are you happy?

[klavierkonzerte]

and can you talk about the issues that makes you not happy with yourlife and yourself.

[pianistimo]

is there something bothering you?  sounds like you might have a case of anxiety as i did last year.  there are some points of your life that you might think you've 'lost it' but it's really another step to understanding yourself and your life better.  for instance, when you experience something stressful (moving, breakup, marrying, divorcing, having children, changing career).  certain books have put stress level numbers on each of these things - and if you have a combination of several of them - and add up the numbers - you can easily see why you are depressed, stressed, or anxious.

our daily, monthly, and yearly 'cycles' of moods can be predictable and unpredictable.  it sometimes helps to write down what's happening in your life and how you are feeling from day to day or month to month.  i've noticed that i can go from feeling on top of everything - to feeling like i can't even do the simplest task and seem inadequate.  for me, exercise and prayer help me moderate my cycles.  for instance, i can be tired and feeling really crabby and go out for a ride - and come back and feel really happy and things don't bother me so much.  the extra oxygen and quiet time (to be alone) and meditate, pray, or just make up songs or whatever.  1/2 hr isn't enough - i seem to need at least an hour. 

for guys it might be different and actually slightly easier in some regards - because you're not dealing with huge hormonal changes every month, or at childbirth.  but, i imagine the daily stress levels make up for it.  men are under a tremendous stress to 'be successful' whatever that is.  just don't set unreasonable goals for yourself, don't compare yourself to others (which can really get anyone down, if they are perfectionistic), and try to get a balance of things in your life (don't forget to eat, take a nap if you need one, take some time for yourself). 

i feel happiest when i've gotten through a tough time in my life and didn't give up.  depression drugs always seemed a bit radical to me.  i'd rather exercise.  but, you have to be consistent for it to work as a sort of drug.  it makes your mind relax - and whatever chemicals are imbalanced to balance themselves more.  also, i've found that eating too much sugar can make me feel really tired and awful.  used to eat ice cream a lot when i was younger, but cut it out and substituted salad and greens and stuff.

take care of yourself - and even if you are not 'on top of the world' every day - you can be functional and satisfied that you at least helped one person during the day.  i'm surprised at how many people deal with very many health conditions (headaches, sleeplessness, pains) and learn to live with it.  sometimes it takes growing out of them.  i used to get terrible headaches and health problems as a teenager (from stress probably).  i'd get sick longer.  now that i'm older i pace myself better and if i feel like i'm starting to get sick - i really try to take more care.  when you're young - you just wear yourself out by doing too much at one time sometimes. 

[Waldszenen]

I'm mainly happy, but I'll only be completely so when everything in my life is as perfect as I can make it. Which is impossible.

[gruffalo]

exercise is a key factor. by exercise you release certain "happy hormones" that keep you healthy and motivated in general. and basically the stuff pianistissimo says (bleh its such effort to write your name) is good.

[thalbergmad]

I will be truly happy when i have taken my revenge on the fat cow i work for.

[rc]

Happiness is good'n all, but complacency is stagnation... So I wouldn't want to achieve any kind of permanent happiness, which is probably not possible w/o drugs anyways, not human nature. We have to become unhappy and dissatisfied if we're to keep moving, personally, professionally, or whatever else.

I would agree, that men generally have it easier than women. As difficult as it might be, I sometimes wonder what we might be missing in the emotional gamut that women can go through. Not to mention reading into everything and creating emotional situations out of nothing

Well, I'm generally happy. I don't think people are very good at judging themselves, we need others and comparisons to have an idea what we're like, on our own we're pretty biased . I've been remarked on my calm attitude, "cucumber cool", maybe I was actually being called a vegetable. But I do keep my unhappiness near, it's what I need to become more.

Often we'll put on a mask of happiness, just a persona to hide what's underneath. There's something else the ladies are spooky good at, reading people. Ya just can't hide nothing from a woman, I can't anyways. Comparatively, us men are retarded. That must be where "insensetive" comes from, we just don't know when we might have accidentally injured someone.

