Student Frustration - Talented quitter

[robert]

I have a student who is the most talanted I have met. She is only 7 years old and I've had her as student for about 6 months and she has made enormous progress. The preconditions are very good as her mother plays the piano and is very enthusiastic about it. She has, but for the talent also very large hand and can already grip an octave. She used to be very stubborn and practised about 2 hours a day which must be considered a lot for such a young child.

Me and her mother have agreed to speed up the learning process a lot as the first times I was there, she learned the pieces before I finished my coffee.

One day, I talked to her mother in phone and she has just stopped playing and did not want to play anymore. She did not want to say the reason to anyone and we speculate that it could have been the fast process that made her frustrated as it had been so easy in the beginning and now everything feels very difficult. Or, it could have been something that someone said in school. Her mother has tried to talk to her and so has her sister but she just refuse to say why. Her sister guessed that it might was because I was not there often enough (once a week).

I hardly know why I make this post but I guess I just wanted to see if anyone share my experience and have a suggestion or two. Unfortunately, she is not very open minded and hardly talk to me at all. I will NOT give up on her as I believe that she can become something great!

[lostinidlewonder]

Yes I know exactly how you feel. I find it extremely rude if a student tells you on the phone that they don't want to do lessons anymore. If you really consider it, a teacher gives a lot of their time, no, dedicates a lot of personal time to their students. If a student just treats you like junk and RINGS you and says, oh we better stop, well then they have no concept of etiquette no matter who they are or how good they are. If they are too gutless to come up to you face to face and talk why even bother ringing.

Move on and don't give a *** because talent is nothing if it doesn't have the inspiration to learn more and more. A quitter is not a musician, musicians lose so many times in their musical journey before they actually get anywhere so a quitter will be a crap musician no matter how good they are. So don't waste too much time over it, they will drag you down with them on an unmusical path otherwise.

[bernhard]

I do sympathise with your predicament.  I have had in the past amazing children who could achieve greatness, and yet they wouldn’t. In time I learned detachment.

I think it will be difficult to do anything unless you know what exactly is going on. Perhaps she just need a break. Does she actually enjoy playing? Or does she do it because she is being “forced” to (there are many subtle ways of forcing children to do things)? Whose idea was it in the first place to learn the piano?

If she enjoys playing, perhaps you should just give her a couple of months with no specific assignment, just let her play for the pleasure of it.

You may well be right in both your guesses (things have become difficult – perhaps rather than just hearing praise now she has to do with criticism as well and she may not used to that – or it may be peer pressure).

A great motivator is to watch other children of the same age playing. Last month there was a concert on the local school which several of my students attended. The headmaster asked the children who played an instrument and would like to take part on the event. A number of my students wanted to do it. Others were shy about it. In any case, on the day of the concert, there were several children (aged between 5 and 9) who played the violin, the cello, the piano (some were my students), the recorder (again some were my students) and the school choir (which just started this term). The audience (parents and relatives) was very warm and enthusiastic, the children were very relaxed and played beautifully. On the days after the concert, my students were on  a practice high! (both the ones who took part and the ones who did not – they now want to be in the next one, so they are practising hard to be up to it). It was as if something had clicked and they had understood the point of it all. They finally got the idea that music is not some boring activity that you do in isolation who knows why. There is a point to it, and the point is to share it. (Besides, being the centre of attention and getting all that applause helps!). Anyway, is there any recital, music festival, school concert you could take your student to? It might rekindle her interest.

Without knowing exactly what the cause is, this is all I can think for the moment.

(And keep in mind what liiw has said above. He is quite right).

Good luck!

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[Bacfokievrahms]

Yes I know exactly how you feel. I find it extremely rude if a student tells you on the phone that they don't want to do lessons anymore. If you really consider it, a teacher gives a lot of their time, no, dedicates a lot of personal time to their students. If a student just treats you like junk and RINGS you and says, oh we better stop, well then they have no concept of etiquette no matter who they are or how good they are. If they are too gutless to come up to you face to face and talk why even bother ringing.

