pianonut talking to herself

[pianonut]

talk talk talk talk talk talk

wonders why the last mov't of mozarts K595 piano concerto sounds like it should be written in his youth (skipping song) with jeu d'esprit...while the first symphony doesn't sound like he wrote it at 6 or 7.  (could this be true?)  did leopold help him or something?

[pianowelsh]

??

[pianonut]

ok that's not all i think about.  sometimes it is simpler things like can someone really taste intervals?  this might be true.  but, then again, it might not.  how could one conduct a truly unbiased experiment with this woman?  obviously she could not continue tasting forever and ever (without a piece of bread - like wine tasters) otherwise her tongue would get confused.  THUS, she would need octaves (no taste) after every interval to clear her tongue.

now, once this has been established...then you might go on to see if she can distinguish a second (that is actually a ninth) or the very lowest note on the piano to the very highest.  what would this do to her.  would she be confounded (or is she like mozart) not only quick to identify intervals but taste them as well.  i just want to know. 

[Ludwig van Driver]

Personally I find some of Mozarts very early work far superior to that of his early teens. Certainly he had a little help from Leopold as a boy, perhaps his music suffered during a transitional phase whilst Wolfgang Amadeus found his own voice.

[pianonut]

thanks for the reply.  i thought i was only talking to the wind.  i sometimes just wonder things that i think will never be solved or answered - and then someone like you comes along and explains it!

[chopinisque]

We can finally compose culinary delights - literally.

[Bob]

(strange voice in pianonut's head)  "...You will send Bob $100 is small unmarked bills..."

[pianonut]

suzie orman says a roth ira is what you need.  you have more choices where your money will make interest and you can collect tax free after you are 59. 

[pianonut]

i feel like i am living in a parallel universe to my family.  does any other musician feel this way?  right now, my daughter has a big sign on the screen of my computer saying 'pianos are bad' with a red devil posted beside it.  are they jealous of the time i spend practicing (which is hardly enough) or is it that they know i love the piano like a family member?  oh well, mozart lived in a parallel universe, too (that's not bad company).  his sister (being more interested in the piano) didn't care for his funny letters and jokes and was more 'muted, distant, and slightly disapproving.'  is this where pets come in?  the starling.  (my cat).  they approve and sit and listen (and don't interrupt)

[dinosaurtales]

YES!!!  I actually get in fights with my husband when I say I have to practice.  He "says" it's ok but he spends the entire time either behind closed doors, or slamming things around and distraciting me, OR he will "leave", ina huff of course.  In any case I feel like I am the only pianist in the world where nobody wants to hear them play anything. 

[m1469]

You are not alone 

[pianonut]

thanks for your responses!  i do think more is expected of women in the home, and my best practice (without distractions) is often in a practice room with an untuned piano. 

say, do you ever feel like just going off on a vacation alone? it's not that i don't love my husband, and i would like to go on a vacation with him to the bahamas or something, but i WOULD like to go to one of those piano conventions or a competition (or recital) for a weekend and just relax, read piano stuff, and not be rushed.  he's sort of type A and needs to get from here to there quick.  i like to be more spontaneous.

for instance, we were almost late for the kimmel center recital on saturday.  i said 'what's the worst that can happen?  we don't go and improvise something new.  that didn't go over too well (of course, i can understand about the tickets).  we made it in time, found parking, and actually had more time to spare than we thought --and enjoyed the concert, too.  but, sometimes i just wonder if we hadn't made it in time, would he have blamed it all on me (taking so long to get ready?)  and sat on the other side of the balcony?  i just didn't want to go in jeans (which my 3 year old had wiped cheeto hands on).

[dinosaurtales]

What a coincidence!  I AM in fact going on a piano vacation by myself - to the Amalfi Coast Festival - see link.  I have never been outside the US (except Canada - do you count that?  I don't really)  so I am pretty excited.  I am preparing Chopin's ballade in g minor, Mozart's sonata in D K 576, and Prokofiev's Suggestion Diaboloque.  My teacher SWEARS that's enough music to take, but I am maintaining Beethoven's Appassiona in case I need to pull something else out of a hat.  At this point I am feeling the pinch of a deadline, since I am just starting the 2nd and 3rd movements of the Mozart and I am in the "middle" of the Chopin.  Nasty!

[pianonut]

wow!  i'm impressed with the music you are playing and the things you are doing.  you give me hope that one can have their dreams in music, too, with a family!  can you remind me... i don't recall where the amalfi coast is?  wherever it is, you sound like you're going to have a great time!

[ted]

I'm lucky in this respect. Mind you, I asked her six times during our four year correspondence if she thought she could tolerate my musical obsession. She answered in the affirmative six times and the years have proved her correct. We tend to be the other way around. My wife is always saying I should "do more" (whatever the implication of that is) with my music. The only time she mildly complains is if my playing is so loud she has to turn the television up in the next room. It wasn't an issue with my son (now grown and working abroad). I spent huge amounts of time with him, did all the usual family things and music as well.

The reason for things working out is probably because I am a creator and not a performer. I've also been fortunate enough not to require heaps of grinding practice to play difficult things - not to professional standard, but I don't need that degree of perfection to create well. Also, it is true for me that the quality of improvisation and composition does not seem to be at all proportional to the time spent on it. For technical work I find a few minutes at my practice clavier each day suffices; I don't grind away for hours at anything.

