Limericks

[ihatepop]

Really random subject, I know, but does anyone have any nice limericks they have to share?

There was a young lady named kite,
Whose speed was much faster than light,
She left home one day,
In a relative way,
And returned home the previous night.

I've more, but maybe I'll post tomorrow.

ihatepop

[imbetter]

hi ihatepop! i havent seen you in forever. I'll post some later as well but i need to practice

[wishful thinker]

imbetter - I thought you were leaving 

There was an old man called Fred,
Who liked a quick snack before bed.
One evening he ate
An enormous plate,
And when he woke up he was dead 

[thalbergmad]

There was a mad woman from Pa
Who used to pole dance at a bar
Her husband would moan
When she brought her work home
With a 10 dollar bill in her bra

[ahinton]

There was a mad woman from Pa
Who used to pole dance at a bar
Her husband would moan
When she brought her work home
With a 10 dollar bill in her bra

Classic! (except that you might risk having caused offence here - by mention of a mere "10" dollars) - which nevertheless reminds me that

There once was a fellow from Kent
Who liked poles to be straight and not bent,
So when Susan did dance
He'd risk taking the chance
That he'd end up being quite "heaven" sent.

(I think that this is what they call "poetry in pianistimotion"...)

Best,

Alistair

[thalbergmad]

There was a young fellow from kent
Whose pole was incredibly bent
To save himself trouble
He had it bent double
So as well as coming, he went

[ramseytheii]

You are really asking for it with this thread!

There once was a queer from Cancun,
Who brought a young man to his room.
They argued all night,
Over who had the right
To do what - and where! - to whom.

Walter Ramsey

[ahinton]

You are really asking for it with this thread!

There once was a queer from Cancun,
Who brought a young man to his room.
They argued all night,
Over who had the right
To do what - and where! - to whom.

Walter Ramsey

There once was a fellow called Walter
Whose scansion would frequently falter
And his rhyme schemes were worse
Than a Ramseyesque curse
So thank God these things aren't wall to wall to wall to wall to...

Best,

Alistair

[le_poete_mourant]

There once was a couple named Kelly
who walked around belly to belly
because in their haste
they used library paste
instead of petroleum jelly. 

 

[ahinton]

There once was a lady of Penn
Who'd quote Jesus again and again -
And Matthew, Mark, Luke
And the whole wretched book...
Now she's stopped - but, I wonder, 'til when?

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

.

[thalbergmad]

That is not a limerick

[pianistimo]

.

[le_poete_mourant]

That is not a limerick

I believe it to be a terset.  With a weird rhyme scheme. 

[pianistimo]

ahinton is nice
he never thinks twice
of how to resolve
unresolvable issues

and ramseytheii
is much the same way
polite to a fault
and quite willing to salt

conversation with geniune savor
so --between these two
i utter a few
words of praise

if it'weren't for them two
i would be quite blue
excepting my 'christian choir'
and the praise from above

which is uttered in love...
seek peace
love ur neighbor
be a moderator (that would solve a lot of problems)

[ihatepop]

There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.

There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
and made cider inside her inside.

There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud
Who was frightened and screamed very loud
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and just meowed

 

ihatepop

P.S.I can't go online so much as school is starting. I'll be here on the weekends.

[ihatepop]

There once was a poet named Dan,
Who's poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, "Yes, I know"
"It's because I try to put every possible syllable into the very last line that I can" !!

There once was a lady named Lynn
Who was so uncommonly thin,
that when she assayed
to drink lemonade,
she slipped through the straw and fell in!

Heres a popular favourite....

There once was a man from Peru,
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe,
he awoke in the night,
in a terrible fright,
and found that it was perfectly true!

ihatepop

[ahinton]

That is not a limerick

No, indeed it is not. It is a full stop - which is, I think, Susan's exact point.

