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Topic: Family strife--vs individual  (Read 1043 times)

Offline immortalbeloved

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Family strife--vs individual
on: August 31, 2016, 01:01:43 AM

Alright, well, anything but piano right?

Okay, so my mom is not speaking to her brother anymore. This occurred around last year in September. Well, I was quite close to the son of the other family. He is younger and he would constantly visit me and liked to hang out with me. I was his older, fun to hang out with, cousin.

Well, since the dispute we have not spoken. Now, by nature I am not a very communicative person, even while our families were friends he always called me; I never called him. So during this dispute, my sibings have sent him quiet happy birthday messages etc. But I have never gotten around to.

But when I asked my mom how she would feel if I invited him over she got mad. It would just introduce to many akward issues if he was invited And so, a year later, I feel, as the older one, slightly terrible. He loved coming over to hangout with me. I feel like I betrayed him. I feel like I should have messaged him, just explaining things, but I really don't know.

I would have tried to be more poetic in this post, but I just had a dream about him, where, after not having seen each other for a while, we hugged and he began crying (odd it feels).  So memories emerged. If I message him, what if he asks to hang out, or to come over, or something? That would really put me in an uncomfortable situation.

Ah, how family strife has unintended victims.

Offline debussychopin

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Re: Family strife--vs individual
Reply #1 on: August 31, 2016, 07:31:47 AM
Reminds me of my childhood this kind of scenario where adults just didnt care about how these things affect young kids no matter how young. We may have not understood but we felt the bad emotions and remember images and it affects us socially.
I don't have an answer for you but I like that you concern for it enough you voiced your expression even though you are by nature quiet or non communicative. Find a way to let him know you still want to have a good relationship despite the 'adults' ' MO spelling out everything over everyone.
L'Isle Joyeuse

Offline vaniii

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Re: Family strife--vs individual
Reply #2 on: August 31, 2016, 07:50:26 AM
I can remember everything from when I was younger.

I think it is a product of my Asperger; an ability to remember almost every event in my life.  It is great for music, I can remember almost every piece of music that I play; if I want to remember it -- this mainly excludes the drivel.

It does not bode well for human interaction, where people say things, do things, or subject me to unpleasantness, and I can remember it.  "You said X, then did Y, on Z date and time", is usually met with "[vanIII], why do you keep points, you are such an ***".

Family dynamics are complex; I despise adults who believe children are stupid or unaware.  If anything children are more aware than we are, because they do not have a filter for such things.

I am sorry for your discomfort; sometimes situations like this are for the best; whats the alternative, toxicity?

Offline piano petals

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Re: Family strife--vs individual
Reply #3 on: September 01, 2016, 10:41:55 PM

Make every effort to keep in touch with him without getting your mother upset.
Life is so short and there is little time to (give/get) love.
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