 

[Torp]

Pianonut,

Since you're no longer talking to yourself I thought I'd jump in since I seem to struggle with the same types of things.  I find that currently I'm buried with work and my free time is very limited.  All I really want to do is apply the concepts I'm learing in this forum to my piano playing but I also have a family that I want to spend time with.  Some days this balancing act is easier to manage than others.

My daughter, five, is starting to learn the piano and I struggle with the fact that that takes so much of my own time.  I try to find comfort in the fact that I'm relearning much of the real early basics that I've taken for granted for so long.  She also loves the time we spend together so it seems to be working.

Piano Camp
I'm wondering if it would be possible to put together a Piano Forum Piano Camp of sorts.  I have ideas flying around in my head about how to do it, but I'll save those for perhaps another discussion thread.

Just re-read what I wrote above and I'm not sure if I added a damn thing to the discussion, but I'll hit the post button anyway.  Maybe now I'm the one talking to myself.

Jef

[pianonut]

thanks, torp for the good ideas.  i'm thinking that's also a good idea for a piano novel of sorts.  it would be entitled 'the piano forum piano camp.'

each got off the bus a little different than the others.  some were quite enthusiastic, like dinosaur tales, pianonut, torp (those that never got enough attention at home when they practiced the piano).  each member of the forum was handed a hat.  the brim had black and white keys and the rest was white - matching the vast wastelands of siberia (one of the world's best places to concentrate besides alaska - second choice).  fighting the severe winds that almost forced them backwards back into the bus - they made it to the remote fortification that had endless practice rooms and a huge recital hall (next to execution room).  it was a part of the gulag from oppressive times when pianists, if they didn't practice enough, were executed.

after a hearty meal of salmon and potatoes with a little parsley on the side (the far north never has enough greens - except for the abundant cabbage - which pianists cannot eat when they are about to perform).  the leader of the camp -Bernhard - introduced the campers to a huge library of music (stolen from executed pianists) that they could pick one piece from - learn in a week - and perform for the group.  pianonut picked a short piece of schumann (which she never learned in a week) whereas lostinidle, SteinwayD, torp, and so many many others picked huge works and learned them in one night.  Bernhard said 'pretend that you would actually be executed if you didn't learn the piece correctly and on time.'

pianonut decided after the camp to enjoy her family and not pursue a lifetime of siberian experience - but occasionally looks at her pictures and kisses them.  petting her cat, she remembersm1469fox's 'you are not alone.'  though she has not made it to the concert stage due to limited sight, memory, and interruption problems, she suddenly desires to attend another piano camp in siberia and immediately signs up again for the ten year reunion.  it is there, she gets to see tash and paris in their mid-twenties - enjoying having won several piano competitions and a trail of guys following them wherever they go.  pianonut learns her piece in one week and is awarded the non-execution award (finally). 

[m1469]

Really great story pianonut.  Let's go to Siberia, I'll drive the bus and secretly hand out lollipops as everybody gets on, he he.  That way if people are thrifty they can save it for that little perk after a humbling experience.  Potatoes might not do the trick after a couple of days. 

Of course, if you save your lollipop for later, you run the risk of it being stolen by the lollipop pianist-pirates, who generally are not very nice because they are often low on sleep.  They hord lollipops in hopes that they can bribe Bernhard into saying "hello" to them in the halls.  Who knows, maybe Bernhard would say "hello" at just the right time, in front of others, and make the pianist-pirates look really cool even though they are the lollipop horders and despised for it.

In the mean time, xvimbi will have to leave his soap bubbles at home.  Maybe potatoes will float if you peel away their skin and tell them to fly?

Don't try to bribe me with lollipops though, I have built up an immunity to their powers, so I am not swayed.  The bus only has two stops, Siberia and the other place we used to call home.  And we don't leave Siberia until we are good and ready.

[Torp]

OH MY GOD....we're onto a definite New-York-Times-Best-Seller-Soon-to-be-a-Movie.  I mean, we've got cabbage fearing pianists at a Piano Camp in Siberia, lollipop pirates morphing into lollipop horders trying to gain favor with an enigmatic instructor named Bernhard (I'm picturing Sean Connery for the lead role), potential floating/flying potatoes (not quite sure what to do with that yet)....AND, at least 3 piano players who are quite possibly in the throws of serious mid-life crises, yearning to find that delicate balance between the ubiquitous responsibilities of life and the unadulterated freedom of uninterrupted practice in search of the holy piano grail of overnight repertoire acquisition.

The plot is sizzling! The characters utterly approachable and real.  Hollywood's gonna be beggin' for the script!  We're gonna be rich.....

