Anybody know any fences?

[elspeth]

I was out with friends last night near Manchester, we went to see a very good comedian - anybody heard of Adam Hills? He's very funny and very handsome... what a combination... anyway, I was getting the train there, the plan being we were going to have dinner at a restaurant near the theatre, then go see the show. They were driving over together because they all live near each other on the other side of Manchester to the direction I was travelling from.

In the end my train was so delayed I missed dinner completely and only made it with twenty minutes to spare before the show... and the reason my train was delayed? Sunday engineering works? Livestock or leaves on the line? The wrong kind of snow? No.

Somebody had stolen the points at one of the minor stations between Leeds and York, so all the trains trying to go anywhere that involved either city were all to pot - the station was chaos!

I really didn't know whether to laugh or cry! It was very annoying I was so late I missed dinner - but it was a wonderful reason! I mean, how do you steal the points out of a railway line? What would you do with them having stolen them - can you fence points? Is there a black market? I can't condone the theft, but I have to give it marks for imagination!

[ahinton]

I was out with friends last night near Manchester, we went to see a very good comedian - anybody heard of Adam Hills? He's very funny and very handsome... what a combination... anyway, I was getting the train there, the plan being we were going to have dinner at a restaurant near the theatre, then go see the show. They were driving over together because they all live near each other on the other side of Manchester to the direction I was travelling from.

In the end my train was so delayed I missed dinner completely and only made it with twenty minutes to spare before the show... and the reason my train was delayed? Sunday engineering works? Livestock or leaves on the line? The wrong kind of snow? No.

Somebody had stolen the points at one of the minor stations between Leeds and York, so all the trains trying to go anywhere that involved either city were all to pot - the station was chaos!

I really didn't know whether to laugh or cry! It was very annoying I was so late I missed dinner - but it was a wonderful reason! I mean, how do you steal the points out of a railway line? What would you do with them having stolen them - can you fence points? Is there a black market? I can't condone the theft, but I have to give it marks for imagination!

Well, there you are, you see - anyone that does not live or has not spent time in the crazy country that some call the Disunited Queendom would probably never credit the sheer absurdities that occur and that one encounters when attempting to travel by train over here; any country that can countenance automated announcements on any one of its train stations that "apologise" (as though a digital voice could really do that) for the late running of a train and adding the excuse that this was due to a delay (as I have more than once heard) deserves all that it gets (unlike its world-weary and unlucky travellers)...

Best,

Alistair

[thalbergmad]

People will steal anything nowadays.

This morning it was raining, so i decided to get the bus. This ended up being rather difficult, as someone had stolen the bus stop sign.

Therefore, i was not sure where to stand and the bus was not sure where to stop.
I got it in the end.

I guess my bus stop is in the same place as your railway points.

Thali

[elspeth]

I guess my bus stop is in the same place as your railway points.

Maybe there really is a black market, then! Or possibly sabotage... disaffected trainspotters? Now there's a scary thought...

The really strange thing was the aforementioned lovely Mr Hills spent part of his act talking about the state of the railway network, I cheered!

[henrah]

Drunk people having a laugh most likely My sister has an affection for traffic cones, and my brother once stole (or borrowed rather: he gave it back) a swively barber shop sign.

[ahinton]

People will steal anything nowadays.

This morning it was raining, so i decided to get the bus. This ended up being rather difficult, as someone had stolen the bus stop sign.

Therefore, i was not sure where to stand and the bus was not sure where to stop.
I got it in the end.

I guess my bus stop is in the same place as your railway points.

Thali

I really hope very much that you do not end up finding that someone has stolen the Shetland islands when you arrive at where they would otherwise have been if anyone really has done so. Your story reminds me of a brief article I saw in a local newspaper on a news-stand while I was standing many years ago on a platform at Cheltenham Spa train station awaiting a train (which actually arrived a mere 76 minutes late, as I recall) and which informed the paper's readership that someone had broken into a car in Imperial Square and stolen the immobiliser (nothing else, you understand - just the immobiliser).

Speaking of train troubles (which we weren't really, but the subject appears to have assumed at least some kind of peripheral relevance), it always used to amuse me that there appeared to be a tradition on the UK rail network years ago of "apologising" for late running trains by advising the already frustrated exorbitant-fare-paying members of the public of the extent of delay to the trains concerned in minutes alone rather than in hours and minutes (in cases of particularly excessive tardiness); I recall one case when - admittedly during a severe winter - I was attempting to travel from Bristol to Penzance on a train that supposedly originated from Glasgow and hearing an announcement that a much earlier scheduled train purportedly attemting to travel between the same two places was "769 minutes late" and I supposed that the reason for putting it this way was so that said members of the public could at least spend a little time concentrating on just how long that was in hours and minutes rather than developing the understandable desire to blow up the station.

Best,

Alistair

[elspeth]

I really hope very much that you do not end up finding that someone has stolen the Shetland islands when you arrive at where they would otherwise have been if anyone really has done so.

