Your LOVE LIFE as a Pianist

[jhon]

What's the status of your love life?  Married? Single? With fiance/e?  I know many pianists who grew old single or if not, divorced.  Do you think pianists can't really serve two masters - the piano and their loved one?  

It does not neccesarily follow that couple musicians make it.  For instance, Cecile Licad, Filipino pianist, has been married to Antonio Meneses, a Brazilian cellist, but after 10 years, the finally broke up.  They had one child though who stays with Cecile.  (If you're a pianist like Licad who practices 10AM~7PM everyday, probably, no lover can stand you.  In an interview, she said she's almost "married" to the piano.)  

Also, Argerich has 3 children from 3 different men and was divorced 3 times.  It's just very rare to find pianists with promising love and family lives.  ?  Aside from them, take for example, Gould and Cliburn, they all are great talent but where are they now - "AloneLiness?"

I just wonder, do pianists have really ASEXUAL tendencies?

[rob47]

you may be on to something. My love life has sucked for a while now. My playing is definietly more passionate when I'm not seeing anybody; I practice more effectively, and for longer periods of time.  But it goes beyond having a girlfriend: even just hangning out on a sunday with my close friends can end abruptly because i need to go practice it seems. But my computer has a big hard drive so......

[pianonut]

i think it has everything to do with balance.  if you are single, married, divorced, widowed, it doesn't matter as much as finding the right balance for your life.  i used to think that music was created soley by the physical kind of love experience (translated to music), but it is so temporary and fleeting.  love is more universal and includes friends, neighbors, older people, children, people who are sick, in trouble, need help, etc. and time spent with them.

that being said...i personally do like being married.  there is freedom to share without fear of being criticized - and we make music together both ways.  my husband has a very rich baritone voice that i never get enough of, too.  sometimes we 'critique' each other, but never do it to hurt the other persons feelings.  i value my husbands musical ideas and he does mine.   

[ted]

I agree with Pianonut. I do not think there is any relation at all between the state of my love life and the quality of my music. I acknowledge that for some people there might be a connection but for me there is not, except in the sense that my wife and  my son have provided a secure foundation of love and stability within which my music thrives. 

[Derek]

My success with women has decreased linearly with my improvement at the piano. There are other factors I suppose. I quit my metal band, around which many girls used to hang, thats how I met some of my ex girlfriends. College is distracting, I still live at home, and I never go to parties. So...unless I go out of my way, I probably won't meet anyone for...a while. Women have a tendency to appear suddenly and pounce on me, however, so we'll see.

[Dazzer]

well i haven't HAD much of a love life...not because of practice. i just don't meet any girls.

*shruG* that's what internet is for i guess. haha...

[Goldberg]

Yeah, I'm about the same as Dazzer. It may seem somewhat anomalous, but even as a 17 year old guy I have never had any real interest in hooking up with a girl for more-than-friendly relationships. Indeed, even stranger is that I have had two or three best friends ("have had"--only one of them keeps in touch now, because no one else could stand me!), all of whom were girls. Yet even though I am straight, I have never had much desire to go beyond just that friendship. Part of it is that I am afraid of the commitment, I suppose, but also because I romantic relationships as relatively ridiculous in light of all the silly social conventions and traditions that go along with it. Too much work! And I abhor intimate contact, verbal or otherwise, with anyone.

I do also believe that my obsession with piano has done a lot for that, making me more hermetic with each hour of practice, but just yesterday I realised exactly how little I actually cared about that. Would I rather be working towards catharsis, technical mastery, and artistic excellence to achieve a glimpse into "humanity" (a broad term of course but i assume you know what I mean), or would I rather be out flirting with a girl who is really as interested in me as I am in her (not very) and only wants to hang around me so I can buy her dinner and a movie just because she bats her eyes and shakes her butt at me every now and then?    Besides, I have met only one girl with significant interest in classical music (many of them put on affectations to appear educated in the field, but fall apart almost immediately after conversation begins) and she moved away shortly thereafter.

Not to get excessively personal, but there is one who has most of my attention and is the most likely "date" for me, but the trouble is she lives in London which is...very far away from where I am now...so fat chance!

And in the meantime I lock myself up and practice and laze around on the computer and generally don't even think about that love life at all. I find it too distracting, too trivial, not to sound pretentious or anything that's just my opinion of it. I'm sure that with the right girl it would be quite different--but I won't waste my time going out to find her!

It's curious that I type quite a lot in my posts on piano forums when in fact in real life I almost hate talking with other people because I'm so darned shy and timid/polite (which also, incidentally, contrasts my playing style which is something like my posting style: long, verbose, and occassionally simply flamboyant, not very attractive). I can also be rather arrogant and sarcastic at times as well! That could also be why I'm not so popular..

Heh, aren't I just the bright ray of sunshine?

