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I don't know (Read 1189 times)

Offline distantfieldrelative

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I don't know
« on: March 27, 2016, 04:58:38 AM »
Maybe I shouldn't be asking you all but really and sadly this is the best place I can ask something like this with the smallest chance of sh*t going wrong. Pathetic huh? Lol

Well my gf cheated on me with my best friend/stepbrother. I absolutely loath him now and I can't think of them in the same way anymore but I don't really know what to do.
Obviously I broke it off with her; but what the *** do I do about that scum "brother".

I *** hate that child and every time I see him it's like I totally forgive him. Then I hate myself for letting him off so easy. I can not *** believe this mess. I already lost it with both of them at the same time but now I can't get past it At All.

So what do you think I should do?
Sometimes I can only groan and suffer and pour out my despair at the piano.

Offline distantfieldrelative

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #1 on: March 27, 2016, 05:45:13 AM »
Actually, I do know what to do. I don't know why I asked that.
What I meant is: should I be pissed off? Everyone who is suppose to be my friends and family has told me to calm down and that I shouldn't be mad, but I'm fairly sure I can be angry about this if I want.

Maybe I'm just totally wrong and I should be ok with this? Lol I don't know.
Sometimes I can only groan and suffer and pour out my despair at the piano.

Offline theholygideons

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #2 on: March 27, 2016, 08:30:27 AM »
This is the only thing I'm going to say - Scarcity Mindset. If you actually had options, you wouldn't care about the one person. 

Offline Bob

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #3 on: March 27, 2016, 01:37:05 PM »
I generally just add any experience to my impression of that person.  If I haven't seen them behave a certain way before, it's one more element of who they are, what they might do, etc.  So maybe I was off.


I would say bad more on the guy's end just doing that and knowing that it was his relative.  Two negative that way.

On your end, it's your call for keeping things the same.  I doubt I would.  What else might happen in the future?  (Probably wasn't thinking with the big brain though.)  Just tack that scenario into what this person's behavior could be in the future or in other areas. 

However, it's a relative, so you're stuck being attached to them a bit.  I'd just keep things civil since you might have to deal with that person again.

If it were me, I'd end anything with that person, but if I were stuck having them around, then I'd treat them the same as any other stranger, but not as a friend any more. 

If you're in high school, maybe you're stuck for a couple years.  Later for college, you won't have to see them.  After that it's probably just a few holidays now and then but you don't have to make them a priority at all.

Your family sounds a bit off too if they aren't understanding that you're ticked off.  It sounds like you've got two reasons to be ticked off -- what happened and who it was that did that (both who's I guess).
Favorite new teacher quote -- "You found the only possible wrong answer."

Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #4 on: March 28, 2016, 04:07:31 AM »
You are 100% right to be mad. 

*** that b*tch and your brother.

Personally I would beat his ass.
Live large, die large.  Leave a giant coffin.

Offline pencilart3

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #5 on: March 28, 2016, 04:28:29 AM »
"When you forgive, you do not change the past, but you sure do change the future"
and....i'm on youtube!
youtube.com/noahjohnsonpiano

Offline mjames

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #6 on: March 28, 2016, 04:37:58 AM »
"When you forgive, you do not change the past, but you sure do change the future"

easier said than done
I could easily forgive my gf if she did that (though i would also dump her)
However my brother (if I had one)? God no. I don't think I'd be able to get over it at all. 

Offline pencilart3

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #7 on: March 28, 2016, 04:43:36 AM »
Oh ok. Just an idea. Remember if you beat their butt, as suggested, you have an enemy forever. If you forgive them, you change their lives forever. And you no longer have an enemy. I know it's easier said than done, but he asked for advice so it's just what I would advise him to remember.
and....i'm on youtube!
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Offline faa2010

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #8 on: March 28, 2016, 06:30:04 AM »
I'm sorry to hear that, just remember that your are not the first and won't be the last person to whom that happens. As long you don't hurt anyone, including yourself, it is ok to express how you feel. Let yourself a mourning period.

Telling to the people you can trust like your family is good, they can listen to your grief, cheer you up and advice you in case you want it.

About that girl, she can go to hell, basing in your text, I suppose that she was the one who began the cheating, and your friend fell for that.

About your friend, if you can't forgive him in this moment, it is valid and also it is valid that you cut temporary contact with him until you feel you can talk to him again. Meanwhile, ask yourself if your friendship is worthy. Once you feel you can talk to him, you can talk to him again.

How long have you been friends?

Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #9 on: March 28, 2016, 04:12:22 PM »
Oh ok. Just an idea. Remember if you beat their butt, as suggested, you have an enemy forever.