Jef

[pianonut]

yes, i think we've got something here.  maybe we could askm1469to explain the peeled  flying potatoe theme, and more of the sticky lollipop theme.  is it possible to bring in interval tasting (what was the word for it?)

if my son was involved, he would turn it into a video game with terrorists around the corner - shooting those pianists who were begging for an approving look from bernhard and getting the pianists who horded the lollipops to share some of the loot in exchange for the bus ride back to 'town' (wherever the nearest town is).  maybe it's the bush plane flying to anchorage (my home town).  of course, we would have to snowmachine in the middle of the night (braving the wind and occasional cracks of ice) to the rendevouz location.

yes, i could see bernhard as sean o'connery,m1469as the leading lady, tash, pianowelsh, paris as having excellent memories (and good looks, too) and remembering details to get us out of siberia.  someone's hand getting frozen.  so many details to put together.  janice and i would pray for peace in the world (as i do whenever i see the terrorist games my son plays - what has happened to my husband's logic? - he says he'll play them elsewhere, may as well be at home???) 

[m1469]

Yes, I think it was Bob's hand that got frozen.  Before he cut his hair, this experience serving as a lesson, he was holding his turbo powered, smuggled in, hair dryer too close to his head.  He trapsed off into fantasy land remembering the days of pianonut's and Janice's famous chilli...  before he knew it, his hair got tangled in the turbo, nuclear-powered motor, and caught on fire.  Wowzahs! 

Thinking quickly, he ran outside, not wanting to give himself away, having smuggled in that hair dryer.  Torp being the alert and good person that he is, followed Bob outside, thankfully, just in time to see Bob rolling around in the snow trying desperately to put out his hair-fire.  In the hustle of it all, Torp ran over to Bob and began piling snow on top of Bob's head which immediately put Bob into a sleepy stupor.  His LH went unnoticed as it rested in the little, half frozen puddle of slush which filled the pot-hole made by the bus's all-weather tires, as m1469 screeched to a stop upon their arrival.

Who's to blame really?  Those lollipop pirates saw the whole thing and came upon the scene demanding both Torp's and Bob's lollipops or else they would tattle-tale and there would surely be punishment for obvisouly, somebody was not practicing enough for this scene to be taking place  !  Torp objected but was distracted, taking notice of the occuring state of Bob's freezing-over LH, he handed the lollipop pirates both his and Bob's lollipops (found dangling from Bob's pants pocket) and worked to wake Bob up. 

Luckily, it was just in time! There was no permanent damage to Bob's frozen hand, which thawed out beautifully during supper.  At the risk of upsetting Tash, however, Bob did have to forego his individual "becoming left-handed" project as his LH thawed.  Tash was quite understanding and had done such an artistic job left-handedly cutting Bob's hair that nobody could have known it had caught fire just hours ago.

Pianonut and Janice catching wind of this incident, did indeed pray, that the lollipop hording pianist-pirates would not take their lollipops.  As well as sending off a prayer that the cooks in the kitchen stop putting so much parsley into everything as it keeps winding up on everyone's fork and getting stuck in people's teeth.

(Okay, I'll stop now...  )

[Bob]

Yes, I think it was Bob's hand that got frozen.  Before he cut his hair, this experience serving as a lesson, he was holding his turbo powered, smuggled in, hair dryer too close to his head.  He trapsed off into fantasy land remembering the days of pianonut's and Janice's famous chilli...  before he knew it, his hair got tangled in the turbo, nuclear-powered motor, and caught on fire.  Wowzahs! 

Thinking quickly, he ran outside, not wanting to give himself away, having smuggled in that hair dryer.  Torp being the alert and good person that he is, followed Bob outside, thankfully, just in time to see Bob rolling around in the snow trying desperately to put out his hair-fire.  In the hustle of it all, Torp ran over to Bob and began piling snow on top of Bob's head which immediately put Bob into a sleepy stupor.  His LH went unnoticed as it rested in the little, half frozen puddle of slush which filled the pot-hole made by the bus's all-weather tires, as m1469 screeched to a stop upon their arrival.

I'm sure I never told anyone about that.



(raises eye brows at this quote)

he handed the lollipop pirates both his and Bob's lollipops (found dangling from Bob's pants pocket) and worked to wake Bob up. 

lol

(sniffs air for scent of smoke)

m1469, m1469, m1469.... where do you get these ideas?

[pianonut]

very good m1469. you're a born writer.  just wonder why the snow put Bob in a sleepy stupor.  you might have to explain that one. 

my imagination has just been revived reading the poem about elvira madigan (the tightrope walker) having to eat sorrel (mushrooms?) and whatever else.  here she is, leaves her career (tightrope walking) for someone who shoots her in the heart for love.  what kind of a love story is that?

no novel can do without a love scene. how about galonia sneeking in her mathematician guy only to be told that he is the one who stole the nuclear secrets and caused the blow dryer to explode.  he is forced to give up his and galonia's lollipops and his mouth is taped shut.  galonia cannot stand to hear his muffled cries, and overrides it with loud versions of beethoven's fifth.  he finally gives up and really listens to galonias playing for once, instead of doing math problems.

pianonut and janice clutch their lollipops making for odd distractions when they play.  occasionally they tell people about the parsley dangling from their teeth, but when it comes to bernhard andm1469they titter.  it's their only way to equalize power.  unfortunately, despite their prayers, they are the first ones to lose their lollipops to the 'grip.'  this person (unnamed) has such a grip that once gripped item is unretrievable.  pianonut and janice conspire to steal their lollipops back when Bob causes another distraction. 

