Pianist jokes

[bernhard]

Any good piano/pianist jokes?

Piano Tuner: I've come to tune the piano.
Music Teacher: But we didn't send for you.

Piano Tuner: No, but the people who live across the street did.

*

Sadam Husein, Hitler and Maksim are all in a room together. You have a revolver with two bullets. Who do you shoot?
Maksim two times!

(I just had the displeasure to wacht his video clip on Classical FMTV last night).

[r0b]

Any good piano/pianist jokes?

*

Sadam Husein, Hitler and Maksim are all in a room together. You have a revolver with two bullets. Who do you shoot?
Maksim two times!

(I just had the displeasure to wacht his video clip on Classical FMTV last night).

HAHAHAHA  

[Noah]

(I just had the displeasure to wacht his video clip on Classical FMTV last night).

You just shouldn't watch Classic FM TV in the first place !

[comme_le_vent]

bart simpson - dont make jokes about the 12 inch pianist

[bernhard]

You just shouldn't watch Classic FM TV in the first place !

I don't. I am a compulsive remote control presser. It just happens that Maksim was there. It made for compulsive viewing. There was even an interview with him.

I know he is a joke, but are there any other jokes? (I actually heard a good one, but I think it would be censored).

Here is another one:

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.  A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too.  Most puzzling."  
The magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh...the Sixth...the Fifth..."Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

[L.K.]

I've read that one in four different forums!

Here's another old one:

What do you get if you drop a piano into a mining shaft?
-A flat minor

[allchopin]

So a pianist walks into a bar, and hits his head.

[Noah]

Some definitions:

Da capo al fine: I like your hat!

Glissando: The musical equivalent of slipping on a banana peel. Also, a technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.

Virtuoso: A musician with very high morals.

And a joke for my friends the tuba players:

Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so.

[bernhard]

I've read that one in four different forums!

Here's another old one:

What do you get if you drop a piano into a mining shaft?
-A flat minor

And what do you get if you drop a piano on an Army camp?
- A flat major

[allchopin]

And what do you get when you drop a piano on Bernhard?  
A flat moron.

That wasn't supposed to be a joke.






It's all good

[eddie92099]

That wasn't supposed to be a joke.

Just as well really, because it wasn't even remotely funny,
Ed

[Hmoll]

This is not a piano joke, but one of my favorite general music jokes:

q: What's the difference between a symphony orchestra and a bull?

a: A bull has the horns in front and the a***hole  in the back.

[allchopin]

What's the difference between Eddie and this Maksim fellow?
:I'm not quite sure yet

[eddie92099]

What's the difference between Eddie and this Maksim fellow?
:I'm not quite sure yet

Good one(!),
Ed

[bernhard]

Why are Maksim's fingers like lightning?
A. They rarely strike the same place twice.

[eddie92099]

Why are Maksim's fingers like lightning?
A. They rarely strike the same place twice.

Quite,
Ed

[Noah]

Why are Maksim's fingers like lightning?
A. They rarely strike the same place twice.

So now we're adapting viola jokes, are we ?  

[bernhard]

A pianist and singer are rehearsing "Autumn Leaves" for a concert and the pianist says:
"OK. We will start in G minor and then on the third bar, modulate to B major and go into 5/4. When you get to the bridge, modulate back down to F# minor and alternate a 4/4 bar with a 7/4 bar. On the last A section go into double time and slowly modulate back to G minor."
The singer says:
"Wow, I don't think I can remember all of that."
The pianist says:
"Well, that's what you did last time."

[fiesta]

Another pianist joke!!!  
A student told his friend that the day after he would have piano composition exam.
:-/I don't know which of my compositions can I introduce to exam?
Why don't you try to rewrite your teachers sonates backwards?
:-/ I have tried. I've got Beethoven's 9th symphony!!!!

Fiesta

[bernhard]

How many piano students are needed to change a light bulb?

Just one. But he must practise everyday.

[newsgroupeuan]

Sorry to bring this one back up but....

According to a website:

Playing a Beethoven cello sonata with a friend,  Brahms was playing very loudly on the piano. "Softer," pleaded the cellist, "I can't hear my cello." Brahms retorted, "you are lucky. I can."

