Ways to freak out your girlfriend

[rimv2]

- When she asks you what you are listening to on your mp3 player, switch to Emenim's Kim and pass it over.

Continue...

[BoliverAllmon]

tell her you want to become a girl

[chopintod]

tell her you want to become a girl

tell her you once were a girl

[BoliverAllmon]

true that will work also.

[Bob]

Out of the blue, tell her she's not fat at all.

Tell her the relationship has moved to a new level and you are now ready to share your spider and snake collection with her.  She's that special.

Stare at her nose when you speak to her.  Look confused, then kind of smirk, but say nothing. Smile with your eyes for the rest of the conversation.

Tell her the test results came back negative... basically.  Then say you're sorry and nevermind.  Then start scratching a little.

Ask if she really truly loves you and wouldn't she still even if you lost a whole lot of money.  I mean after all it's just money. 

[leahcim]

Buy her a book on body language and then every time you go out say "I'm just nipping to the post office" while twidding your nose and ear and looking at the floor.

[steve jones]

Errr, do the ironing yourself?

[Waldszenen]

Ask her the calorie content of your dinner and whether it's approved by professional dieticians, and if it isn't, throw it out immediately.

[perfect_pitch]

Ask if she really truly loves you and wouldn't she still even if you lost a whole lot of money.  I mean after all it's just money. 

Money makes the world go round.

[Torp]

Tell her to hold on a second you just need to call and check in with your wife.

[pianohopper]

thalbergmad took his girlfriend on a trip somewhere where dead people were or something.  I don't know.  I haven't that much experience on it, but if you start singing "One shot two shot" at random times, that would do the trick.  Or scream 'Nougat!" during tender moments. 


Do you...want....to do this to her?

[stevie]

the penis between the legs looking like a girl trick, its really cool, but it only works if you have a long penis.

[Jacey1973]

LOL i'm thinking of that episode of "Alan Partridge" when he takes this woman he works with on a first date to an owl sanctuary! Hilarious...

[BoliverAllmon]

the penis between the legs looking like a girl trick, its really cool, but it only works if you have a long penis.

why would that freak her out?

[stevie]

because it looks like you have no penis or balls, because theyre tucked between and behind your legs, of course it sticks out the back so make sure noones behind you 

[steve jones]

Fella, that would freak ANYONE out, male or female!


Jenni,

Absolutely! Partridge is (was) one of the funniest things on TV.

[Bob]

Is that Stevie or Buffalo Bill?



Call her by the wrong name.  Be careful when you choose to do this.

Send yourself flowers or a gift and then claim to know nothing about it.

Move small things around, randomly.

Set the clocks ahead a few minutes one day, a few minutes slow the next.


Why are we doing this by the way?


Talk to yourself.

Wear plaid and other "very hip" styles of clothing.

Ask her how she feels about _________.

Ask "Would she be upset if....."


Don't say a word.  Don't talk to her.  Don't respond to her.  Just stare.


When she enters the room and you're on the phone say, "... Really... is that what you're wearing?....   Well, my girlfriend's here now, so I'll call you next week Mom."

[pianistimo]

show her your rap sheet

your gangster tattoo

your headset listening (rap music)

wear those low rider pants and fix the car in them

don't wear underwear with the low riders

don't comb your hair

don't wear aftershave or cologne or take showers very often

forget to open the door, or anything close to manners

eat with a serving spoon

refer to her as 'little mama' (women hate being called momma)

disappear for hours at a time in the electronics department (violation, violation)

read a book during dinner

keep old girlfriends pictures

put the pictures on the refrigerator (one of our old neighbors did this to all his girlfriends, making them jealous of whoever was on the fridge - telling them that he just kept it there because she was fat).

disappear for days at a time

work at a prison

that's all i can think of tonight

[quantum]

Tell her YOUR pregnancy test just came back...

[rc]

I was thinking about this earlier. This would probably freak out everyone else you know...

Stop talking altogether. Phase it out a bit at a time, just be more quiet than usual for two days. The next two days restrict communication to body language and noises that aren't quite words; "uh huh" "hmmmmm" "ahhhh". Then get rid of any vocal noise at all, use body language, walk around and act like nothing's wrong at all, when she talks to you smile and nod, if she asks if your angry shake your head/shrug.

Now just use facial expressions, go for spontanious walks and leave your shoes behind, spend your time drawing pictures of the chairs in the house or kitchen utensils. One day, after she's sufficiently freaked but before you're committed, look up to her with curious eyes and say "mommy?".

The end. I'm freakin' myself out here.

[pianistimo]

at least you didn't say 'do your pants and then say something about an accident.'  that would be a sure way to get committed.