[ted]

Then there is talk of a dangerous, marauding, malodorous old tramp hovering on the periphery of the party in search of tasty musical scraps. At one time a dashing gallant of the highest musical circles, he was reduced to scavenging lumps of sonata and fugue off the practice room floors following an unsavoury incident with the professor’s wife, a Janet Frame novel, three feijoas and a mattress. Permitted for a while to use the conservatory grands for ragtime in return for cleaning the toilets, he was finally expelled into the wastelands after indecent rhythms were found in recordings of Chopin studies.

Ted, aka Beelzebub the Bear, possesses a depth of moral and musical turpitude to revolt the hardiest of the avant-garde, and his unseen presence engenders constant fear within the hapless party of travellers desperate to protect their lollipops.

[pianonut]

oh Ted, with a haircut like that, and a hapless left hand, what kind of fear are we talking?  well, maybe it really is you.  your right hand that is.  the grip.  ok.  you just want people to check your pockets.  well, you've got it coming if you have more than one lollipop in your pocket.  (of course, yours was taken awhile back, so you really shouldn't have any).

now about this ragtime.  what's going on.  ragtime, chopin.  and frame and mattress?  what are feijous?  something edible? when he practices?  or is he covering up the mattress (hiding) broken pieces of lollipops with the professors wife.  this is truly ungallant.  what did he do with the lumps of sonata and fugue?  eat them, too.  this IS fearful! 

[ted]

Fearful indeed ! There was the night he made a lunge at Pianonut, attempting to carry her off into the frozen night, having eaten nothing but three bars of a stale prelude all week. Fortunately, Janice thrust a theory book in his face and belted him over the head with a Bach cantata, causing the hideous beast to grovel in fear and loathing.   

[pianonut]

what did he do with the lumps of sonata?  was this also juxtaposed into the prelude as a sort of evil joke.  it seems to me that the bach cantata would do him some good!  put a little order into his chaotic life.  i think what he really wants is a maid.  how can he live on such a meager diet of three bars a day?  no wonder he is out to grip lollipops from innocent parsley snickering girls.  janice hits him again with the bach cantata, and whispers to pianonut 'let's freeze his right hand, too. he needs something to do when he gets to hell... may as well thaw out."  pianonut thinks for a minute.  you mean drag him back out to that puddlem1469made with the bus?  what if, oops, i think we got Ted and Bob mixed up.  leaves Ted with theory book and bach cantata.  goes looking for Bob and the lollipops (it's always the ones you don't think would steal).

[ted]

Suddenly the Bear's face broke into a warm smile. "I say Pianonut and Janice," he gasped."Why don't you both put down that rubber Franz Liszt and come with me ? Bernhard's just made some absolutely super rhubarb tarts up at the disused conservatory !"

Has the old reprobate softened or is it merely an evil ruse ? And where is the lollipop ? Find out in the next instalment.

[Tash]

not meaning to interrupt the story, but this is absolutely hilarious! i won't join in creating the story cos i'm not much of a writer but i am enjoying reading it! keep going!

[pianonut]

we will never give up our secret weapon (rubber franz liszt).  it is our only defense against ragtime.  perhaps you would do better to make a visit to the salon and get a left handed cut by tash, also.  we might allow you to join us for bernhard's rhubarb tarts IF you promise never to steal food again (includes music, prof. wife, lollipops) and act like a regular civilized musician (as pianonut and janice turn into terrorists at the end of the story and shoot all the really good pianists out of desperation to at least hold spots one and two in the finals).  Ted and Bob never really posed a threat, so they are allowed to have the cash of lollipops (something to do while listening to pianonut and janice).  tash is allowed third prize, even tho she and dinosaur tales should have been first place winners.  in siberia, anything goes, so the winners have to be a combination of raw talent and exceeding sneakiness.  tash has this raw amazing courage and talent, and decides not to let any reporters come in and document the winner of the siberian piano camp competition turned bad until she rests first place from pianonut and janice (in return for secrecy about the dead pianists in the execution room - near the conservatory recital hall). 

so much music is recovered from the pianists now deceased that the library is again replenished.  bernhard's rhubarb tart goes over very well (as it is the last thing those executed ate) and dinosaur tales distractsm1469while paris reminds the remaining pianists to stay calm.  if they are remotely good looking and don't play too well, they will be spared.  she tells them to play 'fur elise' and wear leather.  being tired of the harrassment, they lock pianonut and janice in a practice room (really wondering how inthe world they could end up winning the competition with bach preludes, fugues, and cantatas) and start looking for where they stashed the lollipops (not knowing that Bob and Ted had finished them off).

[pianonut]

ok.  i've gotten too carried away.  i'm sorry janice.  i need to change the story.  'pianonut and janice, instead of becoming terrorist convince everyone to become really nice.'  even though the book doesn't sell, the piano camp is a success and routinely  people visit for the encouragement and improved technique it brings (not to mention the good food served) and the pianos (always in tune).  it is home away from home for pianonut and mayla, and they encourage dinosaur tales to give them other ideas of places to hold piano camps (bringing piano music to many remote villages - even Tibet).

[chopinisque]

Chopinesque makes an entrance at a most undramatic time.  He rushes past some random person, causing him to spill the drinks in his hand.  "Voila!" says the leather clad newcomer.  He goes straight to the piano and plays Fur Elise so badly that it sounds good.

