5 things that ruin your pleasure of watching a piano recital

[tds]

sitting on the wrong side of the hall, clicking-nail noise from the performer, cell phone ring tone burst out during performance, too many coughs, or othersl? tds

[pianonut]

 i actually fear pens dropping.  this once happened (and should have been taken as a compliment) but distracted me very much.

[tds]

1. i hate to be sitting too far back. cant see right, cant hear right.
2. i dont wanna see a pianist have a huge a memory lapse and stop in the middle of a performance. will feel sorry for him/her, and go uncomfortable at the same time.
3. sitting right behind a tall, hugely puffed-up-haired lady ( or a lady with massive hair accessoris in similar case )
4. too many coughs and snores
5. audience walk in and out during a slow, meditative work.

tds

[Bob]

Having a know-it-all sitting right behind you who audibly cringes (quick breath in, tsk'ing) at every mistake they hear, whispers those mistakes to their friend who doesn't understand this, and then explains to their friend all these mistake during the breaks.

Sitting in a concert hall that is so quiet you're afraid to move.

Having seats in the concert hall that are unconfortable to sit in.

Having a cold and feeling like you have to cough or blow your nose, but you can't step on their performance.  This only happens during those pieces that make use of silence a lot.

The recital that goes on too long.  Instead of enjoying the piece, I'm thinking, "Oh god!  When can I leave?"  and the performer is saying, "And for my next encore piece..."

B.O.  P.U.

[Waldszenen]

1. If your own phone goes off and its ringtone is not only loud, but quite embarassing (eg a hyped-up James Bond theme)

2. If you're a chain-sneezer

3. If you've got an itch somewhere (let's say your crotch) and someone notices you scratching it too often.

4. Clapping after a movement, by accident, or worse; yelling "bravo!!" amidst complete silence.

5. If you need to leave the hall and you're in the middle of your row....

[Dazzer]

1) when the pianist is just too damn good, and everyone loves him/her
2) when the pianist is so damn sh*t, and every loves him/her.

oh woops, that just rules out every recital then...

[bwv]

I always arrive early at recitals.  For this particular recital when I arrived I noticed the microphone hovering over the piano so I figured they'll be recording it.

When it started that's when I realized... it was *amplified*!! Sound was coming out of speakers somewhere, and a few milliseconds later, due to room acoustics, you could hear the real piano! Awful, just awful.  So now I steer clear when I see microphones.  I also think piano recitals in churches are the best idea by far.

I also hate people who want to talk to you right after a piece ends, people who cough (actually had a lady go into a coughing fit in the middle of the second mouvement of d960, she was sitting on stage behind the piano ( as the room was filled to capacity, this was Marc Andre Hamelin), so bad was her coughing she had to get up and leave).

Also people who want to start clapping right away, people who leave before the encore.

[Aniam]

People who try to talk during the music annoy the heck outa me.

[pocorina]

Are we talking about what we hate when WE are playing, or what we hate whilst listening to OTHERS playing?

1) While I am playing: I can't stand it if the pedal squeeks (this seems to happen to me often) or if the stool is low (I have mine precisely 4.5cm below the wood beneath the keys). It also irritates me intensely if I can hear somebody doing heavy breathing (though my friends tell me I do this myself whilst playing)!

2) Whilst listening: I don't like it if the performer is too physically "into" the music by swaying passionately with their eyes closed (I saw one guy get an erection whilst playing the slow section of Chopin's Fantasie-Impromptu).  I also don't like it if the room is too cold, or if the pianist is uncomfortably attractive [don't ask].

Also, it is bad for everyone involved if a helicopter chooses that particular evening to hover in the vacinity in an annoying and generaly loud fashion.

[bwv]

I also think piano recitals in churches are the best idea by far.

Oooops.  Severe type.  I meant to say that piano recitals in churches are NOT the best of ideas.  Terrible acoustics.  We seem to have 'em here all the time though.

[whynot]

1.  Performers who play with their HAIR, toss long hair out of the way between movements (a la Cher).  So tacky.

2.  Audiences who get up and leave during actual playing when they're not having a coughing fit.  Would it kill them to wait until the end of the piece??  If they are elderly, they may need to get to the restroom quickly, but what's everyone else's excuse?  That's about it.  Well...

