I was completely right in expecting hostility from the audience and judging panel.
It happened mostly as I expected.
It was not my imagination.
It was not paranoia.
They WERE there out to get me, predisposed at screwing me over.
There were a couple of pianoforum members at the concert, you will not let me lie, you can confirm what happened.
When the concert started I sensed a very expectant audience, with the horribly hostile sector of exstudents of a teacher, who is the head of the piano staff at the school. (This teacher had screwed me over many times before, but this time it was very unexpected).
I played the Bach, there were some fireworks outside, so the bangs got me a little unstable on the praeambulum, but I think its one of the best times Ive played that Bach (for an older version of me playing that partita, check out the audition room). I sensed some of the audience was surprised because I greatly ornamented the Sarabande in the repetition. Even so, I think I played that Bach better than other times I have played it. When I finished, I realized that I had won over most of the audience, which had gone from frowning and a bit bored to genuinely interested and applauding.
Then I played the Liszt Ballade, it was completely crazy, and I broke a G string

... I was pissed off because that string was important for the pieces that would follow. Even so, the audience seemed to love it and the music was very much there, Ive played it worse, and Ive played it much better.
Then I played Brahms which I was very happy with the result. After that came the two Rachmaninoff etudes.
During the whole concert the audience was extremely quiet. The only time I heard people talking was during the Brahms, in which this teacher who screwed me over was muttering to one of the guys in his little group. There was absolute quiet when I played and lots and lots of applause afterwards. I was very surprised at this, but they really seemed to like the way I played.
After coming out three times, I played 2 encores (2 pieces by Satie). Afterwards I talked to people in the audience who went to congratulate me. They were extremely happy; they loved it. I had played better than I had played before in this school, and at least at the same level in which other people had previously played their graduation concerts.
In the audience, by chance, were three extremely good musicians from russia, germany and spain who just happened to be vacationing here in Mexico (a pianist, a soprano and an organist), who were also very very happy with the performance (they invited me to get a beer afterwards, and were shocked at the jury's verdict.
I may sound arrogant but normally Im not like this, I am still extremely angry and sad.
_______________
After the 5 people judging the exam locked themselves up during what was almost an hour, instead of coming out and announcing the result to the public as they always do, I was called in, to recieve the result in private. They were afraid of the audience, who hung around awaiting the result. Everyone was sure that I would get the maximum grade and an honorable mention (since the other two people who had graduated previously this year had gotten this). Instead, the teacher who screwed me over, with a smirk on his face, told me that I had barely passed. Two out of three did not want me to pass (Him and his assistant, obviously) but, due to my previous trajectory in the conservatory they would give me the minimum passing grade.
He wanted me to plead my grade with him, but I did no such thing; I am fed up with their bullshit, I played *** well this night, as other pianoforum members who were there told me, as well as very respectable musicians. I did some pretty crazy things due to nerves of adrenaline, but the music was always there and the pieces never fell down. When he saw that I wasnt going to argue or plead (I mean, as long as I get my degree, who cares) he started breaking up the way I played. His main point was asking me to justify the "rythmical inestability" with which I had played Brahms. I said that I think that rubato is essential, that it was completely planned and not a mistake (I decided, with my teacher, to play it this way -- although the rubato wasn't that much. the problem was that he wanted it metronomic). Two days before I had played the Brahms in masterclass and the teacher Alexander Pashkov (a very talented pianist) had listened with score in hand. One of his observations had been that he was surprised that every single rythmic change I did was actually written by Brahms and that the rubato was very well played in accordance to harmony and phrase (I didn't say this though). I told him that they were free to their opinion. In the end he told me to look at the recording and to be more self-critical, he looked a bit pissed off to see that I wasn't going to beg him to raise my grade... three years before something similar had happened, but I had to give them the satisfaction of seeing me plead my grade. That time, I they had given me a 75, while the minimum for my scholarship was an 76, so I had to go in and ask them to please raise my grade for this reason. The only reason they gave me that time was that I was too immature to play the Chopin Fantasie-Polonaise. Two months later I took first place at an international competition, playing precisely this piece. I've noticed that every time I try to play repertoire too advanced for him, he takes it personally (as this time with Brahms, and a couple of other times). Anyways, I think they wanted me to plead with them to please raise my grade, but I would not give them the satisfaction this time.
Afterwards, they went out into the hall and announced that I had recieved my bachelors degree in piano, although they did not say the grade or anything like that in front of the audience. Pretty much everyone was shocked. I can honestly say that the only people who thought I deserved that grade were this teacher and his three oldest students who hang around with him. Other pianists who listened in on the jury, without a right to vote told me that they were very shocked because when they went in they fully expected me to get at least full marks. Then, this guy came in with the other teacher (who is his exstudent) wanting to fail me.
I am still sad.
I am also very angry.
I poured my heart into that concert and I won over a very hostile audience. Now I understand that, more than hostility from most, the general feeling was of malevolent curiosity; a desire to check if it was really so cool to study at the Reina Sofia, with a lot of Schadenfreude thrown in. I sensed a good connection with the audience though, and this seemed to dissappear as the concert progressed.
I played 2 pieces for encore, which is something very strange for students at the conservatory, I also played a more difficult program than anyone else has ever attempted for a graduation here and I played only pieces which I worked on in the past 8 months, while others play the same stuff they played over their 4-6 years in the school. I also worked these pieces with world famous piano teachers at the Reina Sofia who were happy with my work. I am angry, and I feel I've been humilliated by these people, so excuse me if I point out the good things about me and my performance.
In the end, the points which make me the angriest are the following:
- Three days before the concert, I played Brahms for this idiot pseudopianist (the resented teacher, for those not following me), because I feared he would screw me over in the end. I wanted to hear his opinion without the other people there (above I have a post relating my experience with that). All he said was that it sounded very good and that he would be a little more generous with the pedaling in a few places. In all, he had nothing to say (in his own words). No talk of "rythmic inestability".
- Their so called "rythmic inestability" is idiocy. They wanted metronomical music... in Brahms of all composers; in a set of variations in which 10 out of 13 sections are marked molto espessivo. I think that the rythm with which I played is REAL rythm, a rythm that ties phrases together and that pushed the music forward. You can check out the stuff in the audition room and form your own opinion (at least on my concept of rythm), maybe you also think that my rythmic organization was bad.
- There were many things wrong with the concert of course I'll admit that, some stuff was seriously wrong, and even if it wasn't it is ALWAYS possible to criticize. Even so, in my opinion, the things they said were wrong, were not wrong at all; the stuff that was really wrong, they didnt hear at all.
- Not a single one of them can play what I played, let alone half decently. (I mean that quite literally, this idiot always avoids playing concerts at the conservatory, being the only member of the staff who continually avoids it, because I feel, that it lets him mantain the attitude with which he has treated me and other students of the foreign teachers. If the students and the other teachers were to hear him actually play a concert he would lose all credibility).
- Out of 100+ people, mostly musicians, only this person and his three students thought my performance was so bad to merit failing my graduation concert; the others told me and my brother that it was one of the best graduation concerts they had heard at this conservatory.
- One of the most stupid comments they said to me was: "We all agree that you are a musician and an artist. Even so, there is a way to play for an exam, and a way to play for a competition, and there is a way to play as an in public. You played this as an artist, but as this was an exam, we expected different things."....... PLEASE! This wins most stupid piano quote of the year, in my opinion.
I am very bitter and pissed off. It seems that the better you play here, the more they want to screw you over. I did a lot of stuff that was not really good, but it did not merit this. What I expected to happen happened; the audience started out with a very hostile attitud. I won them over with my playing, but the people who really had ill will towards me still had the final say about my grade.