Meanwhile... pianonut and Janice take smashed rhubarb tarts out of their pockets and prepare the piano with it.  In doing so, they invent the first rhubarbchord - the instrument of the new age - complete with edible manuals and stops as well as a mushy yet tasteful sostenuto pedal.  They also write their first fudge (fugue).

[pianonut]

that wasn't just a random person! that was ravant.  he was just going to discuss the vacations that he takes after he posts questions on the forum.  did you say that is leather you are wearing?  is that fur elise you are playing?  you are not Ted in disguise are you?  i think you are friends, considering the wild beethovenish actions and all the talk about food.

it is intruiging to think of ways to incorporate food into practice time.  say if you had fudge fugues you could eat whatever section was difficult and it would digest.  or, if you have a musical mind for music, when you listen to your tone you could tell people what it tasted like (as well as intervals).  after a while, rhubarbchords would be put in pies made of fifths and served to people who learn best while eating.  students would become dependent upon tasting all the harmonies in a song and people would start making up recipies (engendering a love for theory and song writing).     

[chopinisque]

But you might have to eat four parts at the same time.  Or in some cases, five!  Will your mouth fit all that... fudge? 

Another thought:  Would dissonances taste like curry?  All spicy and unnatural on the "palatte".

[pianonut]

pockets are what they are called and they are used for holding things that won't fit all at one time into your mouth.  i thought you were gallant!  despite your leather the fur elise is making me taste curry.  this is highly unnatural to have to taste curry for five notes at the beginning of the theme.  is there a way to get around this.  can we just flavor the song the way we interpret it.  if we find dissonances slightly pleasing in the way they are blended, can we take out the spice and just make it full of sostenuto pedal?

[m1469]

just wonder why the snow put Bob in a sleepy stupor.  you might have to explain that one. 

Yeah, it's just one of those exaggerated effects for the sake of the story.  It's supposed to be one of those things that people don't catch on to, like in the movies when the car explodes just because it hit a lamp post.

I am happy the Bear is softening up a little. 

[Torp]

Hey......

What happened to me??

Last thing I know I was being a stand up guy (someone actually called me nice I think), retrieving Bob's lollipop as it unceremoniously drooped from his pocket (gotta keep a tighter grip on that thing Bob, it could scare someone).  Pockets, by the way, "are what they are called and they are used for holding things that won't fit all at one time into your mouth."  All this was sometime before the entire cast was asked, "Will your mouth fit all that.........................................fudge?"

Torp reflects demonically to himself the nature of his perfect deception, "Ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaa......I have once again fooled the simple-minded masses with my overt acts of random kindness.  They will never suspect my true nature.  They will never suspect that it is me who wears leather to the supermarket to be followed around unwittingly.  I, I alone rule the lollipop horders!!!!"

As he grips his head in writhing agony he shouts, "No! Wait! I'm the nice guy.  I believe in passion and love.  I'm a sensitive, fatherly type who doles out meaningful advice......"  His words are cut off by the howling winds of a deep siberian winter.

The battle for Torp's soul and sanity rages on, evident for all to see.  Pianonut and Janice pray for his soul, but secretly pianonut recalls the leather pants in the supermarket and can't quite decide which way she'd like to see this turn out.  And the scent of curried fudge drifts ominously through the crisp Siberian air.....

[Torp]

Chopinisque cannot accept or believe Torp’s preposterous claims for he knows Torp to be a level-headed accountant.  Knowing that Torp must be under the evil spell of The Bear, Chopinisque jumps on top of an underused conservatory piano and shakes his leather-clad booty while The Bear improvises undulating motifs based on a “Curried Rhubarb Theme.”

Pianonut is beside herself mumbling something incomprehensible like “I’m a fermata, I’m a fermata. Hold me, hold me.”  Janice is appalled.  Tash is tapping her foot and carries on her face a sly smile.  Bob has his hands in his pocket.

Inexplicably, the piano starts to roll.  Chopinisque is completely unaware that it is heading straight towards an ill-placed lamppost.  The acrid, suspense-filled air tastes like a C# flat nine.  m1469 is sprinting towards the bus.

[pianonut]

i don't feel so alone anymore with so many posters adding to this crazy story. love the C# flat nine and the lampost...please keep going with that one.  realized, after another poster asked questions about feminists, that maybe i should take it easy on the guys and not execute any more just because they play well.  and torp should not feel bad that he wears leather pants to the grocery store.  those kinds of things have to be the highlights of women's days.

say, i just got back from my music history class and have a slightly hot topic of a question for those of you who have heard the oratorio 'the creation' of hayden (so i don't have to ask in class).   now do the soloists who are playing adam and eve have to wear a costume, or do they fully represent adam and eve?  just wondering!  perhaps torp and myself and anyone else who constants fights this battle of will and needs a little encouragement can simply (on occasion) frequent operas and find out more about the 'other side.'  those wild fantasies that resolve themselves in prayer but all too freqently realize themselves on an opera stage.  the results often being death, dismemberment, or an agonizing scream (after the person is supposedly dead).

