getting hit on by a pianist

[pianistimo]

now this is similar to the 'punched by a pianist' thread except that the pianist in question is simply being 'hit on.'  now, being a christian, i have to phrase this carefully - but what i'm curious about is the real attraction vs. imagined.

pianists are ultimately boring.  if u are a pianist- why would you look for another pianist?  they're just going to practice the piano and ignore you.  i'm so glad i married my husband (who's a singer).  anyways - the point of this thread (actually it has no point) - is that i think guys/girls think that there is some really awesomely sexy thing about pianists.  they look good (no doubt) all dressed up - but what you'd really get is a geek.

[soliloquy]

I dunno.  Pianists are definitely music geeks, so if they married someone who didn't know anything about music then they would just get bored, because the only thing pianists talk about is music.

[pianistimo]

but if you really wanted someone to fuss over you - you wouldn't marry a pianist. 

[BoliverAllmon]

The best married musicians I have ever seen are couples who play instruments that compliment each other. I mean instruments that they can play duets with. This way they use their love of music to bring them closer together.

boliver

[thalbergmad]

anyways - the point of this thread (actually it has no point)

No change here then

I love you

Thalxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[pianistimo]

ur the exception to the rule.  that is because u ride a bicycle too. 

[Tash]

you know i had already planned on hooking up with a musician that wasn't a pianist- preferably a singer, conductor or cellist (or all 3!), except now i'm in love with a pianist friend at uni, he's the biggest dork and i love it! we'll see how it goes, i'm going to his house tomorrow...

[alwaystheangel]

I know two pianists that are married to each other concert level, travel the world... etc.. but they will never ever play duets together b/c their styles are so different and they'd argue too much, kind of interesting, I think...

[timothy42b]

We've had this discussion before, I think, and my opinion hasn't changed.

Classical pianists are geeks.  Unless they are very rich there is little attraction.  None have ever been known to attract a groupie although a small percentage do succeed in getting married. 

Stage pianists (rock, jazz, etc.) are hunks.  Groupies surround them.

So define your goals, and decide what to practice.

I guess there's no reason someone who plans to be a concert pianist couldn't have fun on the weekend, after playing with a rock band.  If you play in a rock band you WILL have groupies regardless of your looks and mannerisms. 

[stevie]

many of the things already said are true

a passionate and dedicated pianist has to *balance* the art with any relationships that come along

ive been in a couple random situations - putting music first at the expense of someone, and in another putting a destructive 'relationship ' before anything and letting my skills randomly flop.

its that difficult balance of being a disciplined and dedicated musician, whilst being a spontanious, exciting and caring lover, that counts.

when it comes down to it, relationships are more important (to me, at least) ; but only with the type of person who would understand the musical dedication stuff.

pianistimo, you cant deny youd have wanted a good rodgering from me if you were a little younger.

[ingagroznaya]

I used to play professionally and always felt extremely attracted to other male pianists. There was some magic about a male who plays the piano. Knowing first hand how much work and dedication piano takes, that sort of geekiness to me was always very sexy.
I must say I am terribly attractive ( hah ah ah ha - I have to be descriptive, otherwise my story will make very little sense. I promise to stay modest in any other situation, when it comes to "looks" ). Most male pianist would feel intimidated. Too many are simply gay.

My dream came true when one braveheart was interested and not afraid to show ... For long I played so "hard to get". After about a year, I finally agreed to a date. We had a few. More then a few. The interesting fact -because of our work schedule, I never heard him play. He never touched the piano in my presence.

One day I was able to come to his concert. Seeing ALL  of the women going "goo-goo" over him, hearing him play was more then my fragile ego could have handled at that time. I walked out at the end unable to breathe, gasping for air. He did not know I was there. I never agreed to see him again.

This is my pathetic story about dating another pianist. He since became very well known.  My excuse - I was young. Yet, I don't know if I would reacted differently today.

We would be so much more helpful, Pianistimo, if you would tell us who is hitting on who - your teacher on you or you on your teacher.

[ingagroznaya]

Or is it your student? Spill it out! My "midsection" is sweating on my lessons so much, I have no idea how to handle my own disaster. I am so glad I am not Christian, so I don't have to phrase is carefully - Ggggrrr, I love the smell of his sweat!

