Can/should I study piano in the conservatory? Help

[evergreen]

Hello everyone. I'm new on this forum I am an 18 year old girl from the Netherlands. And I have a dilemma that's been really taking over my mind lately. I'll explain:
I have 6 years of experience with the piano. Both of my parents are musicians. I myself started to play when I was around 7, but then I quit at 11. Then I only played blues and boogie. I restarted in april 2022 because I've fallen in love with classical piano. I grew up with it, because while my mom is a jazz pianist, she sometimes plays Beethoven or Mendelssohn. Since april 2022, the piano has become my biggest passion again.

But now, I have this situation. I am studying Social Work right now, getting my bachelor. Going to the conservatory didn't cross my mind when I had to make a study choice, because I had just restarted piano and was nowhere near the level I am now. But now, I want to go to switch and go to the conservatory so. bad. It's not because I don't like social work, but because I like piano more.

Last year, I had a gap year where I had all the time in the world to practice. Everyday, I practiced for 3-5 hours. I learned a lot of new pieces (see the list below). I was, and still am, hugely motivated. Now that I'm studying Social Work, I don't have all those hours to practice and I miss it a lot. Everytime I sit behind the piano I have the feeling that playing the piano is what I want to do all my life. And yes, I know that I won't be this big famous concert pianist, but I would really like to pursue a career in teaching.

I could apply and audition next year, and to be fair, I'm really planning on doing so. If I get rejected, that's that. But I fear that if I never try, I will always wonder what could have been if I DID go to the conservatory.
My biggest doubt is that my level isn't high enough. I'm hoping that you could give me some advice on that. My current repetoire:
- Chopin nocturne op.32 no.1
- Bach two-part invention no.8
- Beethoven Pathetique (mvt. 1 & 2 are finished, still working on the rondo)
- Debussy Clair de lune (basic, i know lol)
- Debussy Arabesque no.1
- Mozart k.282 mvt.3
- Rachmaninoff prelude op.23 no.5 (almost finished!)
You can listen to my playing on Instagram, @marenphilipsepiano
I also played half of Chopin's A-flat major ballade, but decided to leave it for another time. Oh and some Kuhlau sonatina's.

For the audition they require:
- A composition from J.S. Bach
- A (virtuosic) etude
- A fast first movement of a classical sonata
- A romantic piece
- A modern piece (can also be impressionistic)

Please give me some feedback on my playing and repetoire. I know my theory, solfege and sightreading also has to be good for me to enter a conservatory, and I also really wanna work on that. But my main care is if my technique and repetoire are on conservatory level. I would have to learn some new pieces if I even want to audition. I dont have a virtuosic etude in my rep right now, and I havent learned a Bach P&F yet.
Maybe the repetoire I play now is a good starting point for entering a conservatory. I can imagine I will make a lot of progress if i do eventually get in, which will maybe make up for my not-so-professional level of playing right now..? I dont know. Just ranting here.

My teacher (who isnt teaching me anymore because I moved) asked me if I had aspirations to go to a conservatory. But then I said no because i was scared of failure. But now I just want to go for it. I love the piano. I love music. I love sharing my passion for classical music. And I am absolutely 100% motivated to do everything it takes to go to a conservatory. Next week I am meeting and playing for a new teacher, here in my new city, and I'm also gonna ask her for advice.

For those of you who are familiar with music schools in the Netherlands, I'm interested in the HKU Utrechts Conservatorium.

If you think I'm not yet good enough, please tell me, what do I work on? I've been thinking so much about this dilemma that my mind is a mess, and i would love some advice.

Thanks!

[lelle]

Welcome to the forum! Great to hear that you are enjoying spending your time at the piano.

- First of all, speaking as someone who is still fairly young (30) you are SO young at 18. You have so much time to get into conservatory, whether it's on your first try next year, or at a later stage. Try to let go of worries and stress regarding the outcome here, because again, you got so much time. Just focus on developing your skills and enjoying the journey.
- I had a listen on your instagram. It does not sound like conservatory level yet, but it sounds like you have a decent foundation to build on and are moving in that direction. So keep building. A lot can happen in a year. And if it does not happen in a year, it can happen in two. Or three. I have a friend who auditioned for years and finally got in at age 30. If you enjoy practicing and want to make this happen you'll keep practicing and auditioning regardless of what anyone says anyways haha (I should know).
- Best thing you can do now is to get yourself a good teacher who can help you build solid technique and musicianship skills and help you prepare for auditions. Good teachers are there to help you develop your skills more efficiently than you can on your own. They see and hear the things you do not yet see and hear, and help you bridge the gap. Make use of that enormous benefit. Basically everyone who gets good had a good teacher to guide them at some point.

To asses where you are at for yourself, use that audition requirement list they offer. Can you play or have you played something in each of those categories already? If not, what is missing? Could you, with your current skillset, learn something in that category/those categories or would it be too challenging? Then you know a bit more about what you are aiming for.

Oh, and it's not necessarily a benefit to getting juuust good enough to get in, and then getting into conservatory right away. The more technique you have to spare the easier it is to focus on just eating and digesting repertoire, soaking in musical knowledge and applying it to your playing, and playing ensemble music with fellow students. Conservatory can get stressful if you are still having alot of technique fundamentals to work out. At least that was my experience, I got into music college at 19 but my technique was iffy at best. Would have had a better time if I had studied privately with a teacher for 1-2 years, refined my technique and then got in.

[ego0720]

…then I said no because i was scared of failure…

This is why many ppl lose opportunities.  The fear of failure. In life, one should not be too comfortable.  Nobody ever makes decisions bc they were certain. If u r, then likely u played it too safe. As long as you come with a plan .. go for a 15 % risk. Know your possible outcomes.  It’s a long journey but I say follow your heart. I’m sure u can always fall back.  Just be prepared for all scenarios and run it out. Make an informed decision but remember that luck is the wild card.  You can read on the Askren philosophy but what I said sums it up. Sometimes u just throw a calculated move above your ability (10-15% so it’s a controlled risk) and throw a curveball at them.