How do you deal with a hostile audience? (Update: I KNEW IT!)

[ahmedito]

What can I say?

Next week I will play a graduation concert at my former conservatory (due to myself leaving for the Reina Sofia School of Music, I postponed my graduation by a year).

I've been scanning the vibes of my former classmates and teachers and I am sensing a somewhat hostile attitude; jealousy and people on the defensive. I really feel that at least 80% of the audience will be there with a sincere wish to see me fail so they can feel better about how they play. I also wasn't on good terms with some of the teachers that will be judging my exam.

What do you do to prepare and rid yourself of nerves in a situation like this? People are going because they want to be satisfied that my being in such a great school  isn't so good after all, or that I was accepted as a fluke or through sheer dumb luck. Its not all like this of course, I have plenty of friends in the teachers and audience, but I feel they are very much outnumbered by the people waiting for me to make a mistake so they can gloat and, of course, lower my grade.

Any advice will be much appreciated.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________

UPDATE: 3 HOURS AFTER THE CONCERT:
I was completely right in expecting hostility from the audience and judging panel.
It happened mostly as I expected.
It was not my imagination.
It was not paranoia.
They WERE there out to get me, predisposed at screwing me over.
There were a couple of pianoforum members at the concert, you will not let me lie, you can confirm what happened.

When the concert started I sensed a very expectant audience, with the horribly hostile sector of exstudents of a teacher, who is the head of the piano staff at the school. (This teacher had screwed me over many times before, but this time it was very unexpected).

I played the Bach, there were some fireworks outside, so the bangs got me a little unstable on the praeambulum, but I think its one of the best times Ive played that Bach (for an older version of me playing that partita, check out the audition room). I sensed some of the audience was surprised because I greatly ornamented the Sarabande in the repetition. Even so, I think I played that Bach better than other times I have played it. When I finished, I realized that I had won over most of the audience, which had gone from frowning and a bit bored to genuinely interested and applauding.

Then I played the Liszt Ballade, it was completely crazy, and I broke a G string ... I was pissed off because that string was important for the pieces that would follow. Even so, the audience seemed to love it and the music was very much there, Ive played it worse, and Ive played it much better.

Then I played Brahms which I was very happy with the result. After that came the two Rachmaninoff etudes.

During the whole concert the audience was extremely quiet. The only time I heard people talking was during the Brahms, in which this teacher who screwed me over was muttering to one of the guys in his little group. There was absolute quiet when I played and lots and lots of applause afterwards. I was very surprised at this, but they really seemed to like the way I played.

After coming out three times, I played 2 encores (2 pieces by Satie). Afterwards I talked to people in the audience who went to congratulate me. They were extremely happy; they loved it. I had played better than I had played before in this school, and at least at the same level in which other people had previously played their graduation concerts.

In the audience, by chance, were three extremely good musicians from russia, germany and spain who just happened to be vacationing here in Mexico (a pianist, a soprano and an organist), who were also very very happy with the performance (they invited me to get a beer afterwards, and were shocked at the jury's verdict.

I may sound arrogant but normally Im not like this,  I am still extremely angry and sad.
_______________

After the 5 people judging the exam locked themselves up during what was almost an hour, instead of coming out and announcing the result to the public  as they always do, I was called in, to recieve the result in private. They were afraid of the audience, who hung around awaiting the result. Everyone was sure that I would get the maximum grade and an honorable mention (since the other two people who had graduated previously this year had gotten this). Instead, the teacher who screwed me over, with a smirk on his face, told me that I had barely passed. Two out of three did not want me to pass (Him and his assistant, obviously) but, due to my previous trajectory in the conservatory they would give me the minimum passing grade.

He wanted me to plead my grade with him, but I did no such thing; I am fed up with their bullshit, I played *** well this night, as other pianoforum members who were there told me, as well as very respectable musicians. I did some pretty crazy things due to nerves of adrenaline, but the music was always there and the pieces never fell down. When he saw that I wasnt going to argue or plead (I mean, as long as I get my degree, who cares) he started breaking up the way I played. His main point was asking me to justify the "rythmical inestability" with which I had played Brahms. I said that I think that rubato is essential, that it was completely planned and not a mistake (I decided, with my teacher, to play it this way -- although the rubato wasn't that much. the problem was that he wanted it metronomic). Two days before I had played the Brahms in masterclass and the teacher Alexander Pashkov (a very talented pianist) had listened with score in hand. One of his observations had been that he was surprised that every single rythmic change I did was actually written by Brahms and that the rubato was very well played in accordance to harmony and phrase (I didn't say this though). I told him that they were free to their opinion. In the end he told me to look at the recording and to be more self-critical, he looked a bit pissed off to see that I wasn't going to beg him to raise my grade... three years before something similar had happened, but I had to give them the satisfaction of seeing me plead my grade. That time, I they had given me a 75, while the minimum for my scholarship was an 76, so I had to go in and ask them to please raise my grade for this reason. The only reason they gave me that time was that I was too immature to play the Chopin Fantasie-Polonaise. Two months later I took first place at an international competition, playing precisely this piece. I've noticed that every time I try to play repertoire too advanced for him, he takes it personally (as this time with Brahms, and a couple of other times). Anyways, I think they wanted me to plead with them to please raise my grade, but I would not give them the satisfaction this time.