perhaps i should continue with the story:  tash, winning the prize, or so she thought is upstaged by all the men who participated (and survived the first several rounds).  they claim that they wouldn't have had stage fright if they had not been forced to wear leather pants.  the competition has to begin all over again, taking into account the unfairness of making the men do so many things (like play fur elise so badly that it sounds good).  they are again allowed to pick pieces of their own choosing, but the judges have changed.  instead of bernhard, the panel is now all women judges. (mayla and dinosaur tales replaced him in all fairness).  the competitors have been given the ground rules again - but have more of a selection of pieces due to the stacks obtained from first and second round participants.  pianonut finds a version of rimsky-korsakov's 'sherazahde' (for 2 hands) and also saint-saens fugues.  she doesn't have enough change in her purse to copy them, so she rips out the fugue that she needs and quietly places the books back on the shelf (this forum is a place where i can let out my frustration for so much music, so little time).  meanwhile, torp, Ted, and Bob vie for the 'variations without a theme' but soon realize it is too easy and go for different variations on a theme (based upon rhubarb, curry, lollipops).  Bob and Ted compare haircuts while Chopinisque again tries to enter the third round without participating in the first two (snuck in when the drinks were served) with his fur elise (forgetting that fur elise is now banned due to the severe effects of drowsiness it has on the ladies).     

 

[ted]

The Bear was eliminated from the competition in the semifinals following a most unseemly incident involving improvisation, desultory gesticulations at the audience and the almost palpable effects of several gaseous emissions consequent to the consumption of eleven rhubarb tarts and seven lollipops. Janice and Pianonut, both honours graduates of Miss Flaybum’s Academy of Musical Discipline, saw him out with a sound thrashing using Bob’s Beethoven bust while Bernhard applied the pointed end of the metronome after the manner of Father Jack Hackett. Rumour has it that he returned to the disused conservatory and now emerges only at night as a disembodied spirit to infect the musically orthodox in their piano practice with urges for ragtime, lustful rhythms and free dissonance.   

[Torp]

OK, (to escape from the story line a moment) all my coworkers are staring at me right now because I just about p**d myself I was laughing so hard.  Trust me, my job has no humor in it so sudden bursts of laughter while staring at a computer screen are viewed with a certain amount of incredulity.

"improvisation, desultory gesticulation and palpable effects of several gaseous emmissions"  OMG 

On another note, Pianonut, you bring some more interesting questions and thoughts.  Probably take a lifetime of searching to really find the answers and then of course, "the results often being death, dismemberment, or an agonizing scream (after the person is supposedly dead)."  Perhaps this is the soul's scream as it plummets towards its meeting with Beezelbub?

I wouldn't worry too much about taking it easy on the guys.  We typically deserve most of what we get and typically don't deserve most of what we want.

Ted,
If you are truly the disembodied spirit that infects me with urges for ragtime, lustful rhythms and free dissonances I can only truly thank you.  My own personal story involves an overly critical father who thought that "experimentation" with the likes of Herr Beethoven was a verifiable sin.  After giving up the classics in my youth I was struck by the improvisational composing bug.  He could never offer advice, or criticism (I suspect that's the more important of the two) about my piano playing as I was the sole authority on it.  Nevertheless, I have spent the better part of 20 years "doing my own thing."  It has only been recently that I have felt a rekindled desire to approach the classics.

OK, well, enough of the phsychotherapy.  It is plainly evident that Torp is in fact a delusional freak.  I'll just sign off for now....

The voices in my head are singing the operatic strains of Carmina Burana. (oh those lusty priests, they can sure write some good prose)

[pianonut]

Ted, you are funny!  But, considering all the hypotheticals, i don't think you would be eliminated for improvising at this competition.  all of the contestants have something wrong with them anyway, so as Torp suggested, we learn more about psychotherapy than performance during a competition such as this.  The strain and fatigue take their toll on people who are perfectionistic, and leave contestants such as Bob and Ted light headed and happy.  It is as if a window of heaven? opened up and shined a light on their improvisations.  Yet, they don't know the full reality of the sunshine because of the gasseous emissions blocking it.  Now, Torp, being the level headed accountant has taken into consideration the idea that Adam and Eve (in the original garden in their original clothing) would not be unclothed in a performance of Hayden's creation oratorio - and suggests to pianonut an outfit of leather (shaped in fig leaves).  Pianonut, valuing Torps advice very much (also) suggests that in the last round equality should be made a priority, and despite the cold winter winds and knashing teeth that the siberian piano contest actuates (through the open windows in the conservatory) that all the contestants again wear leather, but modified to the size of fig leaves.  that way, everyone will have some form of fright (uncontrolled shaking) even if it is due to the cold weather and not nerves.  Chopinesque reminds us that the piano was last seen heading for a lamppost, as he was the sad victim at the time (since he was unaware) of walking into that ill placed lampost before the piano hit it.  Accounting for his not seeing the piano also rolling towards it.  Battered though it is, the piano plays the same (around the lampost). a brand new sound is made by those playing this Russian Svitolavistein 10 foot grand.  The pianos in russia are made to stand the full 8.5 ton pressure in all directions (not just the direction of the strings).  In fact, they are so tank like, that pianonut and janice use it as a tank in their last battle (with the bust of beethoven held high) to drive everyone off the stage and remind Torp that being nice does not always mean you have to be a doormat (years of frustration are suddenly released by pianonut and janice as they ride the piano out the door and into a freedom they never felt before with their upright pianos - unmoveable and inefficient as they were).  The wheels of the piano dig into the siberian snow and get stuck, as they try to turn at various angles, occasionally popping up the lid and machine gunning any reporters that would say they didn't win the competition. (oh dear - janice is going to wonder about me) 

