Indignation

[ranjit]

I was feeling incredibly frustrated because of the position I've been stuck in re the piano, and felt like trying to document the feeling as best as I could.

[quantum]

Cool improv!  I sense you are becoming more articulate at expressing ideas you have in your head at the piano.  All this repertoire you are studying is adding to your palette, and your growing pianistic vocabulary is availing itself to your improvisations. 

A bit of Lisztian influence in this one   Seriously, it is a great idea to use these musical ideas in such manner.  Taking an excerpt from repertoire and trying to build an improvisation around it, or to musically incorporate it into an improv is a fantastic exercise that builds on both the technical skill to execute the passage and the musical skill to develop patterns into bigger ideas. 

11:18 was hilarious used in this context - completely unexpected in what had building up to be a rather serious piece. 

The ending was interesting, a mood reminiscent of recent improvisations posted by Ronde. 

Don't be too hard on yourself when you feel stuck.  Sometimes all that one needs is a break. 

[ranjit]

I was frustrated in part that I only had this piano which sounded kind of bad, and whose pedal did not work! I don't know if it's apparent in the recording, but the dampers more or less weren't working.

The frustration was more about this internal impulse to create, which most people wouldn't understand, especially because I'm not enrolled in any kind of music program, and having a certain kind of technique which was homegrown and hence not "correct" in a bunch of  ways. So I basically end up never being certain of whether I actually have some ability when it comes to playing the piano since I get so much conflicting feedback all the time from teachers or other pianists. For example, I can manage sections of some hard pieces like I do in this video, and am at the same time constantly told that I'm not at a level where I can actually play them (not that I disagree, but it feels like being trapped in a place where I have a certain facility but have to restrain it all the time).

[quantum]

The response you are getting from many teachers is likely because you have not followed the beaten path.  Nonetheless, be assured that this is not isolated to homegrown learning.  I received a lot of conflicting information between private teachers, and even more when in university.  Music is subjective..... even the parts that we think ought not to be. 

The availability of quality recording devices at affordable prices is taking away a lot of the mystery of our personal progress and practice.  You are already doing good, by documenting your progress through recording. 

I can manage sections of some hard pieces like I do in this video, and am at the same time constantly told that I'm not at a level where I can actually play them (not that I disagree, but it feels like being trapped in a place where I have a certain facility but have to restrain it all the time).

I would differentiate between playing pieces and learning from pieces.  Just because you may not be ready to perform a piece at this moment does not mean you can not begin studying a piece or learn from a piece. 

I was frustrated in part that I only had this piano which sounded kind of bad, and whose pedal did not work! I don't know if it's apparent in the recording, but the dampers more or less weren't working.

You managed to make music despite the limitation, which is the important part.  Sometimes dampers not working is a simple matter of a connecting rod becoming disconnected.  Often times an easy fix.  If it is not your piano, of course use caution before deciding to poke around.