Piano concerto updated - Need help - Original composition

[francoisfj]

Hello, I've been trying to fix this concerto and to update the orchestration to something better, I've changed it a dozen times and it still bothers me, I don't really know what I'm doing wrong, I tried to study classical orchestral pieces and it helped a lot, but I'm not satisfied with the result, can anyone tell me what's wrong with it, or how I can improve it?

I'm going to post the new version of the concerto and the initial one for comparaison (I hope it improved). I would really appreciate the advice and the help, as I want to put this piece (once improved) in a competition.

For the score, it starts at the second page (the first is the intro I didn't include cause it's not completed)

Here they are, the updated version is attached here along with the score and here is a link to the initial version

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z24uwZcpQo8&index=5&list=PLYkIHVkw54lanfQO1xYKJDSeAdQR1Cgs0

[marijn1999]

Well, I'm not sure if what I'm about to say is true in anyway, but I'll just go ahead anyway. Please don't take this as an offense, but do you harmonically and technically know what you're doing. The way you write for the orchestra is, and forgive me for being blunt, very chaotic. It seems like the instruments just randomly pop into the music and the rhythms they have to play are also on the edge of impossible.

The passages for the Clarinets in Measures 21-22 and for the Flute in 23, combined with the rythms of the underlying Oboes, Violins, 1st Viola and 1st Cello, for example. It is practically impossible to put that together neatly if it were to be performed in real life.

Same goes for the crazy cello passage in measures 72-74. Please contact me if you can find a bunch of cellists who can play that passage neatly together.  Also, the overall texture of the individual instruments seems very unlogical to me.

So, again, I don't know if this all is true. It is just my opinion and I'm also less into the kind of music you're writing here, but it seems to me that you're gonna have to spend some time on studying both harmony and orchestration. Try beginning to write for smaller ensembles first.

BW,
Marijn

[francoisfj]

Well, technically, I wasn't sure at all, and it seems I don't and I agree. Could you tell me where the problem lies, how can I improve it (like maybe using the same harmonies for all the accompaniment, or not using too many voices at the same time)? I studied some classical orchestral pieces like Rachmaninoff second piano concerto and Debussy's Prelude to the afternoon of a faun (two of my favorite pieces) and this is how I understood they did it.

However, harmonically I don't understand what you mean, I thought it was pretty good, especially since this a older work of mine, I was using pretty regular romantic harmonies without too much of a dissonance (that I currently more fond of). Could you tell me where you felt there was a problem harmonically if this asking for too much?

Finally, I never had a teacher in composition so I don't really know what's possible to play in the instruments other than the piano that I play, so I set my limits to what I hear in classical music, and the part with the rapid cello at measure 72, I'm quite sure I had seen something even faster than that (I think in a string quartet of Debussy's, and others too), I've been surprised myself but I thought then it was possible.

I do have a lot of work to put into this still though and I agree, it's quite rudimentary yet.