3.  One more:  performers who dawdle walking onto the stage, like they're just  wandering around the building and, surprise, all these people are there.  A nice crisp walk gives the audience confidence that the performer wants to be there and is feeling good and energetic.     

[pianomann1984]

1) Performers that move too much (I fear this may be a contraversial one!).

2) Cell Phones.

3) Fidgeting between movememnts (just not necessary).

4) That critic that just wont quit typing on his laptop.

5) Audience members that feel it's just not right to have intimate moments in music - so they will cough/talk/rustle during any quiet moment.  Grrr just drives me bananas!!!

[chopin_rules]

1.  Sitting in the middle of your row, in the middle og the ground floor, and needing   the toilet.
2   when you desperatly wanted good seats, and you were told by the box office, "sorry, sold out", and when you arrive, sitting at the very back, and with a pillar in front of you, there you see, 10 empty seats in the front row!!!
3  Sitting behind really tall people, as I am really short
4  people who whisper.. "How long left?", really loudly, and think nobody has heard
5  When performers play a boring encore, which totally kills the moment of walking out of the concert amazed by the final piece of the program, like why play a piece of virtuosic difficulty as the final piece , and then play the minute waltz as an encore, it spoils the moment for me.

[Bob]

Sitting near the front and realizing everyone behind you has stood up for a standing ovation.

Sitting closer to the front and then the rest of the audience sits much further back so you're up there alone and somewhat "onstage" from the rest of the audience's viewpoint.

(These never happened to me.  I've seen them happen to others though, so I'm careful to avoid it.  Sounds stupid, maybe I'm worrying too much what others think...)


Performers that talk too much about the piece they're going to play next.

Having the majority of the audience stand for an ovation, while I sit there thinking, "That wasn't good enough for an ovation."  Usually, the audience isn't really interested in the quality of the performance.  (I stand anyways.  Giving in to peer pressure...)

Feeling sore halfway through the recital and forcing myself to sit there through the rest of it.

Being tired enough that I can't stay fully awake.  My fault, I know.  I wish I could be more alert.  Sometimes, I end up being half-asleep during the recital.  Very peaceful, but I'm definitely not into the music that way.

[apion]

Having a know-it-all sitting right behind you who audibly cringes (quick breath in, tsk'ing) at every mistake they hear, whispers those mistakes to their friend who doesn't understand this, and then explains to their friend all these mistake during the breaks.

Yep, that's a killlllller.

[dinosaurtales]

Performers that ham it up instead of playing good music
Audience members that "need" to get a cough drop out of their purse and crinkle the paper endlessly in the middle of a piece.
Audience members that can't stop coughing
Having a long line at the restroom at intermission and there's not enough time! (This is traditionally a women's problem - men go faster it seems)
Performers that play their recital too fast - like they can't wait to get the d**ned thing overwith!

[dlu]

this seems like an interesting thread...

1. "Overswaying" "Uneccesary Movement"
2. I hate when the seats are too darn close together...
3. Overplayed pieces
4. Unbalanced programs (alllll Bach...no way...he's good for an intro though)
5. Performers who insist on encores...when the audience has had enough

DLu

[pocorina]

2 when you desperatly wanted good seats, and you were told by the box office, "sorry, sold out", and when you arrive, sitting at the very back, and with a pillar in front of you, there you see, 10 empty seats in the front row!!!


5 When performers play a boring encore, which totally kills the moment of walking out of the concert amazed by the final piece of the program, like why play a piece of virtuosic difficulty as the final piece , and then play the minute waltz as an encore, it spoils the moment for me.

First of all, I would probably stand up and walk to the front and sit in one of the free seats. I do this often. I don't really care about the attention I draw to myself, but sometimes i wait until the interview.

Secondly, what, precisely, is wrong with the minute waltz?? tsk tsk

Another things I really hate, is when there is some type of child prodigy/genius sitting behind you, who is talking through the program (complete with the recital of musical terms and quoting famous pianists) and everyone in earshot i gradually going greener and greener with envy and thinking SHUT UP AND STOP BEING SO CLEVER!!!