Afterwards, they went out into the hall and announced that I had recieved my bachelors degree in piano, although they did not say the grade or anything like that in front of the audience. Pretty much everyone was shocked. I can honestly say that the only people who thought I deserved that grade were this teacher and his three oldest students who hang around with him. Other pianists who listened in on the jury, without a right to vote told me that they were very shocked because when they went in they fully expected me to get at least full marks. Then, this guy came in with the other teacher (who is his exstudent) wanting to fail me.

I am still sad.
I am also very angry.
I poured my heart into that concert and I won over a very hostile audience. Now I understand that, more than hostility from most, the general feeling was of malevolent curiosity; a desire to check if it was really so cool to study at the Reina Sofia, with a lot of Schadenfreude thrown in. I sensed a good connection with the audience though, and  this seemed to dissappear as the concert progressed.
I played 2 pieces for encore, which is something very strange for students at the conservatory, I also played a more difficult program than anyone else has ever attempted for a graduation here and I played only pieces which I worked on in the past 8 months, while others play the same stuff they played over their 4-6 years in the school. I also worked these pieces with world famous piano teachers at the Reina Sofia who were happy with my work. I am angry, and I feel I've been humilliated by these people, so excuse me if I point out the good things about me and my performance.

In the end, the points which make me the angriest are the following:

- Three days before the concert, I played Brahms for this idiot pseudopianist (the resented teacher, for those not following me), because I feared he would screw me over in the end. I wanted to hear his opinion without the other people there (above I have a post relating my experience with that). All he said was that it sounded very good and that he would be a little more generous with the pedaling in a few places. In all, he had nothing to say (in his own words). No talk of "rythmic inestability".

- Their so called "rythmic inestability" is idiocy. They wanted metronomical music... in Brahms of all composers; in a set of variations in which 10 out of 13 sections are marked molto espessivo. I think that the rythm with which I played is REAL rythm, a rythm that ties phrases together and that pushed the music forward. You can check out the stuff in the audition room and form your own opinion (at least on my concept of rythm), maybe you also think that my rythmic organization was bad.

- There were many things wrong with the concert of course I'll admit that, some stuff was seriously wrong, and even if it wasn't it is ALWAYS possible to criticize. Even so, in my opinion, the things they said were wrong, were not wrong at all; the stuff that was really wrong, they didnt hear at all.

- Not a single one of them can play what I played, let alone half decently. (I mean that quite literally, this idiot always avoids playing concerts at the conservatory, being the only member of the staff who continually avoids it, because I feel, that it lets him mantain the attitude with which he has treated me and other students of the foreign teachers. If the students and the other teachers were to hear him actually play a concert he would lose all credibility).

- Out of 100+ people, mostly musicians, only this person and his three students thought my performance was so bad to merit failing my graduation concert; the others told me and my brother that it was one of the best graduation concerts they had heard at this conservatory.

- One of the most stupid comments they said to me was: "We all agree that you are a musician and an artist. Even so, there is a way to play for an exam, and a way to play for a competition, and there is a way to play as an in public. You played this as an artist, but as this was an exam, we expected different things."....... PLEASE! This wins most stupid piano quote of the year, in my opinion.

I am very bitter and pissed off. It seems that the better you play here, the more they want to screw you over. I did a lot of stuff that was not really good, but it did not merit this. What I expected to happen happened; the audience started out with a very hostile attitud.  I won them over with my playing, but the people who really had ill will towards me still had the final say about my grade.

[quantum]

A really unfortunate situation.  The first thing I woud do is to make it a non-issue.  Don't think of playing for those who would dispise your performance, convince yourself they are not there.  If such people show up, don't let them affect you, or rattle your emotional state.  Make music becuase you believe in it, becuase it makes you happy, and for those who CHOOSE to make the journey to connect to your music.  As a gutiarist frind of mine once said: "Don't give the music to the audience, rather draw the audience inward towards your music." 

If people still dislike your performance, there is nothing wrong.  There are many different people with many different tastes you are not guaranteed to please everyone. 

Arrensky failed Scriabin in composition ... the masterpieces Scriabin composed thereafter speak for themselves. 

----

Personally I'd like to throw some humor at such situations if they ever do occur.  Sometimes when requested to play something (Eg: A soft familiar piece of music) I would do the exact opposite and play a piece the person probably didn't want to hear (Eg: a loud, obnoxious, vulguar improvisation). 

[pianistimo]

i agree with arensky except for the last bit about playing something agressive and hostile youself.  the relief you will feel when you do this might help your playing though, and make them laugh.  thereby, relieving everyone's tension.  but, for me, i think that you should always play 'your music.'  by this, i mean, what you are best able to interpret and what has meaning for you.

then, even if you get a worse grade than you wanted (A's) and have to settle for a B - can't imagine you'd get less - you'll still be graduating and noone will care in 20 years.
especially if you keep on with your music (as his example of scriabin).

one other note, is that you could always bring a glut of your own friends/family and tell them to cheer after each song even if you make a mistake.  unfortunately, i am shy and would rather play in front of strangers.  that way, if i make a mistake, noone knows that knows me.  (maybe this should be under surprising things about you).  also, hostile looks never bothered me (perhaps they are more expectant and discerning - and you imagine them to be waiting for mistakes rather than just discerning them).

would you want a teacher that couldn't tell if you made a mistake or not.  no.  that's why you got to where you are.  maybe before the recital you should send each a card and thank them for their efforts in helping you and cover any points of disagreement with apology.  teachers usually aren't out to get you because they need good students to make the school look good.  you sound like a great student and probably want to end on a good note.  think positive!  pretend your audience is full of people cheering for you, and in the end, at least they might smile and say - well, we made it difficult for him/her but they grew musically more than if they had no challenges.

take encouragement from mozart.  he was humiliated a lot by the aristocracy and commoner alike.  one wanted to use his services as a sort of butler/maid musician, and the other did not appreciate his genius.  he ignored them and kept making his music for himself, i think.  he would get so much into the music that the petty things in life that make you want to puke are covered with beauty.

