What to buy a man as a wedding pressie

[elspeth]

My best friend's getting married at the end of May, and I have pressie ideas lined up for her - but I have no idea what to buy him! All I really know about him is he's interested in guitars and computers. Don't really want to do the computer route as hardware goes out of date so fast... I want to give something lasting.

Any ideas?

[soliloquy]

Black dress socks


It's something every man needs more of!

[living_stradivarius]

007 Dvd set or Chuck Norris Dvd set. Fit for a man.

Since he's interested in guitars you can get him a G string wrapped in a G string (I think the spouse would like).

[pianistimo]

that's too funny!  i think you should leave the suggestive stuff to the bride.  i'd get him some cologne that you know his bride likes.  in fact, when out shopping with her - get her to sniff some just to see what she says and then go back and get what she likes.  agreed about the socks, too.  you don't want a groom  to have no socks on his wedding day.  probably those 'comfort fit' ones.  and, maybe a little thingy to hold the rings.  putting them directly in one's pocket can make the loss of the rings more of a reality if there is ahole in a pocket or something.  unless, of course, they have a ring pillow.  one or the other, maybe - ring pillow or box with slits for rings.

[quantum]

Power tools. 

Guitar music sheets.

A sofa.

[ahinton]

Black dress socks

It's something every man needs more of!

Too right! Nice comfortable Italian ones, preferably.

And please note that Pianistimo did NOT suggest buying him a Bible! Good on ya, Susan! Your restraint does you credit!

Best,

Alistair

[living_stradivarius]

I have Playboy brand dress socks still in the original package. Accepting bids.

[pianistimo]

do they do double duty or something?  not very safe sounding.

[thalbergmad]

I would buy him a blow up doll.

Ideal for when the new bride has a headache.

Thal

PS I have a beautiful left handed Epiphone 355. Yours for 400 squids

[pianistimo]

i have never heard 'epiphone 355' as a woman's name.  did you buy this doll from a star trek show?

[living_stradivarius]

I would buy him a blow up doll.

Ideal for when the new bride has a headache.

Thal

PS I have a beautiful left handed Epiphone 355. Yours for 400 squids

Blow up dolls are perfect for XXXmas nativity scenes.

[thalbergmad]

i have never heard 'epiphone 355' as a woman's name.  did you buy this doll from a star trek show?

It is a guitar my little Pa Priestess.

Thal

[elspeth]

Hmm, some things to ponder!

He'd get a bit overcome if I bought him a guitar, I think... and I don't have another 400 squids to spend on her, which would make her sulk a lot and fall out with me, which would be problematic!

Will have to find out what size feet he has... although quite what my friend's going to think when I start enquiring about the size of her fiance's feet, I dread to think!

[thalbergmad]

Instead of a guitar, consider getting him a uke.

30 squids will buy you a nice one.

Thal

[pianistimo]

why don't you just buy an island for the two of them.

[quantum]

Or get him a banjo so he can play happy music all the time.

[leahcim]

My best friend's getting married at the end of May, and I have pressie ideas lined up for her - but I have no idea what to buy him! All I really know about him is he's interested in guitars and computers.

Don't they have a list with, one of these 'Aircraft carrier, Steinway.....book voucher'? Sounds like they are marrying for the 'wrong' reasons

Anyway, guitars and computers are both really insular things for folk around them [unless he's into performing on the guitar] but since they are getting married they might be spending more time doing things together [at least for a while] so why not get something for them both in that spirit rather than something you know she likes?

[pianistimo]

how about a metrokane rabbit?  it is not a sex-toy.  it is ia 6-piece professional wine tool kit.  ergonomically designed rabbit corkscrew easily removes and automatically releases the cork from any size wine bottle.  includes velvet drip-stop ring, velvet champagne and wine sealer, rabbit foil cutter, the wax whacker and extra screw.  only $69.95 available from surlatable.com

[ahinton]

how about a metrokane rabbit?  it is not a sex-toy.  it is ia 6-piece professional wine tool kit.  ergonomically designed rabbit corkscrew easily removes and automatically releases the cork from any size wine bottle.  includes velvet drip-stop ring, velvet champagne and wine sealer, rabbit foil cutter, the wax whacker and extra screw.  only $69.95 available from surlatable.com

The Screwpull pro one is of better quality, although I suspect that it's at least twice the price and includes only the foil cutter as an accessory (although the other accssories available from the Metrokane one are quite cheap to purchase separately). Incidentally, none of these kinds of corkscrew are recommended for use on plastic "corks", of which there is an increasing number these days, especially in New World wines.