[rafant]

All kind of annoying noises during the performance, that is, whispering, coghing, mobile phones ringing, babies crying, people arriving lately and stamping with the heels or sitting down loudly, and the opening of the plastic envelope of candies.

[sznitzeln]

When someone starts emitting weird noises from his mouth, then stands up and yells "I DONT WANT TO" , then a lady next to him gags his mouth with her hand...
(yes it happend, and almost everyone turned around)

When someone next to you is using way too much perfume

When someone infront of you shaking his or her head, and making sarcastic remarks to the neighbour.

[Noah]

1) People who talk to you right after the music ends, especially those who do so just to point out wrong notes the pianist played.
2)Sitting behind tall people, then you move to find an angle at which you can see the pianist and just then that person in front of you moves too and ruins it. Never fails.
3)People who leave as soon as the recital's finished. Someone has just been playing for them for 2 hours and they don't even have the decency to clap.
4)People who clap between movements, talk during the playing- worst of all, kids who talk really loud. Erm, sorry I know this makes me sound like an antisocial bastard but what's the point of bringing a 5 year old to a recital? There's no way he's gonna stay still. Besides, there's special concert series that children can attend.
5)People who think they'll look smarter if they "conduct" the music, especially since in general they don't even know the piece in the first place.

[Bacfokievrahms]

1. Bad lighting
2. Bad special effects
3. No character development
4. A plot that goes nowhere
5. If when looking at the pianist from a 90 degree angle such that i see him at his exact profile, I can see both his feet rather than only seeing one foot because he's deftly covering the other.

[lostinidlewonder]

1: Start thinking about the music more than listening to music. I think most musicians do that unavoidably when they sit in concert hall and listen to pieces they can already play themselves or have studied, but it is annoying because it limits your full appreciation of the music.
 
2: Noticing near you people who like the piece being played and start humming out of tune or sway or tap incessantly.

3: If the musician has a quirk which I can't stop noticing. Constipated facial expressions or overdone "show-off" movements at the piano etc. Or in Helfgott's case, the sounds he makes.

4: If the piano is too soft (I really would enjoy a piano mic'ed up rather than one which isn't and is just struggling to be heard in the massive hall. There is just no way in winning when you play in a venues that have bad acoustics, if you mic yourself up people will still complain that you are ruining the real sound produced from the piano, but if you dont mic it, the sound will be just weak.)

5: If what the person wears looks utterly ridiculous. For instance I couldn't stop looking at the slippers one younger boy was wearing when he walked onto stage for a recital. Slipper?! Like... thongs even. I just watched them flop and bend as he pressed the pedal and didn't even care about the music. On the other hand i did go to a Mozart under the Moonlight event at the Perth Kings Park and they did lots of the music with traditional wigs and outfits. That makes the presentation very interesting and really trasports you back in time!

[SDL]

Ok here's my contribution:


1) This not purely piano but its my ultimate bug bear: politics in amateur orchestras where the conductor is so bad he couldnt even excite a pervert, and he's so pretentious with his head up his ****; and then there is the fuddy duddy "male" 1st violinist who is so terrible (probably didn't even practice) that you think the talented lady next to him probably should have been 1st violinist.

2) Just about everyone in the audience likes to mass cough in the interval : I mean would they cough normally while watching TV.  I think its like Pavlov's theory for concert goers

3) small kids/babies should never be allowed in to the concert hall, or anyone else who makes too much noise during performance.

4) music society snobs who havn't got a clue what they are listening to, but because the pianist is "well known", they are "marvellous" regardless of the fact that the pianist was boring, insufficiently prepared etc..