FALSE

At least not always true.  If you beat someone's ass and it's justified, the rule is you shake hands afterwards and squash it.  If he refuses to shake hands over it like two men then the other dude is just a whimp and you shouldn't be friends with him anyways.  So if it ends up with him doing the latter, f*ck him.  Now he knows not to f*ck with you again EVEN IF YOU LOSE THE FIGHT.  Now I'm not saying jump him, I'm saying go up to him and be like 'square up and throw these hands'.  

This is beyond talking it out.  You talk it out if he's starting to have feelings for her.  You talk it out if she's starting to make moves on him.  But he went too far.  None of that boo hoo crying about how he hurt your feelings and how he's your friend bullshit.  This dude was f*cking your girlfriend!  You don't EVER f*ck another mans girl (if you have knowledge about it). He did it because he doesn't respect you and you need to put him in check.  
Live large, die large.  Leave a giant coffin.

Offline pencilart3

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #10 on: March 28, 2016, 04:14:38 PM »
ok do whatever you want he asked for advice so I just gave my advice haha
and....i'm on youtube!
youtube.com/noahjohnsonpiano

Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #11 on: March 28, 2016, 04:17:09 PM »
ok do whatever you want he asked for advice so I just gave my advice haha

Aye I'm not hatin on you I'm just saying that squaring up doesn't always end in an enemy.

In my experience that's how situations like these used to be settled back in the day (lol I'm only 20) but now these days people use guns.
Live large, die large.  Leave a giant coffin.

Offline mjames

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #12 on: March 28, 2016, 04:33:15 PM »

Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #13 on: March 28, 2016, 04:40:29 PM »
wut


Yeah man for real!

Idk where you all are from but that seems to be the case in Chicago.  So I'm just assuming it's the same everywhere else.
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Offline mjames

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #14 on: March 28, 2016, 05:08:41 PM »
ohyeah chicago lol, sorry about that.
The crime rates are pretty frightening...

Offline distantfieldrelative

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #15 on: March 28, 2016, 05:36:50 PM »
I'm sorry to hear that, just remember that your are not the first and won't be the last person to whom that happens. As long you don't hurt anyone, including yourself, it is ok to express how you feel. Let yourself a mourning period.

Telling to the people you can trust like your family is good, they can listen to your grief, cheer you up and advice you in case you want it.

About that girl, she can go to hell, basing in your text, I suppose that she was the one who began the cheating, and your friend fell for that.

About your friend, if you can't forgive him in this moment, it is valid and also it is valid that you cut temporary contact with him until you feel you can talk to him again. Meanwhile, ask yourself if your friendship is worthy. Once you feel you can talk to him, you can talk to him again.

How long have you been friends?

My "family" already know and thinks I should calm down. They like that thieving cunt a lot. And I was his friend for 2 decades.

I don't have a gun but I did bring brass knuckles when I went to confront him. Forgot them in the car though.
Sometimes I can only groan and suffer and pour out my despair at the piano.

Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #16 on: March 28, 2016, 06:27:02 PM »
My "family" already know and thinks I should calm down. They like that thieving cunt a lot. And I was his friend for 2 decades.

I don't have a gun but I did bring brass knuckles when I went to confront him. Forgot them in the car though.

You don't need brass knuckles or a gun lol.

And when you confront him don't do it out of rage you wanna be clear headed and not all heated when you do this.  Fair and square.

Wait a sec you confronted him?  What happened?
Live large, die large.  Leave a giant coffin.

Offline yewtree

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #17 on: March 28, 2016, 06:43:31 PM »
Maybe I shouldn't be asking you all but really and sadly this is the best place I can ask something like this with the smallest chance of sh*t going wrong. Pathetic huh? Lol

Well my gf cheated on me with my best friend/stepbrother. I absolutely loath him now and I can't think of them in the same way anymore but I don't really know what to do.
Obviously I broke it off with her; but what the *** do I do about that scum "brother".

I *** hate that child and every time I see him it's like I totally forgive him. Then I hate myself for letting him off so easy. I can not *** believe this mess. I already lost it with both of them at the same time but now I can't get past it At All.

So what do you think I should do?




sh*t happens, I know your pride is hurt, but show you are the better person, walk tall and  move on, there will be better things ahead.     Don't  get down to their level by throwing a tantrum.   

There is too much violence in the world already, violence breeds violence.   
Be calm.




Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #18 on: March 28, 2016, 06:49:04 PM »
Wait you confronted him? What happened?
Live large, die large.  Leave a giant coffin.

Offline distantfieldrelative

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #19 on: March 28, 2016, 06:55:01 PM »
Lots of cursing. Then he made up some bullshit excuse as to why he is not at fault.