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

oh... i never thought about  plastic corks.  considering that mine comes with more accessories - and is a good price - i would just add in two thumbs for the plastic corks.  but, alistair is probably right.  you never regret getting someone top-of-the-line. 

[thalbergmad]

Or get him a banjo so he can play happy music all the time.

Damned good idea sir.

https://andybanjo.com/

This is where i get mine.

Thal

[lichristine]

how about a metrokane rabbit? it is not a sex-toy.

that's a jackrabbit

Power tools.

Guitar music sheets.

A sofa.

change the instrument and those would be my absolutely PERFECT wedding gifts.



But what about amps? Or a guitar stand? Or...a really nifty keyboard!

[ahinton]

you never regret getting someone top-of-the-line.

I presume that  to be a quote from your husband after your wedding...

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

alistair, that's the nicest thing i've ever heard!  you are so sweet.

wait a minute.  you mean i'm a top-of-the-line corkscrew?  alistair.  and here i thought it was a compliment.  women can be so dumb sometimes.  i shall get you back at the nearest opportunity.

[ahinton]

alistair, that's the nicest thing i've ever heard!  you are so sweet.

wait a minute.  you mean i'm a top-of-the-line corkscrew?  alistair.  and here i thought it was a compliment.  women can be so dumb sometimes.  i shall get you back at the nearest opportunity.

No, Susan, I meant nothing of the kind! Sometimes you DON'T take things as literally as you should!

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

i'm trying to think of a double-entendre compliment/insult.  you are uniquely hard to surpass.  i shall take it as a compliment for now and bask in the idea that at least half of it was a compliment.  i still say women can be dumb when it comes to getting the hidden messages behind compliments. 

what can you tell me about the use of the word 'facinating.'  what does that translate into?  was i correct?  (but, you are not a porn star).  just trying to get some perspective, here.

well, all things considered - my best compliment to you would be that if your compositions are the length you propound them to be - you surely do not jest about other things - even if they are not overtly revealed.  i mean - you won't even give out your shoe size.  i think that says a lot about a man.  that he doesn't need to brag - even if it is dragging on the floor.

i just thought of a 'pressie' as you call them, elspeth.  cufflinks!  or is that only what the bride would give the groom?  a second pair could never hurt.  we had to rummage through my husbands to find a matching pair.  in the end i think we bought some new ones.  maybe men don't even wear them anymores.  are cufflinks out?  seems to me that a modern and beautiful pair would add alot to the 'outfit of the day.'

[thalbergmad]

what can you tell me about the use of the word 'facinating.' 

I can only tell you that you cannot spell it.

thal

[pianistimo]

tell me more.  i want to know what it means.  the translation.  for future reference.  in case it is used again - i shall understand the meaning. 

just like with flowers.  you know, pink means this - red means this.  aren't words like this?  this could be very useful for guys and gals with dating.  right away you know if they are talking 'moonshine' or 'ethanol.'

oh.  nevermind.  just letting my mind get carried away with hidden meanings.  perhaps all you meant was 'you are crazy.'   just like alistair calling me a 'top-of-the-line corkscrew.'

[thalbergmad]

Have you forgotten your meds again?

Thal

[ahinton]

i'm trying to think of a double-entendre compliment/insult.

Apparently regardless of whether or not one may be necessary...

i shall take it as a compliment for now and bask in the idea that at least half of it was a compliment.

This seems to be more or less analogous to your idea that dividing a shoe size by two gives you another measurement altogether, one may suppose...

i still say women can be dumb when it comes to getting the hidden messages behind compliments.

Well, you're a woman, so I suppose that if anyone has to say such a thing, it should be one...

well, all things considered - my best compliment to you would be that if your compositions are the length you propound them to be - you surely do not jest about other things - even if they are not overtly revealed.  i mean - you won't even give out your shoe size.  i think that says a lot about a man.  that he doesn't need to brag - even if it is dragging on the floor.