[Bob]

Use it to your advantage.  It's a challenge.

You know the audience it sounds like. 

Screw it -- Screw the audience and disregard what they think or how they feel.  You already know they are against you.

Do your best and remain professional.  Keep it short and polite.  Don't let them get to you.  It's you and the music.

If you know the audience is "out to get you" than once you've overcome the situation, future performances will be that much easier.  The situation is to your benefit then.

Stick with the music.  Play for the composer.  Stay in the music and ignore what the audience may think.  Or what you may think of the audience.

And who really knows?  I assume there are good and bad people in the audience.  I imagine there is at least one person in the audience that came for sheer enjoyment, doesn't know who you are, and doesn't know anything else about the situation.  Play for that person.  I assume there are people in the audience who want me to mess up.  I imagine there is at least one person in every audience who enjoys that and hopes for it.  I imagine that there has been a person like that in every audience I have performed for, so with this next audience it's not a big deal -- I've already dealt with them and have overcome the situation and the next time will be no different.

So in short, do your best as you always have, be prepared and in the music and all that.  Use this as one more performance, one more audience to play for.

And don't worry about it.  You can't predict the future.  You don't know for sure who will end up in that audience.  It's all in your mind.  In that case, you can imagine they are the greatest, most supportive audience you've ever played for and that everyone there wants to hear you suceed.

And if they are hostile during the performance, screw them.  Play for yourself.  You won't change their minds anyway if they're already set before you even start.


Don't let them, or the thought of them, or your mind's preoccupation with them take you down.  Stick with the original intent of your performing.

[ahmedito]

Thanks everyone thats very helpful. One of the biggest problems Im facing this time is that my family wont be there and Ill have about 3-5 friends in the audience against 80-100 people.

One of my biggest concerns is that when I play, I ALWAYS concentrate on the flow of music, from me to my audience and this act of giving to others is a big part of my style of performance. Its very hard to suddenly realize that the people on the other end doesnt want to recieve at all, and I feel it does affect my performance.

Yesterday I gave the situation a lot of thought. Who is the person in the audience who I feel is most inclined to criticize? who will make me the most nervous? I pinpointed that teacher an a couple of his students instantly. So I went to him and asked him to listen to some of the material  I would be playing and to give me his opinion. I realized I didnt get half as nervous as I thought and I got some very helpful comments. I still realize that a big part of the audience will have a hostile attitude, but I also realize that its because many of them are very defensive and feel that I might have become stuck up during my short time at my new school. I think I did the mature thing by asking them for help with my playing. I think that helped to dissipate that idea and I got some very good ideas from their comments about my playing.

Please keep the replies coming.

[thalbergmad]

Quantum made an excellent point.

When i give a concert (not very often) it is only me and the piano. Nothing else exists.

The audience are simply not there.

Therefore, you have no problem.

[Jacey1973]

Quantum made an excellent point.

When i give a concert (not very often) it is only me and the piano. Nothing else exists.

The audience are simply not there.

Therefore, you have no problem.

I completely agree - if you get lost enough in the music the audience won't be an issue at all, i found this worked for me when i did my recital in June. There were a couple of people wanting to see me fail in the audience, so i just tried to rise above them. As soon as you start thinking too much about anthing but the music you will lose your concentration.

What are you playing? The best of luck, it is a shame there is so much nasty competition in our field but then it wouldn't be half as fun otherwise would it??! 

[rob47]

I've been scanning the vibes of my former classmates and teachers and I am sensing a somewhat hostile attitude; jealousy and people on the defensive. I really feel that at least 80% of the audience will be there with a sincere wish to see me fail so they can feel better about how they play. I also wasn't on good terms with some of the teachers that will be judging my exam.

The above statement made me think that MAYBE it's you? Perhaps there is some behaviour you are UNAWARE of, that pisses these people off? Or when discussing music you come across as a holier than thou, arrogant know it all?  I know a few people who do this, and they are completely unaware of it. It seems strange that virtually EVERYBODY at your school wants to see you fail.  Most musicians are not jealous and hostile.

Obviously there's little way for you to test my quasi-hypothesis.  Maybe talk to these people about your behaviour, keeping a ridiculously open mind throughout. 

One example of why I believe this to be a possibilty:  A statement like, " so they can feel better about how they play," suggests that at some level of conscious you believe you possess a greater talent than your fellow students.  Regardless if this is true, a thought like this could easily manifest itself into a behaviour or even a tone in your voice which others may take as condescending.

I don't know.  Maybe they are all jerks too. But you should  truly think about this, and either way enjoy your recital.  Do as Rubinstein did and look for one of your friends in the audience and play for them.

Rob

[pita bread]

Make sure you play extra well, just for the jealous ones.

[thalbergmad]

If all else fails.

[pita bread]

Concurred

[stevie]

this woman is a concert pianist, at this outdoor concert she was booed....the audience suffered the consequences.

