telling your loved ones you love them...

[stevie]

today is my mum's birthday...
i woke up today and first thing i did was say happy birthday, then i asked had she gotten anything, any presents, she said just off her mum, i asked what, she said some chocolates and money to spend on whatever she wants(more later on this...)
i said, sorry i havent gotten you anything, she said thats ok, then i said 'i just want to let you know i love you, because i dont say it often enough'

she then mumbled something, i couldnt tell what exactly, but i couldnt stick around, so i said im going back to bed because i was still a bit tired...

so i got in bed, and started crying, thinking of how much i love and care about my mum, and how much she does and has done for me, and how little i show how much it means to me.

the last time i told her i loved her was over the phone a few years ago actually, when she had and accident and broke her leg, on the phone i felt compelled to say it, she sounded touched and said it back, i almost cried after that call too.

but while i was crying in bed i heard my dad shout up to my mum, she barely replied, only softly, he came up and asked whats the matter, she said 'nothing', and because she was cleaning up he asked if she got something in her eye, she insisted 'no im ok', he kept wondering what was wrong, and i dont think she said, but i knew what it was.

anyway, it has been an emotional morning for me, so i felt compelled to make this topic.

i just find it VERY difficult for some reason, to say these things, i just hope she knows.

[pabst]

i say screw those individualist atheist-nietzschean ideals of independency and realize that having needs and being dependant on someone is not a weakness and that it won't make you vulnerable for expressing what you really truly want to. Now go back there and look her on the eyes and tell her.

[stevie]

i say screw those individualist atheist-nietzschean ideals of independency and realize that having needs and being dependant on someone is not a weakness and that it won't make you vulnerable for expressing what you really truly want to. Now go back there and look her on the eyes and tell her.

well, i did tell her, itd be wierd to randomly say it again.

on a side note, she tore up my dad's card for her and they had an argument....she tore it up because she thinks he only just remembered, and only gave her the card after a random argument thing.

anyway, good times.

[BoliverAllmon]

geez, I tell my parents how I feel all the time and tell my gf I love her probably 30x a day even after going out for nearly 5 years. let it out man.

[stevie]

perhaps i am more emotionally reserved, possibly.

i envy your openness boliver...

perhaps

[m1469]

Well, I don't think it is a simple matter of being emotionally reserved or not, at least not for everyone.  I think emotionally reserved is an outcome or result of sorts, not just a state of being without any reasons.  Also, there are often cultural issues.  For example, German culture can have the outcome of being very emotionally reserved.  Sometimes it is dependent on your ancestory, how your parents were brought up, where you are living now.. etc.

It can take a lot of work to overcome some of those restraints, beyond just walking up to somebody and saying "I love you".   And I personally don't find it strange that stevie had this reaction to his interaction with his mother. 

Also, meaning what you say doesn't have much to do with how often or not you tell a person something.  And while it is nice to hear something like that, it is even nicer to know a person really means it.


m1469

[leahcim]

well, i did tell her, itd be wierd to randomly say it again.

How fast could you say it and still make it sound emotionally sincere?

[BoliverAllmon]

How fast could you say it and still make it sound emotionally sincere?

takes me only a second to say it.

[gorbee natcase]

are you 44 and living at home

[stevie]

are you 44 and living at home

hahaha, the age in my profile, perhaps.

[lau]

Emotions are weak, channel the emotion.

[arensky]

Hi Stevie,

Sounds like yer Ma needs you, guess home life isn't so great. Spend the time with her now. Existence is an ephemeral thing. God I miss my mother....

[lagin]

today is my mum's birthday...
i woke up today and first thing i did was say happy birthday, then i asked had she gotten anything, any presents, she said just off her mum, i asked what, she said some chocolates and money to spend on whatever she wants(more later on this...)
i said, sorry i havent gotten you anything, she said thats ok, then i said 'i just want to let you know i love you, because i dont say it often enough'

she then mumbled something, i couldnt tell what exactly, but i couldnt stick around, so i said im going back to bed because i was still a bit tired...

so i got in bed, and started crying, thinking of how much i love and care about my mum, and how much she does and has done for me, and how little i show how much it means to me.

the last time i told her i loved her was over the phone a few years ago actually, when she had and accident and broke her leg, on the phone i felt compelled to say it, she sounded touched and said it back, i almost cried after that call too.

but while i was crying in bed i heard my dad shout up to my mum, she barely replied, only softly, he came up and asked whats the matter, she said 'nothing', and because she was cleaning up he asked if she got something in her eye, she insisted 'no im ok', he kept wondering what was wrong, and i dont think she said, but i knew what it was.

anyway, it has been an emotional morning for me, so i felt compelled to make this topic.

i just find it VERY difficult for some reason, to say these things, i just hope she knows.

I don't know what to say Stevie, except that I am very impressed right now.  I only ever see the joking side of you on here, and I never knew you were such a cool person before this post.  (Not that you weren't of course, I just never saw it before).  Way to inspire me, man!  I think everyone should make more posts like this one.

[stevie]

i still have a joking side, but dont be surprised that guys like me, rob, husky, and other randomly 'blasphemous' guys have a heart and brains too.

the reason i find it so difficult to say 'i love you' is because i know what follows, and i cant help it, i have to cry, i cant handle really intense emotional situations like that i guess.

and i cant suddenly change and say it all the time, it would be forced, it would lose all meaning, and i just couldnt do it, but the most important thing to me is that she knows it, and thats why i got the 'courage' up today to do it.

anyway, i hoipe i inspired you guys, like you said lagin, to do the same. because if you truly care enough about the person, then you will go through whatever discomfort it takes to make them know...

possibly.

[ted]

In your case I think your action speaks highly of you, Stevie. At the same time I think m1469's comments are very pertinent and the general case is very complicated. Words of love by themselves, the practised gushing of the lothario and the flatterer, for instance, are worse than saying nothing. In the end, unless words of love are combined with loving deeds they do have a hollow ring. However, it is possible for certain very genuine, deeply sensitive people to have difficulty with the external gestures and declarations of love. Their love is not any the less for this reticence. A verbal declaration of love from somebody who rarely voices such things can be all the more powerful and sincere simply because of its rarity. 

As m1469 says, it very much depends on character and personality. To take an analogy, I am not a kissing and grabbing person (social kissing and grabbing I mean). For many people these things are everyday and second nature and there is nothing wrong with them, but I just feel uneasy about doing it because these actions to me are rather more special. Therefore, on the occasions I do embrace somebody it is likely to mean quite a lot to me.   

[stevie]

yeah, but i should really try to say it more often than every 2-3 years, tis very difficult though.

like i said, i get emotional in those situations and itd be very wierd if i suddenly started crying, which i know i will if i start saying it, and if i make a forced habit of saying it, just like you say, it will lose all menaing and it will be fake.

[Siberian Husky]

I don't know what to say Stevie, except that I am very impressed right now. I only ever see the joking side of you on here, and I never knew you were such a cool person before this post. (Not that you weren't of course, I just never saw it before). Way to inspire me, man! I think everyone should make more posts like this one.

yeah i agree its hard to get to know someone when your preconcieved notions produce poor and unsound judgements

[classicarts]

if you can't say in person, i suggest a card will do.