OK, now let's try to translate that into some kind of generally comprehensible English. I do not "propound" my works to be any length other than what they may be in performance. I do indeed reveal those durations on the website where my works are listed and the durations given for those works as yet to be performed are estimated. Duration of a work is not something about which to brag, whether it's three minutes of three hours - so I don't do that. What my shoe size has to do with any of this is surely clear to no one except you, Susan - and why it may be clear to you remains a mystery to me in any case. My works, by the way, do not drag on the floor, whatever length they may be.

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

do you roll them up?

[ahinton]

do you roll them up?

Does who roll what up?

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

first, let's start with the word 'they.'  i am assuming there is more than one - with that statement.  it again shows how unassuming you are about what you keep in your drawers.  i mean musical drawers.  now, if one is shorter and one is longer - then obviously - one might not drag on the floor.  but, three hours straight would be hard to put into - oh, i see - CD format.  you put all of it onto CD.  ok. 

[ahinton]

If ever there were a well-nigh perfect illustation of the notion of two nations divided by a common language, the above is surely it.

If anyone here on either side - or even the middle - of the pond understands the above, please give us all an explanation.

Thanks in advance.

Best,

Alistair

[elspeth]

I'm still at the drawing board for wedding pressies... the bride has threatened, should I buy him a banjo, to batter me with it - unless I also buy him the sheet music to 'Lady of Spain' and a tin of black boot polish, in best Bertie Wooster tradition...

I have finally got my suit sorted though! (I'm giving the bride away, hence suit rather than frock and hat. Puts me out of the running for the 'best hat' competition though. And the longest speech sweepstake, not allowed to bet when I'm making one of the speeches... so expect a post in a month or so about 'what do I say in a wedding speech'!). There's a little firm of tailors opposite the theatre I work it, so I went and got measured for a handmade suit yesterday! Fortunately I can justify the expense, as it'll get worn to death at work after the wedding... Couldn't find anything good enough in the shops, so now I'm ridiculously excited about the prospect of my first made-to-measure suit! yay!

[ahinton]

I'm giving the bride away, hence suit rather than frock and hat. Puts me out of the running for the 'best hat' competition though. And the longest speech sweepstake, not allowed to bet when I'm making one of the speeches... so expect a post in a month or so about 'what do I say in a wedding speech'!).

What a revolting expression that is, is it not?! - "giving away" a bride, as though she were just another example of mere goods and chattels, especially since she is not yours to "give away" in the first place! I'm not blaming you, of course, but the sooner that nonsense is consigned to the backwaters of forgettable history, along with the equally sickening expression "man and wife" and distinct from "husband and wife", the better. If I were you, I'd devote at least half of your speech to a consideration of the former and threaten to devote the other half to a consiretion of the latter if whoever officiates at the weddding ceremony is allowed to say "I now pronounce thee man and wife"...

There's a little firm of tailors opposite the theatre I work it, so I went and got measured for a handmade suit yesterday!

Well, at least YOU've been measured, so perhaps Susan will be satisfied with that; in another thread recently, she was wanting to get ME measured (albeit not for a wedding suit)...

Best,

Alistair

[elspeth]

Hmm, there's a good idea for a speech! I do agree about the language still attached to weddings... it's not good from either side really, one person to frog-march the groom up the aisle and marry the bride if the groom does a runner (could be problematic here, the groom's best man is already married and his wife will be at the wedding with their two small children, one of whom was born yesterday and mother and daughter are already home and doing nicely), and one person to 'give the bride away' like a sack of potatoes...

They're having a civil wedding (another nice phrase - like complementary soap in hotels. I keep expecting it to start telling me how gorgeous I am and what good skin I've got!) so at least the language will be modern and they can have it how they like, as long as no religious references sneak in anywhere.

[thalbergmad]

If anyone here on either side - or even the middle - of the pond understands the above, please give us all an explanation.

The inhabitants of under the pond would have as much chance.

