Ways to freak out your girlfriend

[gorbee natcase]

point a loaded gun to her head

[m1469]

Oh yes, these are all great but I have been wishing to add my two cents for a long time now.   If you would really like to freak her out do the following :

1.  Treat her as the intelligent woman that she is
2.  Be emotionally open and available
3.  Communicate with the intention of clarity
4.  Have a real conversation with her
5.  Respect her as an individual
6.  Be genuinely interested in her as a person
7.  Listen to her when she speaks
8.  Don't play mind games in efforts to control her
9.  Be honest with her


I could go on, but these will be enough to freak her out on so many levels (plus 9 is my favorite number... he he), neither of you will know what to do with yourselves. 


m1469

[pianistimo]

yes.  that's what these hot piano teachers do, and look where it gets them.  they have female students following them all around - and guys (the ages of the girls) asking in the hallway 'what's his secret?'  'i think it's just playing the piano.'  'no, there's something mroe to it.'  'maybe he's good looking?'  'no, we're good looking...there's got to be more.'  (*start following the piano teacher around).  this is an actual conversation i heard when waiting for juries.

probably visa-versa for female teachers.  teaching piano lessons, being a one-on-one experience is probably most fulfilling for female students, though.  i told my teacher on several occasions that i'd rather pay him for lessons than a session with a psychologist.  it made me feel much better mentally.  even my husband has a hard time listening and having an hour long conversation.  probably 20 minutes is all i get out of him - then the ballgame.  i have come to resent ball-games.  you can't get any headway into their mind.  i've gleaned the most interesting vocabulary words from my hubby, though.

[chopiabin]

Become a cannibal and start keeping the cellophane-wrapped heads of your victims in the fridge.

[Bob]

Oh yes, these are all great but I have been wishing to add my two cents for a long time now.   If you would really like to freak her out do the following :

1.  Treat her as the intelligent woman that she is
2.  Be emotionally open and available
3.  Communicate with the intention of clarity
4.  Have a real conversation with her
5.  Respect her as an individual
6.  Be genuinely interested in her as a person
7.  Listen to her when she speaks
8.  Don't play mind games in efforts to control her
9.  Be honest with her


I could go on, but these will be enough to freak her out on so many levels (plus 9 is my favorite number... he he), neither of you will know what to do with yourselves. 


m1469

I see where you're going m1469.  The change will be startling.  She'll wonder why the guy acts so differently.  Then that wonder will turn into suspicion and eventually grow into full blown freaked-out-ness.  Brilliant!

[leahcim]

9.  Be honest with her

Dear m1469,

Thank you for your recent relationship advice. My SO asked me about her new dress and I remembered point 9 from your recent list and figured it was the perfect time to show the new me. Do you have any further advice to help me fix a leaking roof on the small wooden house I now share with our pet labrador. I'm also interested in recommendations for Bedfordshire estate agents and good legal people.

Yours

Bruised in Bedfordshire,
The Dog Kennel outside number 23, Acacia Avenue.

[m1469]

Dear m1469,

Thank you for your recent relationship advice. My SO asked me about her new dress and I remembered point 9 from your recent list and figured it was the perfect time to show the new me. Do you have any further advice to help me fix a leaking roof on the small wooden house I now share with our pet labrador. I'm also interested in recommendations for Bedfordshire estate agents and good legal people.

Yours

Bruised in Bedfordshire,
The Dog Kennel outside number 23, Acacia Avenue.

Hey now !  I was giving advice on ways to freak out your girlfriend, not how to make things better  .  Anyway, it sounds like I was right 

[m1469]

I see where you're going m1469.  The change will be startling.  She'll wonder why the guy acts so differently.  Then that wonder will turn into suspicion and eventually grow into full blown freaked-out-ness.  Brilliant!

Dear m1469,

Thank you for your recent relationship advice. My SO asked me about her new dress and I remembered point 9 from your recent list and figured it was the perfect time to show the new me. Do you have any further advice to help me fix a leaking roof on the small wooden house I now share with our pet labrador. I'm also interested in recommendations for Bedfordshire estate agents and good legal people.

Yours

Bruised in Bedfordshire,
The Dog Kennel outside number 23, Acacia Avenue.

Now I am starting to get freaked out    *hides*

[leahcim]

Hey now !  I was giving advice on ways to freak out your girlfriend, not how to make things better  .  Anyway, it sounds like I was right 

Yep, good point.