Alright, again, we must reiterate this is a fictional story and not to be confused with 'splinter cell' which my teenage son talked my husband into yesterday.  Based upon a Tom Clancy novel?  it puts terrorism into the average life, making people belive that someone somewhere will get you sometime (even if you play the piano really well).  the order of the day is to become familiar with weapons (ie LARGE PIANOS that can wreak mass destruction --saving the cutting of the strings for important blow ups).

[Bob]

(dizzy)

I don't get this thread.  Can someone explain it?

[pianonut]

there's really no explaination.  it just happens.

[Skeptopotamus]

the explanation is that being stupid and random is fun.  I mean i could elaborate more, but i dont think i really want to seeing as how I'm so lazy.  I don't really have the time to sit here for hours and talk and talk and talk on this thread.  i mean seriously?  who has the time for that type of stuff in this hectic, no fun world we live in now a days?  I mean, i guess i could, but i dont really see the point in it very easily.  I mean, I DO love to annoy people and waste their time, but wouldnt this also be wasting my time?  Well, you can look at it as wasting my time, but seeing as how it would also waste your time, and wasting other people's time gives me joy, i guess it isnt really wasting my time, but then again alot of people would think that me getting joy out of wasting other people's time is stupid, and is therefore a waste of time, but i honestly think them telling me that is just a waste of their time, seeing as how i rarely listen to other people and i personally dont think that it is a waste of time, so realyl they are just wasting their time 2-fold: they waste the time it took to tell me that by me wasting people's time is a waste of my own time, and they wasted the time it takes to think of them telling me that me wasting other people's time is really just me wasting my own time.  So i mean really what is the point in them telling me Im wasting my time by just wasting other people's time?  It would just be a waste of tim for them.  But then that makes me think.  If people waste my time, do i get enjoyment from it?  i mean, it does give me an opening to waste their time, which we have already gone over and have decided that isnt really a waste of my time because i like to waste other people's time, but do i enjoy the time before i get to waste their time when they are wasting MY time?  I mean like does the single part that i dont really enjoy count as the larger entity that isnt really a waste of my time?  That's the real question, isnt it?  But that's like asking if nuts are good on a sunday!  it's easily answered and answered quickly, and the answer is no.  I really dont like nuts.  I mean... the flavor and all is good and it's not as if I'm allergic to nuts, at least as far as i'm aware...hmmmm... that gets me thinking.  What if there is a nut that i am allergic to?  then what would happen if that type of nut got used in the assorted nuts that would get put on a sunday?  then i would be in trouble.  All the more reason to dislike an assortment of nuts on my sunday.  I just honestly dont really like the crunchy texture mixed in with the rich creamy texture of the ice cream and/or frozen yogurt, the thick and warm texture of the hot chocolate, assuming you are using hot chocolate or at least something else that has a warm and thick texture, and the light and airy texture of the whipped cream.  actually, do you think there really is "ice cream and/or frozen yogurt"?  that insinuates that there is a mix of ice cream and frozen yogurt in some sundays.  I mean i may understand they might do it to reduce the amount of fat in it, but it's not like they put a scoop of ice cream and a scoop or frozen yogurt there!  that would be silly wouldnt it?  i think so.  there was this one time that i was on vacation in florida and there was this awesome, or at least semi-awesome ice cream/frozen yogurt place that served a flavor called razzleberry, which tastes very similar to black raspberry or blackberry icecream which is for sure my very favorite flavor of icecream.  and i went in there a few times and got razzleberry ice cream every time and enjoyed it.  in fact one time i even got a milkshake made out of it.  that was quite good.  but then one time when i went in there to actually purchase a couple quarts of razzleberry ice cream, but they were unfortuneately out.  actually it wasnt really unfortuneately as you will understand a few sentences from now.  the reason it wasnt unfortunate was that they had the frozen yogurt of it so i had to settle for that.  and guess what?  the frozen yogurt was better!  but then i dont understand how come you cant just take a cup of yogurt and put it in the freezer and have it come out as frozen yogurt!  i mean what are the additional steps involved in turning yogurt into frozen yogurt.  the name "frozen yogurt" only reveals the steps of yogurt and freezing so i am at a loss.  I could look it up on google but i am having fun wasting your time here.  speaking of wasting time I DO love to annoy people and waste their time, but wouldnt this also be wasting my time?  Well, you can look at it as wasting my time, but seeing as how it would also waste your time, and wasting other people's time gives me joy, i guess it isnt really wasting my time, but then again alot of people would think that me getting joy out of wasting other people's time is stupid, and is therefore a waste of time, but i honestly think them telling me that is just a waste of their time, seeing as how i rarely listen to other people and i personally dont think that it is a waste of time, so realyl they are just wasting their time 2-fold: they waste the time it took to tell me that by me wasting people's time is a waste of my own time, and they wasted the time it takes to think of them telling me that me wasting other people's time is really just me wasting my own time.  So i mean really what is the point in them telling me Im wasting my time by just wasting other people's time?  It would just be a waste of tim for them.  But then that makes me think.  If people waste my time, do i get enjoyment from it?  i mean, it does give me an opening to waste their time, which we have already gone over and have decided that isnt really a waste of my time because i like to waste other people's time, but do i enjoy the time before i get to waste their time when they are wasting MY time?  I mean like does the single part that i dont really enjoy count as the larger entity that isnt really a waste of my time?  That's the real question, isnt it?  But that's like asking if nuts are good on a sunday!  it's easily answered and answered quickly, and the answer is no.  I really dont like nuts.  I mean... the flavor and all is good and it's not as if I'm allergic to nuts, at least as far as i'm aware...hmmmm... that gets me thinking.  What if there is a nut that i am allergic to?  then what would happen if that type of nut got used in the assorted nuts that would get put on a sunday?  then i would be in trouble.  All the more reason to dislike an assortment of nuts on my sunday.  I just honestly dont really like the crunchy texture mixed in with the rich creamy texture of the ice cream and/or frozen yogurt, the thick and warm texture of the hot chocolate, assuming you are using hot chocolate or at least something else that has a warm and thick texture, and the light and airy texture of the whipped cream.  actually, do you think there really is "ice cream and/or frozen yogurt"?  that insinuates that there is a mix of ice cream and frozen yogurt in some sundays.  I mean i may understand they might do it to reduce the amount of fat in it, but it's not like they put a scoop of ice cream and a scoop or frozen yogurt there!  that would be silly wouldnt it?  i think so.  there was this one time that i was on vacation in florida and there was this awesome, or at least semi-awesome ice cream/frozen yogurt place that served a flavor called razzleberry, which tastes very similar to black raspberry or blackberry icecream which is for sure my very favorite flavor of icecream.  and i went in there a few times and got razzleberry ice cream every time and enjoyed it.  in fact one time i even got a milkshake made out of it.  that was quite good.  but then one time when i went in there to actually purchase a couple quarts of razzleberry ice cream, but they were unfortuneately out.  actually it wasnt really unfortuneately as you will understand a few sentences from now.  the reason it wasnt unfortunate was that they had the frozen yogurt of it so i had to settle for that.  and guess what?  the frozen yogurt was better!  but then i dont understand how come you cant just take a cup of yogurt and put it in the freezer and have it come out as frozen yogurt!  i mean what are the additional steps involved in turning yogurt into frozen yogurt.  the name "frozen yogurt" only reveals the steps of yogurt and freezing so i am at a loss.  I could look it up on google but i am having fun wasting your time here.  google is a funny word.  or is it really a word?  i know there is the word "oggle" and "googly" and if something is googly it is like bouncy, so if i googled then i bounced once i suppose.  wanna know something that isnt funny OR bouncy?  the movie "American Beauty".  im not watching it right now but it is the first thing that came to mind that is neither funny or googly.  i mean scientifically it COULD be googly if you bounced it around.  ***.  and i AM a man of science, so i retract my statement.  the statement i am retracting is the one that confirms the non googlitude of the movie "American Beauty".  and while we're on the subject i enjoy the show seinfeld.  i enjoy many different television shows.  another one that i do enjoy but dont consider one of my top 20 or anything like that is the drew carey show.  I remember one episode they did was on anthropomorphism.  that's a big word isnt it?  look it up yourself im bored of wasting your time.

