea to sacrifice sleep. But I work heavy duty, If i let myself sleep too much/well, no practice time will me left. And my teacher is not the type who would just accept sloppy playing of my assignments. Quite scary and one of my motivating factors.

[chechig]

I think we have to consider piano studies, as a lifetime project. Get rid of the idea that in a short time, we will be able to play the Mephisto waltz. Enjoy the trip from the beginning, and make the most of it. We are eternal students!!

[outin]

    Oh wut? Even here I get scolded regarding my sleep pattern? Mr. quantum always told me that it really is a bad idea to sacrifice sleep.

Why don't you listen to him then? The older you get the more your system will suffer from sleep deprivation. So be warned! 

[reiyza]

Why don't you listen to him then? The older you get the more your system will suffer from sleep deprivation. So be warned! 

I listened to him, for 3 days I slept without an alarm. And to my surprise, it was already time for work! No more time to practice. So went back on usual routine of cutting sleep. Thanks outin, I'll try to extend my sleep a little more and see what happens.

[tinyhands]

I recently read a book by Alan Rusbridger called 'play it again' he was the editor of one of the biggest newspapers in the UK ( the Guardian) and at the age of 55 gave himself one year to learn Chopin Ballade no 1. It's an interesting read told through diary entries in a year that saw major political and social events in the UK. he had a total crazy stressful job but he was determined to find time every day to practice . What involves are interesting little stories and situations. ( including him practicing in a Hotel in Libya, after flying out to negotiate a fellow journalist's release who had been kidnapped!) he would take 15 mins at 6 am before a meeting or practice at midnight after a 14 hour day.. I thought i had a hectic life ( working about 60 hour weeks) but it really encouraged me to take time every day to commit to practice. He also talks in the book about for so many of us we lead such busy lives , we just work , come home exhausted and sleep . He talks about how important it is as adults to have a focus and a 'hobby' just for themselves. I totally agree.