The "serious" piano teacher

[Bob]

lol.... This will be amusing..... 


Who is the "serious" piano teacher?


The serious piano teacher crosses his legs, leg over leg.

The serious piano teacher looks like he's smelling something bad all the time.

The serious piano teacher would be male.  Or maybe a strict withered eastern European female.

The serious piano teacher wears a sportscoat that does not match the rest of his clothing.  He frequently wears clothes that are out of date and don't match at all.  Plaid, big collars, and pants that end above the ankles.

Occassionally, the serious piano teacher will even wears shorts. 

The serious piano teacher does not have a tan.  Pasty grey skin with veins.

You will pay big bucks to take lessons with the serious piano teacher, and he may not take you as a student.  You may have to prove you are worthy to take lessons with him.

The serious piano teacher has high credentials.

The serious piano teacher will occasionally joke around with friends who are a bit on the eccentric side.

The serious piano teacher is middle aged (or older).

The serious piano teacher has an odd odor about him.  So does his teaching room.

The serious piano teacher will have some other oddities about him -- not using the internet, not having a car, being obsessed with some type of exotic food, something along those lines...

The serious piano is white.

The serious piano teacher will speak slowly and occasionally smack his gums before speaking.

Do not argue with the serious piano teacher.  If you do, if you disagree... then you clearly do not have that spark to be a true musician and should not be in music anymore.

The serious piano teacher does not having a clue why you don't understand even the simplest things about music.

The serious piano teacher only deals with the highest ideals of music -- only pure interpretation, no extras.... and no technique -- Focus on the sound, don't worry about technique.  Technique just happens.

The serious piano teacher will give extra time on piano lessons.



Do you know the serious piano teacher?

[Jacey1973]

lol.... This will be amusing..... 


Who is the "serious" piano teacher?


The serious piano teacher crosses his legs, leg over leg.

The serious piano teacher looks like he's smelling something bad all the time.

The serious piano teacher would be male.

The serious piano teacher wears a sportscoat that does not match the rest of his clothing.  He frequently wears clothes that are out of date and don't match at all.  Plaid, big collars, and pants that end above the ankles.

The serious piano teacher does not have a tan.  Pasty grey skin with veins.

You will pay big bucks to take lessons with the serious piano teacher, and he may not take you as a student.  You may have to prove you are worthy to take lessons with him.

The serious piano teacher has high credentials.

The serious piano teacher will occasionally joke around with friends who are a bit on the eccentric side.

The serious piano teacher is middle aged.

The serious piano teacher has an odd odor about him.  So does his teaching room.

The serious piano teacher will have some other oddities about him -- not using the internet, not having a car, being obsessed with some type of exotic food, something along those lines...

The serious piano is white.

The serious piano teacher will speak slowly and occasionally smack his gums before speaking.

Do not argue with the serious piano teacher.  If you do, if you disagree... then you clearly do not have that spark to be a true musician and should not be in music anymore.

The serious piano teacher does not having a clue why you don't understand even the simplest things about music.

The serious piano teacher only deals with the highest ideals of music -- only pure interpretation, no extras.... and no technique -- Focus on the sound, don't worry about technique.  Technique just happens.

The serious piano teacher will give extra time on piano lessons.



Do you know the serious piano teacher?

....

[Jacey1973]

Who is the "serious" piano teacher?


The serious piano teacher crosses his legs, leg over leg.

Oh yes, and this point is also true.

[Bob]

Yes, I wonder if serious piano teachers are created from one place in the world out of the same cold fish and grey clay.


The serious piano teacher was of course a prodigy.  He performed with "The Symphony" when he was three.  He remembers playing that piece that you've been working on for months when was five.  Took him a week to polish it after sight reading it.


The serious piano teacher can just touch the piano and controlled shaped sounds are produced.  After showing you the "right" way to play that passage, he expects you to reproduce that same effect immediately and "certainly!.... certainly!  by next week! Lord!..."

