Am i a freak?

[pianowolfi]

I have had a talk with one of my adult students today. She has listened to a few concerts I played. And she has now told me something pretty strange. At one of these concerts she felt that I was so intensely in the music that I was completely "gone away" as she expressed it, being in different world. And she told me that she was surprised, even a bit scared, when she watched me bowing and walking from the stage, pallid, like a GHOST! Well that makes me think and think and think again. I badly am looking for being inside the music, I want to play as intensely as possible, I want to touch the listeners and move their hearts. And now I am actually a bit concerned about myself. Where am I going with my wish of always more and more intensity? Where does that lead to? Is the result a ghostish freak, a musical adventurer who makes people concerned? My feeling while giving that particular concert was different. I felt like being able to control my fingers (At least after the warming up phase) to control the effect of the music on the people, to balance all the musical forces out. I was really at a point where I thought: now i did it. Now i am confident that I can play everything I want. 

[iumonito]

Make a video and let us see what's going on.  May be the student is the one that is extraordinary.

[ted]

If you are enjoying your music and playing well then just carry right on doing so. I do not see why your appearance, or somebody else's opinion of it has any relevance at all. How would your pupil possibly know how you felt anyway ? You might have just had a bout of wind and gone pale from standing up too quickly for all she knew.

[pianowolfi]

If you are enjoying your music and playing well then just carry right on doing so. I do not see why your appearance, or somebody else's opinion of it has any relevance at all. How would your pupil possibly know how you felt anyway ? You might have just had a bout of wind and gone pale from standing up too quickly for all she knew.

Yeah maybe well this student is pretty sensitive about someone's condition. And I just thaught ok , perhaps I'm exaggerating sometimes with my wish to get more and more intense. And ok, once I'll post a video. Usually i find myself acting quite calm, when I watch me on videos.

[imbetter]

Your a freak!!!

Ha ha just kidding. I understand what you mean. At my school recitle I got so expressive in my playing that it freaked my friends out.

I can't really give you any advice on this matter. But your not a freak for getting into your music at a freakish point.

[gorbee natcase]

Its not about hitting the keys /Its about how good you look doing it

[arbisley]

I have no idea what I look like while I'm playing, would be interesting to know...

But maybe it would be a good idea to feel the intensity of the music, in performance context, that is, you think of how one piece leads into another and so on from a purely "performance" perspective, and what you are trying to achieve overall with the pieces. Your expression in between playing should match this unity of emotion, and not just display the result of focusing too hard on the pieces. After all, playing in puvlic is also partly showmanship, or even to a great extent. There are some who overdo it of course, and some who can do without it, but I feel the body language at the piano can also import a lot to the music without requiring more expression in the actual music.

I suppose your recordings are very expressive though, and I value those 

[counterpoint]

At one of these concerts she felt that I was so intensely in the music that I was completely "gone away" as she expressed it, being in different world.

I would take it as great compliment, if she had said this to me  

Btw. I can't see anything negative in being a "freak". All the great musicians were looked as "freaks" at their time.

[pianowolfi]

Thank you two!!! Actually I feel more freakish than ever currently and I enjoy it.