Mid-life crisis

[zheer]

   Why do people have mid-life crisis, and is the worst thing to do if one is going through mid life crisis. ?

[pianistimo]

ur not there yet.  why are u worrying?  are u afraid of aging?  everyone is until they hit fourty.  then they see there is nothing to fear but fear itself.  if u live a happy life - u have laugh lines.  if u live a sad one - ur face will show it.  be happy.  enjoy urself.  give.  share.  be urself.

when i turned fourty it was like - 'oh, no. ..i'm old.'  but, i've been told twice since then that i look 21.  once by a very old lady in the church my husband goes to (she might not have goo d vision) and several days ago by the car dealership loan salesman.  we told him our anniversary was coming up - and he said to my husband - u should always marry a woman that is at least 12 years younger than urself.  now, i happen to be 16 years younger - but i didn't push the envelope.  anyway, i get beeps when i ride my bike still.  i think it's all in the attitude.  even if ur body starts falling apart here and there - u just try to keep it generally together. 

my knee is stable most of the time - but by then end of the day - when i'm walking a mile around the mall with my son - i sort of have this hobble.  i try to make it look sexy.  like i'm meaning to walk that way.  i see worse at the mall.  i mean - a lot of women try to dress like their daughters.  i haven't gone that far yet.  i'm generally content where i'm at now.  i feel like the mental side of me is MUCH happier than i was in my 20's.  i know what i want, what i feel, what my opinion is.  and, i try not to overreact if someone makes me feel extra good or bad. 

one thing i do notice - is that the older u get, the more u kind of need to keep track of how u actually feel.  when ur younger u can work thru periods of tiredness or stress, or whatever - but when ur older - u need to stop.  take a break. even 15 minutes is reviving. 

[zheer]

ur not there yet.  why are u worrying? 
 

   I know that, but i've noticed a number of people to very very strange thing when they reach mid life, anyway am not worrying, just curious.

[pianistimo]

if it's ur mom, tell her not to worry.  she's very calm looking.  that's the best u can do for age.  to be content and satisfied.  i think she looks very young.  she takes care of herself.  u can tell when people do and when they don't. 

her skin is really really nice.  that is a big sign of age - when u start losing moisture - u just have to up the moisturizer.  i like to be outside a lot - so instead of using what i did in my 20's and 30's - i use deep moisturizers.  also, diet and exercise make u feel and look younger. 

of course, for women - it's hormones more than men in ur 40's.  but, surprisingly - i think when u exercise a lot (which i've tried to do) it delays the bad effects or negates them of menopause.  u might be feeling bad once in awhile - but not every day.  i think a woman should keep a diary and note patterns.  what's good, also, i think  - is when u have someone to love and someone who loves u.  maybe all ur mom needs is a hug sometimes.  i love it when my kids hug me.  and, when my husband does for any or no reason.  it's like filling ur gas tank.  women get depressed when they do so much for a family and sometimes feel like they are invisible or something.  just do something nice for her (as u already do) once in awhile - or, say something nice - or take her to get her hair done or nails done.  my husband is really sweet - because he always asks how i'm feeling.  and, even if i say 'terrible - or tired' - he's always trying to make things better.  just the fact that he cares makes me feel better.  flowers are nice, too.

[zheer]

 

[pianistimo]

well, the biggest thing about menopause is that people think they are losing their sexuality.  but, surprisingly - u can actually know more about what u like and how ur body works.  also, a time to discover the REAL u.  sometimes we try to be so much like others and so much into schedules and duty.  when u get to mid- life - occasionally u forget duty altogether.  it is common to tell ur children - 'go fend for urselves.'  but, then usually - u come back later (after a margurita) and say 'i was just kidding.'  now - it would not be nice to do this to a husband or wife.  i think my husband and i have both worked thru the ideas of younger people and found each other to be the most attractive and best.  we both are extremely jealous of each other and show it in different ways.  i kind of like that we've reached a stage where others are really really background (don't see them) - and we are foreground to each other.  we joke occasionally about good looking people around - but we always talk about the next item to be added to the bedroom.  this time it's a massage table.  if u have an active life with a partner - it saves u from feeling unloved.  love is a youth potent.

[zheer]

Thats too much detail, but i guess if one does not ask then one will never know.

[Derek]

I think mid-life crisis is sort of a western societal meme, and people take it internally almost as an imperative so that when they reach their 40's they freak out.  Personally I think this can only happen to an individual if he allows himself to be vulnerable to it.  Neither my mother nor my father have had a mid-life crisis. I doubt they even feel like they are at the middle of their lives yet either (my mom and dad are 65 and 67 respectively).

Men who have a mid-life crisis and go after a younger woman MUST, it seems to me, have married the wrong person or were never truly in love with their wife. What other reasons besides physical ones could possibly motivate such behavior?

pianistimo:  I read through some of your oldest posts and took note of the fact that you used to use the word "you" instead of your present "u."  Why?    You're an adult---you should be trying to SLOW the decay of the english language 

[prometheus]

It's because young people just follow the flow of their life. Then when they have accomplished that what they though they were supposed to accomplish, their life has settled down and often with succes, they suddenly realise how limited their life really is.
Not a big problem, if you don't make it one, but I think the problem is that this was not forseen. People suddenly feel themselves trapped. The autumn of their life is nearing. They have put so much effort in that what seemed to be the most obvious thing to do without realising the deep implications.

[pianistimo]

derek,  i think you're right - but, writing u is faster.  my kids and i share one computer.

prometheus, 'autumn of ur life?'  wait a minute.  my life is only half over if the expected life for women is 80+.  i think life begins at 40.  u'll see.  it's not that bad.

[ted]

This mid-life crisis business is a mystery to me too. I am nearly sixty and haven't experienced anything remotely like one. There are always plenty of negative external events which I'd rather do without of course, but they are just part of life. What is usually implied by the expression is some sort of deeply upsetting internal change in the mind, and that I thankfully seem to have avoided, at least so far.  I think Derek has it right. It's a meme, like the "generation gap", which doesn't have to exist.

Having said that, I must admit that several friends of my age appear to have been in a perpetual state of mid-life crisis since their teens !