"What year did Jesus think it was?"
(George Carlin)
"Religion easily—has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man...living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money."
(George Carlin)
"In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it."
(Dave Thomas)
"If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?"
(George Deacon)
"When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?"
(Quentin Crisp)
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
(Peter O'Toole)
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
(Mariah Carey)