the dangers of dust off

[pianistimo]

'skin contact with product may cause frostbite' - as i watched my kids yesterday chasing each other away from the computer with it. 

[lagin]

You are so odd!  Lol, I love it.

[pianistimo]

thanks!

it's the high stress levels i'm under.  today - have to go to a school parent teacher conf. to discuss my son's grades (which are currently under par because of him doing computer games too much).  we changed the password on the computer - but he cracked it yesterday (only one day?).  he has so much motivation to play games - but just does the minimum amount of work to be 'average.'  he's driving me crazy because i know he can do better. 

the broken leg has almost healed, so that's not so stressful anymore.  i'm driving today no matter if i have to go 5 mph.  i cannot just sit and do piano forum all day.  think it's not healthy anymore.  i'm a bad example for my son.  must think about something other than piano and computers.

[quantum]

Perhaps some motivation for your son.  Have him look up video game authoring, and the skills needed for the job.  There's a lot of math and physics that go into those things.  Mabye take him to a local college offering such a certificate/degree program then have him look at the requirements to get in. 

You could use your sons interest in video games to spark his interest in school subjects.  If he loves playing them taunt him with the idea of making his own games.  But in order to do that he has to be good at the stuff he learns at school first, otherwise he won't have the skills to make his own games.

[pianistimo]

great ideas, quantum.  hope he passes an english test today.  he reads spark notes and thinks that's reading.  he came to the pt meeting yesterday with us and hopefully got something out of it.  everyone was there to help him, but sometimes he gets stubborn.  i think he's realizing he's not going to get into college if he just does the miniumum requirements.  one of the teachers said that the requirements for a trash collector in our area is to at least have a highschool degree.  maybe that sent some kind of signals in his brain.

one thing, too, is that he doesn't organize very well and tends to think he can just remember everything.  all the teachers suggested him showing us what his schedule is each day and going through it.  he was kinda secretive about what he had to do and we just figured he was doing what he was supposed to.  now i realize he was really behind and now has to 'catch up.'  i'd nag him about 'shouldn't you be doing your homework' but it's not tough enough.  now - 'where's the schedule of your homework, i want to see it.' 

one of the teachers said that she expected 2 hours of something after school for her children - anything - even if they said 'i don't have any homework.'  reading textbook, reading novel, etc. 

[Torp]

now - 'where's the schedule of your homework, i want to see it.' 

Using this approach...be prepared for more rebellion and secrecy.

[pianistimo]

i'm at a loss.  help me out on this one!

[Torp]

i'm at a loss.  help me out on this one!

Go buy two books:

"Children the Challenge" by Rudolph Dreikurs (sp)

and

"Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World" by Dr. Stephen Glenn

Cut your forum time in half or more and read these.  If you'd like to discuss further, let me know.

jef

[pianistimo]

thank you very much, torp.  the second title appeals to me the most, so i'll read it first.  helping him with self-reliance is what i'm really needing the most right now.

[Torp]

thank you very much, torp. 

You're welcome.

[pantonality]

thank you very much, torp.  the second title appeals to me the most, so i'll read it first.  helping him with self-reliance is what i'm really needing the most right now.

Hi pp,

As father of a 15 year old (16 tomorrow) son I can appreciate the challenges you face. Our son seemed headed in the wrong direction, but seems to have turned it around. If grades are the yardstick (and they can't be the only thing, but they're certainly easily quantified) then two straight semesters on the honor role signal a significant change for the better.

To teach responsibility you have to give them the opportunity to make choices without immediate repercussions. For example our son enjoys heavy metal music and we let him attend local all ages concerts and even drive him and his friends to and from these events. This is a privlege he's earned by his grades (though to be honest he was enjoying this privlege when his grades were merely good). We have relieved him of some privleges such as computer use for a given time (for bad language), but nothing major recently. I have to say that 12-14 were challenging years.

So how did we get from a slacker to a kid who got an A in AP Chemistry? We got involved, but we also gave him freedom to make his own choices. Sometimes we worked with him (like encouraging him to take AP Chemistry) by discussing those choices in a nonthreatening manner. Instead of saying things like, "You should..." we asked if he thought that was the smartest choice. In fact ban the word "should" from your vocabulary. Instead ask leading questions that will take him through your logic.

So let me give you an example from a recent discussion. My boy likes Pepsi and he likes to drink it from a 1 liter bottle. During a recent visit to the store the clerk told him he could get more for less if he bought a 2 liter bottle instead of 2 one liter bottles. He wouldn't do that. As he explained it to me if he had it all in a single bottle he'd probably drink all of it, having two 1 liter bottles allowed him to limit (?) his intake. It's his money and I couldn't (didn't want to) argue with his logic and I wasn't going to make a point about self control. I appreciated that he was even thinking about limiting his intake to a mere liter. By not questioning the validity of his logic on something as minor as this he's more likely to open up on the more significant issues he'll face.

PP in some of your posts you've indicated that people (and by extension kids) need punishment to stay good. I don't hold that belief myself and therefore I guess I'm more likely to withhold punishment for natural consequences. When he spends his money on something dumb then doesn't have the money to pay for something he wants I simply remind (as nonjudgmentally as possible) him that he made a choice. As a result he is more careful about what he spends his money on because we don't shield him from those consequences by giving him extra earning opportunities.

My point is that kids learn responsibility by having the opportunity to practice it.

[Torp]

My point is that kids learn responsibility by having the opportunity to practice it.

pantonality, I couldn't agree with you more.  This summed up very well the rest of your post, but I agree whole-heartedly with everything you've said.  The book I recommended to pianistimo deals with exactly those concepts.