Another Sticky Situation

[ingagroznaya]

All right. Sometimes I do too have my own "glitches".
I took a new student. I do not mind when a parent waits while my student takes his lesson, but this is slightly out of norm - the father, mother AND grandfather ... ALL family accompany this 9 years old to his lesson and assume I can accommodate them all in my small place. I do in fact feel so very much respect for elderly , I feel it would be nasty to say " You, grandfather, you can't come", but at the same time three adults accompany one student is not something I am willing to deal with. The party is too big. The place is also happened to be my house.

How should I handle it without offending anyone?

[ihatepop]

Wierd.....

You could try making a very polite excuse to 'hint' them to leave. However, if it does not go well, don't blame me, k?

ihatepop

[hyrst]

Hi.  I've found for everyone of my students that parents have stopped coming once the child settles in - they really find it boring.  Do the family interfere or want to talk during the lesson?  Has the child been coming for long?  It is a bit unusual for such a company to come in with a 9 year old, though.  But, don't be afraid.  Parents respect teachers who clearly say what they need in order to be able to teach better or to manage their business.  If the situation is likely to conitnue, tell them straight what you want from them - but don't be particualr about who should be the one to go.  Just say you cannot accomodate more than one person with the child - let them choose who that should be.  If you do lose a student by being upfront, which is unlikely, you are going to come across more stresssful sitautions with this family later on.  You're better off to deal with it sooner and have a vacancy for a more suitable student.

Good luck

[luvslive]

interesting.  maybe this was a one time thing, like they had to take grandpa to a doctor appointment and right away had to come to lesson.  maybe grandpa lives with the family and needs supervision?  who knows.  i agree with hyrst that they may become bored and not all come on in.  they may have been intrigued by the first piano lesson.  i hope for your sake that they don't interfere and something can be worked out.

[debussy symbolism]

Greetins.

The parents just want the be sure that you don't abuse the child or possibly do him harm. After a number of lessons the siblings will stop sitting in with the child.

[ingagroznaya]

I feel one parent is enough to observe and protect. Living alone and teaching in another room, I don't feel very comfortable with three stranger in the house where I can't see them.

[cora]

The best way to deal with this is bring your mother and father and sister to their lesson so that you end up playing sardines with their family!

Or you could just tell the mother on the phone that you prefer to teach private lessons.

Communication with them is necessary.

[ingagroznaya]

The best way to deal with this is bring your mother and father and sister to their lesson so that you end up playing sardines with their family!

I love it! Ha ha ha haha.
But I don't have ... any.

Thank you, Cora and everyone.

[debussy symbolism]

What's "sardines". I know what a sardine is, but this new notion is new to me. I think that bringing over more family members isn't going to solve the problem, but aggravate it. They will all enjoy being together and will definately not leave.

[chocolatedog]

What's "sardines". I know what a sardine is, but this new notion is new to me. I think that bringing over more family members isn't going to solve the problem, but aggravate it. They will all enjoy being together and will definately not leave.

Ever seen sardines in a tin? Then you'll get the idea! The saying is usually something about being like "sardines in a tin" ie really cram-packed with no space to move........ 

[debussy symbolism]

Oh, thank.

[lostinidlewonder]

I usually let a parent know if I don't want them in the room with me when I am teaching by saying, Your son/daughter is distracted with family in the room with her, I can keep teaching her with this distraction but she will learn more if it is just one on one.

In fact I do have students who's parents sit in on the lesson every time. They want to learn how to play piano as well (because perhaps they had no chance when they where younger and are excited the dream comes true for their children), but they do not ask questions or say a word through the entire lesson, only their children can do that because afterall the lesson is for them. The parents simply sit, observe and write notes down, this is fine. Usually they get the idea I don't want them to distrub the lesson when I do not answer their questions and carrying on with the lesson with their kids. I'll usually put my hand up with a smile, sorta saying wait a minute, I can't talk to two people at once, while I keep giving the lesson to their children. At the end of the lesson I might answer their questions if I have time, otherwise I (if I have no time or the question takes too long to answer) I will let them know that I must get to my next lesson.

