Package for loved one. Opinions?

[yooniefied]

Again, this is totally insipid, but nonetheless, I would like an opinion.

I am planning to send an "ex-lover" an "I'm sorry" package through snail mail, a blanket I promised to sew for him, a few other goodies and of course, a heartfelt hand-written letter.  But, the hopeless romantic that I am, I have been toying with the idea of mailing a small photo of myself, as well.

I want the message to be powerful and sincere, with no room for him to misunderstand; but at the same time, I wouldn't ever want to upset him or evoke negative memories in him.

From an intellectual standpoint, what sort of a message would the includement of a photo convey?

What would you mail someone (besides a letter) that you love, who you want to apologize to?

[pianistimo]

men who are dumped should never be apologized to.  (just kidding)  but, i'm sort of serious.  if he made you angry - don't you remember what for.  now, what kind of mixed up mind sends them a package of goodies.  why don't you send him a whoopie cushion and be done with it.  ?  susan

are you serious about this man?  what makes you remember him and wish for him to return?  actually, being the romantic that i am - i kinda hope that since you already expressed that you do love him - that it works out.  no package.  get a ticket. fly there.  knock on the door.  tell him in person.  you are a very attractive lady - i think it would work. 

[thalbergmad]

I have been toying with the idea of mailing a small photo of myself, as well.

Can i have one as well please.

Thal

[johnny-boy]

Again, this is totally insipid, but nonetheless, I would like an opinion.

I am planning to send an "ex-lover" an "I'm sorry" package through snail mail, a blanket I promised to sew for him, a few other goodies and of course, a heartfelt hand-written letter.  But, the hopeless romantic that I am, I have been toying with the idea of mailing a small photo of myself, as well.

I want the message to be powerful and sincere, with no room for him to misunderstand; but at the same time, I wouldn't ever want to upset him or evoke negative memories in him.

From an intellectual standpoint, what sort of a message would the includement of a photo convey?

What would you mail someone (besides a letter) that you love, who you want to apologize to?

It depends on the reason he broke up with you.

I think a simple apology would suffice (it probably would be more affective also). I'm afraid the package you described would put a lot pressure on him. It may push him farther away.

The bottom line is; you know him a lot better than us, follow you heart. If he still doesn't want to come back, let it go, it's time to move on. Good luck!

Best, John

[pianistimo]

but she loves him.  love conquors all.  remember ruth in the bible?  she just went there.  got her jive on.  laid at his feet and acted like she belonged there.  men always find it hard to get rid of women.  make him sorry a second time.  i mean.  it's not quite the way it sounded.  make him happy that he's sorry that he's not sorry.  tell him the guy was your brother. 

[thalbergmad]

remember ruth in the bible?  she just went there. 

Well, you left out God from this thread but managed to get the Bible in.

Thal

[yooniefied]

Well, it's hard to explain without a 100-page thesis, but here goes:

It's been a rather long series of dumping on both of our parts - on/off since about March.

In all honesty, I was bitter that he loved me; I didn't understand how anyone could.
Of course, that came out the wrong way, and I pretty much sabotaged everything, repeatedly.
What we shared was almost..transcendental and it scared me. I doubted whether a relationship of that depth was humanly possible. I knew it was something so powerful that I'd either have to fully embrace it or abandon entirely.
He, being the product of childhood neglect, turned every minor conflict into a massive one. At one point, he told me never to contact him again, so I respected his wishes. A month later, we spoke and he exclaimed, "If you loved me, you would have written me!"
(Yes, ladies, I know, there is a problem when your boyfriend is more emotional than you...)

Yes, he does make me angry - because he associates every bit of my behaviour with that of his parents and every other person who has hurt him. Once he even went so far as to say I was like his ex-girlfriend (who from what he says, was awful), no, he continued, worse than his ex-girlfriend. I said, "Well, I've never met her and I can't really say much for how I acted then, but I'm here now and that sure as hell makes me different than Sabrina, does it not?" He agreed. He instead went on to compare me to some metaphor he had come up with - that I am a "beautiful girl with dark long hair and a scar on her cheek, standing looking out at the world and the oceans." That I would be "the most beautiful being he had ever seen, if it weren't for the scar."

I've made a few attempts to really tell him how I feel, but it has always ended poorly. He has a pretty skewed idea of the person that I am, considering we've been apart and he's had plenty of time to morph me into a monster in his mind. He lashes out at me, calling me a "monumental betrayal" and says "I loved you more than anything, and you f&#ked it up. You ruined everything, you ruined me." I just call him a drama queen and consider it even. He always takes a molehill and makes a mountian of it.
But at the end of the day, it's obvious that we are both very hurt by the whole thing and that we both haven't let go. Mutual friends of ours always say, "Did you guys make up yet? Gosh, he's so angsty around you..." etc.
Communication through the internet or phone doesn't really give my words enough power, which is why I thought of the package idea.
I tried calling him the other day (which I hadn't done in months) ... that turned out HORRIBLY and before I even had the chance to explain why I was calling (my closest cousin was in the ER for a possible heart attack and I was a mess) he mauled me alive, flipped the pregnant dog switch and that was the end of that. It all happened too quickly, one minute he answers, the next he's going apeshit on me. I didn't know what to say, what to do, so I just started yelling back. But this is known - we turn into children around one another when we are upset.
 
Before things went awry, we were wonderful together and we had this deep intellectual AND emotional bond that we had both never experienced with anyone else. My heart tells me not to abandon that and I feel obliged to listen. I see through most of his bullshit, anyway and I know it is simply coming from a place of hurt...

I considered going there, actually - it's about 40 hours/2,000 miles by car. I love him - that is nothing to me and I'd do it tomorrow, if I knew it were the right thing. I even have a friend who lives 20 minutes away from him with whom I could stay.
But I don't want to come across as a psycho stalker or anything and I fear that he might take it that way...I don't have any room to make the wrong decision now.

Now you've got me thinking...

[pianistimo]

because of his emotional immaturity - i'd say to let him go.  and let the emotions be bygones.  you need someone to boost your morale.  not bring it down again.  try for someone who treats you well, even when angry.  who was not emotionally abused as a child.  someone you can lean on.  perhaps that area of yourself that you describe as 'not worthy' needs some work with a therapist. 

then, when you go on a date- you'll not be worried about any sort of stuff from the past.  you'll keep it separate, as you wish this guy did.  if you want a long lasting relationship - you don't need to be reminded of every supposed 'misstep' you took in the past.  what if it was sincerely your true feelings and you wanted to 'test' the guy to see what he was able to take.  he didn't pass the test.  why do you want to keep seeing 'if he loves me?'  he obviously didn't put up with much.  not even a scar.  how dumb is that?  he's an idiot  in terms of seeing what he's losing.  he may be sore - but that's his fault.

if anyone makes up - it should be someone who listens when the other one apologizes without spitting out verbal abuse.  do you want this again and again?  no.  dear yooniefield, you have NO IDEA that there are much better choices for you out there.  pretty soon - this other guy is going to come crawling back and begging you.  and, unfortunately for him - you'll be taken. 

the older you get, the more you value your own feelings and validate them yourself. if i were you , i'd want someone who acted lovingly towards me and boosted my ego.  someone who would know that there was a scar but wouldn't see it.  someone who valued the 'whole package.' 

this is my opinion.  i would not send him a package, a card, a blanket, or any sort of condolences.  he's bitter and likes to complain.  let him stew in his own dissatisfactions thinking that his life is controlled by others.  in fact, if i were you - i'd move and make your address unknown.