I certainly hope you're not going to try get there on a train, the railway staff get really confused when you start mentioning islands! I spent a weekend on Lindisfarne in the summer - and naturally the train that was supposed to get me to Berwick on Tweed a nice two hours before the causeway flooded was delayed by an hour and a half... I went over to customer services to explain they were going to have to find another way of getting me to Berwick a lot quicker because if they didn't I wouldn't be able to get over to the island and would lose a night's hotel bill and it'd kind of negate the point of going... and I had to explain six times to four different people what a tidal causeway is and why they had to get me to Berwick quick or else! They managed it in the end, but I still don't think they really understood my problem...

[ahinton]

I certainly hope you're not going to try get there on a train, the railway staff get really confused when you start mentioning islands! I spent a weekend on Lindisfarne in the summer - and naturally the train that was supposed to get me to Berwick on Tweed a nice two hours before the causeway flooded was delayed by an hour and a half... I went over to customer services to explain they were going to have to find another way of getting me to Berwick a lot quicker because if they didn't I wouldn't be able to get over to the island and would lose a night's hotel bill and it'd kind of negate the point of going... and I had to explain six times to four different people what a tidal causeway is and why they had to get me to Berwick quick or else! They managed it in the end, but I still don't think they really understood my problem...

Only SIX times to only FOUR people; I'm astonished! What on earth did you do to reduce the reasonably anticipated double figure total (in both cases) to that?

I was daft enough to have actually considered travelling to and from Jonathan Powell's 11 November London recital by train - at least until, when checking travelling times, I discovered that the return journey was to be by "special bus" from London to somewhere or other, then a train to...at which point I naturally gave up; who in their right minds would purchase a ticket to travel by train only to have to be crammed onto a so-called "special" bus? (and the accurate definition of "special" in this context almost certainly doesn't even bear thinking about). I guess that I'll just have to use the Lear jet instead.

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

berwick on tweed?  this belongs in henry's 'is it ok to smoke cannibis?'  perhaps, just perhaps,henrah is right.  the government is forcing it's own hand.  it must legalize it to keep people unaware of what is going on.

[thalbergmad]

I guess that I'll just have to use the Lear jet instead.

Best,

Alistair

Indeed. You can leave it at Heathrow, and use the Helicopter to Waterloo where the stretch limo will be waiting.

I cannot believe that a composer coming to his own World Premier, would come by train.

If it helps, i can bring my spare camel to pick you up at the station.

Thali

[pianistimo]

what about mental martin?  is he walking?

[thalbergmad]

what about mental martin?  is he walking?

No, he is married.

He don't come out as often as he used to.

Thali

[invictious]

Do you know much you can sell those bus stop signs or station thingies? They are worth ALOT, the metal used is pretty expensive. Probably around 50 pounds for each bus stop

[ahinton]

Indeed. You can leave it at Heathrow, and use the Helicopter to Waterloo where the stretch limo will be waiting.

I could, but that would surely be a gross waste of resources; I'd rather land it immediately in front of the Eurostar (thereby creating a new "planes on the line" excuse), as this would mean I could just have a short walk thereform to the concert venue.

I cannot believe that a composer coming to his own World Premier, would come by train.

Nor can I - as I'd thought you'd already have guessed from my remarks about British train travel above; that said, don't forget that the immense popularity of Der Rosenkavalier in its early days resulted in the German rail people actually putting on special trains to ferry people to performances of it and naming said trains after the opera - not, of course, that I'm any kind of Richard Strauss (sadly)...

If it helps, i can bring my spare camel to pick you up at the station.

Thali

Thanks for the kind offer, but "pianistimo"'s earlier suggestion (in the "Salsa" thread) of backward camelling is just one reason to encourage me instead to play (relatively) safe and just order my pilot to land on the Eurostar tracks près de Waterloo so that I can leg it the few metres from there to The Warehouse...

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

lear jet, helicopter, limo.  this sounds better in cold british weather.  three out of five of my family are coughing.  it's been downright chilly at night and much more brisk during the day.  we have this 'thing' about onion soup now when sick.  basically a can of onion soup with a 1/2" slice of mozarella cheese over a piece of rye bread - put into a cup and microwaved at 2 minutes. 

[ahinton]

three out of five of my family are coughing.  it's been downright chilly at night and much more brisk during the day.  we have this 'thing' about onion soup now when sick.  basically a can of onion soup with a 1/2" slice of mozarella cheese over a piece of rye bread - put into a cup and microwaved at 2 minutes. 

I'm not surprised that they're coughing; indeed, it's a wonder that they're not also throwing up...

Best,

Alistair

[pianolist]

Perhaps it was the SNCF or the Deutsche Bundesbahn, doing a spot of international terrorism. Or even the Polskie Koleje Panstwowe, dressed up as tramps - oh, sorry, wrong thread.