You must realise that because you are the teacher conducting the lesson you are in control as to what happens around it, especially the environment you conduct the lesson in. So if you are uncomfortable having people sitting in your home rearrange your home so you will be comfortable! How? That is up to you, put things away, put things out, do whatever that makes you more comfortable having people in there. If there is a psychological social anxiety that troubles you then you shouldn't be teaching from home in the first place. The size of the room has nothing to do with it, unless it is so small that you are indeed like tinned sardines and you can feel them breathing down your neck while you teach!

BTW, don't discuss any changes to your lessons/teaching over the phone, these things must be done in person. I personally feel it is extremely rude to tell people this or that over the phone, you are running a business and should say things which directly relate to your business with your clients face to face. I have lost my temper with students who I have taught for several years who phone me up to say that they quit. I tell them it would be ok if we did lessons over the phone and you lived hours and hours away, but doing it over the phone it is like you are too afraid to stand up and say what you think. It is just immature imo.

[ingagroznaya]

Thank you for your wonderful post, lostinwonder.
The thing is, I don't have social issues or psychological anxiety about one adult accompanying a child to a lesson or even waits as I teach. Three people are a group, which I can not accommodate. Period. I don't want that much more dirt from shoes in my house. Three adults are unnecessary number. I have already told them that 3 is too much.

The thing is, I temporarily removed few pieces of furniture from my living room. There are still chairs to sit on and I also offered them to wait on a patio. I showed precisely where they can sit down. The company started to wonder as tourists on excursion. I don't have a big place, but I can not keep up with all 3. My patio is huge and it leads to the bedroom.Grandpa went straight for the bedroom...  It is that sort of wondering around I did not appreciate. How do you say politely " Stay here and don't move"?

[pianistimo]

maybe put a sign up - 'do not enter.'  i've seen this before at other studios.  or 'off limits.'  grandpa was probably looking for the bathroom.  i loved my piano teachers bathroom.  a couple of pics of various hollywood leading men.  i stayed in it a little longer than i should have looking at humphrey bogart (or was that my fav restaurant bathroom?) anyway - between his bathroom and that restaurant (with kohl faucets i might add) i was looking at the pictures and feeling the faucets. 

[lostinidlewonder]

.....The company started to wonder as tourists on excursion. I don't have a big place, but I can not keep up with all 3. My patio is huge and it leads to the bedroom.Grandpa went straight for the bedroom...  It is that sort of wondering around I did not appreciate. How do you say politely " Stay here and don't move"?

I see what you mean now Perhaps you should go to your local butcher and ask for some bloody chunks of meat and bone and write in blood GET OUT all on the walls, scatter that all through your room. Then let them wander

But thats pretty rude I agree, I wouldn't like people I barely know walking through my home. Leave something out that they will regret having seen. You can't say to them "sit here and don't move" without sounding rude. You can always lock doors, keep curtains drawn. Tell them you have a massive dog behind that forbidden door lol

[Bob]

Hmmm....  Leave the door open if you teach in a separate room.  I would do that for any concerns I might have and it will probably bore the heck out of them to hear it, esp if they are sitting in a cramped environment for the time.

I can understand the family trying to make the trip worthwhile, packing in several places into one car trip.

If you don't want to deal with three people just make it part of your policy -- one person wait inside the house.  Not that you don't like them, but there just isn't space.

Maybe a folding chair?  And let them set it up if they want to use it.  I wouldn't go to the trouble of moving furniture for a student's lesson.  That's way too much work.

If it's just one person bringing their students you could have them sit quietly in the room with you.  You just have to train them a little to be quiet.

[ingagroznaya]

I do not even want to talk about bathroom. It's unbelievable what people do!
One dear just few weeks ago came out of my bathroom with an orchid in her hair. It took me three(!) years of waiting for this plant to bloom. I was ready to shoot her on the spot. Another guardian who is about 17-18, politely asked to use the bathroom. I have no bathroom policy unless you ready to pee in your pants. She was in for a while. I walked in later on - all bathroom covered in black hair. What the hell? I do not have a dog and I am blonde! I open my cabinet to reach for a hair brush, it made me nauseous. Black hair covering MY hair brush...I mean my brush is covered in somebody's hair!

I teach one older man who used to regularly go through my bathroom cabinets. I think he's obsessively keeping track of condoms being used, between his lessons. I had to issue a letter. It is my place and I can recognize each squeaky sound. Please!