[Its_about_nothing]

So a pianist walks into a bar, and hits his head.

That's the best one so far.

[rachlisztchopin]

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sets it down. A monkey swings across the bar and pisses in the pint.

The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies, "The piano player". The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey pissed in my beer?"

The pianist replies, "No, but if you hum it I'll play it."

[anda]

How many piano students are needed to change a light bulb?

Just one. But he must practise everyday.

no, no it takes three: one to change the bulb and two to talk about how much better horowitz would have done it

[anda]

three man talk about what's better: have a wife or have a mistress?

the doctor says: definitely a wife - you know what's in store, no cardiac problems, cooks you hot meals, no stomach problems...

the lawyer says: definitely a mistress - you want to split, you just throw her out, no lawsuit, no problems

the pianist says: definitely both: this way, when your wife thinks you're with your mistress, and your mistrss thinks you're with your wife  you get some practice

[faulty_damper]

I didn't know who Maksim was until I googled him up but I suspected it was the "flight of the bumble bee" guy.  I was right.  First time I saw him performing on TV, he was wearing those hand thingies, like finger thongs...

Then I saw him on this popular Taiwanese show playing, you guessed it, Flight of the Bumble Bee!

[squinchy]

So now we're adapting viola jokes, are we ?  

Don't start. Viola jokes are funnier ^^

I found this one about page turners.

The following program notes are from an unidentified piano recital.

Tonight's page turner, Ruth Spelke, studied under Ivan Schmertnick at the Boris Nitsky School of Page Turning in Philadelphia. She has been turning pages here and abroad for many years for some of the world's leading pianists.

In 1988, Ms. Spelke won the Wilson Page Turning Scholarship, which sent her to Israel to study page turning from left to right. She is winner of the 1984 Rimsky Korsakov Flight of the Bumblebee Prestissimo Medal, having turned 47 pages in an unprecedented 32 seconds. She was also a 1983 silver medalist at the Klutz Musical Page Pickup Competition: contestants retrieve and rearrange a musical score dropped from a Yamaha. Ms. Spelke excelled in "grace, swiftness, and especially poise."

For techniques, Ms. Spelke performs both the finger-licking and the bent-page corner methods. She works from a standard left bench position, and is the originator of the dipped-elbow page snatch, a style used to avoid obscuring the pianist's view of the music. She is page turner in residence in Fairfield Iowa, where she occupies the coveted Alfred Hitchcock Chair at the Fairfield Page Turning Institute.

Ms. Spelke is married, and has a nice house on a lake.

[Shagdac]

Q:  How many pianists does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, "I can do that!"
********************************

Q:  What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

A:  Bach in the saddle again.
**************************************

Q:  Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

A:  Because he's Haydn!
*****************************************

Q:  What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A:  A pair of Re-bachs
****************************************

Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.

St. Peter - Hi, what's your name?

1st man - My name is Paul.

St. Peter - Hi Paul, tell me when you died, how much $$ were you earning?

1st man - 120K

St. Peter - Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?

1st man - I was a lawyer.

St. Peter - That's great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name?

2nd man - My name is Roger.

St. Peter - Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?

2nd man - 60K

St. Peter:  Hey, that's great! Tell me Roger, what did you do for a living?

2nd man- I was an accountant.

St. Peter:  That's very good.  Come on in. St Peter then turned to the second man.  Hi, what's your name?

3rd man - My name is John.

St. Peter - Hi John. Tell me, how much were you earning when you died?

3rd man - About 23,000

St. Peter - Hey that's fantastic John! How long did you play the piano?!!!!!!!


Shag

[bernhard]

St. Peter's still checking ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?" The man says, "I was a doctor."

St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?" "I was a school teacher."

"Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?" "I was a musician."

To which St. Peter replied, "Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen..."

[Spatula]

Q: What key is "Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight" written in?
A: C sharp or B flat.

Some viola jokes:

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
The viola holds more beer.
You can tune the violin.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We all know that a viola is better than a violin because it burns longer. But why does it burn longer?
It's usually still in the case.

[donjuan]

Q: What key is "Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight" written in?
A: C sharp or B flat.

Some viola jokes:

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
The viola holds more beer.
You can tune the violin.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We all know that a viola is better than a violin because it burns longer. But why does it burn longer?
It's usually still in the case.

i think Victor Borge has the viola joke patented..