[m1469]

Yep, good point.

oh, you mean you thought my ideas were a joke, or that I was only trying to prove a point ? 

[leahcim]

oh, you mean you thought my ideas were a joke, or that I was only trying to prove a point ? 

The ideas are sound, the implementation is where the problems begin

There's a comedian in the UK [Harry Enfield] who did a sketch with a character "only being honest" in the sense of "being completely untactful" Stuff like "You've got a big nose dear" "What? I'm only being honest" and so on I was reminded of that by point 9

[m1469]

The ideas are sound, the implementation is where the problems begin

There's a comedian in the UK [Harry Enfield] who did a sketch with a character "only being honest" in the sense of "being completely untactful" Stuff like "You've got a big nose dear" "What? I'm only being honest" and so on I was reminded of that by point 9

So, you were only trying to prove a point  .  Well, I am no longer freaked out, because everything is as it should be.

[Bob]

"everything is as it should be...."      oooooo.....  Philosophy...


Mr. Leahcim, you have made two errors according to my Handbook for Guys.

1.  You answered the question incorrectly.  (There is no correct answer for this question.) See Clapton, Wonderful Tonight p56, Avoiding questions p99, Feining confusion 123 for more ideas.
2.  You did not backpeddle to reclaim any possible ground you lost.  See P.H.A.T., p23

That's my interpretation of the text.  You have lost two points Mr. Leachim.  Please review your handbook and refrain from accepting advice from the opposing team.

[m1469]

"everything is as it should be...."      oooooo.....  Philosophy...

 

Well, actually just about 10 minutes ago, I was going to post in and apologize for being devious in my initial posting.  he he.  But, now, I am not sure what to do.  Maybe I should just stand proud and act like I know what I am talking about 


*pokes Bob with a used, broken, toothpick*  (then puts it back into her mouth  )

[Bob]

Well, actually just about 10 minutes ago, I was going to post in and apologize for being devious in my initial posting.  he he.  But, now, I am not sure what to do.  Maybe I should just stand proud and act like I know what I am talking about 

Well, I think you should apologize.  You've messed up the whole thread now.  It's just not the same.  The seriousness of the discussion isn't there.  It's a another example of the degradation of the forum.  How rude!

*pokes Bob with a used, broken, toothpick* (then puts it back into her mouth )

ew



Hmmm.... I see a google ad for rare Gershwin recordings.  Do you think rare Gershwin recordings would freak out your girlfriend?

And wedding music ads.     I don't think this is the right thread for that.

[m1469]

Well, I think you should apologize.  You've messed up the whole thread now.  It's just not the same.  The seriousness of the discussion isn't there.  It's a another example of the degradation of the forum.  How rude!

waaaaaa... boo hooo   

Well, I will consider your suggestion, Bob.  I'll have my people talk with your people.  But I am not going to visualize it, and maybe I would much rather just bite your people really hard and with very sharp teeth.... visualize that, I will.

[Bob]

(Bob is confused and slightly afraid of m1469.)

The how rude! thing was a joke.

[Dazzer]

tell her you're breaking up with her because you've found true love with ELIZA.

[Bob]

Is she still giving lessons?    I recall she was having some problems with students.

[leahcim]

Is she still giving lessons?    I recall she was having some problems with students.

"visualise that, I will" gives it away. She's been auditioning for the Broadway version of Star Wars with abba songs called "Mamma Leia"

[rimv2]

tell her you're breaking up with her because you've found true love with ELIZA.

classic



Dear m1469,

You like the guy because he's hot and he pours his ego into everything in such a way that you find it charming. If he were to adhere to anything on your list he would just be manipulating you. Sad but true.

Dont worry m1469 I forgive for you looking at another man - even if he is only hypothetical

[piano man 101]

Tell her that you miss the days you had *censored* like hers, then luagh and say "nah I hated those days".

[Bob]

Don't know if this has been said, yet but it should have...

At a random moment, happily and offhandedly, tell her she reminds you sooo much of your mom it's uncanny.

[meisel]

Get yourself a spider or a snake. Name it after your ex girlfriend, and make her feed it.

Hide all the chocolate in the house.

Collect death announcements in the paper, and have them in a suit case. Walk around with it everywhere you go. That would probably freak out everyone.