[ahmedito]

The above statement made me think that MAYBE it's you? Perhaps there is some behaviour you are UNAWARE of, that pisses these people off? Or when discussing music you come across as a holier than thou, arrogant know it all?  I know a few people who do this, and they are completely unaware of it. It seems strange that virtually EVERYBODY at your school wants to see you fail.  Most musicians are not jealous and hostile.

Obviously there's little way for you to test my quasi-hypothesis.  Maybe talk to these people about your behaviour, keeping a ridiculously open mind throughout. 

One example of why I believe this to be a possibilty:  A statement like, " so they can feel better about how they play," suggests that at some level of conscious you believe you possess a greater talent than your fellow students.  Regardless if this is true, a thought like this could easily manifest itself into a behaviour or even a tone in your voice which others may take as condescending.

I don't know.  Maybe they are all jerks too. But you should  truly think about this, and either way enjoy your recital.  Do as Rubinstein did and look for one of your friends in the audience and play for them.

Rob

I have thought that, but you see the problem is much much deeper than that. Its actually nothing personal. The big problem started a few years ago when I entered the school. There was a very hostile attitude from the mexican teachers against the foreign teachers and vice-versa, so during all the time I was here, everything was a big competition to prove who was better, with the students stuck in the middle. From the beggining I have tried to stay out of all this stuff, but its inevitable that everyone here is affected by it. This is not something about being stuck up or not, when it is about anything non-piano everyone is very friendly, but I never realized how ridiculously competitive people are here until I left for a completely different place. Its not just me, I see that most guys who are coming to play after being away for a while get exactly the same feeling. I can honestly say that there is no other place (even in competitions or auditions) where I feel more pressured about playing and have the possibility of getting such a negative response from the audience, than here in my ex-conservatory.

By the way, all that stuff about imagining the audience is not there does not work for me at all. I've tried it before, but for me that is not a good way of dealing with nerves. I feel that it is more important to face your fears than to ignore them. Instead of ignoring or fearing my audience I find it gives more significance to my playing by opening my heart to them and trying to share with them something that I love. Imagine giving someone a gift and getting it thrown at your face... thats the sensation Im getting from these people.


(By the way, my english is not perfect, so maybe I am not phrasing correctly what I want so say. When I said "so they can feel better about how they play", I do not mean to say that I am better than them. Theres a geman word for what I mean, but I do not remember it at the moment. Its the kind of person who gets joy from other people failing. Who feels more sure of his own playing because he sees other people play worse than him. I have met these kinds of people before. At concerts with many different people playing I see two extremes, people who play much better and relax when they see the people before them doing badly, and people who actually play worse from seeing other play badly.

[Bob]

Hmmm.... I think there is always someone who doesn't care or doesn't like you in the audience.

It sounds like a lot of this is in your mind.  You already know who your audience is before the concert begins.

Who do you communicate with the audience?  Is this just in your mind?  My impression of an audience is just a group of people staring at you quietly.  You get all kinds of responses afterward.  There are things like smiling people or bored looks but you can't see the whole audience.  And the clapping, but that comes after the playing.

If you know you've got a hostile audience for sure, then you need to learn to play for them.  Deal with it I guess.  It sounds like a good way to grow as a performer.  You can play for a nice audience, and now you get to learn to play for a hostile one.  It's a plus in your favor.

[ahmedito]

I guess Ill just deal with this. I really dont have another choice. Its really unnerving, especially from what Ive seen thats happened to some of the other guys before me in the same situation. 

Pressure of getting college degree + unfriendly audience + no family friends or teachers + difficult program = Very very nervous pianist.

And I dont tend to get nervous before playing lately.

[Motrax]

Asking for comments and suggestions from the people you're most worried about is a great idea. Of course, if you go around asking everyone to listen to you, that'd not be so nice. But you should certainly approach the teachers you believe hold some ill opinion of you.

Other than that, I can't add anything which hasn't already been said, 'sides the obligatory good luck! 

[jim_24601]

Theres a geman word for what I mean, but I do not remember it at the moment.

"Schadenfreude", just BTW.

[ahmedito]

heh, I knew it was something like that. I kept thinking Schadenfreunde, but that didnt make a lot of sense....

[luiszt]

Hello!

Just play for the audience who goes to listening to music...the other people does not matter...
I know this is very easy to say, but I think it's a good point. You are a musician, and nobody can change that.

good look! Bye!

[ahmedito]

I was completely right in expecting hostility from the audience and judging panel.
It happened mostly as I expected.
It was not my imagination.
It was not paranoia.
They WERE there out to get me, predisposed at screwing me over.
There were a couple of pianoforum members at the concert, you will not let me lie, you can confirm what happened.

When the concert started I sensed a very expectant audience, with the horribly hostile sector of exstudents of a teacher, who is the head of the piano staff at the school. (This teacher had screwed me over many times before, but this time it was very unexpected).

I played the Bach, there were some fireworks outside, so the bangs got me a little unstable on the praeambulum, but I think its one of the best times Ive played that Bach (for an older version of me playing that partita, check out the audition room). I sensed some of the audience was surprised because I greatly ornamented the Sarabande in the repetition. Even so, I think I played that Bach better than other times I have played it. When I finished, I realized that I had won over most of the audience, which had gone from frowning and a bit bored to genuinely interested and applauding.

Then I played the Liszt Ballade, it was completely crazy, and I broke a G string ... I was pissed off because that string was important for the pieces that would follow. Even so, the audience seemed to love it and the music was very much there, Ive played it worse, and Ive played it much better.

Then I played Brahms which I was very happy with the result. After that came the two Rachmaninoff etudes.