[Torp]

Stop talking altogether. Phase it out a bit at a time, just be more quiet than usual for two days. The next two days restrict communication to body language and noises that aren't quite words; "uh huh" "hmmmmm" "ahhhh". Then get rid of any vocal noise at all, use body language, walk around and act like nothing's wrong at all, when she talks to you smile and nod, if she asks if your angry shake your head/shrug.

Now just use facial expressions, go for spontanious walks and leave your shoes behind, spend your time drawing pictures of the chairs in the house or kitchen utensils.

Sooooo....what you're saying is that this is abnormal behavior??  Hmmmmm, ahhhh (as I shake my head and shrug).

Maybe this could explain the trouble I'm having lately.......

[Bob]

Pianistimo -- It's "gangsta," not "gangster."  They will make fun of you for a grammatical error such as that.  One must be mindful to keep one's hipness on the pf site.




Yes, refer to her as a possession.  "Your mama."  Do this right in front of her while speaking to people.  She probably won't react but will be pretty ticked.


Eat while only using a knife.

Belch and be proud.  (more below)

Leave the toilet seat up.

Tell her what your mother would have done better.

Tell her you have to ask permission from your mother first before making a decision.

Stare at other women.

"Freshen the air" yourself and be proud!  Along with belching, analyze these.  Rate them -- "That was a five..."  Compare and contrast them  "That one was good, but I remember back in April...."

Chew your toenails.

Ask if she will clip your toenails or shave your backhair.   


After finnishing a meal, watch her more than is usual and ask if she feels all right and is she sure?  Really sure?  She doesn't feel very sleepy at all?

Ask if the police stopped by.

Ask if there where any packages delivered for you.

If you take everyone's advice you won't have to worry about freaking out your girlfriend.  You won't have one for sure.


While at that meal reading, read the polic reports in the paper.  Quietly smile and laugh.

Casually ask her feeling about comestic surgery.  Leave some fliers and advertisements around, just in case she wants to look.

Compete with her to be first.  First out the door.  First to sit down.  First at everything to show you're better than her.

When you do anything, always ask if her friend will be there.

Eat sunflower seeds and spit them on the floor.

Always be out of money while on a date.

Ask to borrow money a lot.

When you see her, tell her she looks beautiful.  Then start asking lots of very detailed questions about her clothing.

Ask if you can go shopping again.  Spend more time shopping then she does.

Have a large shoe collection.

Tell her you lost your job and will be moving in with her for awhile.

Tell her you are having friends over and she needs to cook something.

Write the same sentence millions of times on sheets and sheets of paper.

Tell her you have another business trip.  Tell you have to work late again.

If she asks about your day, tell her.  In extreme detail and for a few hours.  Focus on the mintue details.  Drone.  "Well I got to work and there was this pencil on my desk and wouldn't you know it it wasn't sharpened but I thought 'Hey I might need that pencil today so I better sharpen it' and I looked around for the pencil sharpner but it wasn't there wouldn't you know it so I got a second pencil but that one wasn't sharpened either..."

Interupt her when she's speaking.  Raise your voice to get control of the conversation.

Shush her.  Even if you have nothing to say.  Just go "Shhh..." everytime she tries to talk.  Heighten the effect  "Shhh... Dont' say anything.  You'll spoil it."  Then pat her on the head.

Pick your nose.  Scratch.  Show your class that way.


I see we've carved out another important body of knowledge on the pf site.

[Appenato]

half those things you suggested, bob... are ways to annoy rather than freak out....

amusing topic nonetheless.

[mrchops10]

This topic confuses me...are you trying to freak out your girlfriends, or get them to break up with you?

[Bouter Boogie]

tell her you once were a girl

You guys are so funny That'll definitely works if you ask me

- BB

[bernhard]

Get yourself a “prince Albert”. (But be prepared to be freaked out yourself if she happens to like it).

You can also try a “Van Gogh” (cut off your ear and present it to her in a box).

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[stevie]

Get yourself a “prince Albert”. (But be prepared to be freaked out yourself if she happens to like it).

You can also try a “Van Gogh” (cut off your ear and present it to her in a box).

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

hahaha, bernin hard dang boi

prince albert? the van gogh should be renamed the prince charles

[bernhard]

hahaha, bernin hard dang boi

prince albert? the van gogh should be renamed the prince charles

Nah. Prince Charles has his own ways of freaking out the girls.

[thalbergmad]

If you want to freak out your girlfriend, try holding a bowie knife to her throat and tell her she is going to die.

Worked for me.

[Torp]

Seems odd that would freak her out.  I mean, she is going to die, right?  Using a bowie knife to strengthen your argument is simply pure genius.  You're saying she didn't see it that way?  Hmmm....I'm at a loss....