As every proper single woman I do have few adult toys. It was couple of days before my new bedroom was delivered. I've prepared the room as much as I could by putting stuff out. Guess what happened?! I did not want delivery guys to discover my foo-foo. Guess who bumped into it?

No joking matter! How do you word things like that, while it's happening? "Hey, Peter, I can hear you counting my condoms! Stop peeing and go home now. Go away! "

[lostinidlewonder]

I teach one older man who used to regularly go through my bathroom cabinets. I think he's obsessively keeping track of condoms being used, between his lessons.....

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

As every proper single woman I do have few adult toys. It was couple of days before my new bedroom was delivered. I've prepared the room as much as I could by putting stuff out. Guess what happened?! I did not want delivery guys to discover my foo-foo. Guess who bumped into it?

No joking matter! How do you word things like that, while it's happening? "Hey, Peter, I can hear you counting my condoms! Stop peeing and go home now. Go away! "

AHAHAHAHAHAHA x 50 to the power of 100

[quasimodo]

Jesus! Inga! lol

[pianistimo]

no need to bring Jesus into this.  i'm sure he would understand your frustration.  you made me die laughing about the orchid, too.  just too much.

[debussy symbolism]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA


AHAHAHAHAHAHA x 50 to the power of 100

Second that. Ingagroznaya, I would have never though of you doing something like that. . I can't imagine however that others just sneak around bathroom closets inspecting your things.

[debussy symbolism]

Ingagroznaya, has anyone else come into acquaintance with your curios?

[ingagroznaya]

If you're talking about "foo foo", I have NO idea. That Asian grandpa could have used it... He disappeared for a while. I've stopped chasing people at some point - I have to teach. Now days I just submissively pull the hair out of my hair brush ( or whatever it might be ) and go on with life. After one taught piano in his/her home, one has nothing to fear.

[loops]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA


AHAHAHAHAHAHA x 50 to the power of 100

Absolutely hysterical!!!!!    ingagroznaya, that was the funniest post I've read in ages,
Maybe you should get a trick condom box...if they open it, they get squirted with something
smelly ......
I'm sure there are some serious possibilities for "revenge"..........

[ingagroznaya]

Just threw out some 5 years old who fell through the door of my bedroom, God help me! It's pointless to keep the actual door locked because it is a loft.

Earlier today - same family about whom I've posted was here. Mom came then left, she asked if she don't have to stay, so she can go to the store. 5 minutes later I hear noise. I am assuming she decided not to go. More noise. I go to my living room - a woman who I've NEVER seen before is sitting on the chair in my living room. "Who are you?" I ask.
Noise coming from my kitchen(!). The student's Mom arrives from my kitchen (!): " It's my mom" and calmly starts a conversation about a photograph I have on the kitchen shelf, as if this is a museum and I am not teaching a lesson.

How do you deal with this without going insane? I know I am not alone.

[pianistimo]

i have nothing against asians, but they must have a different set of rules to live by.  one of my neighbors was chinese - and her husband's parents used to stay with them for months.  even suggesting at one point, he divorce her.?  they thought they were entitled to the house?  strange.  i know not all are like this - but grandparents must hold a certain status.

also, my neighbor (who moved) was very dear - but once she had rung my doorbell the first time - she never did again.   suddenly she would appear in my house (usually when watching her daughter or coming over after a phone call).  at first i was kind of startled.  but, then i realized it's their way of showing friendliness and she meant nothing personal.  her computer went down at certain times, too, and she needed to use mine?  i let her for a while - but then, my husband said - 'let's give her her own password and spot so that she won't snoop into our mail.'  i don't think she did - but you never know how some people operate.  she seemed nice enough because when she left she gave me all her furniture (bookcases, huge desk, kids chairs, etc).  that wasn't sold. 

[pianistimo]

ok.  i admit.  double post.

forgot to add a 'solution' to this problem.  as i see it.  post signs.  everywhere.  even at the loft.  'do not enter.'  'keep out'  (perhaps in three languages?)

and, when someone does not adhere to your one person rule (accompanying student) - the others are promptly thrown out.  kindly but firmly.  chairs outside the door to sit and peer in occasionally.  i don't have  aproblem with windows as long as they are not hanging from a belt and swaying back and forth.

[bernhard]

Just threw out some 5 years old who fell through the door of my bedroom, God help me! It's pointless to keep the actual door locked because it is a loft.