During the whole concert the audience was extremely quiet. The only time I heard people talking was during the Brahms, in which this teacher who screwed me over was muttering to one of the guys in his little group. There was absolute quiet when I played and lots and lots of applause afterwards. I was very surprised at this, but they really seemed to like the way I played.

After coming out three times, I played 2 encores (2 pieces by Satie). Afterwards I talked to people in the audience who went to congratulate me. They were extremely happy; they loved it. I had played better than I had played before in this school, and at least at the same level in which other people had previously played their graduation concerts.

In the audience, by chance, were three extremely good musicians from russia, germany and spain who just happened to be vacationing here in Mexico (a pianist, a soprano and an organist), who were also very very happy with the performance (they invited me to get a beer afterwards, and were shocked at the jury's verdict.

I may sound arrogant but normally Im not like this,  I am still extremely angry and sad.
_______________

After the 5 people judging the exam locked themselves up during what was almost an hour, instead of coming out and announcing the result to the public  as they always do, I was called in, to recieve the result in private. They were afraid of the audience, who hung around awaiting the result. Everyone was sure that I would get the maximum grade and an honorable mention (since the other two people who had graduated previously this year had gotten this). Instead, the teacher who screwed me over, with a smirk on his face, told me that I had barely passed. Two out of three did not want me to pass (Him and his assistant, obviously) but, due to my previous trajectory in the conservatory they would give me the minimum passing grade.

He wanted me to plead my grade with him, but I did no such thing; I am fed up with their bullshit, I played *** well this night, as other pianoforum members who were there told me, as well as very respectable musicians. I did some pretty crazy things due to nerves of adrenaline, but the music was always there and the pieces never fell down. When he saw that I wasnt going to argue or plead (I mean, as long as I get my degree, who cares) he started breaking up the way I played. His main point was asking me to justify the "rythmical inestability" with which I had played Brahms. I said that I think that rubato is essential, that it was completely planned and not a mistake (I decided, with my teacher, to play it this way -- although the rubato wasn't that much. the problem was that he wanted it metronomic). Two days before I had played the Brahms in masterclass and the teacher Alexander Pashkov (a very talented pianist) had listened with score in hand. One of his observations had been that he was surprised that every single rythmic change I did was actually written by Brahms and that the rubato was very well played in accordance to harmony and phrase (I didn't say this though). I told him that they were free to their opinion. In the end he told me to look at the recording and to be more self-critical, he looked a bit pissed off to see that I wasn't going to beg him to raise my grade... three years before something similar had happened, but I had to give them the satisfaction of seeing me plead my grade. That time, I they had given me a 75, while the minimum for my scholarship was an 76, so I had to go in and ask them to please raise my grade for this reason. The only reason they gave me that time was that I was too immature to play the Chopin Fantasie-Polonaise. Two months later I took first place at an international competition, playing precisely this piece. I've noticed that every time I try to play repertoire too advanced for him, he takes it personally (as this time with Brahms, and a couple of other times). Anyways, I think they wanted me to plead with them to please raise my grade, but I would not give them the satisfaction this time.

Afterwards, they went out into the hall and announced that I had recieved my bachelors degree in piano, although they did not say the grade or anything like that in front of the audience. Pretty much everyone was shocked. I can honestly say that the only people who thought I deserved that grade were this teacher and his three oldest students who hang around with him. Other pianists who listened in on the jury, without a right to vote told me that they were very shocked because when they went in they fully expected me to get at least full marks. Then, this guy came in with the other teacher (who is his exstudent) wanting to fail me.

I am still sad.
I am also very angry.
I poured my heart into that concert and I won over a very hostile audience. Now I understand that, more than hostility from most, the general feeling was of malevolent curiosity; a desire to check if it was really so cool to study at the Reina Sofia, with a lot of Schadenfreude thrown in. I sensed a good connection with the audience though, and  this seemed to dissappear as the concert progressed.
I played 2 pieces for encore, which is something very strange for students at the conservatory, I also played a more difficult program than anyone else has ever attempted for a graduation here and I played only pieces which I worked on in the past 8 months, while others play the same stuff they played over their 4-6 years in the school. I also worked these pieces with world famous piano teachers at the Reina Sofia who were happy with my work. I am angry, and I feel I've been humilliated by these people, so excuse me if I point out the good things about me and my performance.

In the end, the points which make me the angriest are the following:

- Three days before the concert, I played Brahms for this idiot pseudopianist (the resented teacher, for those not following me), because I feared he would screw me over in the end. I wanted to hear his opinion without the other people there (above I have a post relating my experience with that). All he said was that it sounded very good and that he would be a little more generous with the pedaling in a few places. In all, he had nothing to say (in his own words). No talk of "rythmic inestability".

- Their so called "rythmic inestability" is idiocy. They wanted metronomical music... in Brahms of all composers; in a set of variations in which 10 out of 13 sections are marked molto espessivo. I think that the rythm with which I played is REAL rythm, a rythm that ties phrases together and that pushed the music forward. You can check out the stuff in the audition room and form your own opinion (at least on my concept of rythm), maybe you also think that my rythmic organization was bad.

- There were many things wrong with the concert of course I'll admit that, some stuff was seriously wrong, and even if it wasn't it is ALWAYS possible to criticize. Even so, in my opinion, the things they said were wrong, were not wrong at all; the stuff that was really wrong, they didnt hear at all.