Move on and don't give a *** because talent is nothing if it doesn't have the inspiration to learn more and more. A quitter is not a musician, musicians lose so many times in their musical journey before they actually get anywhere so a quitter will be a crap musician no matter how good they are. So don't waste too much time over it, they will drag you down with them on an unmusical path otherwise.

Pretty harsh on a seven year-old.

[bernhard]

Pretty harsh on a seven year-old.

This may be true, yet, seven is already a good age for parents to teach children the difficult art of showing consideration

[pianowelsh]

Very true. However child pschology is not so easy. It has to be remembered she is at a delicate age in the developmental process.  Lessons however demanding still need to be fun and not altogether serious at 6-7 there is alos the stress of school and peers sometimes to be talented is hard - remember when you were little and you had to discipline and practice and felt the odd one out in class because you could already do something well. I pressure is applied too fast and at the same time as school pressure it can be like a volcano waiting to errupt and if an 'extra' activity (theres no choice about school) suddenly becomes hard work and looses its 'special - fun' quality it can be like the end of a dream.  She may be very talented - but talent comes on a vast degree of scales the most important thing is not that they become a shining start of the piano because statistcially only about 2% of Conservatoire graduates worldwide are going to make that - nevermind 7 yr old susie who came to have piano lessons because her mum likes to play and she wants to do it aswell. It needs to be enjoyable and not too pressured at the young stage and if you do well you may produce a happy rounded person who plays the piano to a very highlevel of amateur or even semi-pro by the time they reach their thirties. Really the time to apply the pressure if 'they' (not their parents are really serious) is in their early to mid teens when they know that if they want to be good at something they have to put in work. Take off the pressure for a while reward the progress and even give her the opportunity to show off a little maybe a student concert or better still some simple chamber piece that means she can work with someone else (rather than on own) may work wonders?? I dont covet your problem.

[robert]

Thank you all for taking the time to answer to my frustration. The idea of going to a concert with other children musicians is the idea that I might apply, if I get an ok from her parents.

I know that not only talent is needed to become a pianist or any kind of musician. Very hard work, a stubborn and almost foolish dedication for the art has to be applied too and I can go as short as to myself to understand that. While I was rather talented, there were other children more talented who I passed because I forced myself to practise a lot more and with extreme focus. I used to punish myself when my mind went elsewhere with 4 octaves both hands chromatic scales, 4 times up and down (sometimes third apart or mirror scales if I was very careless). Nothing that I will ever apply to my students of course and I am not even sure it made me better. Well, I know my chromatics pretty well. 

Anyway, what I thought this particular girl had was the power to put in really hard work but perhaps I was wrong and as you say, I should not care very much about it.
I will make one or two more attempts.

[whynot]

My sympathies!  I have had this happen before, and one very recently.  Nothing stomps on your heart like a student who could succeed but won't.  We lose much more sleep over it than they do, I'm sure.  But the suggestions given all sound good-- I'll try some of them myself-- and hopefully they will keep her engaged in playing while she goes through whatever she's going through.  I have NO advice to give!  But very best wishes.

[robert]

I am happy to say that she is back in track. Much faster than I expected.
I took her and her sister along with my daughter to the golf club today and we discussed this in the car (her fathers idea). The reason she stopped was that one of her "friends", apparently jealous about he skills, teased her and told her it was wimpy to play the piano. Children are so easily affected about what other children say but I hope that she has come over this for good.
We made new plans and new practise routins and she again seems very eager. 

[abell88]

Great news!

[i_m_robot]

*jealousy seeps more deep*   jk

7 years old and she can probably outplay self

that is amazing however

[whynot]

Yea, Robert!  Nice job.

[robert]

*jealousy seeps more deep*   jk

7 years old and she can probably outplay self

that is amazing however

No she can't (from what I remember from you). Approximately level is Bach's first prelude from Wtk I. But I consider that great after 6 months.