[elspeth]

In all honesty at the moment, no, I'm not particularly happy, which is not my normal state, I'm usually a cheerful soul. On the other hand, all the stuff I have going on at the moment which is making me feel that way is - touch wood - short term and should be resolved in the next week or two, so although I'm not especially cheerful I'm not feeling nearly as bad as I might be, and the fact I can see an end to it means I'm on top of things.

At the moment the list includes work issues and ill health (my own and that of two of my dearest friends). Luckily, these should all be sorted out shortly, I'm interviewing for new jobs and both myself and my friends are sorting our health problems out via our doctors... In the meantime, I just have to get on with it, I have lovely friends and family and we are looking after each other and shoring each other up until we get out the other side. One in particular is on tap to come and rub my back for me when stuff's getting on top of me and I need some TLC.

I think that's the important thing... regardless of what goes on I know I have people who love me and will help me when I ask. No man is an island, and so on... and I concur with all of the things said above about exercise, eating properly (I've just bought a slow cooker, I don't know how I lived without it!), and finding time to take care of myself in amongst the chaos. Things I do for myself include having piano lessons, taking photographs, the occasional weekend away, spending a couple of lunch hours each week sitting at the back of the local church, good books, good theatres... all sorts of things.

One other thing though... one of the main reasons I'm doing ok despite all the stuff that's going on in my life at the moment is that I've looked at the stuff, thought about it and am doing things about it. If something turns up in your life you don't like, if you don't work to change it, it won't change. And that doesn't necessarily mean making it go away, it means working on yourself and your attitude to it until you can accept it and move forward with it.

[allthumbs]

I will be truly happy when i have taken my revenge on the fat cow i work for.

That's not fair, marriage should be an equal partnership!

[4tissimo]

Lincoln once said something like, "Most people are about as happy as they want to be."  In that respect, I am happy with my job, the ensembles of which I'm a part.  Where I'm not happy is in my marriage.  Ironically, I'm in love with a pianist who is married to a guy intellectually light years behind her, across an abyss he'll never breach.  We're just hoping we'll outlive our respective spouses so we can get together.   

[Siberian Husky]

giving advice is a tired practice

i chose "i dont know"..because i am under the impression that i am..but im so analytical and full of anxiety that it cancels it out..so i teeter totter bewteen the line of happiness and non-happiness...

[gorbee natcase]

is there something bothering you? sounds like you might have a case of anxiety as i did last year. there are some points of your life that you might think you've 'lost it' but it's really another step to understanding yourself and your life better. for instance, when you experience something stressful (moving, breakup, marrying, divorcing, having children, changing career). certain books have put stress level numbers on each of these things - and if you have a combination of several of them - and add up the numbers - you can easily see why you are depressed, stressed, or anxious.

our daily, monthly, and yearly 'cycles' of moods can be predictable and unpredictable. it sometimes helps to write down what's happening in your life and how you are feeling from day to day or month to month. i've noticed that i can go from feeling on top of everything - to feeling like i can't even do the simplest task and seem inadequate. for me, exercise and prayer help me moderate my cycles. for instance, i can be tired and feeling really crabby and go out for a ride - and come back and feel really happy and things don't bother me so much. the extra oxygen and quiet time (to be alone) and meditate, pray, or just make up songs or whatever. 1/2 hr isn't enough - i seem to need at least an hour.

for guys it might be different and actually slightly easier in some regards - because you're not dealing with huge hormonal changes every month, or at childbirth. but, i imagine the daily stress levels make up for it. men are under a tremendous stress to 'be successful' whatever that is. just don't set unreasonable goals for yourself, don't compare yourself to others (which can really get anyone down, if they are perfectionistic), and try to get a balance of things in your life (don't forget to eat, take a nap if you need one, take some time for yourself).

i feel happiest when i've gotten through a tough time in my life and didn't give up. depression drugs always seemed a bit radical to me. i'd rather exercise. but, you have to be consistent for it to work as a sort of drug. it makes your mind relax - and whatever chemicals are imbalanced to balance themselves more. also, i've found that eating too much sugar can make me feel really tired and awful. used to eat ice cream a lot when i was younger, but cut it out and substituted salad and greens and stuff.

