What should i do with my life?

[Dazzer]

I've reached the stage where the parents are starting to get worried over my future. and when they're worried they start "talking" to me, and then i get pressured too.

problem is i don't know what i want to do.

so what should i do?

[m1469]

Oh Dazzer !  Well, what the hay-flower, here we go :


The easy and quick answer is, do what you love.  But, I have found that, while this answer may be well-intentioned, it may not necessarily be helpful (unless it just happens to be EXACTLY what a person needs to hear).  Really, I think we have only two choices :

1.  Work our hardest
2.  Settle for less

At whatever it is that we do.  In all honesty, when I am striving to do the best job I can at whatever it is that I am doing, I find I am much happier no matter what the activity seems to be.  This is probably because, we are not meant to do just one thing in our lives.  We have lives to balance.  So, truly, if a toilet needs cleaning and I am just cleaning a toilet and doing the best job I can with it, I am happy.  In short, I am happiest when I am not complacent, even if my activity is humble.

When it comes to that thing we call career, I like to think in terms of occupation.  How do I want to occupy myself ?  The funny thing is, I don't think it matters so much what we do, but how we do it (and therefore, occupation has less to do with a one activity, but more to do with a frame of mind).   However, in modern times, it seems that much more emphasis is placed on the whats and wheres and so on... this makes it very difficult to sort out. 

While we have choices in those matters, I think there are some things in life that naturally bring out certain parts of us that help to develop or balance the rest.  I find myself to be particularly inspired by music and the arts.  I think everybody's fullest potential (which I have a hunch is something we live moment by moment, NOT some kind of arrival point in life) rests in their individual ability to balance the following three factors :

1.    Motivation
2.    Activity
3.    Commitment


None of those three individual elements will amount to much of anything without the other two.  Probably motivation will be the underlying determining factor, however.   Also, I think it is very good to be future minded, BUT, it is very well to allow oneself to start from exactly where they are at.  We can only do what we get the idea to do, so in that sense, we just have to go with our highest sense of right (whatever the motivation) and be willing to be incredibly flexible along the way.  As the motivation behind the things we do changes, so will the other two.

So just start somewhere, anywhere, and take a step... but allow for that to evolve, similarly to how a piece of music in composition/improvisation/performance would do.  You know, really, living is an art   



m1469

[Siberian Husky]

be a hitman..

or race for pink slips with import cars with Rob47

[Torp]

so what should i do?

What is that YOU want to do with your life?  You can ask us what we think you should do, but you will only get answers from our own various perspectives and positions in life.  Do you want advice from a 40 year old accountant who finds no pleasure in his daily work?  That's what you'll get from me.  My advice, don't do what other people want you to do.  Don't chase paychecks.  Don't be afraid to fail at whatever you do.  Don't quit on the things you love.  Don't decide on a career just because you have to decide on a career.  Your parents are concerned because they love you.  They want to see you have a nice life, full of nice things, and completely lacking in hardship and turmoil.  The problem is, hardship and turmoil are some of the greatest teachers.  Embrace change as your friend; it is the only true constant in life and the sooner you come to rely on it the better off you'll be.  Set goals, but live in the now.  Everything happens now.  Don't waste your time thinking about the past, you can't change it.  Don't fret over tomorrow, it may never come.  Decide what it is you want to be, not from a career perspective but from a human perspective.  How do you want to be remembered?  Do you want to be remembered?  If you could get out of bed at 4 am for the rest of your life to do something, what would that something be?  Lead a life directed by passion and fire, not paychecks and acquisition.

Just some random thoughts I could have used 20 years ago...

jef

[pianistimo]

give it to God and he'll take care of the details.  i had the same problems.  but, maybe different.  my parents encouraged piano up until i went to college, at which time they vehemently disagreed about majoring in music.  of course, being stubborn, i went to a college out of my town and majored in music.  i haven't regretted it, but i have 'lived off' my husbands income and mine is sort of like 'play money.'  the times i've made extra money teaching or etc. is usually used up halfway by buying music/cd's/ tuning the piano etc. etc.

whereas, my husband (who took physics, library science, education - and has several master's degrees) makes the main source of our liveable income.  he took music as an elective in his studies and could easily be a vocal coach, a professional singer, etc. but it would be physically more exhausting for him.