Earlier today - same family about whom I've posted was here. Mom came then left, she asked if she don't have to stay, so she can go to the store. 5 minutes later I hear noise. I am assuming she decided not to go. More noise. I go to my living room - a woman who I've NEVER seen before is sitting on the chair in my living room. "Who are you?" I ask.
Noise coming from my kitchen(!). The student's Mom arrives from my kitchen (!): " It's my mom" and calmly starts a conversation about a photograph I have on the kitchen shelf, as if this is a museum and I am not teaching a lesson.

How do you deal with this without going insane? I know I am not alone.

Maybe you should take this as an opportunity to change jobs. Clearly the market where you live seems less interested in piano lessons than in tours of your house.

So, sell tickets, get yourself a megaphone and guide the tourists around your place.

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[ingagroznaya]

Half of my students are Asian. They are ( kids and parents ) usually very well behaved and mannered. Today I've exploded: "What are you doing in the kitchen?" while she was still bubbling something about photograph.

I come from another culture, Pianistimo. We do things differently over there too, so I can understand cultural differences. One thing is clear - basic good manners are universal.

I literally threw the kid out of my house few hours later. His mom can explain.

[ingagroznaya]

Maybe you should take this as an opportunity to change jobs. Clearly the market where you live seems less interested in piano lessons than in tours of your house.

So, sell tickets, get yourself a megaphone and guide the tourists around your place.

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

Nuh, Bernhard. It is not it. Maybe your house is not as much fun as mine?

I am actually considering giving "My house" excursions to my students for a fee. Perhaps on the weekends?

The problem is - no one would care to see or would have any curiousity about my place, if I was not teaching. So changing jobs would not do much good.

[leahcim]

ALL family accompany this 9 years old to his lesson and assume I can accommodate them all in my small place. I do in fact feel so very much respect for elderly , I feel it would be nasty to say " You, grandfather, you can't come"

How should I handle it without offending anyone?

Just say "one adult only, it can be the old goat if you like, I've nothing against pee or ham"...vary the words a bit to make it polite. Basically, let them choose which one.

This old goat it's not Paul McCartney is it? Can't play, but always wanted to etc He would fit the bill. He's probably looking for fur or chickens to free. That woman, it's not his daughter! You've made a faux pas there. No matter now they've split up.

[ingagroznaya]

Just say "one adult only, it can be the old goat if you like, I've nothing against pee or ham"...vary the words a bit to make it polite. Basically, let them choose which one.

What are you talking about? I can let them Pee or Poo, but not both?

I still feel traumatized by the experience.  I can not understand...
Can you imagine walking in your living room and there was ... this... vision...White hair, curved body. An Asian woman about 150 years old. Sitting peacefully on a new acrylic, see-through chair in the middle of my living room. The See Through part made her look like she was floating. For a moment I thought I have indeed lost my mind. I also think she must be slightly blind, because there was no reaction on her part when I walked in. She was just sitting there... Motion less. Like an illusion.

[ingagroznaya]

Just say "one adult only, it can be the old goat if you like, I've nothing against pee or ham"...vary the words a bit to make it polite. Basically, let them choose which one.

This old goat it's not Paul McCartney is it? Can't play, but always wanted to etc He would fit the bill. He's probably looking for fur or chickens to free. That woman, it's not his daughter! You've made a faux pas there. No matter now they've split up.

Oh... got it.

My head was preoccupied with "checking under my bed". I'm afraid to go to my bedroom. As far as I can see - my place is clear. One never knows though. Things could be floating in another room.  Things could be forgotten.  Especially if they are old things... like this woman.

Is this how you teach?

[stevehopwood]

Please can you put me out of my misery? 

I live in a very polite part of the rural UK. There is little crime. Not a lot of traffic. On the whole, people are caring of one another.

From my point of view, this is the funniest thread I have ever read on any music forum anywhere.

What I am desperate to know is this:

Inga, is this for real or are you lot just having a laugh that we Brits cannot understand?

Either way I have enjoyed it, I promise. Please keep it coming.

Steve 

[pianistimo]

yes.  tell us more about the floating lady.  i liked your description of the chair.  you should write a novel.  i, for one, would read yours.

[yetanotherpianist]

Maybe you should get a trick condom box...if they open it, they get squirted with something
smelly ......

