Why dcstudio disappeared from PS

[dcstudio]

I got divorced guys.  My musical partner of 26 years is no longer in my life.  It's been hard to play and I have quit teaching and started working in another field for a while.  I have realized lately that he really wasn't a part of my skill and that I had progressed far ahead of him as a musician. That concert I gave in February made that abundantly clear and my marriage fell apart not long after that event.  
I disconnected from online media almost completely for months.  I heard that you all were worried and I am moved by that especially given recent events.

I was always suggesting that having a relationship with a musician was the way to go...now I am not so sure.  I know that it's not wise to wrap up your music into a codependent setting...not wise at all.

I have played a few gigs and in time I will play more. Physically I am just fine...I look better than I have in years.

Anyone else experience anything like this please tell me how you coped. I posted this in performance due to its enormous effect in that area.

[keypeg]

dcstudio, I'm sorry this happened to you, and glad you are back.  My stuff happened a few decades ago by now.  It may seem trite to say "When one door closes, the other opens." though I'm tempted to say "a better one opens" - if life is growth, and you have indeed grown, then that better has to be in there. 

[dcstudio]

I am on my way back and having some months since the separation has helped.  It gets easier with time.  I sometimes have this aversion to playing now...it is hard to cope with since the piano is the one constant in my life. I am sure it will pass... I just wanted to let everyone know what happened and that I was moved by the forum noticing I wasn't posting.

[timothy42b]

Welcome back, missed you. 

[dcstudio]

Thanks Tim and keypeg

It is nice to come back and debate the benefits of hanon. Lol I missed the forum...

[vaniii]

I am glad you are better and feeling more 'yourself' and have been thinking about you since our conversation.

Glad you're back.

[sumpianodude]

glad your back. best wishes you your future.

i hope that didn't sound dismissive or insincere in any way. i really meant it but when i read it myself i felt the need to clarify.

[lostinidlewonder]

I got divorced guys.  My musical partner of 26 years is no longer in my life.  It's been hard to play and I have quit teaching and started working in another field for a while.  I have realized lately that he really wasn't a part of my skill and that I had progressed far ahead of him as a musician. That concert I gave in February made that abundantly clear and my marriage fell apart not long after that event.  
I disconnected from online media almost completely for months.  I heard that you all were worried and I am moved by that especially given recent events.

I was always suggesting that having a relationship with a musician was the way to go...now I am not so sure.  I know that it's not wise to wrap up your music into a codependent setting...not wise at all.

I have played a few gigs and in time I will play more. Physically I am just fine...I look better than I have in years.

Anyone else experience anything like this please tell me how you coped. I posted this in performance due to its enormous effect in that area.

I think the toughest part is to find who you are as an individual again, after being in a relationship for 26 years that can be an experience and a half! We can get so caught up into the life routine we had in a relationship that when it ends and that all ends too you really need to reassess a large chunk of your whole life. I'm sure after 26 years you saw it coming in some way or another it's taking that final step that's the tough part, you afterall surely had a lot of good times to last that long. Now you can fully focus on yourself, something that I'm sure you haven't done for a long time.

[dcstudio]

Now you can fully focus on yourself, something that I'm sure you haven't done for a long time.

You got that right! Lol.  The sun is shining and it's nice and warm down here today.  I am feeling quite a bit better thanks.  I never realized how much that relationship shaped me as a player and now I find myself thinking..
"That's his music" while I play certain things. 
That is the hardest part right now.  As far as the mourning period...good riddance...it was over a while back. Only our daughter and the Music kept us going


I have many new prospects..
 

[dcstudio]

Now you can fully focus on yourself, something that I'm sure you haven't done for a long time.

You got that right! Lol.  The sun is shining and it's nice and warm down here today.  I am feeling quite a bit better thanks.  I never realized how much that relationship shaped me as a player and now I find myself thinking..
"That's his music" while I play certain things. 
That is the hardest part right now.  As far as the mourning period...good riddance...it was over a while back. Only our daughter and the Music kept us going


I have many new prospects...
 

[huaidongxi]

this place is not the same without you.  this is positive stuff you're sharing with us, as painful as it must have been to go through it.  your community has lost a music educator but you clearly have much to offer in other realms.  you are one of the very few instructors here who participates regularly with extensive experience in both popular/improvisational and art form musics, and your counterpoint with Professor Podesta illuminating. in what ways do you see your liberated musical personality blossoming ?  may the path you find be kind and nurturing to you. best wishes.

[dcstudio]

Wow...thank you..
Liberating? Lol
I have been let out of prison in a manner of speaking...so much of what I did, and so much of my motivation came from my desire to impress him and I never could.  


That was a really flattering comment...thank you

[iansinclair]

I'm so glad you are back!  I have always delighted in your comments -- witty, to the point, and excellent advice.