i think, if you have a lot of energy and determination, you can make a liveable income on music (doing several things).  for instance, working at a community college, or university as a prof. or conductor of orchestra, teaching lessons, and possibly theory or history classes.  the more you can teach, the more you can make money through schools (lessoning your overhead and hopefully consistent payment and health benefits).  or, if you like to perform - you must know you can handle the lean times - or have a patron of some kind.  if you're really good, i guess scholarships help a lot.  the main thing is to be able to pay off those dreaded school bills and make some money for yourself before 10 years are up.  (apartment living gets old).

i know many people are skeptical of drug companies, and my husband certainly didn't set out to sell drugs per se - but he's into computers and has worked himself into a good position (very needed right now) and they even send him on trips to france and other places in the usa to represent and learn more about the system they are using.  asm1469said, whatever you do, if you become really good at it (whether music or other field) people NEED you.  not just want you.  they need your superior knowledge or help in some endeavor and will pay you what you want, plus good benefits, possibly match savings, help you plan a retirement, etc.  

i've heard a lot of the people who work for colleges and universities kinda complain about the amount of money vs the effort they put in.  i guess it depends on where you end up working, what you do, how much control you have over what you do, how you learn to cope in the workplace.  how much energy.  so many many factors.  

as a woman, i find some days i have a lot of energy and other days none.  so i really rely on my husband to sort of fill in for my goof off days.  whereas, he pretty much puts int he full week plus some (and basically relaxes on the weekend).  he puts in over 50 hours per week and we are able to keep up with the mortgage, car pmt., regular bills, unexpected bills, taxes, going out to eat and etc.  where we go over - and where i like to make up the difference when working is in the wants.  buying music, cd's, clothing, stuff like that.  also, my daughter loves volleyball.  this year my husband paid for it.  it was like $90. for a week session.  you'll be surprised at how much activities for children cost - plus things like braces, and that!  overall, it's pretty much how you want to live.  some people get by on a lot less by being extremely frugal and not eating out much.  

i never thought about dating anyone who clipped coupons at the time i was dating.  or, even if they knew how to balance a checkbook.  or, if they liked to borrow money or used a lot of credit cards.  i suppose if i were to give my kids advice, it would be to only spend what you make - and not go into huge debt.  you can be semi-controlled by the amount of spending of a spouse - or pleasantly happy by a more frugal one or at least one who keeps the books halfway (knows where the money goes and if the bills got paid).  i had an impression when i first married that my husband should take care of bill paying, but he pretty much liked me to do it.  at first, i was kindof put off.  but, now, i feel a sense of control over understanding a bit more about how fast it goes.  when you pay bills every month, you see where it's all going and it reminds you.

i would suggest for anyone just starting out, to buy one of those 'how to organize' books and get your papers and life into some sort of order.  it's terrible when people don't know how to keep things in order because you can't find anything, can't keep track of bills, and get into trouble (first few years of our marriage).  once you get a system going, it's much easier and helps you determine sometimes exactly what you should do with your life.  when times are lean, i try to work much harder at bringing in extra income.  when  they are not - i try to take classes, etc. and further my education.  it's really a toss up, as you say, because you need money to live - but, the more money you make the more you have time for the extras.  so job is important, but not everything.  sometimes it's just keeping tabs on your health.  

we haven't ever had two extremely similar years.  there's always some adjusting.  unexpected things happen.  that's why i rely a lot on God.  i ask Him to bless what i do.  usually if i ask, He does.  i figure that He knows what my purpose is anyway.  sometimes it's much different than i imagine.  probably has higher expectations than me and yet lower in terms of just thinking of money.  you also have to factor in including the needs of others (whether family members, children, church, someone in need).  i find on the times that i take time to fill the needs of others, even if i am not blessed immediately by some physical blessing, i feel really good about it and then i feel blessed whether there is an immediate blessing or not.  usually, when we are in need of any kind, there is a pretty amazing equalizing of blessings coming back.

[steve jones]

I've reached the stage where the parents are starting to get worried over my future. and when they're worried they start "talking" to me, and then i get pressured too.

problem is i don't know what i want to do.

so what should i do?