Now I just have visions of one of those cans with a sprung-loaded plastic snake inside, with 'Durex' written on the side .

[ingagroznaya]

The floating chair.
[/url]
https://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/ingagroznaya/detail?.dir=/846dscd&.dnm=3320re2.jpg&.src=ph][url]

[ingagroznaya]

The photograph:
https://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/ingagroznaya/detail?.dir=/846dscd&.dnm=8b81re2.jpg&.src=ph

[ingagroznaya]

Orchid unharmed.
https://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/ingagroznaya/detail?.dir=/846dscd&.dnm=f332re2.jpg&.src=ph

[ingagroznaya]

New bathroom submissive orchid :
https://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/ingagroznaya/detail?.dir=/846dscd&.dnm=21aare2.jpg&.src=ph

[ingagroznaya]

Book and  dirty socks, brought by a student between the floating lady and the 5 years old who was thrown out for falling into my bedroom:
https://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/ingagroznaya/detail?.dir=/846dscd&.dnm=bd14scd.jpg&.src=ph

[ingagroznaya]

Same view untouched. Different angle. I want revenge.
https://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/ingagroznaya/detail?.dir=/846dscd&.dnm=e3c9scd.jpg&.src=ph

[pianistimo]

the files are inaccessible or  unavailable (alternately).  you are very funny, though!  pictures do take the place of 1000 words.

[ingagroznaya]

 I want tRue Russian Revenge! Piano teachers of the world UNITE!

[quasimodo]

The floating chair.
[/url]
https://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/ingagroznaya/detail?.dir=/846dscd&.dnm=3320re2.jpg&.src=ph][url]

I didn't follow the chair part: is it yours or was it brought by those people?

[ingagroznaya]

Dear, pianistimo. If it says " don't enter". DO NOT TRY TO ENTER. Pay a fee to GET IN.

My new policy :
Peeing - $70.00
Poo - $140.00.
Orchid picking is FREE.
Floating is optional.
Bach is extra.
Dirty socks - DON"T CARE!

Pisses me off!  Damnn American living pisses me off!

Do me a favor, don't post here unless you've got some good revenge ideas. I can not raise my prices more. I want "blood". Eye for an eye, Sardine for Sardine, if you know what I mean.

[stevehopwood]

the files are inaccessible or  unavailable (alternately).  you are very funny, though!  pictures do take the place of 1000 words.

I am getting that too. Do we have to register to view them?

[chocolatedog]

ok.  i admit.  double post.

forgot to add a 'solution' to this problem.  as i see it.  post signs.  everywhere.  even at the loft.  'do not enter.'  'keep out'  (perhaps in three languages?)

and, when someone does not adhere to your one person rule (accompanying student) - the others are promptly thrown out.  kindly but firmly.  chairs outside the door to sit and peer in occasionally.  i don't have  aproblem with windows as long as they are not hanging from a belt and swaying back and forth.

Good job you wrote "peer in occasionally" and not "pee in occasionally"......(thinking back to the afore-mentioned grandfather..........)

[chocolatedog]

Just say "one adult only, it can be the old goat if you like, I've nothing against pee or ham"...vary the words a bit to make it polite. Basically, let them choose which one.

This old goat it's not Paul McCartney is it? Can't play, but always wanted to etc He would fit the bill. He's probably looking for fur or chickens to free. That woman, it's not his daughter! You've made a faux pas there. No matter now they've split up.

Pea and ham is actually very nice in a soup............ (not so sure about pee and ham though......although you do sometimes hear nightmare stories about waiters in restaurants...........)

[ingagroznaya]

I didn't follow the chair part: is it yours or was it brought by those people?

The origin of the chair is not an issue. The woman who was sitting in it IS. It was a woman I was never introduced to, never seen, never invited to my house. It was a woman who I've never met in my life! A total stranger sitting in my house and no other relatives on the horizon - what would be your reaction?
It did not even occurred to me that she is related to my student at first. I was in such a shock.

Because the woman was so old and motionless, because her presence was so unexpected. Because I bought acrylic see though chair only a day ago and never seen anyone actually sitting in it. Because the mirage was so bizarre... it's scared me to death! It is my home!
My home. My chair. Not my woman.

Few months ago a homeless woman knocked on my door and after complimenting on my student's playing, asked if she can come to listen. No one comes in to my house without asking "May I?" first. Nonsense.