take care of yourself - and even if you are not 'on top of the world' every day - you can be functional and satisfied that you at least helped one person during the day. i'm surprised at how many people deal with very many health conditions (headaches, sleeplessness, pains) and learn to live with it. sometimes it takes growing out of them. i used to get terrible headaches and health problems as a teenager (from stress probably). i'd get sick longer. now that i'm older i pace myself better and if i feel like i'm starting to get sick - i really try to take more care. when you're young - you just wear yourself out by doing too much at one time sometimes.

This is a guide to stay happy. I am going to avoid all the things you mentioned to ongoing happiness and the kids thing well I am a man so no problem of me getting pregnant, It will make things that much more simple

[pianistimo]

well, as i see it, sex is short term happiness.  but, perhaps long term happiness is short term because there is such a thing as 'murphy's law.'  if you are having too much sex, too much fun, and too much happiness - you will either GET pregnant or MAKE someone pregnant.  so then, you get a different kind of happiness - or - too many diapers and interrupted sleep.  then you think - ok.  i'll never have sex again.  does it work?

[pianistimo]

dear elspeth,

hope that your health issues DO resolve themselves.  sounds like you have some good friends, too!  that always helps the happiness level.  even if you feel lousy - just having someone to care.  it's funny how fast people get better when they are 'treated.'

[ted]

Like Siberian Husky, I find the topic so elusive it defeats my analysis. I can only skirt around it, making the odd shrewd guess. I think I can make one or two observations with respect to myself, but how universally applicable they are I cannot say.

I do not think happiness, in any real sense of the word, can be a wholly individual thing. If somebody else, or an animal for that matter, is unhappy, then I would sooner embrace some stress myself and try to help that person. Neither do I see how happiness of any lasting type can be obtained by an action which brings about another's tragedy. The fact that this latter course occurs all around us and indeed, that personal, competitive material achievement is held as an overriding ideal ought, it seems to me, concern us all very much. Having made that most important proviso, I can more easily state things which are related to my own happiness.

To start with, the word "happiness" is too strong a word for me. Quite aside from the moral aspect, I think striving for personal happiness is a useless activity in itself. For one thing, the goal is too serendipitous and unreliable. I have always aimed for nothing more than a degree of practical contentment. I have always been extremely lucky in that beyond having enough to eat, a roof over my head and something to work at or hope for, my contentment has no connection with material acquisitions. I am also very lucky in that my chemical makeup causes me to be comparatively free from mood fluctuation. Rather than the marked daily swings between joy and anguish many of my family and friends have to cope with, I seem to stay mostly in a sort of flat, neutral state. It isn't happiness, but whatever it is, I'm very glad I have it.

Aside from these simple observations, I find the whole idea of happiness difficult.
 

[zheer]

The older i get the more emotionaly stable i get, thus more happy. However my life is far from perfect, and i is have days when i is soooooooooo not happy, only last a short time though.
   Its a good idea to wakeup every morning and say thank god i is alive and well and be greatfull. Today i is happy cause i learnt more chopin Etudes, i know am sad.

[thalbergmad]

I am sad today.

I got knocked off my bike and it needs a new wheel.

Did not recover my senses quick enough to get the number plate.

[pianistimo]

you mean you didn't fall off?  you were hit by a car?  thalbergmad!  and, they drove away?  i don't understand how drivers can be so callous.  are you ok?  i hate that seemingly slow motion tip over.  you just try to get on one side of the bike or the other.  crotch notwithstanding.  thankfully, the times i fell were fairly fast, too - so just flew over the handbars.  hope you didn't hit your head.  might drive genius to madness.

[donjuan]

Happiness is so relative.  I bet if I won the lottery and moved to live in hawaii, my psyche would still morph to make me complain about something.

You should be happy no matter what the circumstances, if you remember the line from Moulin Rouge:
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return."