Janne p., you must be a good accompanist.

It's good that you can support your singers and even provide sound suggestions. Unfortunately, not everyone is as good. If you hear about the accompanists that I had been working with, maybe you'll see why I was so crass in my comments.
I have to admit I'm a extremely strong-headed when it comes to music. I am a diva (and proud of it) in the sense that I do not compromise my music. I am confident of my interpretations. I won't listen or compromise unless you can convince me that you have good reasons behind your suggestions or you have shown me that your way works better. Once you have proven to me that you're knowledgeable, I will listen to you until a time when you cannot convince me. BUt I'll listen to you again if you can convince me of your interpretation. I don't think that's unreasonable, do you?
That said, I have been limited to working with amateur pianists who happen to be my friends. Most of them do not have accompanying experience. I have to explain everything to them like"please give me time to take a breathe". That's one form of "rubato" that the piano needs to follow the singer so the 2 parts will come in together. It sounds terrible if you don't. I had once told an accompanist at least 6 times to take a little time at one place because I had to breath. She did not do it after 6 times. She ran right through and left me catching my breath to come in together with her the following line. Needless to say, that sounds terrible and I was not very happy. I also had an accompanist who played so loud that totally drowned me out. I had one whose interpretation of dolce mp is what everyone else will call an unemotional f. How can I convey the text of sweet love if my accompaniment is playing like a robot even after I told her about the text and that's her interpretation of mp?
You're right, the accompanist should not always follow the voice. If you do, you'll drag out the song because of the time that breathing adds. I had an accompanist who did that one time with good intentions. She was giving me room to breathe but unfortunately, she could not pick the tempo back up after the breath mark. We ended up always "waiting" for each other. That wasn't too good either.
Sigh.... I guess I need to work with professional accompanist even though that means $$$. That's the price that I have to pay to get that one great, experienced accompanist who not only knows the art of vocal accompaniment, but also can provide the next level of musical ideas, i.e. background, staging, acting suggestions. I'll be very grateful and willing to listen and work as a team. I'm just a perfectionist searching for that one perfect accompanist.

Have any of you feel estactic when you found a musical partner who's just in sync with you? You come in exactly the same time, you lines answer beautifully to each other? The voices are in perfect balance? Occasionally, your partners will do an interpreation that is just brilliant! Maybe it's just the way those bass notes detach just the right amount in the accompagnato. Ah...the beauty of perfect harmony...