Virginity

[prometheus]

Marriage is even more of a gamble.

In my country marrying before 25 is rather strange. Most even get children before they marry. Some do not even marry because to them it is an irrelevant christian construction. They don't feel the need to have their partner sign a contract with which they try to force their partner to love him/her until death.

Also, marriage is double edged. It is supposed to create a stable condition in which children can grow up. It forces the partners to stay together even when they no longer love each other or even when they start to dislike each other. If this is a good thing for the children is highly debateble. Fighting parents can be much worse than having only one parent, which also can be very bad.

[pianistimo]

but what about your children.  i still think in the usa children would be ridiculed for being * since their parents might not have been married.  if you are expecting children - get married.  that's my advice (for what it's worth).  your childrens self-worth may be gambled with.  who wants teasing (they don't know who their father is - nananan).

also, if you have several children by different fathers (which a neighbor of mine used to) there is much more sibling rivalry - many more fathers to visit - child support, etc. etc. and it's very confusing.  wouldn't recommend it after watching the troubles, inability to concentrate with some kids, and just plain missing their fathers in everyday life.

not getting married lets a man off the hook from his responsibilities. 

[gruffalo]

funnily enough the girl i have been attracted to recently, i dont think about in a sexual manner. i guess the whole "wanting sex" thing is just teenage fantasy which is what i have been going for a while. pianistismo, i hope you dont mind me asking but are you Christian? because i am a Christian and if you are, how deeply involved are you about religion?

[pianistimo]

i like to think of myself as a Christian and i think i am deeply involved - but it really is depended upon what God thinks - so i guess i have to ask Him - please help whatever is missing.  people have told me at times that i'm kind of unfeeling.  this has somewhat horrified me - so then, i sit down and think - ok. how can i have more feelings?  i sometimes ask God to help me be more like Him because it's probably due to my having hard times as a younger child, teenager, and adult even.  you can never be complacent (just like in piano) because then you don't make any progress.

for me, i wish i could be more like my mother.  from day one she was patient and kind and everything else that it says about the holy spirit.  i tend to have a temper (although it has become less frequent).  i can be really nice one day and really mean another.  i don't know why - other than my nature is completely whacky.  sometimes what i think is funny is mean - and so i try to be nice and not say things that come to mind - even with my children.  i'm finding the less one says the better. 

with my little four year old - i just think - how can i be more like her.  she is so sweet and tells me every day that she loves me.  and draws little pictures and stuff.  sometimes it makes me cry.  that God gave me such a precious little person that REALLY does encourage me (perhaps more than i deserve) and i want to be there for her, too. 

[gruffalo]

i also just said in my other post that i became a Christian 2 years ago. i am also deeply involved and i have a good relationship going on at the moment but i find it quite difficult at the moment.

[6ft 4]

using condoms is surely ur best bet

world is way too overpopulated anyway

[BoliverAllmon]

using condoms is surely ur best bet

world is way too overpopulated anyway

abstinance.

[pianistimo]

dear gruffalo,

i understand some of the attraction difficulties, but is there a perspective difficulty too?  sometimes opposites do attract - and it can be difficult.  but surprisingly that's how God reaches out to other people even if they do not know or appreciate it.  if you are a careful guy friend she will notice the difference between you and other guys.  and, she will likely be guided by her true feelings (and you will know if she is the one for you or not) by what she chooses to do next.  to date the other guys or stick to you.  maybe this isn't what you're referring to in difficulties.

prometheus is somewhat right about the first year or so of marriage.  it's no walk in the park to get used to another human's eccentricities especially if they clash with yours.  but, it's a learning curve and it teaches you patience and love (truest sort).   

[mycrabface]

Yeah right  Make sure you get your standard inscribed legal letter yielding copulation until night terminates sign. Assuming you're in one of the 32 states that require it.

If you don't believe me you can go check for yourself.

I thought it stood for "for unlawful carnal knowledge".

lol.. yes.. there are many meanings to that word. ppl who have made it up for fun.. another one's animals having sex on the road.

[leahcim]

If you don't believe me you can go check for yourself.

Check what? The etymology of the word or the fact that the story itself exists and predates your cut and paste of it?

The latter is evidently true and so it isn't you personally I don't believe because the story isn't your invention. However the story itself is not true.

If you're still sure it's true, at least give us the story. Which law? Which country? Which King(s)? King Edmund de Sore Wryste?

At the risk of damaging the future Nigerian economy you might like to think about it or, if you're still unsure, read snopes or any of the similar urban myth sites and / or just go and look up the etymology of the word.

[gruffalo]

yea, well girls generally like the bad boy image at my age. Im generally an ordinary 17 year old, i go out clubbing go for drinks every few days etc. But one thing i notice that i get trashed for no reason, is when i try to help people. its not always in spiteful ways, but i try giving people advice about certain things that i have experienced (not spiritual because they probably wouldnt understand). my mum told me that, although i was constantly getting suspended from school, i have a "heart of gold". but it seems that i get treated even worse for this sometimes.

[pianistimo]

i understand the need to 'fit in.'  my daugher, after years of teaching her 'manners'  (i thought) tells me yesterday that someone made some kind of snide comment - and my daugher chased her down the hall and slapped her on the back of the head.  now they are best friends.  figure that one out?  i don't know why she told me.  maybe to get a reaction.

my first was.  you're going to get suspended.  she said, 'oh, we only do this to each other when the bell rings and school is over.'  i said, 'yes, but this doesn't make you look in control of yourself.' 

then, i think - hmm - in this day and age if you are nice publicly people think there's something wrong with you.  how crazy is that!

[gruffalo]

the thing is i never used to behave badly towards other people. i was more of a 'rebel against the system' type. i was never interested fighting. i couldnt bare watching other boys fighting either. i play fight with friends but we never hurt eachother. i used to get suspended for silly things like once i ambushed a teacher and threw snowballs at him and ran off. or repeatedly chewing gum. i was the class clown type but i never liked to bully or fight.

[pianistimo]

i think there's so many troubled kids that it's easier to suspend the good ones now.  they are probably the only ones that would turn around and acknowledge even being suspended.  hate to think what the prison system is like now.  (what if they decided innocent prisoners were easier to take care of?)

[gruffalo]

apparently our prisons in the UK are over-crowded and people sentenced for mass drug dealing are let off due to lack of capacity in prisons and lack of prisons because of the higher amount of crime and more people being sentenced.

i wouldnt say i was good in school, but the bad things i did never hurt individuals or anyone infact.

[deja vu]

I am 40 and have yet to lose my virginity.

I am a misoginist and English girls are tarts.

Very true. I'd know