Post-school disillusionment!

[AnnX]

Greetings!  New member here.  My apologies if this is a topic you all have already beat to death, but I didn’t quite find a similar thread when I searched.

Post-school disillusionment!  Do any of you find that what you were trained to do has little practical use in “the real world”?

Background: I was trained as a solo pianist and went to a pretty competitive music school.  I got into a good conservatory masters program, but dropped out due to money problems and some uncertainty about what I was doing.  Since then, I’ve been teaching piano and doing some accompanying.   

My assessment of my own playing is that I have a nice touch, usually sensitive phrasing, and mostly passable technique, but certainly nowhere near the technique and polish necessary to win competitions or make a living by playing solo music.  The question is: what does a just-decent classical pianist do with themselves if they don’t want to work in academia??  I’ve been trying to make the most of teaching and accompanying, but frankly it’s never been what I wanted to do.  Now I’m considering a career shift out of music, but the thought of giving up piano is so painful!

All this is exacerbated by the fact that I’m disappointed in my playing, and often feel inferior to other professional pianists in the area.  It’s hard to tell how much of this is purely psychological, and how much is truly situational.

Anyone going through similar struggles?

[sly]

Reading a couple of these recent posts, I decided to stop lurking and sign up.

AnnX-

I have definitely gone through similar things.  What I think is that nothing gets handed to you on a plate.  You have to work for everything and you have to work hard.  I have had to consider my thoughts on situations which have been similar in my life.  The difference with me is that I just won't accept "no" for answer.

If your technique is not polished, yet, then polish it.  If you don't want to quit the piano, then stick with it.  If you want to perform, then find ways to do so that are satisfying for you.

If you are disappointed in your playing, then pinpoint the areas that need more work, and work on them with comittment and with the expectation of getting better.  You will only go in the direction you look, and if you only look at what you think is not right, then you will stay right there.

In my experience, feeling inferior is often a mental trick to keep you from making progress.  Snap it in half and move on.

-Kevin

[whynot]

Sly said it perfectly.  I'll only confirm:  You can solve most of your own technical problems if you make yourself pinpoint EXACTLY what they are.  Once you do that, your playing will settle in, then you'll see what your specialties are and how to use them.   

One more thing:  if you don't love teaching, that's okay.  But since you're not completely happy with where your own teachers have led you, this is a second chance at the student-teacher thing.  You can give your students what your teachers didn't give you (I'm guessing-- forgive me if I presume wrongly):  the skills and confidence to solve their own problems, break their own playing barriers.  You can teach them how NOT to need you.  That's worth investing yourself in for a while, since you have to make a living doing something while you continue to work on your playing.  Best of luck with everything.
     

[Jacey1973]

I think I will be in the same position as you in a few years and i'm worrying about it already. I haven't started teaching yet but looking to do it next year (i will be graduatiing in June). So i don't know whether teaching will be for me but i want to try it first. I'm hoping to do a masters in performance somewhere in the next couple of years but i know it will cost loads and i still won't know what to do with myself after and will be in loads of debt too.

The only other thing you could do, if you aren't doing it aleady is to try and play in local groups - like perhaps set up a piano trio. I would love to do that in the future. My sister's piano teacher came from a good conservatory and teaches at our local music school but she also gives lunchtime concerts and masterclasses, perhaps that's something you could do also?

[AnnX]

Thank you three for replying!  I really appreciate the thoughtfulness and varied perspectives!

Putting my problems into words and seeing the responses has really helped me realize some things. 
-The main thing is that I think my dreams have changed, and I need to accept that it doesn't mean failure to change course.  I used to want to be the next Horowitz.  Now I want to make a decent living doing something I enjoy, be active in my hobbies and volunteer work, and have a family.
-My days of spending six hours in the practice room are over.  I don't want to live that way anymore!  That means there's a limit to how much I can improve my technique.  Right now I just have the time and energy to practice enough to stay on top of my accompaniments.
-There may be such a thing as "good enough," something I've never been comfortable with!  I do a good job accompanying, even though I'm not a competition winner.

Sly - you're so right, I think part of me was indignant that all those years of dedication didn't pay off exactly the way I wished.  Tough!  Your post helped me realize that being a spectacular pianist is not something I want badly enough anymore to do what's necessary.   I can't have it both ways, and there's no use feeling indignant about how things have turned out.

whynot - Yes, I have tried to instill in my students some of the important values that were omitted in my training.  Actually, they are more about musicianship than piano technique.  Having to sightread scores and learn lots of accompaniments has been very difficult because fluency wasn't emphasized enough in my training.  I guess it depends on what kind of path you want to take: accompanist/teacher, or competition hopeful.  Anyway, the fact remains that I don't want to continue spending so many hours of my life teaching.  You were right that it would be something worthwhile to do, while I worked on my playing.   That totally helped me realize how I've passed the stage where I'll do anything to be a better pianist.  I guess it's weird on a piano forum for someone to post and then realize they don't want to be a pianist anymore, but there it is!

Jenni - It's definitely not something I felt prepared for by my teachers or by my music school.  I do think it's a real difficulty for solo pianists in particular.  (Other instrumentalists are trained all along to do ensemble playing, and more accurately experience a prelude to real life.  Learning and polishing to death four mammoth solo pieces a season doesn't prepare a pianist for being a piano teacher, accompanist, and organizing your own infrequent recitals on the side!)  You may really enjoy teaching and accompanying, who knows?  For me, the self-involved parents, students enrolled in every extra-curricular activity known to man, and hassles of being self-employed are outweighing the positive side.  However, it has its deeply rewarding aspects as well - I don't want to be only negative about it!  So much can happen though, between now and when you graduate - you'll find your path.  If you're willing to make changes, you'll always be okay. 

[Ernie]

Hi Ann,


I tell you my story, just to encourage you a little more. When I graduated from conservatory (we call music high schools like that in Belgium), I was rather unhappy with my playing. First of all, it was too sloppy and though I had a detailed knowledge on colouring, I simply wasn't a good enough technician. On top of that, I couldn't find any kind of a job for almost a whole year.

Filled with similar doubts as you, I did contact an excellent technique teacher. I took private lessons with him every two weeks, changing everything he wanted me to change in movements an practising- approach. When you have to pay for your lessons and know that it's your last chance to become a decent pianist, you sure are motivated!

Gradually, smaller and bigger job opportunities occured. I thaught the piano, played in restaurants, accompgnied ballet lessons or music school pupils, played some badly payed chamber music concerts... The combination of studying technique really seriously with playing tons of pieces for a living, made me into a better pianist.

A few years ago, this better playing resulted in a fantastic job in a large chamber music ensemble and an appointment in a music conservatory (as an accompagnist).

So if you really have a great love for music, tackle your weak points and just take every paid job opportunity. By accompaning other musicians, you don' only help them, but also give yourselve more concert- experience. It doesn't matter if you play for let's say 21 parents of beginning clarinet pupils; you have to try to do a superior job and that will be noticed sooner or later!


Bon courage  ,


Ernie
 

[AnnX]

Ernie - thank you for your kind post!  It's nice to hear about your struggle and success!  I think I am just beginning the process of figuring out exactly what role piano should have in my life, and though I have what some might consider success (college teaching and accomp. job) I'm not happy with it.  You have been smart in knowing what you want and patiently working towards it - thanks for sharing your story!