[squinchy]

*raspberry*

My viola is smaller than a full size violin...*skips around*

---

Who's Victor Borge?

[That's most definitely not a joke! (Don't laugh!)]

---

I recently got an "Algebra with Pizazz" (sp?) worksheet asking the corny joke, "What do you get when you drop a grand piano down a mine shaft?" I answered with G# minor because I didn't feel like actually completing the puzzle that answers the riddle/joke/question on every page.

[donjuan]

Victor Borge was a famous comedian who played the piano.  Most of his jokes revolved around mixing up the english language and performing music for an audience. 

[DarkWind]

Victor Borge is very funny! You should hear him trying to pronounce Khachaturian's name...

[kempff]

Ther are also amazing clips of him performing Rach 2 and a HR2 duet, hilarious

[galonia]

Here's one:

The audience at a piano recital was appalled when a telephone rang just off stage. Without missing a note, the soloist glanced toward the wings and called, "If that's my agent, tell him I'm working!"

[julie391]

Ther are also amazing clips of him performing Rach 2 and a HR2 duet, hilarious

indeed!

he is every pianist's favourite comedian 

i love musical humour, but something i love specifically is humour injected into the MUSIC itself - mozart, haydn, and beethoven were great musical comedians.

and more recently the composer schedrin has composed some truly hilarious music.

[Rob47]

Here's one:

Why are pianists generally such big nerds?

seriously. You think Cziffra was a nerd? No way he was a bad ass Gypsy.

your friend
Rob

[julie391]

haha, i find that funny even though it isnt strictly a joke

[tocca]

Maybe not really on topic, but twenty years ago i played in a big band. The leader of the band was a real joker, he liked to play jokes on other guys in the band.

I remember the joke he pulled on me, i hadn't played more than maybe a month with the band and we were playing at a company party... maybe twohundred people or so.
He had arranged with the others so they started "in the mood" transposed. It was a short intro, where i came in with a FF chord at the end of the intro.

The whole band started off, played until my chord and then abrubtly stopped. I played my chord full strength and it sounded completely awful Totally disharmonic!! LOL.
Maybe if i had had absolute pitch i would've heard what he was up to, but i didn't. Not until it was too late. They laughed heartily and i felt like an idiot. I laughed about it afterwards though, and they did start over with "in the mood", now in the correct sign.
A fun memory, once i got over the shock!

[Ludwig Van Rachabji]

- read further

[donjuan]

when you have to pee and are running to the bathroom, then Eurorussian.  While you are in the washroom, european.  When you flush, then Eurofinnish.

haha...

[Ludwig Van Rachabji]

when you have to pee and are running to the bathroom, then Eurorussian.  While you are in the washroom, european.  When you flush, then Eurofinnish.

haha...

Well...... 

[julie391]

lol, keep it up boys

[anda]

I have a great joke:

Why did Rachmaninoff play the piano so fast?

cause he could...

[Nordlys]

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The pianist will do it with his left hand.

[donjuan]

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The pianist will do it with his left hand.

huh?

[Nordlys]

You don't get it?

Well, jokes can't be explained. That destroys the joke...

[eugene_oneg]

One day, Stalin is giving a lecture to his fellow Soviets and while he was going over the business of the day, someone in audience sneezed.
Instantly, he looked up, a fierce frown on his face. "Who sneezed?" No one answered. So Stalin turned to the KGB officer and said, "Okay, take everyone from the first row out and shoot them." So the KGB does this. Then, he looks at the audience again and says, "Who sneezed?" Again, no one answers. So Stalin orders the KGB to shoot everyone in the second row. Finally, after this goes on a few more times, the sneezer gets so nervous he finally leaps up and shouts, sweat pouring down his face, "I sneezed, Comrade Stalin!" Stalin nods, looks at him and says, "You are the one who sneezed during my speech?"
The man says yes.
Stalin says, "God bless you. Let's continue with meeting."

I think that's funny !

- Doctor! Which mushrooms can you eat?
-All of them. There are just some you can only eat once.

Julie321, which music by Shredin are you talking about ? I like the funny but scary music of Prokofiev..


i

[Etude]

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