Best,

Alistair

[ahinton]

ahinton is nice
he never thinks twice
of how to resolve
unresolvable issues

But each time he tries
To resolve them, Sue cries
And ensures she don't misuse
A whole box of tissues.

and ramseytheii
is much the same way
polite to a fault
and quite willing to salt

But his willing salinity
Mocks the Divinity,
Warning such "willers"
Of Lot's wife and pillars.

conversation with geniune savor

Well, there's no doubting that you savour a lot (albeit not a Lot, salted or otherwise), given the large number of examples of culinary advice that you so often dispense from the Pennsylvanian kitchen...

so --between these two
i utter a few
words of praise

if it'weren't for them two
i would be quite blue

Wouldn't want you to go off colour, Susan, ma chère...

excepting my 'christian choir'
and the praise from above

Do you mean to "except" them because they DO make you feel blue?...

which is uttered in love...
seek peace

Understood, accepted gracefully and reciprocated...

be a moderator (that would solve a lot of problems)

Not for Nils, it wouldn't! I think that he should be the only one here to elect people to such office on this forum!...

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

alistair, do you spy on me?  i did, btw, use almost an entire box of tissues last night. 

ramseytheii - well, what i meant was that he seasons the conversation with pleasantness UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE AROUND HERE.  ten dollars.  sheesh.  if i knew how to pole dance (which i dont')  and i went to a bar (which i don't - because they're too smokY and i die of coughing) i certainly wouldn't let it stop at a 10.  but, then, considering this is a PIANO FORUM and not some kind of 'lets she what she says about this' - i will politely stop here.  what would i do to garner the rest.  well, if i were a professional - i wouldn't take off my hat for a $10. bill would i?  someday i will make millions (playing the piano, ok thal).

[ahinton]

alistair, do you spy on me?

Now do you really believe that I'd do such a thing?!...

(i'm not even menopausal yet.  at least i don't think i am).

I'm not sure what this may have to do either with the questions of whether or not I spy on you, how many tissues you use and why or the thread topic of "limericks", but I assume that, as a musician, you will be aware that "menopausal" moments in music are those where the intended performance direction is the opposite of "lunga pausa"...

if i knew how to pole dance (which i dont')

Some might believe you, others might not - at least you can, by your own admission, dance, pole or no pole...

i certainly wouldn't let it stop at a 10.

I should hope not!

but, then, considering this is a PIANO FORUM and not some kind of 'lets she what she says about this'

There are occasions when I do being to wonder if there's any difference...

- i will politely stop here.

Ah! Another full stop from "pianistimo"!

what would i do to garner the rest.  well, if i were a professional - i wouldn't take off my hat for a $10. bill would i?

So what would you remove for that sum?

someday i will make millions (playing the piano, ok thal).

OK - so why not just order a score or two of mine, do some practice and then go out there and make those millions - for then I'll at least get a royalty or three, with which I could well do, frankly...

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

ok.  for thal...for a 10. i'd take off my shoes.  that would fix him.  right there.  i use these tennis shoes for everything.  piano playing, running here and there, working out at the gym -(i used to have two separate shoes - but you can guess what happend to the old ones). 

if that didn't fix him - i'd take out my hair tie - and shake my hair around.  then, i'd say - that's it.  party's over.  that would be another 10 dollars, btw.

ok, alistair.  send me a score.  your treat.  mine to play it and record it.

[ahinton]

ok, alistair.  send me a score.  your treat.  mine to play it and record it.

Which piece would you like? And where should I send it?

Best,

Alistair

[ahinton]

ok.  for thal...for a 10. i'd take off my shoes.  that would fix him.  right there.  i use these tennis shoes for everything.  piano playing, running here and there, working out at the gym

But not for pole dancing, surely? I know that I shouldn't really speak for Thal, but TENNIS SHOES? Really? I have a suspicion that Thal (who doubtless values his 10 bucks and would want to spend them wisely) would probably expect something with rather more sophistication than mere sports shoes - maybe not necessarily Blahniks or Choos but at the very least a pair of high heeled slingbacks deemed to be more suited to activities such as pole dancing - OK, non-pole dancing, then...

Best,

Alistair

[ihatepop]

OI! Limericks, not pole dancing and tennis shoes!

ihatepop

[ahinton]

OI! Limericks, not pole dancing and tennis shoes!

ihatepop

Did anyone prove beyond reasonable doubt that they are necessarily mutually exclusive?

Best,

Alistair