5) Pianists that think they are god's gift! (e.g John Lill)

[tds]

my other five:

1. you knew the person next to you farted, but he managed to look so innocent.
2. he farted again. and this time he kinda looked at you and your surrounding, covering his nose with his hand, while pretending to look disgusted.
3. four other people now kinda looked at you direction
4. you moved around aimlessly, trying to reduce the volume of air your were inhaling.
5. yes, ten minutes later, you farted. but talking about doomed revenge, you soon found out yours was not effective.

tds

[dinosaurtales]

Ok here's my contribution:


1) This not purely piano but its my ultimate bug bear: politics in amateur orchestras where the conductor is so bad he couldnt even excite a pervert, and he's so pretentious with his head up his ****; and then there is the fuddy duddy "male" 1st violinist who is so terrible (probably didn't even practice) that you think the talented lady next to him probably should have been 1st violinist.

2) Just about everyone in the audience likes to mass cough in the interval : I mean would they cough normally while watching TV.  I think its like Pavlov's theory for concert goers

3) small kids/babies should never be allowed in to the concert hall, or anyone else who makes too much noise during performance.

4) music society snobs who havn't got a clue what they are listening to, but because the pianist is "well known", they are "marvellous" regardless of the fact that the pianist was boring, insufficiently prepared etc..

5) Pianists that think they are god's gift! (e.g John Lill)

Egad!!! Talk about hitting the nail on the head SDL!  We have an orchestra JUST like that here!  Where (I suspect) the first violinist is somebody's brother-in-law or something.  He's SOOOOOOo bad, and the rest of the orchestra is good.

[SDL]

Yay DinosaurTales!!   

[Bob]

Someone with a cold snorting in the audience and then finally blowing their nose. yuck

A performer who projects arrogance and condescension toward the audience or a performer who is too pleased with how they've done.

Yes, the candy crinkling.  The ones that think they are quiet and only crinkle a little, but it goes on forever.

Getting the giggles for no reason and not being able to stop cracking up.

Feeling constricted in breathing.

Moving in your chair and having the seat make a farting sound.  Now you have a dilemna -- Do you sit still and accept that from a chair, or do you purposely move and make the chair make that noise so those around you know it was really the chair?

Accidentally making some sort of sound with your mouth.  The concert hall is dead quite.  You open your mouth and it makes a nice loud kissing or smacking sound.

Music that is too avante garde -- when it sounds like static on your tv and goes on and on.

[aajjmb]

1.  Pianists that try to copy other pianists ovements to make them look better...or doing weird hand movements that are just to show off
2.  Buisnessmen/rich fucks who buy the best seats in the house to impress their girlfreinds and think they're all high class even though they couldn't name you 1 of chopin's pieces
3.  Old people that are grumpy and rude that don't actually know anything about piano but they just think that they should criticize neways
4. Having a friend with you who is super critical
5. when your super critical friend pretends to play on his knee even though he wouldn't stand a chance at playing the piece

[galonia]

I really only have 2 things that drive me nuts - the others I can tolerate fairly well, if the performance is good.

1. Mobile phones ringing - this is just totally inconsiderate and avoidable.

2. The person behind me kicking my seat - ok, when you first sit down, sometimes, you might accidentally knock the seat in front of you, but you don't need to kick throughout the entire performance - just SIT STILL for a few moments!!!

Of course, if I am not enjoying the performance, then it's much harder not to dwell on little annoying things that may happen, which chip away at my tolerance levels.

Regarding some of the complaints listed before:

- coughing between movements - I think if people have all resisted coughing throughout a movement, then I don't mind them all getting rid of whatever is irritating their throat when their is no music.  Better than having the occasional cough interrupting the music throughout the whole night.

- rustling lolly papers - I've been to quite a few concerts and recitals where there is a jar of cough lollies that people can use during interval, if they feel it will help prevent coughing during the 2nd half.  If you bring your own, they should definitely be silently accessible!

Someone with a cold snorting in the audience and then finally blowing their nose. yuck

Getting the giggles for no reason and not being able to stop cracking up.

This was not during a music performance, but when the big boss of where I work was giving an all-staff seminar, and I sat in the front row next to a Director.  As soon as the big boss guy started talking, the Director started blowing his nose, and he didn't stop for the entire hour-and-a-bit of the seminar - I was a bit concerned he would blow the entire contents of his body into his handkerchief, and had to work hard not to giggle.  Yes, very annoying.

[Waldszenen]

I agree with the kicking of the seat part.