Thal

[pianistimo]

i gather the bride has no brothers?  seems to me that a man is there for stability.  if one woman goes down - when two are together - they both go down.  although, having a reassurring arm of a friend could be the best thing any bride has ever had yet.  perhaps she is quite lucky that you are willing to 'share her.'  maybe that beats 'giving her away.'  although, it might take on other connotations that one does not really want to make.  i would stick with the normal 'vows' excepting if the bride has a problem with agreeing to any of them.  nobody listens to them anyways.  they just wait to hear the 'smack.'  if you have good kissers - it means a long lasting marriage.

write down something - anything - just words - say to the bride to distract her from nerves on that day.  don't make it too funny or too sad.  you don't want her nervously laughing or crying.  just say something in a monotonous kind of tone that is reassuring.  like 'dolphins are really loving creatures - they mate for life.  let me tell you about dolphins.'  believe me just getting her mind off of all the problems leading up to getting married - she will either need a stiff drink (which does not help - walking down the isle) or a friend to distract her.  you can use a pocket watch if you must - to keep her focused.  then, when it's time to walk - you just put the watch back in your pocket and say 'walk.' 

one thing i've always noticed - is that the most beautiful walk isn't a gait.  father's sometimes have a tendency to take the normal sized steps they do and think the bride will follow along 3-1 (taking little japanese steps at hummingbirds heartbeat).  good thing she has you for this reason, too!  you can sort of get the pace going.  use a word to practice the rhythm.  step step - pause - step step - pause - at least that's what it looks like on some videos.  it's more beautiful to watch afterwards because it is not rushed and people can view the bride and the dress at every couple of steps (left and right).

oh.  and one last thing - do not let the bride miss this one last moment to say a big goodbye (of which you never get another chance in your life) to her personal family or friends (you). 

[ahinton]

you can use a pocket watch if you must - to keep her focused.  then, when it's time to walk - you just put the watch back in your pocket and say 'walk.'

As distinct from the all-American instruction "DON'T WALK" that one gets when the traffic lights are against the pedestrian...

Best,

Alistair

[elspeth]

i gather the bride has no brothers? 

No - she has a sister, who she only gets on with when they live a significant distance apart and only meet at Christmas, weddings and funerals. She is, unfortunately, estranged from her father. Long, complicated piece of family politics which boils down to the fact her father doesn't even know she no longer lives with me and is no longer single, nor is he interested in finding out. And if he were, his interest would not be welcome.

She picked me because we've been close friends for some years now and we've shored each other up through all sorts of things... and done a lot of celebrating together too.

[pianistimo]

you are a very special person, elspeth -- to cheer her up so.  especially nearing and during the wedding.  you'll have a big job on your hands the day of the wedding.  just make her realize that father or no father - sending an invitation to him isn't that hard.  and also, to her sister.  they can always choose not to come - but who knows!  it might be the beginning of a mending of fences.  she might always regret at least not sending the invites.  perhaps she already has?  she can always say 'just wanted you to know that i'm getting married.  if you can make it - great.  if not - say a prayer for me at such and such time o'clock.'

people can always be rude to us - but the greater gift is forgiveness and love.  she could even say - 'no gifts - just your presence or thoughts.'

[elspeth]

Thanks for the compliment!

Her sister will be there - they get on fine as long as they don't live together - but her father is a different kettle of fish. He's an alcoholic and has put his family through so much that none of them want to build bridges because they know he won't meet them half way. Addiction is a horrible thing... and since his problem is alcohol and weddings being the convivial occasions they tend to be would provide plenty of opportunity to indulge his addiction and humiliate her in front of all the people who love her - she doesn't want to take the risk. Sometimes you have to let people go for the sake of your own sanity and dignity.

[pianistimo]

understood.  perhaps he feels a sense of hopelessness to remedy his past mistakes.  but, as you say - her nerves may be completely gone if he came and embarrassed her.

too bad she can't offer him one last chance.  to tell him - i expect you to be sober and walk me down the isle.  it would be a beautiful moment for both despite past hurts.  when the person is gone and dead - there's really nothing left.  although - it would be hurtful - as you say - for you to press this if she really feels calmer without him.  perhaps afterwards - a letter with pics of the wedding.