a smart girl's guide to manners

[pianistimo]

the obligatory birthday gift was purchased for another four year old in the neighborhood (and no , i ddin't buy american girl's: smart girls guide for the four year old)  but - as i passed it at the checkout, i thought 'this is cheaper than a charm school.  maybe my 11 year old will read it.    so i casually, drop it by her - saying it's just something interesting i found when shopping. 

then, she takes a permanent marker and changes the title to 'a smart girl's guide to being a man (crossing out 'ners)' and makes these profound sideline comments in the book (yes, in permanent marker.  why does she think is funny.  is this typical for girls going into 7th grade.  *maybe i don't need to ask the question.

this is why i binge on brownies and stuff.  the first page she changed to: 'man can help. they help u to be selfish and annoying.  a girl with nice 'man' gets respect because she gives it.  never give up ur seat to anybody (she x'd out the words that were the opposite)...'  she's also added moustaches to the girls.

[galonia]

Hehe, I've seen children who attend Saturday language schools draw pictures of students with daggers aimed at teachers in their textbooks.

It's normal.

[pianistimo]

ok. daggers, ehh?

at least they didn't throw insults last night at each other.  we had a regular puppet show (paper bags and all) with the box that the water dispenser came in.  it had a natural stage-like shape at the top - so the kids turned it into a stage and used the curtains to cover the front by putting it near the window.  these are the times i stop eating brownies and enjoy life again.  my four year old really got into it.  thankfully - even the puppet show didn't turn into a food fight.

[Tash]

yeah that's a typical thing to do. we used to do it, deface absolutely everything. pheh as if 11yr olds care about manners. i didn't start thinking about it til i was like 17 or something. in fact in yr7 we wrote all over the music house wall 'annaleise loves mr barnes', then she got upset and told her parents who told the school, then we lied about doing it, then got caught, then got a saturday detention and had to clean every wall and desk in the school. i learnt my lesson

[pianistimo]

thanks, tash.  i guess i'd worry if she was abnormal - but i guess at this age it's not.  maybe if she had to many manners she'd be abnormal.  that must be what it is. 

[Tash]

if she had exceptionally good manners, she'd be wanting a big favour from you!

[pianistimo]

yeah.  i've experienced that before!  she even reminds me what she's deserving because she did the dishes or something.  woah.  i do the dishes every day.  but, agreed - at her age - she just lives here - and is used the life she has led up to this point.  i'm too perfectionistic and i'll do whatever chores aren't done - thinking that she'll see some kind of example.  well, the only thing that comes from that is 'mom will do it...just wait long enough.'  but, then again - she does a lot of babysitting if i need to go run an errand - or do something quickly and can't take the four year old - so maybe i shouldn't complain.

[bananafish]

you know, concerns like these from parents always make me think "Do they never had a childhood?" Children are always searching in this world. Everything they do, every drawings they make, and every thought they blur out might not actually have any meaning on their part; at least some of them are only reflections, expressions of their thought processes. Every child is different, it is important not to mold them the way parents want to because kids like to please, and once they start doing things just to please, they will feel prisioned sooner or later in life- because they don't want to displease you.

No one is "abnormal" in the head. He/she is just different, and that's the most wonderful thing in the world. Only the bravest, the brightest, and the most creative people are qualified to join the club. If your child continues to draw mustache on female pictures even after she passes the age-that-can-get-away-with-everything, that'll just be who she is. If I could, I'd tell all the parents in this world to have faith in your child, accept whoever they really are, and I'm sure they will be fine. I apologize if I sounded too harsh, but my life WAS quite like it. I don't want to go into it, but thank you though, for letting me express myself.

[pianistimo]

dear bananafish,

i actually thought about the use of the word 'abnormal' after i said it (as it didn't sound right) - and thank u for clarifying the use of the word and not trying to make ur children fit a certain mold.  the older we get, the more we do kinda forget how we were as kids.  maybe i should read between the lines more.  i liked what u said about drawings, etc. (that some have meanings and others have none - maybe just a letting out of pent up energy).

used to keep a diary on my older two up to age three or so and then sparsly after that.  maybe i should have kept it going longer and put in more detail.  u do see trends in each child that are true talents - and shouldn't be pushed aside for a parental agenda.  i really wanted my middle daughter to play piano - but she's more interested in art.  she's getting pretty good - and i don't think she'd have been as happy playing piano.  but in japanese cutlrue and others - they have to pick an instrument and play and practice it just like doing homework. 

guess there's many facets to parenting.  one is how much discipline without changing their natures to something other than what they are naturally.  sometimes it just kicks in on it's own when ur about to give up.  for instance, i was really irritated yesterday about picking up things - and my daughter took ownership of a space int eh kitchen and said ' i own this island'   - that was an indication to me that she meant she wanted to keep it clean.  (i hope)  she cleared off all the stuff and put it away and washed it.  just having one place that someone else takes care of makes my work a little easier - and her more responsible.