[Jacey1973]

Yes, I wonder if serious piano teachers are created from one place in the world out of the same cold fish and grey clay.


The serious piano teacher was of course a prodigy.  He performed with "The Symphony" when he was three.

[Bob]

I don't want to be like that.


The serious piano teacher works for a prominent music school or has an elite group of pianists in his teaching studio (You were the boarderline case and he's still not sure it was a good idea to accept you.)

The serious piano teacher might not stand out too much in the background of a Star Wars movie.


The serious piano teacher will make references to obscure battles in Greek and Roman times that are somehow relevant to the piece you're working on, but you don't dare ask how.

The serious piano teacher will pause and look at you like you're a moron when you tell him you really don't anything about one his hobbies or really don't like the taste of some fine delicacy he studies.  "You DO know the difference between these types of cavier, don't you?  I was once presented with them as a gift from the King and Dutches of Bulgaria in 1950 during my second European recital tour."  If you think silence is effective in music, you will have a stunning example when you tell him you really don't like cavier much.  The earth stands still as he looks at you and finally says, "Well.... (another pause) it's not for everyone I guess."

The serious piano teacher has at least a hint of some type of accent.  He pronounces some words in other ways -- such as saying "schedule" as the English do.  This will lock your mind up a bit when he asks you a question with that word and you must respond using that word -- do you pronounce it the way you always have, or do you try to imitate his pronounciation?

Beethoven is ALWAYS on the recital for the serious piano teacher.  I mean you just can't have a recital without Beethoven, you just can't...  And it will be the fifth or sixth time the serious piano teacher has played that sonata.  He's played them all about thirty years ago and about five or six times since then and now is beginning to really understand them -- He'd tell you about it, but you're not ready for that.

[Jacey1973]

Beethoven is ALWAYS on the recital for the serious piano teacher.  I mean you just can't have a recital without Beethoven, you just can't...  And it will be the fifth or sixth time the serious piano teacher has played that sonata.  He's played them all about thirty years ago and about five or six times since then and now is beginning to really understand them -- He'd tell you about it, but you're not ready for that.

OMG, yes.

[pianonut]

bob,

in many of these, i thought you were referring to my piano teacher.  but, alas, he is young (and good looking), and he doesn't wear a large overcoat.  in fact, int eh summer he's been known to wear sandals (gasp).

but, he is SERIOUS.  i mean if you joke around (as i did for too long) you are truly the borderline case that may fall out the window. 

ps  i don't think he likes beethoven much.

 

[Bob]

Hey nut! 

Maybe you have a young serious piano teacher.  In time, he will age into a more serious, serious piano teacher.

It's a sport jacket, not an overcoat.  Plaid never dies!

Hmmm... I thought there would be more response to this thread.  Maybe it's too true?




More about the serious piano teacher...

The serious piano teacher's breath smells of tuna fish.  You occassionally are treated to a whiff when he sighs.  He also coughed nearly in your face on occassion.

Serious piano teachers are almost always male.  They did not feel the urge to have children.  Some were selected to become serious piano teachers because they would not quit piano to focus on a family.  Long ago in his younger days, the serious piano teacher found monetary support in female concert goers with nothing better to do who just liked the way he looked when he played piano.  The creation of the serious piano teacher was not entirely under his control that way.

One time, the serious piano teacher (who was sitting cross legged) shifted position in his chair.  While doing so, a sound was produced.  You are not entirely sure, but it was probably not the chair.    Fortunately you face slightly away from the serious piano teacher during lessons.  He sits behind you.  The challenge for that lesson was keeping a straight face and not bursting out laughing.  (Your eyes gave you away though)

The serious piano teacher has not actually professionally concertized for some time now (20 years or more).  He will occassionally refer to his debue... from fifty years ago.

The serious piano teacher is not married, but that's a given.  If he is (an you will never see his wife), then his wife is a descendent of a dignitary from a foreign country or from a composer like Wagner, Liszt, Beethoven, or Brahms.

You will never see the serious piano teacher out of his teaching room.  (except for the recitals I guess)  There are times you will wonder if he is permanently attached to that chair.