I am sorry to hear about your life events recently, and am glad you are finding your way through.  I empathize -- my health isn't all it might be, and after 50 years my wife decided to go out with another, younger, more exciting man.  I play it out through my music...  you encourage me.

[pianoplunker]

I got divorced guys.  My musical partner of 26 years is no longer in my life.  It's been hard to play and I have quit teaching and started working in another field for a while.  I have realized lately that he really wasn't a part of my skill and that I had progressed far ahead of him as a musician. That concert I gave in February made that abundantly clear and my marriage fell apart not long after that event.  
I disconnected from online media almost completely for months.  I heard that you all were worried and I am moved by that especially given recent events.

I was always suggesting that having a relationship with a musician was the way to go...now I am not so sure.  I know that it's not wise to wrap up your music into a codependent setting...not wise at all.

I have played a few gigs and in time I will play more. Physically I am just fine...I look better than I have in years.

Anyone else experience anything like this please tell me how you coped. I posted this in performance due to its enormous effect in that area.

I divorced an ex-wife who we did alot of gigs together as she was a singer. But that had nothing to do with the heart-break that ensued.  For me the way I coped at the time was by writing songs ( Songs with words, very sad words ). That really was helpful for me to try to be clever and creative about a sad situation. It gave me a grip to hold that emotion in my hand from beginning to end and then have something to call mine. I also continued to play gigs, but did stop for a while.  I can understand how depression causes one to change what they want to do.  All that said, I can say I really like your posts about Jazz theory. It reminds me so much of a Jazz teacher I once had , it all went over my head then, just like now, can I just play a G7 please ?   :-)

[dcstudio]

I divorced an ex-wife who we did alot of gigs together as she was a singer. But that had nothing to do with the heart-break that ensued.  For me the way I coped at the time was by writing songs ( Songs with words, very sad words ). That really was helpful for me to try to be clever and creative about a sad situation. It gave me a grip to hold that emotion in my hand from beginning to end and then have something to call mine. I also continued to play gigs, but did stop for a while.  I can understand how depression causes one to change what they want to do.  All that said, I can say I really like your posts about Jazz theory. It reminds me so much of a Jazz teacher I once had , it all went over my head then, just like now, can I just play a G7 please ?   :-)

G7#9 is the jazziest of all chords.  lol.

Now that's a story and a post that hits close to home.  In the days after we separated I sat at my piano creating these heartfelt but sappy pieces and crying.  It happened so fast.  all of the sudden, for the first time in decades, I was alone.  I have felt emotion while playing before but nothing like I experienced then.  He taught me jazz. All those standards I play...we had our arrangements that had been worked out over the years...they are so second nature to me.  They all sound empty without his guitar. It is a bit easier now but I still hear his riffs and leads when I play certain tunes.
I sure do understand what it means to play the blues now. Lol.  That is not just a saying ...you have to have lived it.

I am doing better now guys and I have been falling back in love with the classical side again. That was with me long before he was...and it's still here now that he's gone.  There's a certain comfort in playing serious piano now... life is strange. Lol

[chopinlover01]

DC, I'm glad you're back. Sorry to hear about it.

As far as coping goes, I'm 16, so take this with *insert massive quantity* of salt, I suppose.

In mythology and literature, there are 8 main stages of life. These are: Birth - Childhood Adventures - Withdrawl, Meditation, Preparation and Refusal - Quest - Death - Underworld - Resurrection - Apotheosis

As useless as this may sound, these same 8 stages can be used to track our lives. It sounds like as a result of your Quest, wherein you achieved a very high standard of playing, it caused a rift in your marriage. This is a common motif in many stories, both ordinary and mythological; extreme skill eventually having a downside; in this case, it was your marriage. This leads to a death; not a literal one, but a emotional/psychological/spiritual one, following into the Underworld (these two stages are almost one and the same). In this stage, it is common to find yourself feeling trapped, abandoned, isolated, etc. In order to climb out of this underworld, typically you're guided by a loved one; in your case, this seems to have been your love of music

Now you sound like you're doing better, and you're in the Resurrection stage. You're back in the "real world" now (not to suggest that underworlds aren't real; they are), and slowly progressing.

As weird as it all sounds, I find that this model is highly applicable to our lives. Hopefully this made sense.

Glad to have you back, it really hasn't been the same without you here!

[dcstudio]

Chopinlover I am taken aback and totally impressed with your post...how insightful and appropriate. Thank you!   

It's really pretty amazing that you are only 16.  That is one of the most intelligent and beautiful things anyone has said to me since all of this happened. 

I am doing so much better and I am happy to be back.   

 

[chopinlover01]

I'm glad it helped! I guess it helps to pay attention in English

Hope to hear some new stuff from you soon!