- Not a single one of them can play what I played, let alone half decently. (I mean that quite literally, this idiot always avoids playing concerts at the conservatory, being the only member of the staff who continually avoids it, because I feel, that it lets him mantain the attitude with which he has treated me and other students of the foreign teachers. If the students and the other teachers were to hear him actually play a concert he would lose all credibility).

- Out of 100+ people, mostly musicians, only this person and his three students thought my performance was so bad to merit failing my graduation concert; the others told me and my brother that it was one of the best graduation concerts they had heard at this conservatory.

- One of the most stupid comments they said to me was: "We all agree that you are a musician and an artist. Even so, there is a way to play for an exam, and a way to play for a competition, and there is a way to play as an in public. You played this as an artist, but as this was an exam, we expected different things."....... PLEASE! This wins most stupid piano quote of the year, in my opinion.

I am very bitter and pissed off. It seems that the better you play here, the more they want to screw you over. I did a lot of stuff that was not really good, but it did not merit this. What I expected to happen happened; the audience started out with a very hostile attitud.  I won them over with my playing, but the people who really had ill will towards me still had the final say about my grade.

[shasta]

Ahmedito,

Bottom line is:  YOU PASSED.  Congratulations!  You received your Bachelors!  You played well!  You won over the audience!

As you get older and your life intertwines and crosses paths with more and more paths of others, knots and tangles are inevitible.  You will not be able to please everyone in life.  There will always be people who support you.  There will always be people who aren't your biggest fans.  This applies to every profession, every hobby, every human being.  Focus on your successes and pleasing YOURSELF, and more good things will come for you.      So, what are your plans now?  A Masters?

[ahmedito]

Right now Im studying at the Escuela Superior Reina Sofia, although they dont give you anything official.

I may have passed, but sadly my title gives me a very low grade which will affect any scholarships I try to get from the mexican government. Im not too sad about that though, since I have a full scholarship directly from my school.

[steinway43]

I can SO relate to the hostile audience and jealousy, even amongst my so called friends.  When I was in school I was hated by most everyone in the department. I could feel the daggers shooting from their eyes as I walked the halls. The people who weren't performance majors, and thus had no ego issues, would often come up to me on campus weeks after I'd played and shake my hand and thank me for performing. It was wonderful. They had obviously been really moved by my playing.

The jealousy I find with friends is really difficult to deal with and something, frankly, I'm tired of. They're the most hostile audience of all because they're in complete denial of what they're hearing. Some people literally walk away because they can't deal with hearing someone who looks like me (apparently) play the way I do. It's so bad they think my whole history of who I studied with is made up.   I guess I need new friends. Hey, my teacher in highschool studied with Pressler at Indiana. Sue me!

In either case, what one has to do is remember who you are. Don't let THEM decide who you are.  Where I live now people in my building come to my window  and stop outside when I play and I get all these wonderful compliments. Some, of course, can't believe it's me. Some people will always be jealous. You have to rise above all that in your mind, which, I know, can be difficult. I focus on the honest compliments, I remember my jury sheets (which I still have) but mostly I lose myself in the music itself. Try to forget anything and everything outside of the music while you're playing. 

(I know this is a late response but I just signed up today)

 



 




 

[steinway43]

Forgot to respond to your last post in the thread. The same thing happened to me. I had teachers screw me over in ways one could never imagine. I was so naive. Where do these people get off?  The politics of the piano world are a nightmare.  I am again so relating to everything you're saying.

I was playing the Liszt Paganini Etude no. 2 for the deparmental recital and my teacher insisted I play it in this really ridiculous slow tempo. It was comical. I thought he was out of his mind. But he insisted. "I won't let you play it otherwise." I should have just gone out and played it correctly but I didn't know any better. So I did what I was told. People snickered. I was made a fool of.  At the end of the term, however, when I played it for my jury, I was pissed. I played it so brilliantly, the chromatic descending scales with hands crossed so lightning fast and crystal clear,  one teacher sitting in the front road audibly said "holy sh*t!" three times. I kid you not.  It was my way of saying "up yours" to the teacher in question. But...why had he deliberately tried to sabotage me?

To give you an idea. My first semester as a freshman I played the A Minor Liszt Paganini Etude at at some music fraternity gathering.  It wasn't my best but it was good. Someone came and shook my hand and said, "So I guess you're finishing up a doctorate here?"  When I said, "No, I'm a first semester freshman" his jaw hit the floor. That's me. 

After the sabotage bit I changed teachers, thinking maybe I'd get fair treatment elsewhere. Man was I wrong.  There were three of us who wanted to compete and SHOULD have been competing but this guy wouldn't let us. And then the strangest thing happened.

Some people don't believe me when I tell them this but as Van Cliburn is my witness it did. The three of us were told, each the same week in our private lessons (we had the same teacher), that we couldn't compete because....are you sitting down?...we weren't attractive enough.  I know. It's insane.  We thought he'd lost his mind. Other teachers were aghast at this but apparently not willing to say or do anything.

So that week in the departmental recital the three of us sat together in the back of the room wondering just what was going on.  They made an announcement about this 17 year old "genius" they'd discovered.  This kid walked out and played Beethoven's Sonata in C, Opus 2. No. 3. It was good but nothing special, BUT...he had a face like a young Paul Newman or Tony Curtis or Robert Redford. When he finished the room went nuts over him. The three of us walked out and we all dropped out of the school. I don't remember the kid's name and I don't think I've ever seen him anywhere after that. Maybe someone screwed him over, too.