The serious piano teacher has never and will never be impressed or pleased with your playing, no what your efforts are.  He has taught numerous professional concert pianists.  You are the glass half-empty.

The serious piano teacher will tell you to knock off with the melodramic antics when you feel the music and play expressively (at leat you think so).  It's music, not showmanship.  Then he will tell you to play more expressively.

The word "pshaw!" is actually in the vocabulary of the serious piano teacher.

The serious piano teacher does not have a pleasant singing voice.  He will occasionally sing for you, but the tone quality is tight, pinched, and "old" sounding.  The point does come across however.

The serious piano teacher may have some type of true phobia.  You feel sad for him about that.

The serious piano teacher will die in his fifties or sixties.  This may be on the young side for the average person, but the serious piano teacher has acted old since he in his twenties.  Many will talk about how great he was and buildings and performances will be dedicated to him, but attendance at his funeral will be low.  You will have moved on and will only hear about his death a few months after the funeral.  He will live on in music school libraries in the form of several vinyl record albums and one CD.  Not a world famous pianist, but a nice reference recording for your school.

You wouldn't dare tell the serious piano teacher you added a nuances because you just felt like it and it sounded good.  Unfortunately, he thinks your mistakes are part of a purposeful interpretation.  You slowed the tempo down because you interpreted it that way, not because you were struggling to read it. 

You have watched in silent horror only one or two student pianists foolish enough to crack a piano joke or play a musical joke on the piano.  These students are no longer around.  Long ago, you started to tell the serious piano teacher a music joke but were smart and changed the conversation half way through.  The serious piano teacher does not care for jokes.  He does not like "that jazz music" -- he doesn't like popular music.  You realize the earth may actually come to an end if the serious piano teacher were to come face to face with a full blown, all out... broadway musical.

[pianonut]

ahahaha.  i had to stop at the glass half-empty.  hahahaha yu are so right bob.

and about the phobia.  i do think i figured that one out.  he secretly likes the stance of webern in one of his back toward the audience poses.  once i thought my teacher was going to tell me something profound.  he got up, walked over to the piano and then did a sort of angled walk from the curve of the piano (following it) straight in front of the wall and just stood there (facing the wall away from me).  i waited for a sound.  anything.  what was he thinking.  did he understand what i said - or was he repeating a mantra in his head.  then, as if under a gentle nudge of a clock ticking - he turned and went and sat down again. 

bob, this profoundly affected me, but i don't know why.  it wasn't like the other teacher i had that would look at his watch exactly at the hour, hold his hand out for the cash (which he always demanded cash).  no, this teacher is different.  he never once even asked for cash.  in fact, sometimes i give him extra because i tend to talk a lot and he has to put up with a lot.  sometimes the extra money helps him overspend - which serious teachers have to do.  and, it makes me feel like i'm bribing him - but not really.  for instance i gave him ten extra dollars to help me with my 5000 word essay.  all i got was that i spelled ibid - ibed.  is that so terrible?  i had some good stuff in this paper.  in fact, i found out a lot about mozart that most people don't know. 

well, i told my serious piano teacher one day that i would 'kick him tommorrow.'  he said calmly 'what did you say?'  i said , 'i said, i'm going to kick you tommorrow.'   what i meant is that i wasn't going to give up easily and that he would have to do something more dramatic.  and, that i was going to become a concert pianist with or without praise and a lot of gushing.  was this inappropriate?  something i shouldn't have said?  do you think he thinks something different.  what sort of behavior should i expect next? 

[bernhard]

I think you are confusing "serious" with "solemn".

[pianonut]

could you explain the difference between a serious and a solemn teacher?  now in my mind, they are one and the same.  i don't see my teacher not having a lot of people at his funeral.  i think everyone he knows will attend.  it's just that, well, noone would play any music because his was the best.  so we'd put on a cd of his and he'd be buried with top notch music - but white and pasty.  if he would listen to some unspoken advice i've given him (through strange eye movements, head tilts, and occasional gifts of swiffers and choclate cake) he would have known a few things that would keep him around longer.  but, choosing to practice and practice - and never go to the beach or anything like that - he's destined for 50-60 max.

that is unless he keeps up the tennis playing.  i really think he has another fun life outside of his solemn life - but he won't tell anyone about it.