[musik_man]

Regarding coughing.  I've noticed that the amount of coughing is completely dependent on the volume of the room. 

c = 1/v

where
c=volume of coughing
v=volume of music

[hodi]

coughing!
why the hell people cough so much at concerts? why? do they do it on purpose???

[Siberian Husky]

i was at a stricly Gershwin performance where a local pianist named Seth was just jammin and groovin...assuming you all are familiar with gershwin..you know theres just that hint of blues that he adds to his song book series and his rhapsody etc..ANYWAYS//so this big guy is sitting in front of me...and its bad enough that hes big and i have to lean a bit to actually see the pianist..well..during MOST of the performance..hes rockin left and rock swaying to the music..so then i have to semi-rock right and left as well to keep my view of the pianist...what a horrible experience

[Waldszenen]

coughing!
why the hell people cough so much at concerts? why? do they do it on purpose???

Hehe apparently once in this small concert hall in Moscow (?) an old guy threw up everywhere and half the people in the hall had to stand around the edges because it stank so bad.

[thorn]

1) The pianist playing something i could never hope to achieve
2) The pianist having a memory lapse (i recently went to a Pascal Roge piano recital and he forgot the last three pages of Debussy's 'Ondine'- I felt so embarrassed for him)
3)Mobile phones
4) Coughing and paper rustling
5) being to hot/too cold

[pianomann1984]

The pianist having a memory lapse (i recently went to a Pascal Roge piano recital and he forgot the last three pages of Debussy's 'Ondine'- I felt so embarrassed for him)

You're being a little harsh, I think!  Memory lapses happen to the best musicians.  It's how they deal with it that can be a little embarrassing.

[Glyptodont]

I didn't get through all 36 replies up to now, so I hope no one has said this.

Students at a university concert (admitted free) strolling in with dirty, sweaty t-shirts, or gym clothes, or blue-jean cut-offs, and conveying a "hey, let's check this out" attitude.  Smirks, whispering during the performance, etc. 

At one major university, this was a regular occurrence.

[sharon_f]

Having the majority of the audience stand for an ovation, while I sit there thinking, "That wasn't good enough for an ovation."  Usually, the audience isn't really interested in the quality of the performance.  (I stand anyways.  Giving in to peer pressure...)

Standing ovations have gotten completely out of hand. They are absolutely meaningless anymore.  They used to be reserved for those once-in-a-lifetime extraordinary performances. Now it seems everyone jumps to their feet regardless of how good or bad a performance is. People are no longer concerned with being discerning, educated listeners.

I wonder do performers feel embarassed when they give a mediocre (or God forbid terrible)performance and half the audience jumps to their feet? Has anyone here received a standing ovation they know they didn't deserve?

[pianonut]

yes.  i get standing ovations all the time.  they clap because i'm getting up to leave the piano.  just kidding. 

just had a big test tonight in 18th century music, get to the end, the printer won't work.  i have to e-mail my paper to the prof.  and myself (to make sure i don't lose it).  i hate computers.

and, people who use fingernail clippers right before a performance.  also, i hate it when lighting is so bad that you have to tip your program forward and squint to see what's next.  (maybe i'm the problem)  what i really hate is when you just got up to let a couple people go by, and then the person sitting next to you decides to get out, and comes back, and you have to keep standing up and sitting down.  what would they say if you said 'jump over my knees, i'm not getting up again.'  or made them sqeeze really tight between the seat and your knees.

ok. one last thing i hate.  when your kids finally say 'yes' they will come to the concert and then fall asleep (after paying for their ticket). 

[Rach3]

'jump over my knees, i'm not getting up again.'

Be careful with this - If they're anything like me they might actually try this. And what if they don't quite make it?

[pianonut]

i suppose it depends on what they look like.  suppose it was that waiter type - slicked back italian black hair, olive complexion, and musical nose.  ok.  i'm married.  i might turn to my husband and say something like, 'i do this to men all the time, and then spank him.'

[pianowelsh]

seeing someone on the platform who is suffering and doesent want to be there. Worst of all if they have memory lapse of completely break down. I want to cry for them!