I'm quickly finding that most humans are sh*t.
Sometimes I can only groan and suffer and pour out my despair at the piano.

Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #20 on: March 28, 2016, 06:57:49 PM »
Lots of cursing. Then he made up some bullshit excuse as to why he is not at fault.

I'm quickly finding that most humans are sh*t.

-_-

so what's the deal are you still friends or no or what.

Based on his response he still thinks you're a b*tch and doesn't respect you.
Live large, die large.  Leave a giant coffin.

Offline distantfieldrelative

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #21 on: March 28, 2016, 07:00:20 PM »
We are aquantences. He said he was sorry so I didn't entirly disown him.

He better not *** up again.
Sometimes I can only groan and suffer and pour out my despair at the piano.

Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #22 on: March 28, 2016, 07:02:28 PM »
We are aquantences. He said he was sorry so I didn't entirly disown him.

He better not *** up again.

Alriiiiight man
Live large, die large.  Leave a giant coffin.

Offline briansaddleback

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #23 on: March 28, 2016, 07:02:35 PM »
Actually, I do know what to do. I don't know why I asked that.
What I meant is: should I be pissed off? Everyone who is suppose to be my friends and family has told me to calm down and that I shouldn't be mad, but I'm fairly sure I can be angry about this if I want.

Maybe I'm just totally wrong and I should be ok with this? Lol I don't know.
You have every right to be pissed off. Naturally you should be pissed off, unless you are codependent and pissed at yourself only, which I doubt.

You have a voice and express to them your anger and why you felt /are disrespected. There will be stuff that happens in life, yes, but I dislike it when my own family will ask me to calm down and dont be mad, when I am the one disrespected. They have to treat you with dignity, a person who has every right to be angry at things such as this. These are important issues in life, and if not, then what is?
 Good luck
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Offline yewtree

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #24 on: March 28, 2016, 07:03:23 PM »
We are aquantences. He said he was sorry so I didn't entirly disown him.

He better not *** up again.



So what will you do if he does?   Are you going back with that cheat of a gf  for more punishment?




..



Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #25 on: March 28, 2016, 07:05:50 PM »


So what will you do if he does?




That's why I said he needs to beat his ass to set him straight. ::). He said he's sorry but I think you and I both know he doesn't mean it.  If he truly felt sorry he wouldn't defend himself. 

And please god don't get back together with that THOT.
Live large, die large.  Leave a giant coffin.

Offline distantfieldrelative

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #26 on: March 28, 2016, 07:06:46 PM »
I'm merciful not stupid.
So no, I'm not getting back with her and if he does more shot like this I will disown him.
Sometimes I can only groan and suffer and pour out my despair at the piano.

Offline rachmaninoff_forever

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #27 on: March 28, 2016, 07:09:32 PM »
I'm merciful not stupid.
So no, I'm not getting back with her and if he does more shot like this I will disown him.

My man 8)
Live large, die large.  Leave a giant coffin.

Offline mjames

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #28 on: March 28, 2016, 09:38:22 PM »
I understand forgiving but how are you able to stay friends with him? I would never be able to trust a person that deliberately betrayed me like that ever again. Was it a casual relationship? Your reaction (deciding to stay friends woth him) would make a lot more sense if it was.

Offline distantfieldrelative

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #29 on: March 30, 2016, 12:46:21 AM »
I understand forgiving but how are you able to stay friends with him? I would never be able to trust a person that deliberately betrayed me like that ever again. Was it a casual relationship? Your reaction (deciding to stay friends woth him) would make a lot more sense if it was.

I don't want to exaggerate it but words couldn't describe how good of friends we were.
Sometimes I can only groan and suffer and pour out my despair at the piano.

Offline emill

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #30 on: March 30, 2016, 03:35:01 AM »
My "family" already know and thinks I should calm down. They like that thieving cunt a lot. 

Well it is GOOD that you found out about your thieving C ! before more serious things like marriage and children. Also that the situation afforded you a chance to UNFRIEND your pseudo-Friend of 20 years.  The disappointment will take a while to dissipate, but you will just have to calm down and move on.  Surely there will be better things in life than a thieving C and your pseudo-Friend.
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Offline huaidongxi

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Re: I don't know
«Reply #31 on: March 30, 2016, 05:12:41 AM »
one of the top three 'wise sayings from Teacher Kong' (known to anglophones as the sage Confucius), which rarely gets into the all purpose famous quotation anthologies (more commonly found, stuff like, better to light a single candle than curse the darkness, a journey of ten thousand li begins with a single step), goes something like this,

" have yet to meet any man who would happily and willingly choose moral correctness over sexual desire"