[pianistimo]

it was purely a speculative thing and a sort of twist on 'getting punched by a pianist.'  for a long time my ideal fantasy (despite being perfectly happy with hubby) was to think of playing for someone and making them 'breathless' (as u mentioned).  u know, having this profound effect on people with my piano playing.  unfortunately, it will never happen in my lifetime with my husband.  he looks down at his watch and wants to know when i'll 'be done' and come to bed or something.  it's not like i have this profound effect on him musically.  then, i complain - and he 'feigns interest' to make me feel like he is appreciating me and my music.  so i tell him to 'bug off' when i'm practing because i know he's not into it.  so then, he leaves thinking that's what i meant - and usually doesn't worry one way or the other about offending or not offending - because it's a lose/lose proposition for him.  he can't act interested/notinterested because either way - he's just not interested in the piano.  but, when we play and sing together (he sings) we have a good time and interact a lot.  the funny thing is that i ADORE his singing.  and he probably ADORES my accompanying.  but that's as far as piano career goes to him. 

i told him one day i wasn't happy with just accompanying.  i still wanted advanced degree in music - piano performance and i still wanted a career in it.  when i made a big enough thing about it - then he said - ok.  i think u should do it.  maybe he thought that having children would be enough.  he knows that i really couldn't have lived without having family - but doesn't think the two go together.  he's probably right - but - i think as they are getting older - it gives me something to think about and do besides cooking/cleaning/laundry etc.  and, i feel fulfillment in it -

so then, i think about what really makes me happy and i'm back to my husband, no doubt.  but, sometimes i think the 'seduction' of an audience to music is a strong pull too.  not necessarily a sexual seduction, mind u...more of a musical seduction.  that's what u meant, too, i think when u said 'i couldn't breathe.'  it's like realizing the orgasmic qualities of classical music.  what i cannot share sometimes is the peaks of some classical pieces of music with my husband.  maybe it's something that i should never really worry about because i have his love and it's not like he HAS TO be just like i want in music.  he already listens to a lot of classical music in all forms and basically has all the repertoire in his head - as i often ask 'what's that piece again?'  mostly i know piano rep - but he knows symphonies, etc.

stevie - ur probably pretty hot and i wouldn't doubt that women like u because u do put physical relationship first.  that is hot.  but, as u said - u don't feel fulfilled either if ur piano rep is going bad.  it is a matter of balance.

maybe what i find secretly scary is that piano teachers understand the musical urges that we have to fulfill.  it's like they so fully understand.  my husband understands everything else about me BUT this.  he doesn't understand why i can't be fulfilled the way i am.  to just play for fun and just leave it at that.  i don't know why i feel driven.  i don't want to just play for fun.  i want the thrill of performance and of doing it again at the level (or above the levle) i was at in college.  anyways - so here is this teacher helping me understand and see all these things about music - hearing good recitals - and it's like an addiction.  i have to have it.  and, yet, i ahve to have my husband's love, too.  so it's a balance to not practice too much - and to also make time for relationship.

if i was hit on by my teacher - i'd have to kill myself.  as it is (without any encouragement) i have to squint to pretend that i can't see how good looking he is and focus on the music.  i have to practice looking at him and just thinking 'normal thoughts' and focusing on what he is saying instead of 'what a hunk.  ANd, he plays the piano so well...'  it's been a good thing to just control my mind.  after all, that's what God wants us to do - to control our emotions and thoughts.  sometimes i think - what if i couldn't control these things?  what would happen.  would i start scooting over when he played.  would he suddenly become claustrophobic and run out of the room screaming for air.  what if i wouldn't let him.  would he die?  what if i handcuffed him and breathed untoothbrushed breath at him.  he has already complained to me that he thinks i don't floss my teeth?  what caused this sudden outburst?  i have always brushed at least a half hour (and whitened teeth) before every lesson. 

[pianistimo]

say, i thought u were now married to this student that causes ur midsection to sweat.  what happened?  or was that a quick fantasy - that u got married in red square next to statue of stalin?  u shurly are funny.

[ingagroznaya]

Ouff, "quit it!" about being middle aged, Pianistimo. How old are you? In your late 40th? You are so young!

