Could use some insights on what to do with this student

[m1469]

Okay, here is the situation :

Have a student --an 'only child' in her family-- who started with me when she was 6 (she is now 7).  She began her music studies with me and she would come to her lessons having practiced and was interested in what we were doing and could pick things up quite well, making good progress and she is quite intelligent and artistic. 

But then, suddenly, her parents decide to separate and this has been very hard for my student (and I don't blame her).  This has been for several months now.  Because of this change in her life, I have not been wanting to push too hard because I know that she has a lot going on.  As a result, she has had a very difficult time focusing and has stopped making much in the way of progress.  Her parents don't seem to be making practicing a priority with her, as I am sure they have a lot more on their minds right now.

Now I learn her folks are most likely getting divorced and therefore this problem only worsens as my student was under the impression they were only going to separate for 6 months and then get back together (however, I knew that was not going to be the case).

Anyway, she can't play anything.  And, we have our recital coming up in a few weeks and she would truly embarass herself at this point.  I am not sure how to handle this as I really would rather not keep her from participating but I also feel that it is my job to help protect her from what may feel like a failure for her.

I am not sure what to do at this point.  I would appreciate your thoughts and advices.


Thanks,
m1469

[jpianoflorida]

i would find something very easy for her and have her do the recital!

[m1469]

Yes, okay.  I guess it doesn't matter how easy the piece is, she just needs to feel successful with this and be able to play something.  Thanks.

[tiasjoy]

How does your student feel about the upcoming recital?  Is she looking forward to it, or is she scared/dreading it?  Would it be a relief for her not to participate this year (term whatever), or would she be disappointed?

If you can gauge her feelings (as opposed to thoughts) it may help you know what to do for her.  If she'd be disappointed, then of course she needs something to play - something easy like suggested, perhaps a duet with you as a special feature (to make her feel extra special).  Perhaps even an extra lesson here and there (you may feel like you're in a position to ring the parent and offer a bit of free time to help her practise your special presentation for the recital.)

I'd try to ascertain how the student was feeling about the recital, and then fform a plan from there - either way, trying to make her feel comfortable: eg, if she DIDN'T want to be in the recital, I 'd try hard to let her know that you're not angry and next year (term etc) you could both work on something wonderful to look forward to.

[hyrst]

I agree with Tiasjoy that you need to find out how she feels about the recital before anything else. 

At my recent students' recital, I had one particular very senstive 7 year old boy.  He was really worried about playing because he thought he would not be good enough - he is actually more musical than many of my students, but he is perfectionistic.  I had him play something very easy (just the melody line), something he really loves, that had an orchestrated backing CD.   (It's one of these method series performance ones - I don't remember the brand.)  With the backing tape, the music sounded very full - and if he lost his way and could not recover, I told him the only thing he had to do was play the last note with the backing - so if he could not remember anything else, he only had to remember one note.

Anyway, he played really well.  He had such a good time that he overcame his self-consciousness and I have recently heard that he has been asked to play in his school concert - and he has accepted.  A total turn around!

So, there was a way to enable him to participate that took the pressure off him. 

If she wants to play, this (or the duet) could be a way of taking the pressure off her while still having a performance that sounds and feels impressive.  I don;t think the kids worry about how hard the music sounds - just that it sounds good.  So, the backing really does the trick!

[Bob]

Do what she wants.

It would depend on how many other students are in the recital.  If all the students know each other and they all are in it, then the student would feel left out or different.  If some do, some don't, then she could skip it. 

Ask how she feels. 

She could play more pieces she enjoys -- holiday ones, anything she likes.  Just to keep her going.  It's just a recital and that's probably not the most important thing in her life.

[m1469]

Okay, I feel refreshed about this situation after your help.  I just got off the phone with my little student and I asked her how she was feeling about the recital coming up.  She said "I think I can do it" and I know that she wants to.  I suspected that she would be feeing this way (which I admire, actually).  So, I let her know that we will be picking out some music that will be a really sure thing for her, and that she and I can do a duet together.  She liked those ideas.

Anyway, I will be meeting an extra day with her to get us going in this direction.


Thanks for your help .  It's so funny how sometimes a person gets so wrapped up in a situation and can lose perspective on even some straight-forward types of things.



m1469

[jpianoflorida]

please let us know how things go at the recital, ok?