Fart in her face whenever you have the oppertunity. Then laugh loudly. Tell her she should sleep with one eye open (or preferably with two nostrils closed).

Insist that she must wear a mask during sex.

Give a highly detailed summary of the toilet visit. Thickness, length, everything. Say for example "the last one really looked like your mother!".

[Bob]

Take her out to a fancy restaraunt.  After the meal, get down on one knee.  Tell her you have something very special to give her.  While you're down on one knee, the restaraunt will get quiet and everyone will look over with curious eyes.  Tell her to close her eyes and hold out her hand...

















And then put a large, slimey snail in her hand.  "Here ya go!  This is Emo, the snail!  Just for you sweetheart!  Looks like he likes you too!"





(Make sure the snail is unjured.)

[JCarey]

Make sure the flowers are addressed to a man's name

... or someone she knows

Even better, make sure the flowers are addressed to her pet dog or cat.

[pianistimo]

injured snails?  flowers addressed to dog or cat?  how many of these things do you have to do to get rid of her?  this list is getting too long.  if she can't take the hint - there must be something wrong.  usually women pick up on non-verbal cues much better than men.

the show 'next' is a good example.  you don't even bother with getting to know them - you just say 'next' in your mind - and start doing non-verbal stuff.  biting your nails.  looking at the bill at the restaurant for 45 minutes.  using the cell phone a lot.

of course there is the rare man/woman that thinks rejection means that you really like them.  that you are just the shy type.  with those people - more efficient methods must be used for repellation.  maybe mace. 

[henrah]

Tell her she is just like her mother...she'll pack up the chess and bomb right out of there

Reply/respond to them talking a second earlier than you would, and do it for every point they make so it seems that you are hurrying them along.

When they are talking to you look away and do something fiddly. If they continue to talk, turn back around and say 'What? Oh, you were saying something.' Then go back to fiddling.

Spill some wine on her carpet, then when she freaks out tell her that Red wine will get it out and pour some onto it. Then realise that it should be white wine, but don't apologise for pouring red wine over the carpet. Instead, get the white wine and start drinking it from the bottle. Then balance it on her head. With the TV remote on top. Then start watching Men&Motors.
Henrah

[ahinton]

Play OC to her (well, someone had to suggest it eventually, didn't they?)...

Best,

Alistair

[mpd210]

Do the Balducci levitation trick:
https://www.howtodotricks.com/balducci-levitation-blaine-levitation.html

its very easy to learn, and works every time. just need to set her up for an hour or so saying things like "i can levitate, but i should only use those powers for good"
practice once or twice with a friend first. then have you friend help you set her up for an hour one night at dinner. trust me, she'll freak out.

[pianistimo]

that sounds like a 'one night stand.'  ahahahh.  or would it be a 'one night lay.'  oh dear.  this is getting worse.  nevermind.

or, a fast way to 'drop her?'

in any case, you let the secret out of the bag.  it's all in the angle.  once she realizes this - the magic is gone.

*practices levitation on crutches with four year old wearing stretchy red book cover on head.  (if you've ever seen a four year old with a book cover on their head - you know it looks like they have horns).

[thalbergmad]

I sent me ex girlfriend a wreath.

That freaked her out.

[pianistimo]

you guys seem obsessive about x's.  if you don't want them to remember you, why send them presents.  that's like saying - remember me!  i can still ruin your life. 

just move on to the next one.  how hard is that, bob?  bob?  are you there.  where is bob?  (*counting the days before his next trip to russia).  did you know it was -58 degrees in the republic of georgia and this week supposed to be -20.  try playing a piano after walking in that weather!

put him/her on an iceburg like the eskimos used to do with their elders. 

thalbergmad, i'm slightly scared of you.  all those chucked girlfriends and babies.

[Bob]

Bows to the master...

Tell her she is just like her mother...she'll pack up the chess and bomb right out of there

Reply/respond to them talking a second earlier than you would, and do it for every point they make so it seems that you are hurrying them along.

When they are talking to you look away and do something fiddly. If they continue to talk, turn back around and say 'What? Oh, you were saying something.' Then go back to fiddling.

Spill some wine on her carpet...

Yes, I'm here Pianistimo.  And yes it was quite chilly at our outdoor concert.  They gave me a big furry hat though, so I was happy.  I still have the hat, but it got infested with snails.