My former husband never adored my playing, that's only one of the reasons he is my ex. That's sucks, dear. He should! I would come home and suddenly felt like "no one". Suddenly I was not attractive, not talented, not a pianist. I had no identity. CRAP! He was 28 years older. He was never around to share my highs or my lows. It was death. So much worst then being "punched" by another pianist, if you ask me.

My "seeking air" paragraph was probably misunderstood. I felt extremely competitive seeing this man success. I felt it would be impossible for me to deal with it, because we were both working in same fields. Ironically enough, another instrument would not make me feel the same way. But also I don't feel such an attraction to an oboe player.

I think someone in different fields, who is obsessed with music would make a good match, but what do I know?

Marriage is tough. I do not know what to say...Your children are growing. They do not need you 24/7.Before you know, they'll go away to college. Go to school and work on your degree. Forget Ikebana or a Tango class. Do something for your self. Something substantial. You're so worth it!

[pianistimo]

do something TO myself.  that's what i'm afraid i will do.  u see - i really want piano lessons again - but am sheepish about it. 

yet, i agree.  even getting punched would be ok.  provided he'd make up any missed lessons and give me that cd i paid for.  (he made a cd 'soiree' - with faure nocturnes and stuff like that on it).

u know, it's funny - i sort of want to convince him to be christian, too - but that's a personal thing and none of my business to convince him one way or the other. 

[ingagroznaya]

Dear, Pianistimo. What are you talking about?
Forget NYC. Go to Moscow.

Do something "for" your self. I am NOT a native English speaker. Read me accordingly. I've edited, but clearly too late.
If you ever go to Moscow, don't abbreviate. You'd be killed by mafia on your arrival.

[pianistimo]

but i have a russian last name.  u mean if i wrote p.s.  they'd kill me.  (post script)

over here - they don't need a reason.

ok.  it's early morning and now my fantasy has turned to an arabian knight with full head turban (sort of like fonda - in lawrence of arabia) except that this knight is dark eyed like my husband.  basically, he is my husband but head wrapped.  he jumps on his horse and rides around whilst i play 'the waldstein.'  the horse rears and he has a sort of wild look in his eyes and sweeps me off the piano.  (not the horse, my husband).  we ride to a small oasis and find a platter of grapes and figs and a jug of wine.  he give me change of clothes (small bikini and sunglasses - with veil).  we put on cd after cd of classical piano music and make love all day and night to it.  he tells me that he loves classical piano music and only wants to fulfill my every dream with music.  that i will have a bosendorfer in the livingroom when we return from this trip. 

[ingagroznaya]

Russian in Israel?
You mean Russian name goes to Israel?  Pianistimo... I do not want to angry the whole board.  What is your russian name?
Who said "There are only three good pianists - gay pianists, jewish pianists and gay Jewish pianists"?

[pianistimo]

i've had many names in my lifetime.  i was born irish.  my father died.  step-dad german name (which i assumed).  went to israel with german name on vacation.  married.  name became russian (kossey). 

basically, as i see it - u can travel with any name - but make sure ur passport pic looks like u.

i played saint-saens 'allegro appasionata' there in front of about 500 people.  it was a thrill. then, when i take lessons here with new teacher - he says 'saint-saens' was a medeocre composer who wrote a lot of arpeggios.  that makes me feel really accomplished!

do u know, i'm realizing the power of piano teachers.  they can kill with one or two words.  i mean - just the words 'who told u u  play well?'  (i thought getting an A on my piano lessons meant that).  i said 'usually people who don't play the piano tell me i play really well.'  that shut him up for a minute.

[ingagroznaya]

Kossay don't sound very russian. Which part of Russia your husband from?

[pianistimo]

the carpathian mountain region of hungary.  (now czech?)  he comes from a long line of russian orthodox priests.  i think the name used to be longer.

[ingagroznaya]

Carpati is not Russia. Moldavia. West Ukraine? Another language, another culture, another religion. Russian orthodox? I am very surprised. When did he immigrate?

[ingagroznaya]

Call your teacher and ask for a CD or your money back.
Don't ever expect make up lessons - it's typical American absurd.