[pianonut]

i think you're smart, goldberg.  i got married at 24 and don't regret having to wait.  there were several guys that i liked, but none as much as my husband (so am glad to have waited).  it's good you already know what you are looking for.  when you get over the 'just good looks' part and get into a serious friendship - it makes for a longer lasting marriage imo.  my husband was 40 at the time.  he hadn't had any serious relationships even at that age.  not that i'm suggesting this for anyone, but it made me secure when i walked into his apt. kitchen and it was fully stocked!  (he likes gadgets and likes to cook).  he always had job, friends, interests, hobbies, and ...like you, never really missed having a steady girlfriend unless he went out to eat alone.  he still hates to eat alone to this day.

it's funny how much a person changes, yet doesn't change over a period of years.  we've been married 20 years in june!  we were friends for a year, and then one of the last times he took me out, i started 'checking him out' as you say - for more than a friendship.  it's funny, but i first looked at his profile (not the kind on the internet).  he has a really nice face and warm and friendly.  he was driving along, and it hit me.  i really like this guy.  i stared at him and said 'you know, you're really good looking.' (speaking while thinking - which hasn't changed for me).

once i decided - i know girls aren't supposed to - but i'm rather persisitent and annoying (like derek's pouncers) i took him up on an offer to visit him and got married to him in three weeks.  my parents were sure i was pregnant (not) and couldn't understand why the rush?  i think it was the conversations until 1:00 in the morning, his irresistability, his voice, and the tight jeans he used to wear.  what happened to those tight jeans?  he still  likes me to wear them, but does he wear them (no, their too constricting).  same with thong underwear, does he wear them. no.  they are the most annoying invention ever made.  so what does he buy me at fredericks the other day (yes, thong underwear - with no top - is this a hint?).  ok.  i wear it twice and remember the discomfort for a year.

[bernhard]

I once went through a 15 year period without any sex at all. Then I had my 16 year-old birthday party.

[BoliverAllmon]

I once went through a 15 year period without any sex at all. Then I had my 16 year-old birthday party.

LOL priceless.

I am personally engaged. It does take balance, but as long as your significant other understands this everything should be ok.

boliver

[Dazzer]

I once went through a 15 year period without any sex at all. Then I had my 16 year-old birthday party.

lucky you...

[Kassaa]

No sex and no girlfriend for 13 years 

[pianonut]

congratulations, boliver!  you will now have to be more discreet about farting or talking about them.  girls pretend to laugh along, but are really thinking 'what a jerk to fart in the car.'  you have to learn to time them.   i absolutely disallow my husband to drink rootbeer before going anywhere.

[paris]

i've noticed when i'm seeing with someone who also plays piano, and who is really good at it, i tend to practise more...

but while i was seeing my ex,  whos only occupation was basketball  i was kinda queen of laziness   

i didn't practised at all huh 

[jhon]

I think I'm the same as Goldberg - no other life other than a cycle work, piano, and Internet.  It's ironic for I'm very active in virtual relationships (in forums like these) so passive in real life.  And i only befriend people who can accept - or at least tolerate - my music and my routine.  Piano is perhaps the most selfish musical instrument.  Actually, whenever I'm saturated playing, I ask myself, "Is it worth it, sacrificing almost everything for this inanimate object?"  But I then realized, it is not really the piano which I'm obssesed with but it's my talent!  Also, my feeling when away from the piano is the worst feeling I can have - worse than feeling saturated in the piano.

I guess I just have to accept this destiny as a pianist, though kind of lonely.  Anyway, in reality, we cannot have the monopoly of everything; there are times when we have to choose one in exchange for the other.  I cannot have a "classical" and a "modern" attitude, behavior, and personality at the same time...    

[thalbergmad]

cycle, work, piano, internet, thats me to a tee. Even thought i am a only a keen amatuer, piano comes before girls and just about everything else. Still single at 40.

[paris]

I just wonder, do pianists have really ASEXUAL tendencies?

nooo  thats just not true (for me) 

[Teddybear]

Also, Argerich has 3 children from 3 different men and was divorced 3 times.

I've heard she's too difficult to live with because she likes doing stuff during nighttime.

I just wonder, do pianists have really ASEXUAL tendencies?

Not me.    The person I love is one of the greatest motivators for piano playing. It's wonderful to see a dear face in the audience when you perform. It's also nice to think about bedrooms when you have a bad day and don't feel like practising. I'm a simple person. 

T

[galonia]

i just don't meet any girls.

Yeah, that's coz you went to Newington!   

Just kidding - seriously, didn't you take some MLC girl to her debut or something?  All my MLC friends were always going to balls and socials with their Newington partners.

[janice]

Piano,work, chat on the internet--does it get any better than this?!  I hope it does, I'm still single at 38.   Maybe I should get out and go meet some men, but I kinda enjoy my life!  But then again, I need to get out and go meet men........

[Dazzer]

Yeah, that's coz you went to Newington!   

Just kidding - seriously, didn't you take some MLC girl to her debut or something?  All my MLC friends were always going to balls and socials with their Newington partners.

well i know of people who did. but no i didn't. haha god what girl in the right mind would ask me.

and no that was PLC ashfield. But then i was "volunteered" as a partner for girls who didn't have one. but she found one (i guess thanks to me!) and told me not to come. meh.

[Daevren]

I think I used to be like how Goldberg describes.

But then I met a special girl. I think I have been in love for three and a half years now. At the start we talked about the possibility of a romantic relationship. For some reason it didn't seem right for her, and for one half of my personality. She is one of my best friends but I never actively tried to move our relationship in the romantic area. Personally I believe that this should go automatic. I don't want to 'chase' one of my friends for sex or a romantic relationship. That seems silly. But then again, she isn't single that often. She will probably marry her current partner and be very happy with him.


*does understand love but doens't understand human mating rituals*

BTW, I am 21.

[solange]

I think that pianists are either totally disinterested in sex, or that they are totally INTO sex. They are so passionate, they crave physical pleasure.

On the other hand, they might just be content to experience this with their own pianos.

[tenn]

I once went through a 15 year period without any sex at all.

I often wondered how you could type up such long responses Bernhard. And then there's that business of getting students through 8 grades in 3 years. It's not natural.

[minimozart007]

I'm a 14 year old music geek, 'nuff said.

[haydn]

I'm not even a pianist yet ! 
BUT PIANO IS MY LIFE !