Fun things to do to telemarketers

[henrah]

Say hello, then keep silent until they say 'Ok thanks for your time' or 'Ok I'm hanging up now', then say hello again. Repeat as long as possible.

Pretend you can't hear them very well, and everytime they say something ask them to say it a little louder. Carry on until they are screaming at the top of their lungs, you'd be surpised how many actually do this

Pretend that you are the household owner and go through everything with them, and then at the very end say 'Oh wait, you need to talk to my dad, hold on.' Sometimes that can really break a telemarketer.

Try your best to have a normal chit-chat conversation with them, and see how much they want to get it over with. It's fun to know that some of them don't mind a normal conversation, whereas others just want to do their job.

Anyone got any other ideas of fun things to do to them?
Henrah

[thalbergmad]

I know everyone has there job to do, but these people are the bane of my life and nowadays i just resort to rudeness to get rid of them.

At work, i must get about 10 - 20 per day and it is a complete waste of time.

Thali

[henrah]

Supposedly, if you mention that you're with the Telephone Preference thing they should hang up immediately. It's a kind of pop-up blocker for telemarketers, though if you just say you're on it they'll leave you alone.


Supposedly...

[thalbergmad]

Supposedly, if you mention that you're with the Telephone Preference thing they should hang up immediately. It's a kind of pop-up blocker for telemarketers, though if you just say you're on it they'll leave you alone.


Supposedly...

I think it works for personal lines but not for business ones.

Thali

[pianistimo]

in pa right now, it's pollsters.  but, they are recorded messages.  often, they slam opponents first.  so, basically, it's like a tv ad except on the phone. 

[sharon_f]

I actually got one to laugh. They said "Can I speak to Ms. _______." And I said, "Oh, I'm really sorry but she died approximately 2 minutes ago."

[johnny-boy]

I'm not sure if this works or not. Andy Rooney said if it's an electronic/computerized call to blast it back with the “star” key (very quickly and many times). He said this can screw up their program and remove your number from their list.

With a "live" call, I start having real fun. Sometimes I'll tell them to hold on, that someone's at the door. Then I'll listen to see how long they stay on. Time is money with them, so the more of their time you use up; the less they can pester other people.

Other times I'll just tell them to shut the h*** up, and don't ever call me again.

At times I’ll also say "hello" (repeatly), as if they're not getting through to me. Hello, is anyone there? Testing 1, 2, 3…

Sometimes I just do what ever comes to mind like making up some foreign language that they won't understand.

Anyway, these calls are no longer annoying. I enjoy having my fun everyday.

Best, John

[kelly_kelly]

(with a heavy French accent) "'Ello... Thiz eez ze macaroni and cheese factory. Would you like to place an order?"

My firend and I came up with this when we were about 7/8, but somehow it never gets old 

[ada]

Ask them, "what time do you have dinner?"

Then say, "Okay, I'll call you back then"

Seriously though,  a lot of these people are from developing nations and a job in a call centre is a massive break and a way out of poverty for themselves and their families. At the end of the day they are just trying to earn a buck and do a job. and maybe we should stop and consider this.

Doesn't stop them annoying the hell out of me though. Especially when they call at the very, very worst possible time of day.  Usually smack bang on arsenic hour.

[ahinton]

Try to interrupt them by turning the tables on their efforts and seeking to sell them something; banging on about how no home should be without a score of Sorabji's Opus Clavicembalisticum should do the trick, although I'd be interested to hear how successfully or otherwise anyone else finds that this may work for them.

Ada, you have a point about these people and where many of them come from, but the call-centre problem is far more widespread than the telemarketer one in my experience -and most of these people are also from poorer parts of the world - so one calls to check something about one's house or health insurance policies or whatever it may be and one is immediately somewhere in India, Pakistan or wherever, speaking to someone whose grasp of the English language is often rudimentary, to say the least. Occasionally, however, a chink of humorous light can come into such dealings when it's least expected; when recently I had to call an insurer with whom I have a public liability policy about a tree which had just fallen on some land near where I live, an Indian asked what had happend to the fallen tree and, when I told her that it had been chopped up and removed from site, she immediately replied "ah, you got a takeaway!".

Best,

Alistair

[johnny-boy]

Ask them, "what time do you have dinner?"

Then say, "Okay, I'll call you back then"

Seriously though,  a lot of these people are from developing nations and a job in a call centre is a massive break and a way out of poverty for themselves and their families. At the end of the day they are just trying to earn a buck and do a job. and maybe we should stop and consider this.

Doesn't stop them annoying the hell out of me though. Especially when they call at the very, very worst possible time of day.  Usually smack bang on arsenic hour.

Sorry Ada, I have no sympathy for them. They're invading my private life.

It's hard to believe they actually generate customers from this annoying tactic. I would think it would have an adverse affect.

John

[ada]

A lot of Australian banks are relocating their call centres to India and this is apparently contributing to a whole social revolution there by creating a new class of monied and educated young people.

A lot of the call centre employees are university educated and they see this an unprecedented opportunity to get forward in life.

Of course this is also causing major industrial issues over here and keeping the unions in business.

The Indian call centre staff employed by Aussie banks and insurance companies and the like are apparently trained to speak "Australian"and coached on saying stuff like "gidday"and "no worries mate".

[ahinton]

A lot of Australian banks are relocating their call centres to India and this is apparently contributing to a whole social revolution there by creating a new class of monied and educated young people.