[pianistimo]

my husband was born here in the usa - but his grandfather immigrated in the 1900's and left a couple dioces in ohio and pennsylvania.  ukraine used to be part of russia didn't it?  anwya, his line decends actually from hungary when it used to be empire.  joseph the I or something.  he has a relative who comes from that region who is a conductor.  he helped to tell us more about the family left there.  translating genology.  i have it for many generations.  the church is very careful about documentation of all this stuff so it was helpful in finding out details. 

[ingagroznaya]

I am very impressed he can still speak Russian.

[ingagroznaya]

 i said 'usually people who don't play the piano tell me i play really well.'  that shut him up for a minute.

It is not clear "whom" you are trying to silent, Pianistimo.
I usually tell my students - don't sweat over our recitals. Only two or three people in the audience would be able to hear all of your imperfections, as much as you. Work your ass off for those few. Those few have no mercy.

You should not keep your standards so low as to judge your playing by people who don't know how to play. They are too easy to please.

[pianistimo]

yes. 

but i am beginning to doubt the geneology.  i just looked up joseph the II and his only child (a daughter) died very young.  he married again (hoping for more children) and had none.  so his brother leopold II succeeded him.   maybe it was joseph the I.  i have to look this all up again. 

it's so funny sometimes.  u get things translated from russian and then read in wikipedia that joseph II had no progenetors after him so everything was transferred to his brother.

maybe it was joseph I.  must look into this again sometime.

[pianistimo]

agreed about whom u play for.  i've never really been overly impressed with my own playing - but i am a bold performer (if that makes any sense).  why be ashamed of playing.  u just go up.  play.  and whoever likes it will like it.  i am not bashful.  so, then, he probably thought i was full of myself and needed a knock down a notch or two.  but, it didn't really hurt my feelings.  u know - when u get to be a little bit older u know who's kinda fooling u.  he knows that i can do whatever i set my mind to.  and, i'm set to being a concert pianist.  if he stands in my way - he's going to get two fingers in his eyes (figuratively speaking).

and, i know that even when one plays a 'mediocre' composer's work well - it's still athrill and it's still fun.  u know - i like the thrill of getting thru a piece and also playing it well.  not every time do u play it perfectly note for note - but that particular time, i did.  (i thank God for the help! as i was very nervous at first.  before the performance i practiced an hour or two).

i've played the prokofiev first pc, and granado spanish dances went well too.  i think i know in my mind that if i set it to do something - i can do it.  i don't care if people think i can or i can't.  it doesn't really matter if someone tells u this or that.  or, little comments.  that's why i joke around.  basically, it's a matter of determination (and practice).  i think he thinks i'm not going to get aroundt o getting back my memory as i had it before. 

[ingagroznaya]

ukraine used to be part of russia didn't it?

Yes, Kiev used to be the capital of Russia. There is West and East of Ukraine. East Ukraine and Russia still have a language, which is somewhat mutually understood and readable by both ( with some effort ). The facial features are the same.  Hair, eye color. Body physics were recognizable among 15 other different republics ( countries ). Common religion...West of Ukraine is another country and "has always been". Weird place I'm coming from. We were never really together.

Many of my childhood friends lives in Israel now. Not a place I can visit as Russian. It would be seriously inappropriate. Politics is like a really messed up marriage.

[pianistimo]

i think i understand.  russia has always been somewhat repressive and yet has had some great moments of glory.  i've always been facinated by the late czar alexander and his family and the castles and grandeur.  i've read some of the 'anastasia' stuff and feel for both sides (the peasants and the aristocracy).  the aristocracy knew they had it coming - and yet - there were some of the people that knew that it was a sad thing that a heritage was passing.  sort of like the crown in britan.

i think anastasia might actually have survived - but some pbs documentary was fairly sure the entire family was killed.  i'm not sure if they said they found her exact skull - but they counted the bodies and hers was there.  apparently they'd been dug up several times between the last count. 

guess catherine the great was german, right? so some of the rulers weren't even of the nationality they were ruling.

in terms of current politics - i am curious about how putin is regarded generally.  he seems moderate with leanings more toward socialism and communism than openness and democracy, but yet - when he's in public he seems very open minded.  i REALLY like gorbechev's wife.  and, he sort of grew on me too.  he was the beginning of 'parastroika' right?

