Stay on the bench, buns!!

[invisible]

In my first solo recital I had mistakes that I had never anticipated, right from the very beginning.  For the following 20 minutes or so, my body went into shock and my thoughts became a debate about whether or not I should just run off the stage right then and there, forever.   I literally had to scold myself into keeping my buns on the bench and continue with my program, which I did. 

The most disturbing aspect of this experience was not so much the mistakes themselves, although they seemed absolutely awful, but more the fact that I had to sternly talk myself into staying on the bench and finishing what I had begun.  It was disturbing for me because I had thought, going into this recital, that piano performance was my very calling in life.  So, why would I then have to literally talk myself into staying on the bench if I was doing exactly what I had believed for years that I was meant to be doing?  I even had this thought 'I guess this is not what I want to do afterall'.

Has anyone else had this experience during a performance?  Where you have to fight hard to keep yourself out there playing?  And during the experience you question whether you want to spend your life doing it or not?

sincerely,
invisible

[Ludwig Van Rachabji]

Mistakes are expected for a first solo recital. Undoubtedly, you were nervous, no? Trust me, the more you do it, the easier it will be. When I first did this, I was so terrified, that I almost didn't go through with it. But I got up there, and I loved it.

Keep doing it, I guarantee it will get better!   

[earthward]

Don't be discouraged by one bad experience.  Piano performance is one of the hardest disciplines there is.  Some say harder than studying medicine or law and I can believe it.   It takes a long time to develop all the tools you need to give a good performance because there's so much thought that has to go into it.  So try to see the bigger picture: you're going to have lots of up and downs but in the long run if you stick with it you WILL get really good at it!  Just take it one problem at a time, one day at a time.

P.S. Yeah I have had MANY performances where I had to fight to keep myself going.  I just had one a couple weeks ago.  I felt like I was publically shaming myself.  But afterwards people were like "wow that was really solid"!! So you know don't assume that because you think you suck horrendously other people will also.  You're the only one that's aware of what you're NOT doing.  They just see you playing whole lot of notes and think WOW! 

[xvimbi]

Don't be discouraged by one bad experience.  Piano performance is one of the hardest disciplines there is.  Some say harder than studying medicine or law and I can believe it.   It takes a long time to develop all the tools you need to give a good performance because there's so much thought that has to go into it.

That's a bad comparison. More accurate would be to compare performing musci with performing surgery before a whole hall full of professors and students, or defending Michael Jackson. Anyhting that happens in private is a lot easier than doing the same in public.

[thierry13]

I think he meaned to compare STUDYING piano is harder than STUDYING medicine or law 

[whynot]

Um, you know how every backstage has an emergency exit door?  Every performer I know takes a good look at that exit before walking out on stage.  I do it myself.  If you love to play and have something to say with your music, THAT'S the sign that you should (or can) be a performer, not whether you're comfortable on stage.  Which most people aren't, by the way!  I mean, if you respect the audience and want it to be special for them, you probably will be nervous.  And the body's instinctive reaction to fear is the urge to run away-- very useful if being chased by a tiger, not so helpful in a recital.  When we lose our appetite beforehand as we start getting nervous, and we get sick or have to keep going to the bathroom, the body is getting itself ready for "fight or flight".  I think a good thing to know about is that we can't sustain that excessive physical excitement indefinitely (heart pounding, hands shaking and sweating).  Even if you stay in the threatening situation, the body eventually has to settle down.  Unfortunately, this might take longer than the average recital.  Maybe you need to play a longer program (heehee).  Also, you should feel very good about the fact that, when desperate to run away, you had the self-control and inner fortitude to stay there and finish the whole program.  I mean, you could have cut a piece or ended early, and under great duress, you still did what you came to do.  That shows a strength and discipline that maybe you didn't even know you had.  In my opinion, you should schedule another recital.         

[kilini]

Video tape your pieces to put in a permanent archive. Best way to prepare for performance and relatively pain free.

[vera]

From my own experience and of that of my students I have found that it helps, if you accept beforehand, that you will make mistakes, that they may come early on( before you feel comfortable)) and they may be of the stupid variety, those are often the most unsettling. If you are prepared to accept these mistakes, it will be easier to overcome them, if they happen.
 Nothing is worse than sitting "stewing" on some stupid thing that just happened. You have to be able to quickly forget and make the most of what follows.After all, the first blunder is only a very small part of the total, so why dwell on it?

Also, go on stage with the feeling: This is beautiful music,  I want people to like it, so I have the responsibility of going to do my very best to "sell" that music. Imagine yourself a sort of missionary, trying to educate an audience. Take away the focus on yourself, you are just an intermediary, you are not important. I think, that it is selfconciousness, that is to blame for nerves, being worried, what impression you make. Try to forget about yourself, you are not important, the music is.

[whynot]

Excellent points, Vera.

[invisible]

Thank you very much for your replies.  I have realized that even though everything didn't go just how I would have like it to have gone, some really positive things happened that evening for me.   I learned some really huge things.  I will be scheduling another concert indeed, thanks again. 

sincerely,
invisible

[nikodr]

My advice,sometimes when a recital is VERY VERY important we just underestimate our self.You must have a clear mind before the recital.Practicing and trying to learn notes even 2 weeks before the recital is bad,and harmful.The recital should be ready a month or so before you ask why?After reading the Heinrich Neihaus book for piano i was convinced.You have to go off the piano 1-2 weeks before the recital,and study other things,it will do you no good to go and play.Most blackouts i had in recitals where due to the fact that i tried to learn something 2-3 weeks before the recital.Its bad.So you have to stop trying to improve something of the recital pieces 2-3 weeks before.Trust me.I did the same mistakes.After i changed my study schedule i never had those problems again.It is not that mistakes were dissaperead but rather the fact that i was feeling more secure myself