How close are you to just giving up ?

[m1469]

On piano of course.  Thoughts and comments are welcome.  For example, do you ever just think that maybe you were not cut out for it afterall ?  Just curious.



m1469 

[arensky]

On piano of course.  Thoughts and comments are welcome.  For example, do you ever just think that maybe you were not cut out for it afterall ?  Just curious.



m1469 

It rarely crosses my mind. I've spent too much time and put too much effort into being a pianist to throw in the towel now. Sometimes I get fed up and want to quit but the next day I am always back to work, tweaking my projects and teaching. I might feel differently when I'm older but somehow I doubt it. This is what I was meant to do and it's the reason why I am here, if there is a reason...

[leahcim]

For example, do you ever just think that maybe you were not cut out for it afterall ?

Think it? I know it for sure

But, I know I will never give up from my behaviour if not from what I think most of the time.

[alzado]

Things may be different for me because I am a senior citizen with no "objectives."  I just enjoy playing. 

I am not preparing for a recital or striving to have a career in music.  I am not going to struggle to attain "grade 8" or any other certification, and I do not feel that my life would be incomplete if I do not play La Campanella.

I probably won't quit as long as I have the physical and mental resources to keep playing.

I would feel sorry for my grand piano, sitting over there lonely and silent, gathering dust.

My cats also like to hear me play.  And also, how about the ghosts of all those long-dead composers who hover about my piano, hoping to hear their creations breathe again?

And how is my piano tuner supposed to feed his family?

Fie, fie, m1469.     Never I say ! ! !    Never! ! !   . . . .. will I quit! 

(Or at least not today.)

[cherub_rocker1979]

How close am I to giving it up? At this point in my life I couldn't be further from it.

[Kassaa]

I know I will never go up, but when I'm looking at the repeating notes coda of the Alkan Concerto it crosses my mind .

[thalbergmad]

I have given up several times, but always i have gone back.

[quantum]

Already tried, several times. 

First time when about 14, I disliked my teacher so much I quit.  But parents found me an excellent teacher and urged me to see if I liked her before quitting. 

Next 3rd year university as a music major.  I just couldn't find anything new in western music.  I wanted to become an ethnomusicologist.  But then I discovered improvisation, it renewed my faith in piano and there is still a lot that can be done with the instrument that nobody has thought of yet. 

Next when I was about 4th year university.  I didn't want to quit music, but rather quit piano.  I had acquired a beautiful Buffet R-13 clarient, and thought it was a good time to  study clarient full-time.  I was so fed up with my cheap piano at home.  I needed a 4th year credit so I took up piano lessons again (after telling myself I woudn't after my previous years recital).  I decided to study the Ginastera Sonata No.1 just so I could bang bang on my home upright as punishment for being an inferior instrument. 

In the last 18 moths that the upright was in my house I had managed to break several strings, a hammer shank, and keys which snapped at the pin.  But then something strange happed, my dad happened to come accross a used grand that we could actually afford.  I had been piano shopping for the last 10 years, and had a running list of pianos that I liked and this piano was one of them.  Well my family bought the piano. 

Well, I guess I haven't given up totally yet.  Now I am finally beginning to enjoy playing that I have a decent instrument.  As a result from my previous experiences, I find it a joy to continually push the boundaries of how one can use and play a piano. 

[ted]

Never. Never have been, never will be. However, there is one important thing to say on the matter. Sometimes life can deal a lousy hand. If I should be unable, through for example physical impairment,  to express the underlying force through the piano then I want to have a "backup method". So to that extent, for the sake of preserving my psyche, I think about it. But I don't think involuntary cessation is quite what you meant.

[m1469]

Wow, these responses are really quite great.  In thinking about it, after reading your responses, I believe that I could probably not ever give it up.  I have realized this numerous times before, but it is like I forget until I get there again.  Unless, like Ted mentioned, I had to give it up for some reason.  However, if I could I would maybe still play with my buttocks, my feet, or even my head  . 

*thinks to self*  .... maybe I should already be playing with my head 


Here's what it is like sometimes for me :

There is this part that is just constantly saying "why are you doing this ?  Where is this getting you ?  You can't do it.  You really might fail"  (and I don't know where that is coming from).  But maybe more than anything else, I am simply exhausted 

And then there is this deeper part of me that is like a huge ocean with all of it's own life and power.  That part just kind of exists regardless of the quitter's voice.  And I guess sometimes that quitter's voice just seems louder than anything else.  But it never truly gets rid of the ocean.  So I would like to magnify the ocean, somehow, because it never lets me off the hook anyway. 

Your thoughts are inspiring to me, and I am sure they are inspiring for others as well.  Please feel free to continue commenting.


Thanks,
m1469

[rc]

Good ocean analogy. I also like Ted's idea of having a backup creative outlet if something happened. If I somehow got screwed up, instead of music I would probably start drawing.

Quitting is never a real option. I did pretty much drop the guitar to take up piano, but that was just a shift to another instrument, not quitting. I could just as easily pick up the guitar again at any time.

Every once in a while I get that voice that says I'll never be as great as I'd like to be. That lasts about a minute before I realize what I'm saying and I change the voice's tune. That kind of thinking is of no use, and I wouldn't really care if I never fulfill my wildest dreams, since they change all the time anyhow.

Though, I am hoping that at some point in the future I won't have to practice so furiously as I do now. Does there exist a point where practicing becomes more about just memorizing a piece, and the fingers will already know how to put it into reality?

[thalbergmad]

Thalberg gave up. Maybe i eventually will.

[m1469]

Thalberg gave up. Maybe i eventually will.

Thalberg gave up ?  I didn't know this, though I don't know much about Thalberg other than that he was supposed to be very good.  Isn't that right ?

[randmc]

For me, it completely depends on the day or week. Sometimes I find that my hands are really stiff and I can't play alot of the songs I usually practice. Or my hands are really dry and I can't grip them (the piano keys) even after I wash or oil or lotion them, even after I eat a sticky candy. I know these are minor fixable problems, but they still drive me to the point of quitting, sometimes I feel. But really, it's not like I can quit, because my parents would just tell me to pick up that piano book again, and sit down, and play. So they, and something inside me, are the driving force to keep me playing.

[m1469]

I am just realizing some very important-to-me seeming things, with regard to this subject.  In thinking on some related ideas and on what Ted had mentioned regarding having a "backup plan" I glimpsed the following :


1.  I have let my very identity reside in my percieved ability to play the piano.  I am not sure how long I have been doing this.

2.  I have let my sense of well-being reside in my perceived ability to play the piano.

3.  There may be a good chance of feeling more of a sense of satisfaction about piano and music when I do not feel like my well-being is completely dependent on them.  For example, I could draw or write, and be satisfied.

(Similar to the difference between enjoying somebody's company VS feeling dependent on somebody's company in order to experience joy -- one is full, the other is really not). 


4.  There may be much worth in nurturing an appreciation for music that does not reside in my own ego.    In other words, there is something to just being in awe in somewhat of an impersonal way, as one might be in beholding a panoramic view of something or somewhere very beautiful.  (It does not have to be mine  , it's allowed to just Be  ).

5.  In the end, it would be this love of music that would probably hold the ship together in terms of any endeavor with it.

6.  As far as teaching goes, perhaps this is thee very most important thing to have a student learn;  a simple (impersonal) love for music.




Okay, bye bye


m1469