Some years later I auditioned at another school. They took me as a performance major but there were still politics going on. Younger, better looking students were favored. I was talked out of entering the concerto competition, obviously my teacher fearing I might beat one of her younger prize students. I didn't finish my degree but I did take away some jury sheets for my performance of the Liszt Sonata that, for me, are total personal vindication. I think about finishing a degree in performance but the politics, the jealousies, the pettiness, the ego issues all keep me away.  I don't know what to do or where to go.

[ahmedito]

Damn, I was bitter when I wrote that update... I still am.

In all, Im working at using the popular opinion a he conservatory to pressure the school board into comparing the videos of the concerts and revoking the teachers' verdict, or maybe even getting some hours of my social service out of it. Pretty much everyone agrees that there was ill will in the desicion (my english is terrible, I never know how to spell this word) , and there were some irregularities in the process. Im pretty much over it though, since I start classes at the Reina sofia in a few weeks and I have tons of repertory to prepare.

Keep the replies coming

[donjuan]

I really wish I was there to hear you play, ahmedito.

Yes, corruption is everywhere -especially in the arts.  No matter how right you think you are, there will always be someone who thinks youre wrong (possibly because you are wrong, but sometimes because they are predisposed to hate you).  It happens in religion and politics, and apparently in music too.

Dont think about it anymore than you have to, or you could be soured on music forever.  Dont be a cynic like me -look at the brght side! At least you have your degree and a whole new career ahead of you.  Who cares if this guy doesnt like you?  Chances are there are many out there in the audience who will remember your name and treasure your playing, no matter how prestigious and pretentious the teacher is who hates you. 

Watch 'Animal House' and realize that you dont care what other people think.  You are a musician!  Many people who important people hate turned out to be great.  For example, Liszt was criticized for his showyness and extravagence by Chopin and Alkan, and Rachmaninoff's 1st symphony was flamed in the reviews when it first came out.  I also read that when Ivo Pogorelich lost the Chopin competition, Martha Argerich as one of the judges, walked off the panel because she thought he was a genius! 

Remember - differing opinions are everywhere and ultimately can ruin your life.  (of course, you realize this by now) but have fun and enjoy the ride anyway!

donjuan

[ahmedito]

I've been surprised by the amount of mail I've been getting about this subject (although not many people replied, they did mail me with their personal experience).


Why are there so many politics in the performing world?

[phil13]

Because there are a lot of politics everywhere.

That's the way our way of life is built.

Sucks, doesn't it?

Phil

[mrchops10]

Congrats on your bachelor's. I think what you've been going through is something we've all experienced, as well as the accompanying outrage. The miracle is, though, that you still passed, and it looks like with not much harm done. (I am reminded of a friend of my teacher's who remarked to his student, after student won a major international violin competition, "Well, they didn't totally screw us this time.") However, since it looks like you weren't set back financially or career-wise, I would urge you to reconsider becoming too deeply embroiled in all of this. Here is a list of points and questions to ask yourself, which you should feel totally free to ignore.

1. I presume this jerk teacher's influence doesn't extend to the school you're in now, so...YOU'RE FREE. You're are out of there. What's the point in looking back?

2. What tangible things will you gain by fighting him?

3. What tangible things will you lose by fighting him? (I guarantee there will be some negative consequences.)

4. Do the positive things outweigh the negative?

5. Is this really a person you want to piss off any more than you already have? Either a. he is powerful outside the school, and this could have disastrous effects, especially seeing as you as a student will probably not be able to beat him finally (unfair, I know) or b. his influence ends within the school, in which case he can't do you any more damage.

 6. Keep in mind this is probably a seriously sick individual. He considers himself a big person for allowing you to graduate at all. He may make others see it that way, as unbelievable as it sounds. If, as he admits, you played as an artist (great quote, BTW ), that probably meant you did some things unconventionally (as you admit), and some things incorrectly (as you also admit.) Anybody he argues with will begin looking for these things in your playing, and maybe, after a while, they will only be able to see the flaws, real or perceived. They may also consider you lucky to have graduated.

Although I'm younger than you, I have also fought many such battles due to my outraged sense of right and wrong. 90% of the time, it isn't a good idea. Lord only knows the horrible things that go on in conservatories, but even worse things go on in the larger world. It's more difficult to be properly upset about these larger issues, but try to save your outrage for a place where it can help. Be constructive, pragmatic, and have integrity. Play a benefit concert for the victims in the Sudan, or Iraq. A person with your talent has more important things to worry about than some two-bit tyrant at a school.

[ahmedito]

Couldn't have said it better. Politics suck, but Im gone for good from that school now, and this idiot's influence doesn't go beyond that. Im happy with my new teacher and very surprised that I actually managed to have them pass me (even if it was through clenched teeth). The more I think about it, the more I realize that these people were probably going to fail me altogether, but that my playing and the audience's response forced them to reconsider.