[pianistimo]

bob, you are quite the energetic type.  you continually amaze me with your snail pariphinalia dangling like fishing lures from your hat.

now, if barry douglas was a fireman - he'd have quite a lot of trouble getting rid of me.  look at his most recent picture.  www.palmbeachdailynews.com/arts/content/arts/douglas0106.html 
that's enough to make any woman an ex-girlfriend and run to ireland or montreal.  well, being that i'm happily married (and three kids too) - i sneak one last peek at 12:30 pm and dream about that emperor piano concerto.

who is your ideal woman, bob?  would she lick the snails off your hat?  what would she do for you to keep her around longer?  ok.  she must not have bad breath, yellow teeth...have we narrowed it down enough?  must not use the words 'thing,' 'play,' 'screw' unless very discreet.  does she need to play the piano - or is this simply not an issue?  bob.  i think secretly, you are the clingy type.  you are not so fast to let go of a girlfriend, but they are hard to find because you have very high standards.  give me a few more hints on a girl you would NOT try to freak out. 

[I Love Xenakis]

Murder all of her siblings, and then say you did it for her.  Then eat some of their entrails and say, "You love your family so much??  Well now I'm part of your family and you will love me too!"  Then lick her slowly with your bloody tongue.

[ahinton]

Murder all of her siblings, and then say you did it for her.  Then eat some of their entrails and say, "You love your family so much??  Well now I'm part of your family and you will love me too!"  Then lick her slowly with your bloody tongue.

Mon Dieu, I wish I'd known years ago the location of the charm school from which you evidently graduated cumma sum laude...

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

i think the school dropped the 'c' - changing it to 'harm school.' 

[I Love Xenakis]

Well it's worked on past boyfriends; I just figured it would work on girls too.

[Bob]

bob, you are quite the energetic type. you continually amaze me with your snail pariphinalia dangling like fishing lures from your hat.

now, if barry douglas was a fireman - he'd have quite a lot of trouble getting rid of me. look at his most recent picture. www.palmbeachdailynews.com/arts/content/arts/douglas0106.html
that's enough to make any woman an ex-girlfriend and run to ireland or montreal. well, being that i'm happily married (and three kids too) - i sneak one last peek at 12:30 pm and dream about that emperor piano concerto.

who is your ideal woman, bob? would she lick the snails off your hat? what would she do for you to keep her around longer? ok. she must not have bad breath, yellow teeth...have we narrowed it down enough? must not use the words 'thing,' 'play,' 'screw' unless very discreet. does she need to play the piano - or is this simply not an issue? bob. i think secretly, you are the clingy type. you are not so fast to let go of a girlfriend, but they are hard to find because you have very high standards. give me a few more hints on a girl you would NOT try to freak out.

All women must submit a resume-vitae and complete the required application.  After fulfilling the state required mandatory tests, her application materials will be reviewed.  At that time, it will be detemined if an interview is in order in front of my board of directors.  An audition may be requested.

[sonatainfsharp]

Why would you want to freak out your girlfriend in the first place? That doesn't seem very nice.

[thalbergmad]

Why would you want to freak out your girlfriend in the first place?

Why not.

Women consistently do things to irritate us men.

1. Dinner not ready when you get home from work.
2. Refusing sex because of an imagined headache.
3. Taking 3 hours to get ready to go out.
4. Wasting housekeeping money on chocolates.
5. Forgetting to iron best shirts.
6. Making the phone bill more expensive than the mortgage.

The list is endless.

It is a matter of revenge.

[pianistimo]

yes.  i don't deserve my husband.  he's so nice to me - on the chance that he might figure out if it's a good day or a bad day.  he keeps his distance when he thinks it's a bad day - and then i get mad at him for reading a book and watching the ball game.  you can't win when you're married.  you just have to communicate a lot.  'are you having a good day?'  NO. CAN'T YOU SEE - I'M HAVING NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.  'are you having a bad day?'  are you kidding, i've been waiting since 12 noon for you to show up.

[laska]

omg.. I'm wondering what I've got myself into here as a new member. LOL!

That snail thing is hilarious.. I'm terrified of snails though so I'd probably scream and run out the room.

One of the ways one of my ex-boyfriends freaked me out (not on purpose), was that everything I liked and was into he would get into. Like I liked stargate, so he started watching it and being into it. I liked Classical music, so he started listening to it. I liked chess, so he started playing chess. A few things like this are okay.. but not EVERYTHING about me! Ugh.. that was freaky.