[Bob]

Just free-writing rambling, whatever-comes-out-of-your-mind, stream-of-consciousness stuff?  I think I see.

[Torp]

Just free-writing rambling, whatever-comes-out-of-your-mind, stream-of-consciousness stuff?  I think I see.

This thread is Pianonut talking to herself.  We're all just part of the choir of voices in her head.  Not so weird, I mean, really, everyone has leather-wearing level-headed accountants in their heads.  Don't they?

[Skeptopotamus]

why level headed?


btw peanut butter.

[pianonut]

sometimes i think i am so serious and level headed that i don't see the big picture.  your born. you live.  you die.  why not try to predict how you will die.  eating ice cream or frozen yogurt and choking from an allergic reaction to nuts could possibly do it.  being shot from a rotating grand piano in the siberian tundra could do it.  taking too many antibiotics and becoming resistant to all strains of bacteria could do it.  but not all people can do it gracefully.  i think terri schievo is a hero because what choice did she have?(after her internal organs started failing).  i started praying for her and that God would make the end of her life easy.  she was very brave and her family should be proud of her (in such a trying situation).  They did their utmost to protect her and keep her alive.  they should also be proud of themselves.  but, if it was 'her time' and not the result of not having one last analysis of her actual brain function - she also exhibited bravery - because without even knowing it (even if she did know it) she showed us that death is not really something to fear (men think they control it) but something that can be remembered as definitive of a life (how someone lived).
 

[chopinisque]

Not Schiavo again!

Pianonut better be good at harmony and counterpoint.  Otherwise us chorus of voices in her head will go all dissonant. 

Maybe, if we echoed each other, we'd form a sequence...

edargorter!