[ingagroznaya]

Pianistimo, do you smoke weed? I smoke plain cigarettes like all Russians do and you are making me dizzy. Forget about Leopold and Joseph the Second. Lets take an English class.

[pianistimo]

what exactly do u want to know?  can i write a full english sentence without putting in parenthesis or correctly capitalize?  yes.  do i smoke anything?  no.

i was born this way.  maybe i will refresh myself with the 'how to write a thesis' handbook. 

it is a very difficult thing to have so many ideas floating around in one's head.  u start thinking of one thing and it reminds u of another.  maybe my teacher is right.  i'm getting too old to focus.  and yet, i still CAN focus if i put my mind to it.  actually, very deeply.

[ingagroznaya]

You erase way too much. If you don't really want to say it, don't. If you do, God will not send you to hell for it. Keep what you wrote.

Gorbachov was a constriction worker from Cincinnati Ohio. Average Russian is much more intelligent than he is. I am happy to hear he charmed you in translation.

[pianistimo]

and, yet he really pondered things.  way more than putin.  putin decided before he came to office exactly how he would be.  he is structured way more, isn't he?  not that it's bad.  i think that a head of government is allowed to be themselves, but i don't think he had a good day when the kursk? submarine wasn't rescued and people looked at him like he was some kind of idiot.  he allowed things to 'remain the same.'

is it because there IS a mafia of sorts in russia - and u have two separate governments fighting themselves (don't answer if u don't want to).

yet, i don't really know the solution.  i think that because of so many years of being repressed - (and this is only my impression) - that russian youth are REALLY trying to gain a foothold.  they are some of the smartest and brightest youth.  i hope it pays off.

[stevie]

Or is it your student? Spill it out! My "midsection" is sweating on my lessons so much, I have no idea how to handle my own disaster. I am so glad I am not Christian, so I don't have to phrase is carefully - Ggggrrr, I love the smell of his sweat!

HAHAHAHAH what?! 

[ahinton]

do i smoke anything?  no.

i was born this way.

Well, to be fair, I think most of us were born non-smoking (not that I can remember that far back, of course, but...)

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

guess u can't rely on newsmedia all the time.  (not speaking of ingogroznya's students)  in the explaination that i heard - the subs were so antiquated - it was surprising they worked at all.  but,then --what i've read recently are these various theories of what happened to the sub.  perhaps subs are like fishing boats and indestructable no matter how old they are.  i was thinking putin might have wanted to put some money into building some new ones - but suppose they are quite expensive to build - and that wouldn't really be our goal to help them build military subs.

forget what i said about ur president.  early mornings, as i said to ahinton, are full of some strange punch drunk euphoria followed by dead tiredness.   now that i've had a nap -i'm ready to down trees.  it rained here for four days straight but now it's really sunny and beautiful.  ur probably on the other side of the world and just going to sleep.  stevie's really thinking about what u said about liking sweat.  maybe he ponders things like i do and is right now wondering - russian women like to smell sweat and american women don't.  hmmm.  personally, i've always felt that if a man does work (which u hope he might) that he'll smell like a man.  but, if he's going out with u - u hope he might take the edge off.

[jas]

pianists are ultimately boring.

Pianists are definitely music geeks, so if they married someone who didn't know anything about music then they would just get bored, because the only thing pianists talk about is music.

Classical pianists are geeks.  Unless they are very rich there is little attraction.

Oh my god, is this how people see me? *Is traumatised* I'm a bit surprised at how many pianists are insisting that all pianists are geeks. Not that I've read all the posts, I got a bit lost when pianistimo and ingagroznaya got going but I know a lot of classical pianists who aren't even slightly geeky. In fact I don't think I know any who are. Well, maybe one or two...

As for getting hit on by a pianist, I don't think it's any different to being hit on by anyone else. I couldn't have a classial pianist boyfriend because I'm a pianist and I wouldn't want any competition or comparisons. Guitarists, though, they're fair game.

Well, to be fair, I think most of us were born non-smoking

I dunno, I've got a few friends who make me doubt that.