[bernhard]

could you explain the difference between a serious and a solemn teacher?  now in my mind, they are one and the same.  i don't see my teacher not having a lot of people at his funeral.  i think everyone he knows will attend.  it's just that, well, noone would play any music because his was the best.  so we'd put on a cd of his and he'd be buried with top notch music - but white and pasty.  if he would listen to some unspoken advice i've given him (through strange eye movements, head tilts, and occasional gifts of swiffers and choclate cake) he would have known a few things that would keep him around longer.  but, choosing to practice and practice - and never go to the beach or anything like that - he's destined for 50-60 max.

that is unless he keeps up the tennis playing.  i really think he has another fun life outside of his solemn life - but he won't tell anyone about it.

A serious teacher takes the job and the student seriously, but not necessarily him/herself. It is perfectly possible to be funny and say funny things wthout this detracting in the least on the seriousness. Being serious ultimately means that you truly and deeply care for the task (in the case of piano teachers) of teaching the piano.

A solemn teacher is just a pompous ass.

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[bernhard]

And let me add that I find it perfectly impossible for a solemn person to be serious.

Or perhaps I should say that I find perfectly impossible to take any solemn person seriously.

[pianonut]

ok. i'll give him the benefit of the doubt and consider him serious.

[bernhard]

ok. i'll give him the benefit of the doubt and consider him serious.

Perhaps I should add that my post was originally intended as a comment on Bob's (very funny) list, rather than on your post it followed. Perhaps your teacher is a bit solemn. ( I would have to meet him for a proper evaluation though)

[pianonut]

ok.  but, you'd have to meet me first.  then, you could pretend you are bob (just in case he crosses his legs and you have to do it too, to make him feel comfortable - i don't really think he crosses his legs anyway, so don't worry) and we could determine who is who at west chester.  so many people go around acting important there.  i need a sort of litmus test for important people.  of course the theory teacher there is a known.  he's really friendly but you can't understand a word he says.  then there are the serious ones.  i don't know any solemn teachers, really.

you know, i've been seriously thinking...and i've come to a huge breakthrough in my career (or lack of it).  i think that i am solemn.  when i play - i get  VERy serious and make everything important about the piece that i am going to play, ply and then even my bow is serious.  solemn.  i attribute it to too many lessons.  maybe i should sort of quit and freelance for a while.  i might loosen up.  but, then i don't want to get really sloppy or anything.  after a couple years of that - i'll go back to west chester and walk around (testing the pianos again).  then nonchalantly walk over to my piano teachers studio and say - you know - i think i've found myself again.  been practicing a lot of beethoven.  would you like to hear some??? 

[Bob]

The serious piano teacher is a bit pompous and has an ego, but does have some genuine care too.

(thank you pianonut...)  And this one time [at band camp], your piano teacher crossed his legs, leg over leg, and you tried to sit like that too -- "Tried" being the keyword.  After a few attempts and looking foolish, you gave up.  (I guess that means you're a guy too then according to this 'vignette.')

[pianonut]

bob,
 
sorry about the post to bernhard.  i know you can't cross your legs, even when you try.   i've been crossing  my legs for years.  it's really a bad thing for circulation, though.  and, noone has ever accused me of looking like a guy.

seriously, whatever is comfortable.  i have always felt comfortable crossing my legs.  so much so, that i also swing my leg (at the ankle).  try that one!  no, bob - not that way.  gives up on bob.  goes back to bernhard - trying to teach the method of quick cross over and swing.   

[thalberg]

Bob, your list is absolutely hilarious.  I'm going to print it and post it on my office door.  You really have a keen sense for the quirky details of these teachers' lives.