[rimv2]

Shush her.  Even if you have nothing to say.  Just go "Shhh..." everytime she tries to talk.  Heighten the effect  "Shhh... Dont' say anything.  You'll spoil it."  Then pat her on the head.

Classic

If you want to freak out your girlfriend, try holding a bowie knife to her throat and tell her she is going to die.

Worked for me.

Ahm juss about to die from laughin here.

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[randmc]

1.suggest surgery to her

2.you be the women during "tender moments"

3.start hanging out with her girlfriends

4.buy her a Mastiff (the dogs that hunt bears)

5.tell her you mother is moving in with you

6.have conversations with yourself about pears

BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, NEVER CALL HER FAT....unless she is

[Bob]

Watch one tv show a lot.  I mean a lot.  Recite lines from it by memory.  Do this a lot.  Progress from just reciting the lines to acting them out.  Then pretend to actually be a character from the show.

Tell bad jokes.  Or ones that really aren't very funny but you find hysterical.

With great urgency tell her you have a split personality and this is the real you but you only have a short time left before the others come back.

Eat garlic.

Talk about someone else a lot. 

This is more inline with the topic...  Begin to act just like her.  Copy everything she does.  You know those people who try to be someone else?  Do that and be her.

[pianistimo]

or, try being very different and acting like she is strange.  say something like, "always nice to know someone from a different planet.  may the force be with you (signing)."

make her rush in the bathroom (knock on the door a lot when she's in the tub)

give her no 'down time' by wandering around behind her and snapping her pj's

keep the romance level high by never figuring out how to undo her bra but trying anyway (sits there for 1/2 hour)

spying on her embarrassing moments (like when she's angry at her mother and is talking back and forth to herself - remind her she's probably got a split personality)

never agree with her.  in fact, tell her her ideas are bad ideas.

backseat drive in the front seat.  lean towards her and try to see from her perspective and then ask if her visual acuity is diminishing.  lean towards the left and say "are you really driving in the middle of the lane?  looks like you're going to clip some trees or mailboxes if you keep this up." 

[Bob]

Act like a recent event didn't happen.  If she brings up something that just happened, ask if she feels all right.  Act like you don't know anything about -- like it never happened.

[Jacey1973]

Act like a recent event didn't happen.  If she brings up something that just happened, ask if she feels all right.  Act like you don't know anything about -- like it never happened.

Good one, although possibly dangerous if she thinks she is going mad.

[rc]

Slip hallucinogens into her food once in a while, guaranteed to freak her out. More than just a possibility she'll think she's going mad.

[Bob]

Tell her that you are going somewhere by yourself.  Then show up where she is and appear surprised that she is there too.

Give her flowers for no reason and look very guilty about it.

Tell her you have something very special you want to whisper to her.  Put your mouth close to her ear.  Then belch.  Laugh at her reaction.  Eat garlic beforehand to heighten the her repulsion.  See how many times you can get her to fall for this.

Involve your friends.  Politely tell her she smells.  When she's in the room with someone else, have that other person say they smell something.  And then a second person can say they smell something.  This will driver her nuts.  Who can be absolutely sure they don't smell?

[pianistimo]

bob, how is it that you can think of so many of these.  i'm beginning to wonder about you.  i mean - how much effort does it take before the girlfriend is gone, anyway? 

i think this should be a thread about how to get your girlfriend to come back.

tell her the flowers really WERE for her and the florist got the name wrong.

that she's not going mad, it was just hallucinogens.

her driving may never put you to sleep - but reassure her that her talking does.

the time you spent alone, you felt lonely and missed her - causing you to want to spend more time alone again so you could feel those feelings again sometime.

[rc]

Let's stay on topic! 

...hmmmm, this one has potential to be creepy:

the time you spent alone, you felt lonely and missed her - causing you to want to spend more time alone again so you could feel those feelings again sometime.

[quasimodo]

Suggest a threesome with her sister or best friend.

[026497]

Suggest a threesome with her sister or best friend.

i don't think it works. some people love threesome, especially with their sister

[lisztisforkids]

Tell you think your pregnat.

[Bob]

Ask if she has lice too.

[piano man 101]

Knock on her house and tell her youv brung your wifre and kids over. Then make out with her.

[quantum]

tell her the flowers really WERE for her and the florist got the name wrong.

Make sure the flowers are addressed to a man's name

... or someone she knows

[Bob]

Tell her "We need to talk," with a serious tone of voice.  Then leave and don't mention the idea again.  If she mentions it tell her "nevermind."

[g_s_223]

Grow your nostril hair, and take snuff. The resulting combination of brown-green snot and hair is a real turn-on for girls, so I've heard...

 

[ryguillian]

Have your boyfriend come over while she's over.

—Ryan