[burobbi]

hey.

take it easy man. i really dont know what to say, but i assure you everyone can tell that the adjudicators are JERKS. yup. i really sincerely want to say that although i cannot fully understand the severity of your plight given that im still at junior college and i havent entered the university and college life yet so what i experience is not as severe as you, i know the feeling of all this kind of hostility sucks. i myself have been prejudiced. but perhaps i can consider myself more fortunate than you, because i think the prejudice and hostility against me has lightened considerably over the years. people think im a rogue who just bangs on the piano. yes i bang on the piano but all my close friends know im one who does not spare any effort (and spare any pianos) to compromise my idea of making music. and in my most recent concert i demonstrated not just banging but control and imagery, performing liszt's la campanella (the g#- version not the a- version).

yet, i can assure you that my JC, raffles junior college, reputedly the top junior college in Singapore, reputedly the most advanced country in southeast asia, among the top in the world for its endeavours, lets politics dominate. yes, even in the musical arena, yes! i can tell you that the chinese orchestra has the MOST scandalous politics. and i was a victim of it. and from my high school (raffles institution, reputedly top secondary school in singapore) chinese orchestra the politics has carried itself across to my junior college. hoho. i have been learning about what happened one and a half years ago, in dribs and drabs from various sources, from the top, from my fellow victims, from the vindicators, from everyone. indeed. scandalous. because people were prejudiced against me. well. i arranged this song in 2004 january which took up most of this long holiday we all had. i spent alot of time reviewing this work with my friend. and when i submitted it, it got rejected. why? because my friend who was in the committee had gotten several of his own works through to the orchestra without the committee vote. so this time because he was the one who proposed the work, they wanted to ensure that i must go through a commitee vote, one in which they would simply reject my work to get back at my friend, to warn him that the commitee should be regonised and not simply bypassed. yet, we do not see this kind of voting done for works composed by adults. for works worse than the ones we ourselves arrange and compose. yet, i persisted before they gave me another chance to prove the worth of my work. i luckily garnered barely enough support to push my work through. after we learnt this work, it got played 4 times in 3 months- 3 times locally and 1 time overseas. the first time was overseas- premiered across 2 famous school orchestras to a sold out audience. the next time it was in my own orchestra's concert (with 2 guest orchestras). the next time it was at a charity performance. finally in the Singapore Botanic Gardens - (with 2 orchestras too). all received tumultuous applause and the most enthusiastic feedback. does anyone not call this a success? anyone think my work was rejected because it had no substance? because it sucked? i dont think so.

you see, prejudice and politics dominate so much of music that we hardly get to enjoy it nowadays. but yes, work hard on your piano, your description of your performance sounded most promising to me. work on it man. go on. i know that such talent will never go to waste. if the blasted adjudicators have got earwax not only in their ears but in their eyes and their noses that they cant even give you a decent grade, well. i promise someone will find your talent. yup (:

take care!

[arensky]

Arrensky failed Scriabin in composition ... the masterpieces Scriabin composed thereafter speak for themselves. 

----

ARENSKY JEALOUS!!!! MADMADMADMADMADMADMAD

AAAHHHHHAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!AAAAHHHHHahhhhhhaaahhh.........

[arensky]

ahmedito,

You have won 1st prize in an International Competition. Have these losers? I don't know, but probably not. Music schools are full of this BS. Fark 'em, they are jealous of you, you are the winner. You are off to better things and places. If it still bothers you, you are letting them win; don't do that, it's what they want.

Cool that you broke the string in the Liszt, how Lisztian  . And now they have to pay for the new one, I'm sure it bothers those prigs...

[lostinidlewonder]

The funny thing is, you look at bitter judges 99% of the times you find that they never actually made a sucessful career in peformance themselves. Teachers can be very bitter with their own failed or mediocre peformance career. So they might try to put down, mark down, hold back young promising musicians so that their own ego isn't hurt. Who cares really!

And a piece of paper of exam marks means diddly squat when you try to sell tickets for a performance of your own. So what if you have a doctorate masters honor degeree in music and 50 other musical degrees along with it, it doesn't mean anything except you are very academically minded. It won't sell you tickets in a city that never heard of you. You prove yourself with your craft, not by getting academic marks and scholarships, yes they might give you a push start but they will not take you all the way. In the end you have to be a peformer and be able to play!

Comments from judges will not reduce the amount of tickets you sell, critics in newspapers may, but most of the times the general audience (who are mostly NON MUSICIANS) will make their own minds up and spread that word of mouth.

Those that attend public concerts don't go in there with a critical mind saying, "Right, I am going to analyise everything they play and compare that with what I think is best and then rank them according to a % mark." Hardly the case, perhaps a musician with a superiority complex might have these thoughts, but you hardly would get any worth out of the money you pay for the ticket. People attend concerts to be entertained, that is the key word. If you cannot be entertaining and present your music to them, then it doesn't matter if you got 99% in an exam. Wouldn't even matter if you got 10%

[burobbi]

ah. which is why i consider myself most lucky to have gotten a good concert pianist for my teacher. he doesnt run me down and although he has his own opinions and all most importantly he stays fairly objective and i really enjoy and have benefited much from his lessons. yup.

[Dazzer]

what i can say is ... i'd love very much to be in your shoes. i'm barely anywhere in music, and i have no idea what to do with my life and such so yes... i'm just trudging along.

come on... reina sofia! gosh...

- claps -

- gets into a jealous fit -
- kills himself -
- dies -

[ahmedito]

Thanks for the replies. Two weeks later I really haven't given them a second thought. I read this thread and can't believe how angry I was at the time. Looking back, I had a great time at the concert.

[BoliverAllmon]

I am glad that it worked out for you and you had fun.

[rimv2]

Damn...


Just....Damn


Who knew there was so much drama surrounding classical music.  Who knew jealousy could bleed into art in such a dispicable manner.

Hats off to you all for rising above that gunk.

Its sick to read.

[pianowelsh]

Run away - i always have a fast car waiting back stage!

[Jacey1973]

Well, i hope your experience just makes you work even harder in future just so you can be better than all the judges who judged you! I'm sure you will go far...