At 24 Im probably not the best person to answer this. Ask me in 50 years!

But I would say be sure to:

- Enjoy yourself
- Work hard at whatever you choose to do
- Dont give up on your dreams in the pursuit of money (unless ofcourse you dream is to be rich!)

[gorbee natcase]

Tell them I want to become a prostetute and they will leave you right alone. (it worked for me) (the money is great and you can work from home, Cant get better than that

[steve jones]

Lol. Does that come with dental?

[gorbee natcase]

lol again seriously how many careers are out there where you just lay on your back

[steve jones]

Forget that, how many careers are other there where you get shagged senseless all day (other than McDonalds that is)? 

[gorbee natcase]

I would quite happily lay on my back for a size 8

[steve jones]

Well they do say that sex is a phenomenal form of exercise, so who knows, you may have found your calling in life?

[6ft 4]

Forget that, how many careers are other there where you get shagged senseless all day (other than McDonalds that is)? 

errr.....its called being a pornstar?



Anyway be a doctor, best job ever.

[pianistimo]

yes. gorbee.  a plastic surgeon or something.  you can work on the parts all day.  maybe you'll outgrow it.

[thalbergmad]

lol again seriously how many careers are out there where you just lay on your back

English boxers.

[steve jones]

errr.....its called being a pornstar?



Anyway be a doctor, best job ever.

Very true 6ft 4, I shall add that to the list post haste.


thalbergmad,
Not tommorow mate, Khan is set to rampage! Any ideas how Woods got on tonight?

[dinosaurtales]

I didn't catch whether or not you are majoring in music, nor if you even thought you might want a career in music, but if it's even a remote idea - make sure you get your music education while you are young!  DO NOT let your parents talk you into majoring in something more "useful" like my parent did to me.  Take "useful" classes as electives.

I am finding out later in life that going back to music school after a very unrewarding career is going to be damned near impossible. 

On the flip side, if I was in music and sick of being broke, any computer school in the country would welcome me with open arms if I had decent grades and really wanted to learn aboiut computers.  For some reason there is no age limit on learning other things (I have lots of older friends going back to school majoring in everything from art to business to sciences) but music is age-limiting.  Don't waste the golden opportunity if you have it!

[Dazzer]

yeh that's precisely what is happening...

i pretty much had it set on trying out for a couple of conservatories (not because i want to, but because i don't really know what else to do) and then my mum comes up with this "Why not try math at oxford, you could get a scholarship" (some Jardin scholarship fund or something... she's not against me trying for the conseratories. but she said she'd rather me "go into something with more money" so i can survive. then after that i can "pursue my passions".

[dinosaurtales]

OK.  That's it.  She can call me if she really wants.  First of all, there are a few lines of work where the schooling is really required:  medical doctor, engineering, architecture music.

There are thousands of lines of work where a few strategically chosen classes will get you an entry level job that you can work your way up in if you are pretty smart (and I can tell by your posts that you are) : accounting, business, sales, computers.  You don't need a degree in computers to get a computer job, a few classes will do it.  However, if you thought a music career might be a choice - you DO need a degree in music to do that! 

Also, looking back, it seems that 80% of my education in college had more to do with solving problems on my own, being away from home, and learning to deal with time management, social stuff, financial stuff, etc on my own.  The rest was just book learnin'.  So I say major in what you like, knowing that the bulk of what you are there to do will be learned regardless of the books you are reading!  Your parents will hate that bit of advice, I know mine would have.  They wanted to make sure I coiuld get a job when I got out.  Fact is, if you are smart you will get a job of some kind and work your way into good jobs regardless of your major.  That's just my 2 cents.

If I was to do it all over again, I would have majored in music, and taken some business and computer classes as electives "just in case".  Good luck! 

[ted]

Whatever you decide to do with your life it is hard to be happy if your mental and physical health has gone. Therefore I shall leave all the argument about careers and money to the others and simply advise you to establish three lifetime habits - right food, right exercise and right rest. Some of my friends and contemporaries have achieved ten times what I have materially and in their working lives but they are still not at peace with themselves. They have all manner of avoidable illness and mentally and physically they are in a mess. If that is achievement then thank goodness I missed out.