A lot of the call centre employees are university educated and they see this an unprecedented opportunity to get forward in life.

Of course this is also causing major industrial issues over here and keeping the unions in business.

The Indian call centre staff employed by Aussie banks and insurance companies and the like are apparently trained to speak "Australian"and coached on saying stuff like "gidday"and "no worries mate".

As you may already have known - or assumed from my earlier post - this is by no means restricted to the Aussies; the Brits have been doing it wholesale for quite some time. I'm not so sure how prevalent  this practice has yet become in other western European countries but I can tell you than an Indian I know who lives in Germany informs me that he now worries when he rings up and asks for a German takeaway in case he gets another Indian voice from a call centre in Madras that doesn't know Sauerkraut from Bratwurst...

Best,

Alistair

[johnny-boy]

A lot of Australian banks are relocating their call centres to India and this is apparently contributing to a whole social revolution there by creating a new class of monied and educated young people.

A lot of the call centre employees are university educated and they see this an unprecedented opportunity to get forward in life.

Of course this is also causing major industrial issues over here and keeping the unions in business.

The Indian call centre staff employed by Aussie banks and insurance companies and the like are apparently trained to speak "Australian"and coached on saying stuff like "gidday"and "no worries mate".

India was keeping the records of the local agency that was collecting our local taxes. Imagine that; our tax money records and tax going to another country - bull!

They were flooded with complaints, so I believed they pulled out of India - or at least they're keeping mum about it.

John

[wishful thinker]

I remember seeing a list of about 50 things to say once....I'll try and find it,  things like

Say "Hello, this line is for emergencies only, do you have an emergency?" if they say yes, say "please state the exact nature of your emergency" if no, say "sorry, this line is for emergencies only" and hang up 

[wishful thinker]

Here's some more I found: 

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If BT calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

[quantum]

Answer the phone say "Hello".  Let them recite their enitre pitch.  Say "Hello, could you please repeat that?".  Let them re-recite their entire pitch.  Say "Hello?  Hello?, Oh I didn't get that, could you please repeat".   Let them re-re-recite their entire pitch.  When they ask for a response say "Hello?.... I guess there is no one there"  Hang up. 


Say "Hello, i'm kinda busy right now but I'd like to hear what you've got."  At random intervals in the speach pretend you are speaking to other people in the room.  "Hi Dan, you can take the first bedroom."  "Bob, go around back and follow the trail leading out the window."  "Marie, get your camera and start documenting the splatter on the ceiling."  "Keith and Mark, theirs a floater in the bathroom - remember to breath through your mouth."  "Any word on the gender of the vic in bedroom #2, oh so you haven't found that part of the body yet?"  "Oh just who I'm looking for, Mr. Coroner,  I've got an arm here, and can you find out which vic these eyeballs belong to?  I guess you can start with the one under the lawnmower."  ...............
...... Back to the person on the phone "So you're selling life insurance eh??" 

[Waldszenen]

There's a simple, humane way to torture those telemarketers - just play Wagner through the phone, they'll never call again.

[00range]

Hehehehe.

[pianolearner]

Many of these whilst hilarious and annoying would not be effective at stopping telemarketers from calling again.

[henrah]

Fortunately that's not what we're after learner

[johnny-boy]

Fortunately that's not what we're after learner

Right, we're here to have fun with the telemarketeers. If we can think of their calls as entertainment, their calls won't be as annoying.

I’m thinking of buying an air horn to blast in their ears. That would be a blast.

Just remember; telemarketeers are here for our enjoyment. I can’t wait for the next call!

John

[henrah]

I can’t wait for the next call!

Neither can I! It's been quite a long time since the last one... maybe they've caught on? Could've spread my number around the 'ring' if there is one, telling others I'm just a big joker lol

[ted]

Most of the ones I get at work begin with "....How are you today ?"

If I have time and I feel mischievous, I enter a long, detailed monologue after the fashion of, "Funny you should ask that ! Matter of fact I've been having a lot of trouble with my toe over the last few days. Perhaps you can help me. What happened was this.... Also, I noticed I had quite a bit of wind this morning and yesterday I was very loose, do you find you get windy after having some Diastop ?.... And recently I've noticed a wart, I shan't say where, which seems to be increasing in size. ... "

You get the idea. If they interrupt then, "Pardon ? Eh ? Sorry, your voice is very faint. Mind you I have had some bother with my left ear too...Eh ? What ?"

[netzow]

My prefered method is to say "I'm busy right now can you hold" and than to forget about it. When I remember come back to the phone and see if they are still there. I know someone who did this and left them on hold for about an hour and the person was still on the line. Great thread idea by the way

[pianolearner]

Right, we're here to have fun with the telemarketeers. If we can think of their calls as entertainment, their calls won't be as annoying.

I’m thinking of buying an air horn to blast in their ears. That would be a blast.

Just remember; telemarketeers are here for our enjoyment. I can’t wait for the next call!

John

Fair enough. But it ceases being fun when they constantly call your mobile phone. Especially when you are in another country and it costs 50pence (nearly US$1) per minute to receive the incoming call.... Unless you enjoy paying that much to be entertained by telemarketers 

[henrah]

They call your mobile? Wow, I've never had that before! Do you remember giving your mobile number out to something a while ago? It was probably that that gave your number to them.